Von Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I don't know where my other thread went, but in a nutshell I've been doing the online dating thing for several months and have become entirely frustrated by it. I met one girl that I basically got a crush on from our first date, we had the best chemistry I've ever had with a woman, then I made a silly comment in poor judgement and she rejected me, and now has friend zoned me. None of the other girls online that I've talked to have gave me the same spark and I'm just over it. Plus I was tired of seeing her online all the time. Kinda made me feel jealous. So I deleted my profile. I hate to say it but when she rejected me it hurt. And now she has me in backup plan/string along mode and does the "hey how are you" weekly txt. So I'm initiating NC on her. I'm not going to reply to any more strings. It may not help with ever getting her, but she's clearly not interested anymore and if I keep replying I don't see how that will ever change. But I knew where I had similar attraction and chemistry before. An ex from last year. So I hit her up on facebook. And we've been talking. And going to see each other probably sometime this week. I know she has a few issues, but I'd rather work on them with her than deal with flakey/immature/multi-daters that are kissing/having sex with a bunch of guys at once and won't give me the attention I deserve to show them why I'm the best man they will ever meet. I just want to focus on one person at a time, and I deserve their undivided attention. Because I'm ****in worth it.
ChessPieceFace Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I've never used online dating sites... my friend did, and he claimed to be having some success. Then he just went back and got together with his old girlfriend. The issues you talk about are the same things I'd be concerned with. You're going to be a piece of meat to most girls rather than a person, even moreso with online dating. You made 1 mistake and ruined it, that's been my personal experience with some girls as well. I would say those girls aren't worth worrying about, but it's very hard to find a girl who is actually a real person and treats you like a real person who is allowed to be imperfect, rather than a shallow girl who treats you like a disposable paper towel, which is most girls out there. It's made even worse by the constant flood of terrible messages and values fed to women by our western society. They want you to be an impossible contradiction, they want want want, and you don't matter. Even many of the "christian conservative" girls I've known are like that. I wish I had positive advice for you. I'm holding on to the dream that there exists some girl out there who isn't evil. If I lost that dream, I don't think I'd like the other options.
lovingone Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 (edited) I don't know where my other thread went, but in a nutshell I've been doing the online dating thing for several months and have become entirely frustrated by it. I met one girl that I basically got a crush on from our first date, we had the best chemistry I've ever had with a woman, then I made a silly comment in poor judgement and she rejected me, and now has friend zoned me. None of the other girls online that I've talked to have gave me the same spark and I'm just over it. Plus I was tired of seeing her online all the time. Kinda made me feel jealous. So I deleted my profile. I hate to say it but when she rejected me it hurt. And now she has me in backup plan/string along mode and does the "hey how are you" weekly txt. So I'm initiating NC on her. I'm not going to reply to any more strings. It may not help with ever getting her, but she's clearly not interested anymore and if I keep replying I don't see how that will ever change. But I knew where I had similar attraction and chemistry before. An ex from last year. So I hit her up on facebook. And we've been talking. And going to see each other probably sometime this week. I know she has a few issues, but I'd rather work on them with her than deal with flakey/immature/multi-daters that are kissing/having sex with a bunch of guys at once and won't give me the attention I deserve to show them why I'm the best man they will ever meet. I just want to focus on one person at a time, and I deserve their undivided attention. Because I'm ****in worth it. If I've said it once I've said it a thousand times.... you can't apply the rules of traditional dating to internet dating. This isn't a party where you might see one or two people a night that sparks your interest. This is a situation where you can view 100 peoples profiles in a HOUR. You do yourself a diservice (espcially if you are a paying member of one of these sites) if you drop everything for one person too quickly. In this situation multidating is smart not immature as long as everyone knows whats up (and they should duh!) and you don't take on more than you can handle. You have to EARN the undivided attention. Let me show you what happen to me with my "multitasking" this Feb. Guy#1 : called him for first chat, his accent was so thick I couldn't understand 90% percent of what he said, and he tried to bully me into meeting him right then ( a week night at 10pm) .... NEXT! Guy#2: Called him for first chat and he wants to go over EVERY answer to my eharmony questions like it is a job interview. Then anytime I don't like the same thing he does, he tells me thats why we aren't a match! ..... NEXT! Guy#3 Called him for first chat and in the first five minutes he basically tell me that he is disillusioned with internet dating and all the women he dates are the same! Hey buddy, take your profile down if you hate it that much! ..... NEXT! Guy#4 Have had several chats, is sweet and nice. Best of all he lives a a few miles from me and goes to a college 2 blocks from my house. Now, was I suppose to get exclusive ASAP for one of THOSE guys (1,2,or 3)????? Only a fool would! But I kept searching and calling all month and kept my options open and #4 looks like a keeper. Edited March 22, 2011 by lovingone
lovingone Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 A lot of people want to be that person who someone sees across a crowded room and knows from the getgo that they want to be with them and only them. It's an ego boost.... But truth be told, a lot of divorces are built on that kind of impulse.
ChessPieceFace Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 (edited) The problem I see with that kind of competition is that it leads to the lowest common denominator of shallowness. On another site, some 40-something woman with kids was complaining about her online dating results. Whining that all the guys who messaged her were "both fat and bald" and that the 20-something guys she really wanted never got serious with her. And later she complained about the baldness by itself. Hey lady (speaking to the aforementioned other-site woman) I CAN get in shape, but I can't really grow my real hair back. Unless you'd appreciate fake hair to go with your fake personality? And oh, I am 10 years younger than you, sorry that isn't young enough for you. That may not represent everyone but it speaks volumes. So if you aren't super attractive and perfect, and young, forget about getting many responses? And lovingone -- please tell me you are less shallow than the woman I mentioned? I've yet to use those sites, but whenever I feel I am ready, I'm planning to focus my profile on what really makes me special and worth being with. I know most women will be shallow and will not care who I am inside, and in a way I'm glad those women won't be messaging me. All I can do is hold to the idealistic hope that if I just make myself the best I can be, and focus on my good qualities, there are girls out there who would not only appreciate them, but be intensely glad to find someone else who isn't preoccupied with the shallow things in life. I don't want lots of women, just 1 good one. Edited March 22, 2011 by ChessPieceFace
Author Von Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 Lovinggone, I understand the dynamics of Internet dating. That wasn't entirely my issue. My issue is I connected with ONE woman who I definitely saw as a potential long term partner after ONE date (I know weird but that's how my body chemicals reacted) and I made one silly remark that killed it. Given the situation in reverse I would not have let that derail me, because I'm strong and can handle some rough humor. She even told me herself she was wrapped around my finger, yet in this online dating world where she had several other men chasing her it was easier for her to next me than take a mature approach and give me a chance despite my slip up in her mind. All my friends I told about why I said thought it was funny not insulting yet she took it that way. I know my competition is stiff, and there's other guys she is now excited about about, which upsets me given the position I was in which was at the time #1. but it still burns to know how quickly she judged me without taking a risk and not letting little things stop the process. everyone has bumps in the road in dating. My bump was a retarded thing to drop me with. I guess you can say Im hurt by the fact that I found the one girl on there I was willing to focus my time on, and due to the fact she had other options she let me go before knowing how amazing I am. Had I met her in real life and neither of us were on a dating site she might have given me a better chance.
andrew-bkk Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I don't know where my other thread went, but in a nutshell I've been doing the online dating thing for several months and have become entirely frustrated by it. I met one girl that I basically got a crush on from our first date, we had the best chemistry I've ever had with a woman, then I made a silly comment in poor judgement and she rejected me, and now has friend zoned me. What did you say?
Author Von Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 I teased her about her glasses and hair in one of her pictures. But I didn't know it was a family picture. I was totally kidding around. She knew how I think she is beautiful. No, my ex would be a backup only if we had kept in contact, but it was over over. This is a restart. But, I can tell this time she wont be so addicted to me like last time. She was more into me than I was into her, which at the time was better for me. But know I like it equal. But I like to be the one who leads the way. As it should be with a man. So we'll see it will work.
Art_Critic Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 then I made a silly comment in poor judgement and she rejected me, What, "Nice Tits" didn't go over very well ? You are just used to the familiarity of your ex.. A new person has none of that.. but that is the exciting part of dating.. getting to know someone.
jane100 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 If I've said it once I've said it a thousand times.... you can't apply the rules of traditional dating to internet dating. Totally! Its a skill, an art, in itself, and when used wisely and well, has great promise. Genius hates the "marketing" aspect of it - and I totally agree and understand that - its just one downside one has to negotiate.
persevere Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Online dating is definitely a different world. The next date is just a click away. So many people are on there looking for utter perfection. You slip up slightly, you are done. It's almost a dreamers paradise for 'serial daters'. Everyone is shopping. No one is buying. There are exceptions from time to time...
Author Von Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 Exactly. I had some customers today that said theyve been married for four years. I asked them where they met, and they smiled and looked at each other and said "match.com". Course, they were in their sixties, but that goes to show it can work. So because of that, I'm going to change my outlook on it. But I'm still skeptical and I still refuse to multi-date people. Talking to multiples on the site is fine, but outside the site I will not date more than one at a time. And I'm going to ask if they are, and if they are then I will make a decision whether or not to keep going at that point. And if I slip up again, I will know that I should expect to be nexted, or explain to them outside online dating, the little bumps are easily worked out and not to give up but to pay attention to the good qualities I offer. However, I'm still going to see what's up with my ex, and if that works out I'm done with Internet dating. She will be the one I'm currently focused on, and not lead on anyone from a site, which means not setting up dates yet, the farthest I'll go maybe Is txting if it goes off site with one of them. But I'll delay that as much as possible. Does that make sense?
pandagirl Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 However, I'm still going to see what's up with my ex, and if that works out I'm done with Internet dating. She will be the one I'm currently focused on, and not lead on anyone from a site, which means not setting up dates yet, the farthest I'll go maybe Is txting if it goes off site with one of them. But I'll delay that as much as possible. Does that make sense? Do you want to go back to your ex because you actually WANT to, or are you just tired of dating and want to be with someone familiar?
lovingone Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 LOL I forgot about guy #5! Guy#5: A 40 year old guy who called me a RETARD when I wouldn't go out with him! Very mature huh?....NEXT! I understand you are hurt Von. I think everyone is a little gun shy on dating sites. We all want a good result but we assume the worst in the back of our minds. So a little turn off becomes a deal breaker. Never the less, if you pay one of these sites with thousands of members to help you find someone and you get exclusive too soon, I think you aren't getting your money's worth. I don't mind earning the trust to a point. That point being that I think the guy is really interested. I almost let go of guy #4 because he was so "slow". Turns out he just wanted to be sure he could trust me with his home phone number because he doesn't have a cell.
Author Von Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 Do you want to go back to your ex because you actually WANT to, or are you just tired of dating and want to be with someone familiar? Lol. Not tired of dating. It's necessary to be with someone right? Yes I want to go back to her, I'd have to "date" her too. But keep online dating as my backup plan.
pandagirl Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Lol. Not tired of dating. It's necessary to be with someone right? Yes I want to go back to her, I'd have to "date" her too. But keep online dating as my backup plan. I just think it's interesting you think you can get her back! HOw long has it been?
Author Von Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 I just think it's interesting you think you can get her back! HOw long has it been? 10 months? I think i can because i made huge chemistry connections with her. I know Im the best she ever had. She's so cool, yet she just has that dark side that rears it's head. She has never had a heathly relationship. But that doesn't mean she can't be better. Sometimes a person can meet someone and their life does a 180. It's like a damaged girl meeting a great guy, and her turning into a good person to be with him.... like a movie
pandagirl Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 10 months? I think i can because i made huge chemistry connections with her. I know Im the best she ever had. She's so cool, yet she just has that dark side that rears it's head. She has never had a heathly relationship. But that doesn't mean she can't be better. Sometimes a person can meet someone and their life does a 180. It's like a damaged girl meeting a great guy, and her turning into a good person to be with him.... like a movie OK, well be thoughtful about her feelings! Especially if you're the one who broke up with her in the first place!
Author Von Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 OK, well be thoughtful about her feelings! Especially if you're the one who broke up with her in the first place! I was. But I've always been thoughtful of other people's feelings cuz I've been there done that, unless it's someone I barely know or totally screwed it up with me. Like bad. I even explained to this girl what NC was one time because when I dump/reject/take a break from someone I'm brutally honest and tell them what they did to turn me off. Sometimes I hate that I wear my heart on my sleeve
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