Jerrica Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 I've heard on here that you should ignore your ex if they text you....I don't think this worked for me.... day 7 NC - "how's it going?" - ignored by me, wasn't ready day 9 NC - texts about getting his stuff, I kept things strictly business, wanted to give the impression I've moved on day 12 NC - convo about getting his stuff, I give deadline saying have a roommate moving in, him "so you've already started dating?". Looks like my impression I gave of moving on worked! day 13 NC - convo about when to get his stuff, I ask how his GED test went, now I get ignored!!!!! I said there was no reason to be rude and I don't deserve it. He says "sorry, just not in the best of moods lately" I replied with "Sorry to hear that, I'm here if you need to talk. Enjoy the rest of your day hun" He honestly sounds pissed off with me!Like he's doing this to spite me. Excuse me, but you broke MY heart. Anyways....I still want him back so I hope I didn't piss him off too much.....do you think he's hurting?
EmperorR Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 NC is to heal yourself, ignore ignore ignore soon he will get the point and not msg you anymore. It's a long road but I've been there and done it,
Pavle Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 apparently your "day 12 NC" is in fact your day 3 NC. You can't communicate with an ex, albeit limited, while simultaneously being in NC... I'm sure more posts will agree with this shortly... If he broke up with you, probed and prodded you, then ignored you when you reciprocated with a touch of warmth, screw him.
EmperorR Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 apparently your "day 12 NC" is in fact your day 3 NC. You can't communicate with an ex, albeit limited, while simultaneously being in NC... I'm sure more posts will agree with this shortly... If he broke up with you, probed and prodded you, then ignored you when you reciprocated with a touch of warmth, screw him. This is true NC is don't contact him at all, delete his texts, don't poick up the phone when he calls, remove pictures, keep yourself busy
Layzie89 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 You shouldn't have told him that you're there for him if he needs to talk. By doing so you're showing him he still has you whenever he wants. On top of that you shouldn't have called him hun...all that does is again, further confirm to him that your still his. This isn't what you should be portraying to him. Right now your LC...LC and NC are very different in my.opinion you the only reason you should be LC is if you have a kid with him, which you don't. Restart NC and gain some power back bc right now he has all of it.
Author Jerrica Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 I think it still was NC because he initiated all the contacting.....and when he started to text about getting his stuff that kind of forces me to reply...doesn't it??? I am not always available to him....I think I showed that by ignoring his initial "how's it going" text? and then keeping things business and giving him a deadline to get his stuff out. But if he did ever need anything I would for sure be there, as a friend. I'm just not a hasty person, and I feel worse if I am mean. I don't want any hard feelings with him. I do still want him back and I love him very much. Do you think I ruined my chances? In any case, he is coming to get his stuff tomorrow so we will have to have contact again, but I don't plan on being home.
Pavle Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I think it still was NC because he initiated all the contacting.....and when he started to text about getting his stuff that kind of forces me to reply...doesn't it??? No, you were not. However, I'm not contending that your responding was wrong, esp. if you wish to reunite. I'm just pointing out you broke NC. Moreover, if you were the dumpee, it somewhat alters the situation, at least I believe it does. For example, I think it WOULD be rude for a dumper to not respond in that situation; but you were dumped, so just protecting your broken heart is neither selfish nor mean. Do you think I ruined my chances? In any case, he is coming to get his stuff tomorrow so we will have to have contact again, but I don't plan on being home. Did you say why he broke up with you? If you did, forgive my negligence. He'll detect desperation and your willingness to acquiesce to his desires if you go in with that attitude.
Author Jerrica Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 I was the dumpee, it was 2 weeks ago he broke up with me, just doesn't want a relationship right now. So I've been giving him space for the last 2 weeks, the only reason for contact right now is for his stuff. So how do you go about giving the persons stuff back without breaking NC? Or do you mean I broke it by trying to be friendly asking how his test went? This is where it gets confusing, I can't hold his stuff hostage nor do I want it here with constant reminders. But the only way to get his stuff out is to break NC (since there's large stuff such as furniture). I'll admit, I felt guilty for ignoring him the one time.....and I felt bad that he is hurting to see me move on, so I was sympathetic towards him being miserable lately....I'm only human, and we don't like to see the ones we love hurt. I guess I was wrong for showing him I still care...
Pavle Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Well, perhaps you must hold off your no contact at the moment because of his "stuff." But, if you really want to go NC, you can tell him you're going to throw his stuff away if he doesn't come and get it by the end of the day or just leave it somewhere, texting him to let him know where it can be found, thereafter initiating NC. Honestly, if he just "doesn't want a relationship" right now, but is contacting you, I see no other alternative but going NC. I broke up with a rebound about 2 months ago; I have yet to respond to any of her texts, other than like one, just to be polite, for doing so would lead her on, and I want nothing to do with her, as we're utterly incompatible. Trust me, if there is any hope of you getting back together with contact, limited or otherwise, it will be compounded by NC, given I know how men work. If you stop talking to him, he'll think, "hmmm, what's up? oh no! I might have made an irreversible error!" and will proceed to scramble to see if he's obliterated any chance of having a relationship with you. If all he wants you for is to squeeze orgasms out of him, then you likely will extract nothing other than indifference.
Pavle Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Also when he realizes you're not chasing him and does scramble to determine his prospects, realizing if he doesn't, he might never hear from you again, don't give him what he wants: Give him what he gave you--indifference. Don't be overtly cruel, mean, or lead him to believe you want absolutely nothing to do with him; just accept nothing other than him pleading for you to take him back; but don't say this overtly, obviously. There's no other way you can reunite with dignity, for HE broke up with YOU. The burden is therefore on him to do the work if he desires your love once again.
Author Jerrica Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 thanks so much for your insight. I know my NC was getting to him, because he did initiate all the texts, and I know he still has strong feelings for me or he would be happy now and not so miserable, he also wouldn't have asked "so you've already started dating?" If he didn't care...so I don't think he is showing me indifference at all... In any case he is coming to get his things tomorrow (he has a friend helping him with the big stuff). I know I messed up by telling him I still care, but I think I can redeem myself. But how do I do this? I want to show him I am indifferent so what do you suggest for tomorrow? Should I make sure I am not home? Or stay home (make sure I look good but not overdone) and act like I'm not bothered? what would get him wondering? it's so great to have a guys take on this, thank you so much for your help.
Pavle Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I'm not sure what would be your best move. But you can be pretty sure that you can't go wrong by not being there; perhaps I'm wrong though... :/ There are many advantages to not being there, esp. if you have something to do: -you can't make a mistake and send wrong signals -you won't risk more emotional anguish -you might even send signals that will work in your favor I'm sure there are many more I'm not listing. If you are there and overdue your appearance, clearly trying to look extra appealing, it may not be good; but, again, I may be wrong. Of course don't look bad (lol)...
SingVoice Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I would NOT be home if I were you. Because you know that if you see him you will probably feel awful and maybe say something you shouldn't. You are all concerned about being mean to him. Newsflash honey- He broke up with you. He wasn't concerned about breaking your heart obviously. And if you guys were living together...I'm sorry...but I don't think he "doesn't want to be in a relationship" as much as he "doesn't want to be in a relationship WITH YOU." Don't talk to him again. If he WAS having any second thoughts...he would let you know. Stick with TOTAL NC. Because honestly you need to learn how to be without him or he'll end up stringing you along and wasting months of your life when you could be out moving on.
0hpenelope Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Can't a mutual friend pick up his stuff for him?
Author Jerrica Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 Update on the him getting his stuff.... I chose NOT to be home When I did get home, I notice he took one box and his tools. Left all the rest...so his stuff remains! oh but get this, he texts me after he left saying "I tried to swiffer your floors as clean as I could get it. Sorry if it's still a bit dirty" So you DON'T take your stuff, but you spend your time here swiffering my floors? Don't get me wrong, it was a very nice gesture, it did make me happy but WTF. I do want him back, but I can't let myself bite on this crumb. Why is he all of a sudden being nice to me?
Eddie Edirol Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Just be cause he is nice to you doesnt mean he still wants a relationship with you. havent you ever dumped someone? Did you ever want them back? He dumped you for a reason, he doesnt want to be around you. It doesnt matter what you do, he wont want you back for a serious relationship. NC is for you to give up hope and stop talking to him entirely, its not to get him back. Nothing he is doing is a hint, dont take it as such. if he wants to try again, he will tell you, but dont hold your breath.
Frank13 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I too was dumbfounded to see a list of NC days showing that you had contact with him. If someone tells you not to talk on the telephone, you can't say you didn't because someone called you so you answered and talked to them. NC see means "no contact period". It doesn't mean "you don't contact them". As for his stuff, take by a friend, your parents, or leave it outside and have your friend or parent contact him and tell him where to find it. Your subject title says "Ignoring not the best idea". How do you know as you gave done the opposite.
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