Author ChessPieceFace Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 have you read about MHC? Just looked it up. I think I had heard about it before. Interesting. Another strike against online dating? Logic and reasoning has no place in attraction. And attraction is a big part of dating. There is a logical side. It tells you when you get the hell out, and not to put yourself in bad situations. But the attraction part, is completely not connected to logic. Isn't that a complete surrender then to the animal nature of dating? I have to conform to base animal standards because it's all stupid chemical reactions and not intellectual. So this internet forum and the technology that runs it, created with human intellect, serves only to help those whose base animal nature has failed to do the job on its own. I don't know, I still don't value the same things as the next guy. The guys in this thread who tell me "go use your dick and get some" disgust me, as girls who would do that disgust me. I would value a woman who has moral and ethical standards and it's my intellect which places value on that, thus affecting my own personal selectiveness in women. This gets me back to my original point. I'm not expecting that the world will ever conform to my wishes. I'm asking those who have dealt with my particular issues of being immersed in the cerebral aspects of life if and how they overcame it, whether it was worth it, what their experiences are, etc. And if and how they integrated this stupid animal behavior with their own self-respect as evolved human beings. Also, no one like to be around smarty pants. If you throw your IQ around, people will get turned off. I don't. Online and IRL are 2 different things.
self-improvement Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Maybe Albert Einstein can help: "We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality." "Imagination is more important than knowledge." "The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science." "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen." "Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods." "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." "It is harder to crack a prejudice than an atom." "Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school." "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." I can go on...
denise_xo Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Isn't that a complete surrender then to the animal nature of dating? I have to conform to base animal standards because it's all stupid chemical reactions and not intellectual. So this internet forum and the technology that runs it, created with human intellect, serves only to help those whose base animal nature has failed to do the job on its own. The point is that celebral knowledge also fails at time to do the job all on its own. We don't need to surrender to either pure intellect or pure animal instinct. It takes a wide range of intelligences to navigate the different aspects of being human successfully, and THAT is the real challenge of being human (rather than the 'problem' simply being to cave in to our non-logical dimensions). This gets me back to my original point. I'm not expecting that the world will ever conform to my wishes. I'm asking those who have dealt with my particular issues of being immersed in the cerebral aspects of life if and how they overcame it, whether it was worth it, what their experiences are, etc. And if and how they integrated this stupid animal behavior with their own self-respect as evolved human beings. As I said above, I don't have your IQ but am philosophically inclined, have loved academia and as a side effect of that have been doing a lot of over thinking and over analysing where other measures would have been better. I can't say I've 'overcome' it but I've changed position quite a bit over the past decade or two. Here are some of the points from my experience which might benefit you to consider: - it's important to take a step back from 'ought' to 'is' at regular intervals. E.g., rather than negating our animal nature because it's 'stupid', try to look at it with a bit more open mind and say 'what does my animal nature do to me, for good and for bad'. All of our animal instincts are not stupid, but have been refined over years of evolution and serve particular purposes, some of which logical thinking wouldn't be able to address. So differentiating and opening up the black box of 'animal nature' might be useful for you. - try to identify situations you have been in where logical reasoning really haven't cut it, and think about what other resources you drew upon (or could have drawn upon) to address that particular situation. - there is something about ACTING that is distinctly different from thinking, and which situates you in the world in a different way. Emotional and physical intimacy in relationships are situations where being present in the ACT rather than through the intellect are important. If you refuse to recognise and engage with this, you are negating large parts of human existence and I don't buy your implied argument that all of those non-celebral aspects are purely negative. Acting with self-dignity in the world IS difficult. But it doesn't get any less difficult by purely intellectualising existence. The latter is a cop out, IMO. - I'm also a deep cynic and believe that if there is such a place as hell, it's here on this earth. However, from a moral stand point I believe it's a complete cop out to stop there. We can be arm chair moralists as much as we want but it is through engaging in a way that matter to you that will really test (and I dare say differentiate and open up) both your own hypothesis of human nature and the state of the world. You access different kinds of knowledge though acting which, IMO, you need to explore if you really are concerned about morals and ethics. Is it worth it? Yes, and it's also a moral imperative, IMO.
fishtaco Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Just looked it up. I think I had heard about it before. Interesting. Another strike against online dating? Absolutely, I've done online dating. It's a waste of time. High resource investment, low success percentage. Don't even bother. Research the statistics. I bet the success percentage online is lower than real life. But because you have hundreds of thousands of people trying, of course there will be success stories. The key is how effective is it, compared to real life dating. Isn't that a complete surrender then to the animal nature of dating? We're not Vulcans. We ARE animals. When you're talking about emotions and instincts, which is what attraction is about, it is exactly that. And romantic relationships are about attraction. That's why they're different from business relationships. Life is huge. It has a lot of stuff in it. Some has to do with IQ, some has to do with animal instincts. You can choose to cut yourself off from a big chunk of life if you wish. It's your choice. I'm going to compare you to my mom. Yeah, it sounds like the beginning of a crappy joke, but it's not. My mom is the opposite. She runs on purely instinct and emotions. And because of that, I can't deal with her. She is completely unpredictable. And trying to reason with her is like talking to a wall. You seem to be lopsided like she is, but the opposite way. But you have something that she doesn't have. You have high IQ. She's stuck. She will never even realize anything about her imbalance, or why she drives the people around her mad. She simply does not have the mental capacity to understand these things. But you do. If you choose to, I believe you are equipped to pursue the undertaking of increasing your understanding of these animal instincts, and see that they are just the other side of the coin.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 (edited) I wish I had seen this earlier as a resident certified genius on this board. lol. I will for the sake of a good argument assume that the OP is not simply trolling the board and really does have an IQ that is two standard deviations from the mean score (In English A score of 132 +/- 16 or 130 +/- 15 depending on the test.) Administered in a controlled setting by a psychologist and not some internet test. Weather they have cured cancer with their big brain or not makes no never mind. Achievements are often more a matter of life's happenstances and personal ambition. First of all people who are poo pooing the idea that having a certain IQ can in and of itself cause social isolation should read sources like this. Factors in the social adjustment and social acceptability of extremely gifted children Gross, M. Talent Development, Volume II, pp. 473-476 Ohio Psychology Press 1994 We recognize, for example, that the intellectually handicapped student has learning needs which are different from those of his or her age-mates of average intellectual ability, and the further such a child is from the average the more we acknowledge that he or she needs a special educational setting. We may mainstream a child of IQ 70 or 60, but few educational systems would propose full time main streaming of children of IQ 40. Yet the majority of children 60 or more IQ points above the mean are in heterogeneous classrooms. What happens to them? Terman, fewer than 10 years into his longitudinal study of 1528 gifted children of IQ 135+, was already discussing the special problems of loneliness and social isolation which had become apparent in the sub-group of children of IQ 170+. (Burks, Jensen, & Terman, 1930). Hollingworth (1926) defined the IQ range 125-155 as "socially optimal intelligence" and claimed that above the level of IQ 160 the difference between the exceptionally gifted child and his or her age-mates is so great that it leads to special problems of development which are correlated with social isolation. Hollingworth emphasized however that this isolation did not arise from emotional disturbance, but was caused by the absence of a suitable peer group with whom to relate. When extremely gifted students who had been rejected by age-peers were removed from the inappropriate grade-placement and were permitted to work and play with intellectual peers, the loneliness and social isolation disappeared and the child became accepted as a valued classmate and friend (Hollingworth, 1942). It deals with children but what it says is very true for adults as well. This hints at the solution for the OP. He should look for friendship and mates among people who are like himself. Others posting here suggested this. Let me say again to the OP.... If you want friendship and a mate you will be best served by finding a group of people closer in IQ to yourself. The reason that a IQ on that level can cause social isolation is the same reason that an IQ of 70 or less can cause social problems. It is human nature for people to group themselves based on commonalities. Intelligence is just like money, or fame, or disability, or shared experiences....all of which have been the basis for forming social groups. Movie stars group with other movie stars, and war veterans group with other war veterans..etc. Thus for the same reason that people with an IQ of 70 or below are often excluded so are people with an IQ of 130 or above. About 96% of the population falls in between those two extremes. Here is what a article about gifted adults has to say. http://www.sengifted.org/articles_adults/Lovecky_CanYouHearTheFlowersSing.shtml Characteristics of Gifted Adults There seem to be five traits that produce potential interpersonal and intrapersonal conflict: divergency, excitability, sensitivity, perceptivity, and entelechy. The first three traits have been derived from Torrance's (1961, 1962, 1965) descriptions of creatively gifted children. The last two traits were developed from discussions with gifted adults. These traits seem to be an integral part of giftedness; however, the behavioral manifestations of these traits may vary depending on other physiological and personality factors, such as tolerance for ambiguity, degree of introversion or extroversion, and preference for particular types of sensory input. Gifted adults may exhibit several of the traits. The gifted adults who served as a basis for this article all exhibited at least three (divergency, excitability, and sensitivity). Although the traits in themselves are neutral, their behavioral manifestations make them socially and emotionally significant. For example, the trait of sensitivity can be manifested as empathy, commitment, touchiness, intensity, or vulnerability. Thus, in any individual, the sum of the behavioral manifestations may be viewed as positive or negative. Each of those traits I find in myself and all the other gifted persons I know. (They are defined in the article). Thats the catch...I know other gifted persons and have formed a life where I interact with people who can relate to the way I experience the world. So far not a BF or GF for a while yet. That's what the OP needs to do find a group of like minded persons. The last article I linked is very good and I would strongly suggest reading it. A word on IQ itself. First of all let us separate IQ scores from the idea of general inteligence g IQ test scores are a very rough and crude way of measuring g. However basically all psychologist are sure that g is real and exist even if we aren't good at measuring it. So a IQ that's higher than average indicates a g that is also higher than average but does not really tell us how high...just that it's higher than some percentile of the population. I would like to be able to say that g does not make a real difference in real life achievement. However I cannot. Everyone I know who has a higher than average g has done better than the average person given the circumstances life handed them. They have not all lived up to their potential yet, but they have done better than people in similar positions to themselves. So clearly it makes some kind of a difference weather we are good at measuring it with test or not. TLDR: Yes IQ or general intelligence that is too far from average can cause social isolation regardless of social skills. It does because average people tend to exclude those who are different from average in various ways. So the OP should look for a group of like minded people who share his interest and/or level of intelligence. @self improvement Those Einstein quotes... How about this one. "It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely" Edited March 22, 2011 by Mrlonelyone
Mrlonelyone Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 (edited) @Myst Issac Newton never got married and by any confirmable evidence was a virgin for life. Was he a looser because he never had sex? (Nevermind that he revolutionized the way we all live and work through his mathematical laws of physics. Afterall screwing is the highest form of human endeavor.) :-/ Edited March 22, 2011 by Mrlonelyone
utterer of lies Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 (edited) I don't know, I still don't value the same things as the next guy. The guys in this thread who tell me "go use your dick and get some" disgust me, as girls who would do that disgust me. I would value a woman who has moral and ethical standards and it's my intellect which places value on that, thus affecting my own personal selectiveness in women. This gets me back to my original point. I'm not expecting that the world will ever conform to my wishes. I'm asking those who have dealt with my particular issues of being immersed in the cerebral aspects of life if and how they overcame it, whether it was worth it, what their experiences are, etc. And if and how they integrated this stupid animal behavior with their own self-respect as evolved human beings. Your intellect is not the reason you are alone. It has more to do with playing to many online games, being unfit, (I guess) too much porn, and being unwilling to talk with people about anything except a select few topics you chose to like. Oh, and the whining and wallowing in self pity. Also, I find it hard to believe that you have a genius-level intellect, but only ever managed to do a BSEE. Academia is very forgiving in terms of personality flaws as long as you can use your brain. Why no MS or PhD? And another point. You say you are disgusted by 'cheap sex'. But what is 'cheap sex'? Sex can be fulfilling and great even when it's not with a person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I assume this is simply the way you express the misogyny you developed because of your lack of success with women. Edited March 22, 2011 by utterer of lies
4thQtr5Sec Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 A true genius would know how to become both the type of dude who gets women and yet maintain their 'geniusness' If Einstein learned to dance, comb his hair, maybe bust out with some hip hop grooves and be down with the program... yet, go back home each night to continue with that whole relativity problem.. yeah, he'd be an all-around genius. But as he is.. he's only half a genius
utterer of lies Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 If Einstein learned to dance, comb his hair, maybe bust out with some hip hop grooves and be down with the program... yet, go back home each night to continue with that whole relativity problem.. yeah, he'd be an all-around genius. But as he is.. he's only half a genius Bull****. It is well documented he had more than a few affairs.
Author ChessPieceFace Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 (edited) I think you do deserve to be alone. At 35 its a bit too late to change yourself to find a genuine, long lasting relationship. You're just not normal.Seriously, 35 and a virgin?! "LOL" right back. I'm very happy not to be "normal" in most respects. I'm not normal -- I'm better, at least in most of the ways I value. The others I'm working on. I find it tragically amusing and sad that the societal measure of a man's self-worth is how many women they've stuck their penis inside. Sorry you bought into that one, most people do. I guess you "deserve" your own particular fate as well. Enjoy. Let me say again to the OP.... If you want friendship and a mate you will be best served by finding a group of people closer in IQ to yourself. Thanks for the awesome quotes. Made me feel a lot better. I don't really know if I have a true peer group though. I've tried some nerdy hobbies, and while there are definitely intelligent people present there, my personal beliefs almost always clash with theirs. I don't want to get into a religious discussion, but let's just say my particular combination of intellect and morality seems very hard to find. Feels like I have to choose only one or the other depending what group I'm with. I'd attribute it to the fact that I've had so much time to sit around analyzing the human condition instead of doing things like... socializing. But, I would like to still try to find a peer group. I don't honestly see that it would lead to dating within that peer group though. Your intellect is not the reason you are alone. It's related to it, read what was just posted by Mrlonelyone. It has more to do with playing to many online games, being unfit, (I guess) too much porn, and being unwilling to talk with people about anything except a select few topics you chose to like. Those are all symptoms or effects of the same. Also, I find it hard to believe that you have a genius-level intellect, but only ever managed to do a BSEE. Academia is very forgiving in terms of personality flaws as long as you can use your brain. Why no MS or PhD? Only managed? I think my near-perfect 4.0 record (tarnished only when I fell in unrequited love and got emotionally wrecked for a year) shows that something as basic as a Ph.D would be quite easily achieved. Why haven't I done it? I don't care. Read the part where I hated my choice of major. What am I trying to achieve in academia exactly? Being a genius doesn't automatically give you drive or ambition. I'm not driven to make lots of money, I don't care about money and don't need possessions to make me happy. I toyed with the idea of going back for physics but never bothered. (I won some Feynman physics award at some point as a Sophomore... w/e.) what is 'cheap sex'? Sex can be fulfilling and great even when it's not with a person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Um, no it can't. You're using sex for pleasure rather than forming an emotional bond with someone. That's the definition of cheap sex. Why would you bond yourself emotionally with a girl you knew you weren't staying with? You make no sense, you're making up fallacies to pretend that your choices have been moral ones. I assume this is simply the way you express the misogyny you developed because of your lack of success with women. Stating the truth of womens' mate selection process is not misogyny, it's reality. I believe in looking at the world honestly and being honest about what I believe -- another strike against me when it comes to dating. Edited March 22, 2011 by ChessPieceFace
utterer of lies Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Only managed? I think my near-perfect 4.0 record (tarnished only when I fell in unrequited love and got emotionally wrecked for a year) shows that something as basic as a Ph.D would be quite easily achieved. Why haven't I done it? I don't care. Read the part where I hated my choice of major. What am I trying to achieve in academia exactly? Being a genius doesn't automatically give you drive or ambition. I'm not driven to make lots of money, I don't care about money and don't need possessions to make me happy. I toyed with the idea of going back for physics but never bothered. (I won some Feynman physics award at some point as a Sophomore... w/e.) Maybe if you had any ambition or at least tried to achieve something for a change you wouldn't be so depressed. And saying you could have done something easily doesn't change that you did not do it, so obviously it wouldn't have been that easy. Um, no it can't. You're using sex for pleasure rather than forming an emotional bond with someone. That's the definition of cheap sex. Why would you bond yourself emotionally with a girl you knew you weren't staying with? You make no sense, you're making up fallacies to pretend that your choices have been moral ones. So your masturbation is ok, it's just for pleasure, but when you have sex with someone that is just for pleasure it is wrong? What? Stating the truth of womens' mate selection process is not misogyny, it's reality. I believe in looking at the world honestly and being honest about what I believe -- another strike against me when it comes to dating. Yeah, I got that you are fully convinced that you are always the victim. "Oh, I'm too intelligent, that's why girls don't like me. Its not my lack of ambition, lack of trying to achieve anything, my online-gaming and porn habit or my weight." If you were honest to yourself, you would have realized that people, no matter how smart or dumb, have to make an effort in order to get good things, and you fail because you don't.
sniffys Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 chess i dont think its your intelligence that is causing some major hurdles to forming a relationship w/ a girl or just simply a hanky panky. i believe u need to want it bad enough..you need to try. its not gonna fall on your lap. if you think its just not a big deal then it most probably wont happen. i have a friend whos stil a virgin at 29..i really see he doesnt try hard enough. he dates sometimes, but the sex part doesnt happen. he's always got some issue like the girl isnt pretty enough, or has an annoying laugh. it just seems to me that he cant be bothered. he is turning 30 this year hes not a bad looking guy (at all). btw im itching to ask what online game do u play
tincanman99 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 If you do indeed have an IQ at that level and do not have an MS or PhD I am very surprised. You are a bit arrogant about your IQ and need to get over yourself. In the real world IQ only matters to a point in performing certain functions. Beyond that it has limited applicability in dealing with people or meeting and dating women. I used to work at one of this country's preeminent research institutions. The majority of the staff were geniuses and the rocket scientists you hear about. These people could not function in real life. They were incapable of relating to other human beings who were beneath them because their IQ was not as high. They also could not do basic things like manage a checking account nor make good decisions about purchases. They were book smart but not street smart. That being said you need to take yourself off the pedestal and go out and see life. There is more to life than math and sitting behind a computer all day.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 @utterer. Your views on sex are just one persons views. So he has a more prudish view...in that he only wants to have sex with somene he would want to spend allot of time with. So what's it to you? I mean it is the ultimate form of bonding as nothing else has a chance of leading to children....which then bonds you for the rest of eternity or until your line dies out. As for achievement... academic degree's do not imply achievement. A BSEE is probably harder to get than a PhD in English Lit. @Chess piece " I believe in looking at the world honestly and being honest about what I believe -- another strike against me when it comes to dating." That is unfortunately true. Many people here have decried the so called "game playing". Everyone hates playing the games yet everyone does it...even if we don't know it... even you. It's a basic drive that works subconsciously. Perhaps you have just been waiting 35 years for a woman you could connect with and are holding out. That too is part of the game. Let me assure you, the way some women show interest in a man so subtle sometimes that even a socially skilled man can miss it. Smiling, making eye contact for a nanosecond more, brushing past you. Talking to you then running away timidly. etc. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=268577 Look back a week or two and we had some good threads on that sort of thing. You are looking for a woman that's interested in you and interesting to you physically and mentally in some way. I know just what you mean. Such women are rare and hard to meet due to their rarity. You want someone you can be Mr. Smarty pants around...which is just you being who you are... and be loved for who you are...not some dumbed down version of yourself. Which is what everyone else wants. (Yet somehow you and I for that matter are supposedly elitist for wanting that.) I still suggest finding a group of people of like mind to yourself. Even if that's just on the internet. Find a single woman in such a group...it may not happen overnight...and try talking to her. Also going back to school for graduate school could be a good way for you to meet someone and find a peer group. Many of the women I know in gradschool are married or engaged to men who are in your kind of position...much older and/or more advanced students or young faculty. It hasn't worked that way for me due to the size of the department I am at...very few students.
jane100 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 But my being alone so much and exercising out doors for so many many hours and miles, I have engaged my intellect to be high powered. I've had freedoms other people don't by avoiding relationships to make break-throughs in my comprehension of things. I've drawn great strength from solitude but sometimes I just want to hold and be held just like everyone else. Frisky, beautifully put. Sometimes to be alone for a while I agree can be a creative endeavour. And I think there can be enormous rewards as you say. I also do empathise with the real wish to feel another dimension in life that is created through relationship (friendships and/or lover). Although OP will get some interesting ideas on this subject LS, to struggle to fruition of his dilemma, I believe requires a therapist who will take time to let you mull over and get deep insight into your difficulties - and who knows maybe even a breakthrough.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Frisky, beautifully put. Sometimes to be alone for a while I agree can be a creative endeavour. And I think there can be enormous rewards as you say. I also do empathise with the real wish to feel another dimension in life that is created through relationship (friendships and/or lover). Although OP will get some interesting ideas on this subject LS, to struggle to fruition of his dilemma, I believe requires a therapist who will take time to let you mull over and get deep insight into your difficulties - and who knows maybe even a breakthrough. What she said. To be honest there are two broad kinds of responses you will get to your question on a place like LS. 1.) People being defensive and needing to take you down a notch. "Your a looser because you haven't had sex". etc. Doing so as if we are in some kind of competition and they need to take you down. 2.)A relative few thoughtful responses.
becs_3 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 OP - it doesn't take a genius to to determine that, simply put, you don't want to change yourself for anyone else. And good on you. You shouldn't have to 'change who you are.' Just a simple question - do you actually like people ?
tincanman99 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 OP - it doesn't take a genius to to determine that, simply put, you don't want to change yourself for anyone else. And good on you. You shouldn't have to 'change who you are.' Just a simple question - do you actually like people ? I bet the answer is no.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I'll bet the answer is yes... but speaking what's on his mind to people often causes him problems. It's not that people like him say ''I have a high IQ". They say "something that shows a really high IQ or is very hard for most people to understand".
Ruby Slippers Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 If you lived in a world with only lower mammals, I doubt you would want to lower yourself down to that animal level in order to find "happiness" with one. You're not better than anyone because you're intelligent. Part of your problem is that you hold on to your feelings of superiority, as if they're doing you any good at all. I used to do this, and then I realized it was all ego, which is just a prison for your mind that keeps you from really getting close to anyone. I may be smarter than this guy, but he may be more humanitarian than I. He may be stronger than I, but I could be more resourceful than he. It really doesn't matter. We are all equally important or unimportant. I see lists of things you're supposed to be. Confidence is primary on that list. Why does every guy have to be "confident" in order to have success? Just forget everything you learned about dating and actually think about that for a moment. These kinds of "requirements to fit the mold" -- I see them as people just giving up on any kind of self-betterment as human beings and giving in to their animal nature. Women always choosing their mate based on genetic drive rather than their own intellect. Aren't there women out there that are better than this? I think confidence is an overinflated "virtue" symptomatic of the egomaniac culture in which we live. And yes, I agree with you that it's truly shocking how sheep-like and eager to follow the herd people are. I am drawn to men who have a healthy level of self-esteem, but I am not repelled by some degree of insecurity, as I have it myself. I prefer a little authentic, honest insecurity to a lot of fake confidence. How about ethics? Ethics have very little place in the animal kingdom and very little place in dating. As a society we are supposed to have evolved from acting like animals, yet at the base level we have not. I have high standards of ethics, the world doesn't share them. I do. I've been single for a while, in spite of requests from men to "use" them for whatever I want until I find someone I want to be with long term, I don't do it because that would violate my personal code of ethics. It's not always easy to be alone, but I am living with integrity and honesty, which for me is essential. I think the best thing you can do right now is start making some female acquaintances, and possibly friends. Once you feel more comfortable interacting with women regularly, you can kick it up a little and ask one out on a date. You have to start somewhere. Stop focusing on all the reasons it will never work, and realize that the world is full of people who just want to give and receive love.
zetkin Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Actually, I have met someone who is 29 and is a virgin. After reading your first post I thought that you are somewhat similar. He shares the same views about ethics and morality and so on. He is also very smart. And I find him great, and really special. I understand him, we share a lot. And even though I am a bit freaked out about the fact that he's never had anything serious with anybody at this age, I do want to start a relationship with him. But after reading the whole thread, and all your posts in it I see that you are not so nice. You are too arrogant. You have your beliefs and you live up to them. Yes, they are good, but the way you put it - like they're the only true and pure, and the rest of people who lead a different lifestyle you regard as just subhumans, a lower class of living creatures. I think you need to realize that there is no only one right, the rest is not wrong, all people are different, for someone this is right, for another person right is something else. That is why we all look for somebody who is similar to us. So instead of judging people by putting them on your standard scale, just look for somebody who shares same views with you.
Intricategirl Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I have a high IQ. It's meaningless. BUT... let me qualify that statement. Some people are really into the high IQ. Some people are really into the number of people they bed. Some are into their jobs or the amount of money they make. Some are into how many friends they have. We all have our addictions (for lack of a better word). And when you look for someone that you feel a connection with, you're almost certainly looking for someone who feeds that. Some people even look for it by looking for the exact opposite. They know they are more introverted, so they start looking for someone more extroverted. A lot of people say it's because they want someone to "complement" them, but I have to wonder if what they really mean is that it makes them feel that much more extreme. "Johnny's got SOOO many more friends than I do, therefore I feel REALLY introverted." But at the end of the day, the high IQ, the job and money, the number of people you've dated- meaningless. Right up until you find that person for whom it is not meaningless. I had an exBF that had done contracting work in the Middle East. He grew up poor, and now was making $250,000 a year. He could buy anything he wanted, and tried impressing me with his salary. That doesn't particularly impress me. Sure, I like money the same as anyone else, but I don't even know how to go about spending that much cash. And I could tell it chafed him when I didn't fall all over myself everytime he opened his wallet. Or when I paid for a meal, which I did quite often. Money was his thing, and not mine. So what I mean when I say that IQ is meaningless is that it will not get you a better job, more money, or necessarily more prestige. 99% of the world just doesn't give a rip what your IQ is. So if you are setting that as your "qualifier", then don't worry about it. You will NEVER be able to attract or be attracted by those who do not have an IQ. Your IQ does not make you special to them. So why worry about it. (Repeat this same exact advice across at least 60% of the boards here.)
Mrlonelyone Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 @Intricate girl. To be honest since eventually we all (for the most part) settle with one person. Then it really dose not matter what {the worlds population}-2 of the people think. So long as that 2 people left have the same values. If anything I think the OP may be a bit of a hopeless romantic. He's holding out for the perfect woman for him. Good for him. I mean would it really be better to be a 35 year old divorced father of two? Perhaps more common and usual but not really objectively better.
Intricategirl Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 @Intricate girl. To be honest since eventually we all (for the most part) settle with one person. Then it really dose not matter what {the worlds population}-2 of the people think. So long as that 2 people left have the same values. If anything I think the OP may be a bit of a hopeless romantic. He's holding out for the perfect woman for him. Good for him. I mean would it really be better to be a 35 year old divorced father of two? Perhaps more common and usual but not really objectively better. Actually, that's exactly what I'm saying, but you took a lot fewer words to do so. If you are searching for someone with a high IQ and someone that values your high IQ, then whatever the rest of the world is doing is not your problem. They aren't your dating pool. But it's not because they are somehow inferior. They just don't belong to you, nor you to them.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 The thing is intricate... where you do get the idea that he thinks he is "superior"? I mean we are all Homo Sapiens Sapiens the last time anyone bothered to check. Never the less some of us run faster, or jump higher, or sing better... and yes perhaps even think better than the rest. What he is part of the natural variation within humanity. Some people really are that much better at absorbing, processing, analyzing, and creating new, information. Such people often seem odd. I'm sure that first Homo Erectus to tame fire was an odd bird to other people of his time too.
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