Woggle Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 The other night I was watching Men in Black on cable and they have not memory erase thing. My mind started wandering and I wishing I could do that with my wife. I wish I could do something like leave her for another woman or just leave her and see how devastated she actually is. I want to know if she has that passionate love that women on here have for a MM or an OM and then when I see proof of how much she really loves me I can erase her memory of the entire ordeal and we can live happily ever after. I am fully aware of how unhealthy and twisted this thinking is but sometimes I really find it hard to believe sometimes that a woman is actually happy with a faithful and devoted man in a drama free relationship without getting bored. I am not making excuses for it but it is the first time in a while I have felt like this.
P&R Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 The other night I was watching Men in Black on cable and they have not memory erase thing. My mind started wandering and I wishing I could do that with my wife. I wish I could do something like leave her for another woman or just leave her and see how devastated she actually is. I want to know if she has that passionate love that women on here have for a MM or an OM and then when I see proof of how much she really loves me I can erase her memory of the entire ordeal and we can live happily ever after. I am fully aware of how unhealthy and twisted this thinking is but sometimes I really find it hard to believe sometimes that a woman is actually happy with a faithful and devoted man in a drama free relationship without getting bored. I am not making excuses for it but it is the first time in a while I have felt like this. Somebody said this before but there are plenty of happy women in a relationship with a happy devoted man. It's just that usually people in an unhappy relationship are usually venting, so you hear about toxic relationships more often than perfectly healthy relationships. Look... all you can do is just take your relationship one day at a time and enjoy what is infront of you.
Author Woggle Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 Somebody said this before but there are plenty of happy women in a relationship with a happy devoted man. It's just that usually people in an unhappy relationship are usually venting, so you hear about toxic relationships more often than perfectly healthy relationships. Look... all you can do is just take your relationship one day at a time and enjoy what is infront of you. I know this logically but it would be nice to have that kind of devotion that some women have to a married man?
Cee Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I can't bear to read the OW/OM forums because the thought of cheating saddens me. Their love is not all that deep or special if you ask me. My (ex) husband had a passionate affair with a married woman. But she was a vapid gold digger and he was a superficial con artist, so I don't really thought that what they had was very deep. They ran to Miami beach using my credit card and bought designer clothes. And had sex with the Viagra prescription he bought. They eventually broke up and the way he told the story, it was like high school rather than two people nearing age 50. At that point, I wasn't upset anymore. I was disgusted that I would have ever thought I could love such a man. A man incapable of adult love.
Knittress Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Yes. Highschool. I was JUST like that in highschool. I got so swept up in the epic tide of my own angst that I totally lost touch with reality of who the other person actually WAS. It took me some experience to realize that on some level emotions aren't really real - they're a chemical reaction triggered by familiar stimulus that can be manipulated by our thoughts. So, no, how a person handles strong emotions does not necessarily indicate the depth of their feelings. I won't go on the OM/W board, but I would speculate that the intensity of their feelings are amped up by the drama of it all - and that's NOT love.
whichwayisup Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 The other night I was watching Men in Black on cable and they have not memory erase thing. My mind started wandering and I wishing I could do that with my wife. I wish I could do something like leave her for another woman or just leave her and see how devastated she actually is. I want to know if she has that passionate love that women on here have for a MM or an OM and then when I see proof of how much she really loves me I can erase her memory of the entire ordeal and we can live happily ever after. I am fully aware of how unhealthy and twisted this thinking is but sometimes I really find it hard to believe sometimes that a woman is actually happy with a faithful and devoted man in a drama free relationship without getting bored. I am not making excuses for it but it is the first time in a while I have felt like this. Woggle everything is fine. Your wife loves you and you don't need to have twisted drama in your life for her to prove this to you. I don't know what else to say except keep on planning your wedding anniversary and put all your energy into that so you won't let your mind wander to dark places.
Author Woggle Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 I agree. I said I was completely aware of how twisted this is. Maybe I read the OW/OM and infidelity forums too much on here.
zengirl Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 The other night I was watching Men in Black on cable and they have not memory erase thing. My mind started wandering and I wishing I could do that with my wife. I wish I could do something like leave her for another woman or just leave her and see how devastated she actually is. I want to know if she has that passionate love that women on here have for a MM or an OM and then when I see proof of how much she really loves me I can erase her memory of the entire ordeal and we can live happily ever after. I am fully aware of how unhealthy and twisted this thinking is but sometimes I really find it hard to believe sometimes that a woman is actually happy with a faithful and devoted man in a drama free relationship without getting bored. I am not making excuses for it but it is the first time in a while I have felt like this. I don't think this means you haven't made as much progress. Backslides are a part of life in all of our personal challenges. I recently backslid on some bad behavior I have too, but much less than I had before the last time it happened. I recognized my backslide and then acknowledged the progress I'd still made. Progress isn't always a straight line; sometimes, we slip. People are flawed. Don't be too hard on yourself for a momentary thought. As long as you know it's wrong and crazy and a backslide, just move along, and keep trying to do the best you can. I agree. I said I was completely aware of how twisted this is. Maybe I read the OW/OM and infidelity forums too much on here. I think someone with your issues would do well to stay away from those forums, personally.
D-Lish Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I agree. I said I was completely aware of how twisted this is. Maybe I read the OW/OM and infidelity forums too much on here. I think you do.... I'd never, ever engage in an affair with a married man. I couldn't fathom finding passion or feeling devoted to someone that was in a relationship with someone else. I'm insecure as it is, why would I willingly enter into a relationship that would designate me as second best??? I'd willingly choose being lonley over such a life. Granted, there are people that do aspire to set the bar low for themselves- and there is a reason that they have so much time to post on here.... I've noticed a big change in you since you first came on this board.
threebyfate Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Stay away from those two forums. People aren't terribly emotionally healthy on any side of the affair triangle. In some situations, it's beyond twisted. And more than enough times, my b/s meter goes off.
Author Woggle Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 I agree that it is twisted but then why do they seem to show a devotion and passion that I almost never see anywhere else? I wish I heard more women talking about their husbands and boyfriends that way.
mizliz Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Stay away from those two forums. People aren't terribly emotionally healthy on any side of the affair triangle. In some situations, it's beyond twisted. And more than enough times, my b/s meter goes off. Yes, stay away if it isn't relevant. Emotional heath is measured with time and experience. There is a reason for the forum - don't like it, don't read it. No one cares about your bs meter.
lemonlegs Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 The reason why people see the "passion" in a secret love affair as more intense is because they need to justify it by saying they are "passionately and intensely in love with one another." It wouldn't be very well justified (from their perspectives anyway) if they said "I kind of like this person that I'm cheating on my spouse with and potentially ruining my whole life for." It's very much the drama that people find exciting. Perhaps equating drama with passion?
threebyfate Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I agree that it is twisted but then why do they seem to show a devotion and passion that I almost never see anywhere else? I wish I heard more women talking about their husbands and boyfriends that way.I'm tempted to not respond to you about this since you're pulling the "prove it to me game" again. This is a power game where no one needs to prove anything to you and if you really wanted to believe, all you'd have to do is to read the happy marriage, happy relationship threads.
threebyfate Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Yes, stay away if it isn't relevant. Emotional heath is measured with time and experience. There is a reason for the forum - don't like it, don't read it. No one cares about your bs meter.My b/s meter is going off right now.
mizliz Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 My b/s meter is going off right now. Good for you. I imagine you are at a lost. Too cynical for love.
threebyfate Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Good for you. I imagine you are at a lost. Too cynical for love. Mkay, believe what you want if you believe that affairs are about love!
Author Woggle Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 I'm tempted to not respond to you about this since you're pulling the "prove it to me game" again. This is a power game where no one needs to prove anything to you and if you really wanted to believe, all you'd have to do is to read the happy marriage, happy relationship threads. I know you are right but I admit I do wonder sometimes if my wife would be on here devastated if I left her the same way women on that forum are going through turmoil because of their MM. I know it is just my insecurity talking but it did go through my head.
D-Lish Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I agree that it is twisted but then why do they seem to show a devotion and passion that I almost never see anywhere else? I wish I heard more women talking about their husbands and boyfriends that way. They are here- you just aren't paying attention. Don't measure the entire female population based on what a few damaged people are saying or doing. Certainly don't equate your positive experiences with the good woman you have now with what those people are saying and doing. You are living with experience and proof as we speak that there are good women out there- she's by your side every day. But you are here, on LS, choosing to search for proof that because some damaged women want to devote their entire existance to MM that your wife might have the same tendancies. Has it occurred to you that instead of searching frantically for external and irrelevant proof on an infidelity forum, you could be using that time to connect with your wife instead? Why can't you use the time you spend reading the cheating forums to TALK to your wife about your fears?
mizliz Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Mkay, believe what you want if you believe that affairs are about love! I didn't say that. You are broken and sad. Don't blame strangers. Love can be definded many ways. Welcome to life.
threebyfate Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I know you are right but I admit I do wonder sometimes if my wife would be on here devastated if I left her the same way women on that forum are going through turmoil because of their MM. I know it is just my insecurity talking but it did go through my head.Your wife is an emotionally healthy adult woman who displays honest, committed, respectful and trusting love to you. What kind of woman is willing to share a deceitful man, knowing that he's a deceitful liar? Do you honestly believe being a doormat is a sign of devotion and passion? Do you honestly believe that it's emotionally healthy to be obsessively fixated on an immoral/amoral man, knowing full well he is that way? It's all an effed up fantasy. And if you consider your own pain when the ex-wife cheated on you, you'd even consider putting your wife through this even solely in your mind? Do you remember how your ex-wife, the immoral crackhead tried to kill you? Stop. Get back to reality. Now.
Author Woggle Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 I said before that it is a twisted way of thinking but it doesn't stop the idea from running across my mind. That memory eraser thing caused the idea to pop into my head.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Does your wife do sweet things for you? Does she have your back? Does she smile when she sees you? Does she say she loves you?
mizliz Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Woogle- You love your wife? Yes. Stop this -enjoy her, and be a man. Stop this obsession to prove that women are bad. You love her and she loves you - enough. Love your life. My best, L
Author Woggle Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 Does your wife do sweet things for you? Does she have your back? Does she smile when she sees you? Does she say she loves you? Yes she does. It is really sad that I put it this way but it was actually a shock to the system for a woman to treat me this well and I didn't realize I was still adjusting. I know my paranoia is lying to me but I feel like pinching myself sometimes to see if this is real.
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