Sparklyred Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 We dated for 2 1/2 months. We got along so compatibly on certain things- we really enjoyed spending time together. We did alot of things- skiing, skeet shooting, playing music, cooking, chilling, and we had good sex, really good. So after 2 months and i feel him somewhat pulling back- I'm wondering if this is that time that guys pull back because they get scared.... I sat on my anxiety for weeks - slow and steady wins the race- but our 3x a week went down to 1x a week the last 2 weeks- and I things came up in his life that were legitimate issues that kept us apart. Work things, family things...But yet, I felt this gnawing thing in my gut that it's more than that.... I meant to talk to him about it, because if there's anything real here, then I should be able to. To have the check in conversation- the are we ok here...Even at 2 1/2 months. So I did. And I thought it went better than any communication I have had in any relationship. I was honest, I spoke from my heart. I wasn't emotional, I was logical. I didn't accuse him of anything. He has 2 young children. He told me that though he wasn't pulling back for any other reason than he is anxious about a trial coming up that next week- (he practices law)...but since I BROUGHT IT UP, he did have some concerns about us in the long term....He said he thought that I'd be bored in the long run with a life with little kids. I responded that there's no reality to that thought. I love children and there's nothing more I want in life than to be a parent and part of a family unit...He said the kids got hurt by the last relationship and he is wary and maybe over wary. I said that I understand that totally and respect that and respect and like him more because he thinks of his kids first- and that's the way I'd do it too if I was in that position. But I need to know- if he's sure that meeting his kids isn't on the horizon- even if we wait a while- then I don't know what to say- He responded that he had hoped for the last few weeks not to actually have this conversation- he wanted things to keep going as they were- and realizes that was a selfish act. He said if we break up, he'd like to be friends and still do things together- like play tennis and hang out. I said I don't think that would be possible for me to do- I like him and I don't want to break up- and I think I'd feel like I wanted to make out with him if we were to be friends- plus- I'm not looking for a casual relationship. Nor was he- because his Match profile spoke to a man who wasn't into that either. We got off the phone with my saying- it's not an ultimatum, just think about what you want. I felt so mature when I got off the phone--- and guess what...I haven't heard from him since. No email, no text, no phone call. For 5 days. Suddenly, it hit me- he's not going to. That might be it. How incredibly cold it feels. I feel so hurt. Even if he was to contact me- and I don't know that he will- these 5 days of not knowing and no contact has been very hard- and makes me question the whole relationship. Was he just using me? Was I a fun, single break away from his life with his kids? Never intending from the start to take it anywhere? I am just sooo hurt.
heartbrokengrl Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 hmm, mine's a little different. I met somebody from Match too, together for 2 months, he started pulling back and I tried to be patient. Finally, he tried to break up with me (2nd time - each time on the monthly anniversary ugh) because he had just got out of a 8 year relationship and I tried to be logical and not sound desperate/beg. He truly cares for me but he said he has no love to give. He ended it, did NC immediately. He never changed his Facebook status back to single, that was the only hope that gave me hope lol but day 5 of NC, he sent me an e-card he missed me, I ignored. Day 6, he sent an email saying he hopes it wasn't too late and how he was scared of falling in love. I called. Next day we hung out, he said he was sorry he should have never sent that e-mail because he can't give me any love. I told him how he should relax because neither of us rushing into anything and to enjoy spending time together, he said we should not separate. All in all, even tho he missed me when he broke up with me, and technically we're still together, it sucks having to convince somebody to stay with you when they're not ready. Each day I worry he may break up with me again. Even if your guy came back around a week or two later, would u want him to do this again? Ive never been in a relationship where I've had to hold back and be patient with a man, but I like him so much I'm giving him space and he seems to be doing better again with me. It's almost 3 months, but you have to think, is it worth staying with him (like I'm doing) and worry he may not give you what you need? If he comes around again to be with you, you have to be prepared he may not be ready to fully commit. It takes a lot of patience, my guy doesn't show his emotions but I understand people have breaking points and doubts, but if you like somebody and you think it's worth it, then don't pressure him. It seems like you were doing the right things, being logical and not giving ultimatums which is what I was doing. It's hard to have any control over situations like this. You just have to expect the worst and hope for the best. When we hang out, I show him how fun I can be with no pressure, and I think seeing me happy with him makes a guy feel good about himself. My guy said he got scared, he may still be scared, but I'm hoping he'll come around and not run again. Give him some time to think about what he had with you and to miss you. He may just have got cold feet and he might take a little longer to come around. I don't think he would leave you hanging without any explanation.
Thatguyintx Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 No indictment on either of you, but your stories are examples of why I hate online dating. I know many people have great success at it, but I have not. My experiences were like those you posted. Immature, not-ready, self-seeking people. I am sorry for you, sparklyred. That boy isn't what you are really looking for in a lifelong partner. Chin up and carry on without him.
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