ladeedee Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 So I've been NC for almost two weeks now... broke up 2 weeks ago today. My ex and I used to meet each other between classes. Just got back from spring break and I saw his car parked where it always is.. I turned up my music and kept walking my same way. If I went a different way it takes too long! Also I kept thinking, "Why the hell should I avoid him?" Though I really didn't want to see him. I made it to class without seeing him, my heart was pumping because I was scared to see him. I don't want to see him at all. I don't want to talk, I just want to do my regular thing and not worry. However, I did see him later... he was by a building talking to a girl with his book out and her book out. He looked at me and I looked at him and I just glanced away as if I didn't know who he was and was just another guy standing outside a building. I felt him keep watching me as I walked. I kept thinking, "Oh god don't catch up with me don't catch up with me." I made it back but god.. I don't like it. So what do you all do when an ex is in the same area as you? Do you avoid? Keep normal? How do you respond when you see him/her? Am I doing the right thing going the same way even though it makes my heart pump like crazy?
GreenPolicy Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Hope I never have to find out. Dallas-Fort Worth is a big place.
GreenPolicy Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 I think I would try to bail before they saw me...but if that's not the case, just smile, say hi, exchange pleasantries, don't make any inquiries into their current doings, don't volunteer any info about what I'm up to, then say "Well, I gotta run, but it was nice seeing you," and move along.
Beeotch Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 I guess I lucked out in that 1. I don't date people who we run in the same circles and go to the same school/job etc. Never was fond of that....not that it is impossible or a sin but thus far I just haven't. But yea....for that reason as well as maybe I'm lucky, I've never run into my ex anywhere. Which I found a bit strange but I'm not complaining. So never had to deal with the awkward run-in. I hate awkwardness though, so I'd probably be cordial and say hi and keep it moving versus blatantly ignoring the person,.
Good Arms Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 I work in the same building as my ex, so a pretty similar situation. I do everything I can to avoid seeing her, but unfortunately she doesn't always give me the same in return. If I see her in the corner of my eye, I don't automatically turn to look at her or anything. But if I can't help but make eye contact, I just give a muted smile and 'hey'... much like Beeotch says. It hurts like hell, but I think it gives a good impression. Friendly rather than 'friends'. I dread actually talking to her, I wouldn't have a clue what to say or how to stay composed as I still have such strong feelings for her (my first love), though hers for me apparently ended 4 months ago. It really doesn't feel like 4 months!
Biker2007 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Ladeedee, This happened to me last Friday. I was waiting to get a haircut and in walked the X that originally brought me to LS. I have been in NC for close to 4 yrs and have dated a few women since her. I have had some close run-ins, but nothing like this. She walked in and we both did a double take as we recognized each other. A surge of adrenaline hit me, but I acted as if she was just any other person. We talked a little about what we each had been up to and then said goodbye...no big deal. After the encounter, I actually realized that I had put her on a damn pedestal that she did not really belong on. She is simply a woman I once knew. Nothing more. So treat them normal. Let them worry about hiding or trying to avoid you.
BlindRage Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 So treat them normal. Let them worry about hiding or trying to avoid you. They are nothing more that finite animals with intelligence. Simple humans nothing more nothing less. I doubt I'll run into her but if I were too.. IDK I'd probably just not even try to talk to her, nothing else to say that wasn't already said.
Thatguyintx Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Hope I never have to find out. Dallas-Fort Worth is a big place. Not big enough for me! Still ran into my ex several times. (I promise I wasn't looking to find her either.) Always at unexpected places at unexpected times. Does God have a sense of humor?
Author ladeedee Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 LOL God must have a wicked sense of humor. I told my friends about how I ran into him and how I just strutted by.. it's a funny situation to think of it but at the time it just kinda sucked! I'm not ready to see him or to talk to him. I just want my space and I might not be able to get it. Knowing him, he'll go the same way. And if he runs into me then he does! He'll only speak if I speak. I just want to avoid the situation until this semester is over! It's seems pretty damn likely unfortunately. I'm scared he'll start talking to me and I truly know NC is best policy. We just started doing it on our own. Day 14 today!
Surf Rider Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 So I've been NC for almost two weeks now... broke up 2 weeks ago today. My ex and I used to meet each other between classes. Just got back from spring break and I saw his car parked where it always is.. I turned up my music and kept walking my same way. If I went a different way it takes too long! Also I kept thinking, "Why the hell should I avoid him?" Though I really didn't want to see him. I made it to class without seeing him, my heart was pumping because I was scared to see him. I don't want to see him at all. I don't want to talk, I just want to do my regular thing and not worry. However, I did see him later... he was by a building talking to a girl with his book out and her book out. He looked at me and I looked at him and I just glanced away as if I didn't know who he was and was just another guy standing outside a building. I felt him keep watching me as I walked. I kept thinking, "Oh god don't catch up with me don't catch up with me." I made it back but god.. I don't like it. So what do you all do when an ex is in the same area as you? Do you avoid? Keep normal? How do you respond when you see him/her? Am I doing the right thing going the same way even though it makes my heart pump like crazy? It all depends on what you wanna do. Do what makes you feel better is wht I always say. I avoid my ex like crazy. I don't want anything to do with her. She hurt me and my family terribly and I dont' even want to be her friend anymore. Others may think differently, but it's my choice to ignore her. Thank goodness it will be the summer soon, and hopefully she won't come back.
GreenPolicy Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Not big enough for me! Still ran into my ex several times. (I promise I wasn't looking to find her either.) Always at unexpected places at unexpected times. Does God have a sense of humor? My ex works like 10 minutes from my apartment in West Dallas. She lives two miles north of the Ballpark and Cowboys Stadium in Arlington. I figure as long as I don't head to the Bishop Arts District for lunch or shop at her grocery store, I should be okay.
Author ladeedee Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 (edited) So I actually TALKED to him today.. and idk what to do I walked down in the student lounge area to get a drink like I always do and he was there. I thought about whether to keep walking by him or be a bigger person and say hi. So I said hi and kept walking. He turned to hug me (he was with him buddy) and I kept walking. I turned at him again and he made a 'oh yikes' face at his friend. This pissed me off so I walked up. The friend disappeared. I said "I knew I'd run into you one of these days." and he said, "I've been kind of trying to avoid the situation. I said, "Oh really? Me too." (I'm sarcastic). He said, "How have you been doing?" I said "Oh just fine," with a smile. He said, "I've felt really bad." I just nodded and began to feel myself crumble already. I didn't say anything and he said, "Really bad...... I'm sorry." Idk why but I always say it's okay when that's said. He said, "Are you okay?" Said yep. He asked again, "Are you sure?" Then I just started feeling the waterworks well up. He said, "I need to give you your stuff back." I said, "*You* need to give me my stuff back?" He said, "Yeah what am I going to do with it?" He smiled a really fake smile and I just felt more hurt. He said, "I'll talk to you later about it," he tried to hug me and I turned away and he grabbed my waist to hug me. I felt repulsed. I don't know what to do now. Gives me a headache. I do just fine without seeing him! I do have things to say to him but I feel better just going on without talking. The things that he has that are mine are a pair of slippers! Not worth anything to me! I gave him a lot of gifts though.. and I wonder if he's going to try and give those back to me.. I don't know what to do. I do have something that is his.. a video game. I don't know whether to see him and give him what he should hear. When we broke up I didn't really get to say what I wanted to because I was in shock. But I don't know if it's really worth it... I just don't want to deal with any of this sh*t. What do I do? Edited March 23, 2011 by ladeedee extra info
radiodarcy Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I think I would try to bail before they saw me...but if that's not the case, just smile, say hi, exchange pleasantries, don't make any inquiries into their current doings, don't volunteer any info about what I'm up to, then say "Well, I gotta run, but it was nice seeing you," and move along. the chances of my running into him are slim to none as we live in separate towns and dont hang out in the same circles. but if i did run into him - - i would do the same thing.
Stilicho Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I know, its hard and awkward, especially at first. I just reinstated nc a week ago, and am feeling great and going strong. But, this is a problem I face, as she's in a few of my classes. In fact, I just succesfully avoided her a few mins ago. Usually I head to the opposite side of where shed sit, but she caught on today, and sat behind me, so I just simply got ready to leave class as soon as it ended and headed straight to the door. If I see her, I feign friendliness, but after realizing how id never take her back, even that's hard to do. Just ignore them unless confronted, trust me, I tried the l.c route, and it just makes things worse. Forget them and set ur sights ahead
Author ladeedee Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 I ended writing him first because I want the ball in my court and I want to maintain my power. With him saying "We'll talk later" is letting him take control! I won't allow it. So I wrote this "There were only two things that I can think of that are mine. Idk if you were intending on returning gifts I gave you too (which is really spiteful btw), but I wanted to tell you throw whatever it is away. You've hurt me plenty of times and a sorry after you say you feel bad isn't going to salvage anything. Let's keep our distance for a while." I was happy with this.. and then he wrote back again saying what exactly it was that I have. And I thought... okay I already told you to throw them away. So now I think he just wants conversation and whatnot.. feeling bad.. but I took that ball back and my court and I'm not giving it back! Not going to respond to him. I'm definitely ignoring him from now on. Knowing he won't bother me just makes me feel better. I don't want him contacting me! Get out of my life, mister ex!!
whyhate81 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 So I've been NC for almost two weeks now... broke up 2 weeks ago today. My ex and I used to meet each other between classes. Just got back from spring break and I saw his car parked where it always is.. I turned up my music and kept walking my same way. If I went a different way it takes too long! Also I kept thinking, "Why the hell should I avoid him?" Though I really didn't want to see him. I made it to class without seeing him, my heart was pumping because I was scared to see him. I don't want to see him at all. I don't want to talk, I just want to do my regular thing and not worry. However, I did see him later... he was by a building talking to a girl with his book out and her book out. He looked at me and I looked at him and I just glanced away as if I didn't know who he was and was just another guy standing outside a building. I felt him keep watching me as I walked. I kept thinking, "Oh god don't catch up with me don't catch up with me." I made it back but god.. I don't like it. So what do you all do when an ex is in the same area as you? Do you avoid? Keep normal? How do you respond when you see him/her? Am I doing the right thing going the same way even though it makes my heart pump like crazy? I ran into my X today. I acted like I didn't see her but she looked RIGHT at me. We were standing in line. I rushed away without taking notice of her. Even though I was the one that broke things off it was due to infidelity. So it was a painful experience and even though it's been almost a year since the break up it brought up feelings of insecurity. Plus I was on my day off and left the house in a hurry. Wasn't looking my best. It made me feel crappy. I don't think there is a problem with ignoring a person in public when you run into them especially if you were treated poorly. I have nothing to say to her and to feign interest in her life would be beyond fake. I think the worst thing I could have done is acknowledge her today. So anyway, I have been on dates since then but things didn't click, but if I ran into one of those girls I WOULD say hi and idle chit chat. With this girl in particular however IF I were to talk to her it probably wouldn't be with respect so I'd much rather just turn the other cheek and get the heck out of there.
justletgox51 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 You and I have the same situation. We both go to the same high school, and I go to a self-directed one so we basically can go any departments we wanted to do to work. However, there are those times perhaps 2-3 times a day when I'd see him in the same department as him, or I'd see him hallwalking and flirting with some other girl. In addition, we both live in the same town so we go to the same bus together, and it's hard especially when I see him talking to girls and this one girl who's a freshman that I didn't like ever since she came to our high school. That was one of the reasons why we broke up because he somehow distanced himself to me and my jealousy since he's a year older than me (grade 11) and I'm in grade 10. What you really can do is just ignore. Walk with your friends to your classes, and don't even bother looking at him. I know, I hate seeing my ex too. I just want him to graduate high school already and transfer to another place. But we can't do that so the best way is to just ignore, act and be happy in front of him, and act as if nothing happened. Good luck!
Author ladeedee Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 (edited) Thanks, Justletgo. I'm about 5-6 years older than you are and thankfully we aren't confined in the same building. I can't even imagine how difficult it would be if that were the case! I hope you do well I guess I'm lucky I only have to worry about seeing him on mwf for only a maximum of 5 minutes... but it's still not easy. I can't walk with friends because we are all spread apart on campus. I can only turn up my music and walk in beat with my head high. After today, it should go back to where it was. Happy without him! To everyone: Why should these damn exes get control over us! You think you're doing so well until you see them. Why does one person maintain that hold? They hurt you and take away so many things that makes you so happy. How dare they. Screw them! Who needs someone that hurts you. Edited March 23, 2011 by ladeedee x
robinseggblue Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 He said, "I need to give you your stuff back." I said, "*You* need to give me my stuff back?" He said, "Yeah what am I going to do with it?" He smiled a really fake smile and I just felt more hurt. Not sure if you realize this, but he said "I need to give you your stuff back" because he wanted a reaction from you. When he asked you if you were ok, and you said yup, that made him feel bad. He decided then that he was going to make you feel bad. I think it worked. Too bad. What a jerk.
0hpenelope Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 So what do you all do when an ex is in the same area as you? It depends on which ex. I know the ex that "brought" me to LS, I will have no problem staring him down until he looks away first. The exes that I broke up with, I will run in the opposite direction and away from them. I want nothing to do with them. These are the creepster, clingy exes that wanted to always be there. :sick: Most recent ex? I have yet to find out. Though I do feel a little when I think about it because I don't want to run into him.
Citizen Erased Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Just keep on walking, they don't exist. Could be worse, I live around the corner from my ex.
betterdeal Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Depends which one: those of years ago, I get along with, and we have fun. The most recent one, I avoid. If I were to bump into her, I'd leave.
0hpenelope Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Just keep on walking, they don't exist. Could be worse, I live around the corner from my ex. Oh blargh!
Author ladeedee Posted March 24, 2011 Author Posted March 24, 2011 Not sure if you realize this, but he said "I need to give you your stuff back" because he wanted a reaction from you. When he asked you if you were ok, and you said yup, that made him feel bad. He decided then that he was going to make you feel bad. I think it worked. Too bad. What a jerk. It's kind of hard to imagine that he'd do this.. but when we broke up he said that he would intentionally start fights with me... and now I don't know what type of person he is. He had said he was passive aggressive during our relationship towards other things. When he said he needed to give me my stuff back, I was walking away from him. I had class, I had things to do. I had tried walking away and he'd say something to make me turn back. Blah. Yes. He is a jerk.
Pyro Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Just keep on walking, they don't exist. Could be worse, I live around the corner from my ex. or move to a different continent
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