Mixed28 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 I know alot of people who said getting dumped by someone they loved was worse than their grandparents dying which kind of interested me and I never though of it like that. I would say my grandparents dying was worse however I knew it was comming a week in advance before their deaths (they had cancer past the point of no return) So I wasn't blindsided unlike my relationship with my ex.
depplover_1980 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 What have all our Grandparents done to be pulled in like this?? Though bottom line, both break ups and deaths trigger grief processes with similar symptoms. The thing that may make break ups seem more difficult is because you know the person is still out there and you can't have them, which is harder to accept. However real grief from death of those really close to you is horrendous and much much worse, as you will never see that person EVER. All hope is abandoned.
TryTryAgain Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 It's all about grieving the loss of someone important in your life. They are gone and there's nothing you can do about it. I read a relationship book once that actually suggested treating a breakup as the death of a relationship. It even described the whole process of having a "funeral" of sorts and burning a final letter to your ex. Pretty extreme, but ultimately it was about treating the relationship just like a death and using the same types of coping mechanisms used when dealing with the death of a loved one. In terms of the "grandparents" comment, I can see that. Two of my grandparents are gone. I know it did not take me years to get over their deaths. It took me damn near 5 years to get over one of my exes.
Author Mixed28 Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 It's all about grieving the loss of someone important in your life. They are gone and there's nothing you can do about it. I read a relationship book once that actually suggested treating a breakup as the death of a relationship. It even described the whole process of having a "funeral" of sorts and burning a final letter to your ex. Pretty extreme, but ultimately it was about treating the relationship just like a death and using the same types of coping mechanisms used when dealing with the death of a loved one. In terms of the "grandparents" comment, I can see that. Two of my grandparents are gone. I know it did not take me years to get over their deaths. It took me damn near 5 years to get over one of my exes. Dang how long were you guys together? granted I am not surpised took me over 2 months to get over a (drum roll) 2 month relationship.
TryTryAgain Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 We were together about a year. That's the longest relationship I've ever been in. I'm 30 now. She was my college sweetheart. I set myself up for failure in that I had painted the picture in my head from very early on that I would fall in love in college and marry my college sweetheart. I was relentless in pursuing her. I chased her for years after college even though she was living in a different state. Funny thing is we now live in the same town and are pretty good friends. Nothing more than that though. My romantic feelings for her have completely faded. When I was in my early to mid twenties, I would have never in a million years thought I would say that.
0hpenelope Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 ...The thing that may make break ups seem more difficult is because you know the person is still out there and you can't have them, which is harder to accept. However real grief from death of those really close to you is horrendous and much much worse, as you will never see that person EVER. All hope is abandoned. I agree with depp here. Death is absolute. Relationships, not quite so absolute.
Hlep Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Hahah- I have an insightful comment on this one. My DAD and BROTHER both died within a month of each other a little over two years ago. It was extremely difficult for me, but my life has gone in a relatively good direction regardless. Whoever said death is absolute is spot on. I had known for a long time my father was going to die, so I had really good closure- it's part of life. People get sick, old, or have an accident, and die. I was estranged from my brother when he passed so that is a huge issue for me still, but I've healed a lot. I will alway miss my dad, and my brother's death has left a scar- but I have kept chugging a long in life... what else can you do? I've come along pretty good. Never once touched a bottle or used drugs out of depression. My last girlfriend dumped me about a year after my dad and brother passed. I would have to say it was almost as terrible for me. The pain from that was definitely an aweful experience, but I guess it's a character builder you know? "Better to have loved and lost" is such a beautiful expression. Love and death are the essence of our humaness. They show us the beauty of life, and what it really means to be human. There will be other girls, and there are more lovely fish in the sea. I definitely agree that the end of a relationship is a very very similar grieving process. However there are second chances, potential friendships (though unlikely), and closure is much more achieveable in certain circumstances. I learned so much about myself, and life in general in the past couple years. That cliche saying blood is thicker than water will always be so true. I think that one of the most important lessons I have ever learned is that words and actions can NEVER be taken back. Even in your relationships... if you cheat, say mean things, or dump your partner, those things remain part of your history. Healing and closure are easier though if someone isn't dead.
Ginger Beer Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Agree with the OP, although saying this may make you seem cold-hearted or that you didn't care, but for the majority of people a grandparent is not a parent, you probably see them 5 or 6 times a year, if that. I think a lot of people (girls especially) let how they think they should act, influence how they actually do. Even worse is if you're in love with your partner and you get cheated on. That must be the worst feeling imaginable.
LD1981 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I know alot of people who said getting dumped by someone they loved was worse than their grandparents dying which kind of interested me and I never though of it like that. I would say my grandparents dying was worse however I knew it was comming a week in advance before their deaths (they had cancer past the point of no return) So I wasn't blindsided unlike my relationship with my ex. My mum died 6 years ago and I was VERY close to her and yet i found it easier to get over than this... I know i will never see my mum again and it hurts, but my ex wife and i have to interact all the time due to kids.. knowing i cant have her or be with her has actually put me into a worse place than i was when my mum died. but then on the otherside, I know I can always goto my Ex and tell her I love her, wether she wants to hear that or not, I still have that option, I can't do that with my mum no more.
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