What2doboutthings Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Okay so I'm new to this whole thing but thought I'd look to the outside world for some advice since I am going crazy on the inside on what to do. I hate those nights of a twisted stomach and whether or not if things are going on again or not About 2 years ago, I found that my wife was having an emotional affair w/ someone on-line. She told me she ended it because he wanted to go to the next level but she couldn't. Anyways after that she had another emotional affair on-line and then a third. The third one I caught this past Nov when I came home early from a trip w/ my 3 kids. I caught her saying she loved this guy on skype a few times. I told here right then and there that that was it either stop completely or I leave w/ the kids. She has told me she has stopped but I can't help keep thinking when am I going to find out it is happening again. I love her and have 3 wonderful children but every time our marriage got better in the past few years, I would find out that she is out there again emotionally cheating. What bugs me the most is that she has never opened up to talking about it and if I ever bring it up she gets all pissed off and blames me for bringing up the past and claims to be over it as it was a mid-life crisis. All I want is the truth from her and to move forward. How have others moved forward from a cheating spouse? How do you learn to trust them again and not want to dig through every personal things of theirs to make sure she isn't cheating again?
thomasb Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Until she owns her behaviors and gets some counselling to find out why she is giving her emotion security into hands other than yours you can't trust her. Why should you? Past behavior is indicative of future unless the contributing factors change and hers are not. Check into individual counselling and make it a condition of staying married. You deserve to not have your own security trashed each time someone new catches her fancy. She needs to learn personal boundaries.
ComputerJock Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Investigate her behavior using the technology available, check emails, download phone records, put keylogger on computer, its now a case of hunt and destory.
jnj express Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Until there is some accountability---why shouldn't she continue to cheat---what have you done to hold her accountable--- You tell us this stops or you move on---but it has now occurred 3 times, and WHAT YOU YOU REALLY DONE TO PREVENT THIS FROM CONTINUING After time #1 she should have been in counseling IMMEDIATELY to find out WHY she was cheating---AND TO FIX THE PROBLEM---I am willing to bet THIS HAS NEVER BEEN DONE You try to get answers and she yells you down---well ITS TIME FOR YOU TO GET TUFF--- 1st is your gut telling you there is more going on---if you think something is happening then it probably is You need to set in some stiff boundaries---such as no more computer, no more cell phone---if she doesn't like it---THAT IS DO D-MN F--KING BAD Ask her how she would like to live life as a divorced single woman, for then she can talk to all the guys she wants----married women do not talk to other men---on computer sites, about ANYTHING----- Give your wife a dose of reality---tell her all this stops, she answers, (and she does it happily) every question you have ---or she can learn how to live in the big bad world on her own---punctuate your statement, by giving her a copy of the want ads ( If she doesn't already have a job) It is time you took charge of your mge, and your wife's cheating, whether her pathetic little selfish self likes it or not
cgannon Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Investigate her behavior using the technology available, check emails, download phone records, put keylogger on computer, its now a case of hunt and destory. I couldn't disagree more. Whether she is or isn't really isn't the important thing. Doing all of these things will just make you feel worse about the lengths you will go to. You will lose yourself to a person you don't recognize. Trust me, been there done that. You need to have the conversation. If she isn't willing, you have your answer. You need to decide what your next step is from there. Good luck.
WorldIsYours Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Dude she's cheating and being unremorseful. Divorce.
Owl Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Well, here's a couple of thoughts. First...here's my story. It might have some bearing on your situation, so I'd suggest you read through it so that you can see the relevence. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t49539/ Second...if she's done this repeatedly, from my perspective each successive episode of cheating massively erodes the chances of successful recovery. In other words...I was able forgive my wife because what happened was (apparently) a one time thing, we both learned some hard lessons, and there have been some pretty hefty changes in our marriage as a result. In your case, she's done this several times now, still shows no remorse, and blames you for her actions. There doesn't sound like high hopes of being able to rebuild trust when she refuses to acknowledge that she's responsible for her actions. Personally, I think you need to let her suffer some serious consequences for her choices...that would be the only real reason I could see her changing her ways. Anyway, read my thread, see what you think, and post whatever questions you might have here...I'll be glad to offer advice where I can.
Owl Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 That may be the case, or it may not be. People can change if they choose to change. So far, you're right, she's chosen not to change. But that doesn't prevent her from making a change in the future. It's up to the OP to decide what those odds are...and deciding to remain in a relationship with her or not based on that decision.
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