iris219 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 This is childish, but I’ve discovered NC is not satisfying when the ex is doing NC too. I finally feel enough indifference to do total NC. If he called or texted me right now, I’d ignore him. But, he doesn’t know this because he’s not contacting me. Why do I want him contact me and test my resolve? He’s always been able to weasel his way back into my life and there’s no way I’d let him this time. I’m annoyed that he’s not trying. I want to prove that he doesn’t have power over me anymore. I guess if I felt completely indifferent I wouldn’t care about this at all, right? But, what good is strength if you never have the opportunity to use it?
youngskywalker Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 You, being on a dating forum writing about how you'd like your ex to contact you for the last laugh says one thing.... you're really not over him and he still has the upper hand.
GooseChaser Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 (edited) I am in a similar situation with a guy. I agree, it is frustrating when you're doing NC and the person doesn't even realize it! Still, though, it is the thought that counts. It doesn't matter if he doesn't realize he is being shut out or if he has a reaction. What is important is that you are not in contact with him anymore, which allows you to have space to heal. That is the main purpose of "no contact." It is for you. I am guessing that it bothers you because you care, like you said. It is okay-- your feelings are natural and human. Over time, you will get over him, and that will help you not care what he thinks. Rather than spending your energy worrying about him, focus on yourself. Don't give him any more attention, whether he's aware of it or not. Things will work out. Edited March 22, 2011 by GooseChaser
Macaw Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I never did NC with any of my EXes. And I never figured why people do it, unless the EX was an horrid, backstabbing, sorry excuse for a person. I guess it's because I've always tried my best to make the relationship works... that by the time I can no longer keep it going, I feel relieved rather than hurt. Tbh, I don't recommend doing NC at all. You're depriving yourself from much needed personal growth - the ability to move on from a situation without ditching friends, places and memories in the process. And you might even grow to be the jealous person that can not allow your future boyfriend to keep any friendships with women he was romantically involved in the past.
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 This is childish, but I’ve discovered NC is not satisfying when the ex is doing NC too. I finally feel enough indifference to do total NC. If he called or texted me right now, I’d ignore him. But, he doesn’t know this because he’s not contacting me. Why do I want him contact me and test my resolve? He’s always been able to weasel his way back into my life and there’s no way I’d let him this time. I’m annoyed that he’s not trying. I want to prove that he doesn’t have power over me anymore. I guess if I felt completely indifferent I wouldn’t care about this at all, right? But, what good is strength if you never have the opportunity to use it? EGO. That's what this is about now. NC is all about you and your own recovery not about him. Honestly who cares what he does think of the NC. Let it go..
zengirl Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 This is childish, but I’ve discovered NC is not satisfying when the ex is doing NC too. You're missing the point of NC. The point is introspection, your own self-health, and your own peace of mind. The point is to take the focus off of him and put it on YOU.
lemonlegs Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Well, the thing is, he does know that you're doing NC. He KNOWS that you're not texting him, or calling him all of the time. Did you ever stop to think that he's surprised that you're not trying to talk to him? But that's besides the point. I agree with everyone else. NC is about having the inner-strength to move on with your life without the need to check up on him and what's going on in his life.
GooseChaser Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I'd like to add that you will have plenty of opportunity to use your strength throughout your life, as will we all; there's no question about that. Well, the thing is, he does know that you're doing NC. He KNOWS that you're not texting him, or calling him all of the time. Did you ever stop to think that he's surprised that you're not trying to talk to him? True, good point!
D-Lish Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 This is childish, but I’ve discovered NC is not satisfying when the ex is doing NC too. I finally feel enough indifference to do total NC. If he called or texted me right now, I’d ignore him. But, he doesn’t know this because he’s not contacting me. Why do I want him contact me and test my resolve? He’s always been able to weasel his way back into my life and there’s no way I’d let him this time. I’m annoyed that he’s not trying. I want to prove that he doesn’t have power over me anymore. I guess if I felt completely indifferent I wouldn’t care about this at all, right? But, what good is strength if you never have the opportunity to use it? You are already exercising that strength by not contacting him, you will have an opportunity to use that strength again when he tries to "pry" his way back in your life again. There is an element of patience that goes hand in hand with NC. If you're intending to use NC as a way to draw him back into your life so you can "win" something, you misunderstand what it's intended for.
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