ivalm Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Agreed. There comes a point where a guy even starts looking for a reason to stop--for his own good. Just about anything can be taken and run with as "the" reason to just give up (like I said about falling asleep on a date even in theory). Indeed, he's also pretty shy, as I would be more straightforward and ask for a date where I would touch/kiss the girl on my own initiative, none of the "accidental" touching crap. However, he did send enough signals which were not reciprocated. I think OP needs to call and make a date.
Imajerk17 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I disagree with everyone. When a guy is truly interested, wild horses can't keep him away. He is certainly not going to stop responding cold to a girl he is crazy about. He either wasn't that interested in the first place, you were one of many or he met someone new. Not really. Men have their pride too. We're often not going to keep going after a woman who we suspect isn't interested. That's not always true, but it is true often enough.
Saphira Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Your texts are cold, sorry but it has to be said. For a start you didn't text him until a couple of days after the date and your last text "you called yesterday - What's up?" sounds really 'official'. Don't mind the other posters here saying he's playing games, he has been straight up with you all along. You're a bit shy but that's not an excuse to not put your own ego on the line and make some advances, why should he be the one doing all the advancing? Yes i agree. and texting is ok when your in a rush. But to have a casual conversation most people (when dealing with a SO or a SO-interest) would like more of a talkative conversation. Like a phone call. And yes texting a few days later about a date from a few days ago shows a little lack of interest. especially if you two did not talk at all during those few days. I would give him a call. And leave a message. He sounds like a great guy, and you sound like you like him. so why not let him know? I understand your shy, so am I, but sometimes you need to just come right out and say something. And now is that time. Its already been almost 2 weeks. Good luck xD
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I stand by my theory. I hope OP updates us.
Author Chicklette Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 Update: I called ... and left a voicemail. I made sure I was smiling and bubbly so that there was some inflection in my voice. "Hi, it's ___! I wanted to see how you're doing and wanted to see if you were free to get together next week, text/ call me! Also ... I need to know if you're allergic to peanuts" (I plan on making him a batch of peanut butter cookies - That's why I plugged the peanuts bit ... Kind of like a sorry ... Gesture of affection/interest) Anyways, now ... I guess I wait. AH, this is hard, I hope I haven't made a fool of myself. Sidenote - He has a demanding job - The VP of a large corporation so I don't think I should expect a response anytime before the weekend. If nothing, at least I went out on a limb and did something I don't normally do... Good vibes, guys ... Send 'em. Thanks.
oaks Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I plan on making him a batch of peanut butter cookies If he doesn't want them can you share them round?
dispatch3d Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Update: I called ... and left a voicemail. I made sure I was smiling and bubbly so that there was some inflection in my voice. "Hi, it's ___! I wanted to see how you're doing and wanted to see if you were free to get together next week, text/ call me! Also ... I need to know if you're allergic to peanuts" (I plan on making him a batch of peanut butter cookies - That's why I plugged the peanuts bit ... Kind of like a sorry ... Gesture of affection/interest) Anyways, now ... I guess I wait. AH, this is hard, I hope I haven't made a fool of myself. Sidenote - He has a demanding job - The VP of a large corporation so I don't think I should expect a response anytime before the weekend. If nothing, at least I went out on a limb and did something I don't normally do... Good vibes, guys ... Send 'em. Thanks. This isn't a black or white thing. You aren't either flirting/hitting on him or not interested. You can be friendly, not friendly, receptive, not receptive, all kinds of gambits of possibilities. I wouldn't say any part of that call is "making a fool of yourself". It may be more friendly than you are used to, but hopefully "foolish" and "friendly" aren't synonyms for you .
Imajerk17 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Update: I called ... and left a voicemail. I made sure I was smiling and bubbly so that there was some inflection in my voice. "Hi, it's ___! I wanted to see how you're doing and wanted to see if you were free to get together next week, text/ call me! Also ... I need to know if you're allergic to peanuts" (I plan on making him a batch of peanut butter cookies - That's why I plugged the peanuts bit ... Kind of like a sorry ... Gesture of affection/interest) Anyways, now ... I guess I wait. AH, this is hard, I hope I haven't made a fool of myself. Sidenote - He has a demanding job - The VP of a large corporation so I don't think I should expect a response anytime before the weekend. If nothing, at least I went out on a limb and did something I don't normally do... Good vibes, guys ... Send 'em. Thanks. You did the right thing, Chicklette. You also seem like a really sweet girl too. Regardless of whether/how he gets back, from what you've written, what you did was pretty cool. I hope you get the response you like!
whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Okay, question, though - If the date didn't go as well as he had planned, why did he make mention of wanting to hang out again during date, and also called me AFTER? It's been 1.5 -2 weeks since I sent the text asking him why he called. Should I not follow up at all? See, this is why texting sucks and things could be taken out of context. you asked him WHY he was calling you? Stick to phone calls, to hear eachothers voices. Texting just takes away the personal touch of getting to know someone and learning their mannerisms. online it's harder to tell. "Hi, it's ___! I wanted to see how you're doing and wanted to see if you were free to get together next week, text/ call me! Also ... I need to know if you're allergic to peanuts" Just wish you hadn't said 'text'. Anyway, hope he calls you back. But, if he doesn't, let it go..Don't call him again.
ivalm Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Update: I called ... and left a voicemail. I made sure I was smiling and bubbly so that there was some inflection in my voice. "Hi, it's ___! I wanted to see how you're doing and wanted to see if you were free to get together next week, text/ call me! Also ... I need to know if you're allergic to peanuts" (I plan on making him a batch of peanut butter cookies - That's why I plugged the peanuts bit ... Kind of like a sorry ... Gesture of affection/interest) Anyways, now ... I guess I wait. AH, this is hard, I hope I haven't made a fool of myself. Sidenote - He has a demanding job - The VP of a large corporation so I don't think I should expect a response anytime before the weekend. If nothing, at least I went out on a limb and did something I don't normally do... Good vibes, guys ... Send 'em. Thanks. Good luck! I think you did the right thing
Author Chicklette Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Hi Everyone... Here's an update: So, I called him, left a voicemail - He called back the next day after work. And explained that he felt he was coming on too strong and couldn't figure out whether I was interested or not, so he wanted to give me my space and figured if I was interested enough I would reach out to him. Which is fair and understandable given all the initiation and effort he put in. BUT ... Now, I am faced with another dilemma: .I told him he wasn't smothering me and that we should hang out next week (which is THIS week) he asked "What context would we be hanging out in..." and I said I don't know, just wanted to spend some time with him... He said he was interested in me as more than a friend and just wanted to know where I stood. I told him I thought he was cute and sweet, but wanted more time to get to know him as it's hard for me to automatically get emotionally attached and I have a guard up to keep from getting hurt, he said he understood and that was fine. Then, we were making plans to meet up ... (I live like, 1 hr away from him) so I suggested I meet him at the mall near his place so that he didn't have to drive up/waste gas as he had driven up the last time .. He said that wasn't necessary and that he'd pick me up .. I told him it was no problem, and he said if I was that worried about the gas prices and stuff that I could chip in for the movie (He started goin on about he wanted to go to the movies so that he could play with my hair, blah blah ... And asked if I'd like that.. I said I didn't know and that he needed to stop putting me on the spot like that.. But finally gave in and said it would be fine) Then, we were trying to decide on a day.. I told him I could meet up with him during the week to do lunch, or sometime on the weekend if he wanted to do something else .. .He said "Leave the date up to me.. l'll let you know when I'm free and you can tell me what works for you.. I'll figure it out and get back to you" Then he said "I'm happy we got all of this sorted out... I'll talk to you later" I specifically told him to let me know a couple of days in advance of when he wanted to hang out 'cause I was gonna make him cookies and not let me know on the day of as that would upset me. He said "Don't worry, I promise... Will let you know in advance" WELL, It's Thursday today and STILL no word! I'm not sure if he was expecting me to CONTACT him with what days I was available and for him to get back to me what works for him.... This is reallly bugging me and I'd like to know what happened. Isn't it common courtesy for him to get back to me? Even if he HAS changed his mind .. Which I don't really care... But It seems as though he wanted to hear I thought he was cute and now he doesn't give a crap ... Or he's uninterested 'cause I said I need some time to get to know him for him to get to know me... Which I don't think is unreasonable. Although, in the past he's always been a call on the day of kind of a guy ... He's the VP of a large corporation and also teach a course at university on Saturdays ... So I understand his schedule is VERY red, but couldn't he give me an FYI? I'm tempted to text him and ask saying something like "Hey you! Were you going to get back to me with what day you're free..?" But I fear that comes across as needy/desperate/insecure. But really, I just want to know what happened and if he's not interested just do a clean sweep and get rid of him off my phone and such. .... Do you have any advice? Thanks for all your help.
MissBennett Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 woah woah woah woah woah. hold your horses girl this already kinda sounds like it's in relationship mode. Try not to worry so much. you have to have a little trust. especially at this early stage. you're still getting to know him. he said he would call and give you notice. for now, you just have to trust that he will. BUT dont put your life on hold for him. dont wait by the phone. if he gives an indication that it will be saturday night and it's friday night and you still havent heard, its okay to say yes to your girlfriends invite to dinner (for example). If he doesnt call, and only calls last minute, then you can say (just say, no nagging or whinging) that you thought he was going to call you a couple of days before and remind him that it was important to you that he did that. innocent until proven guilty. try not to jump to conclusions straight off the bat. our own mind and fears and paranoia can so often be our own worst enemy. and remember, it's still supposed to be fairly easy going. you're not even a romantic pair yet. and try not to overanalyse too much. can so often destroy a good thing. you're happy being you remember? go with the flow, hope he calls
Author Chicklette Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Thank you SO much for that. That is a really sweet, endearing and fair post. I appreciate the insight - You're right ... I'm just *really* looking forward to seeing him and want to make up my giving him a wishy/washy impression earlier on. Hopefully, he'll get back to me, soon. =) woah woah woah woah woah. hold your horses girl this already kinda sounds like it's in relationship mode. Try not to worry so much. you have to have a little trust. especially at this early stage. you're still getting to know him. he said he would call and give you notice. for now, you just have to trust that he will. BUT dont put your life on hold for him. dont wait by the phone. if he gives an indication that it will be saturday night and it's friday night and you still havent heard, its okay to say yes to your girlfriends invite to dinner (for example). If he doesnt call, and only calls last minute, then you can say (just say, no nagging or whinging) that you thought he was going to call you a couple of days before and remind him that it was important to you that he did that. innocent until proven guilty. try not to jump to conclusions straight off the bat. our own mind and fears and paranoia can so often be our own worst enemy. and remember, it's still supposed to be fairly easy going. you're not even a romantic pair yet. and try not to overanalyse too much. can so often destroy a good thing. you're happy being you remember? go with the flow, hope he calls
Feelin Frisky Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 I think you're still putting him off after all this. Either YOU are into HIM or you are not. And YOU keep making that unclear. This gets annoying to a guy after a while. It doesn't matter how beautiful one is. He's already started to give up on you and now you want to play it slow again? If he's a successful guy in his profession all the more reason to get situated with someone who knows what time it is.
Author Chicklette Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 All I'm requesting is time to get to know and hang out with him. I told him I thought he was cute and sweet. He concurred and said he felt the same about me. I'm not sure how I'm putting him off, I've reached out and requested we spend time together .... How much stronger of a signal does he require? I think you're still putting him off after all this. Either YOU are into HIM or you are not. And YOU keep making that unclear. This gets annoying to a guy after a while. It doesn't matter how beautiful one is. He's already started to give up on you and now you want to play it slow again? If he's a successful guy in his profession all the more reason to get situated with someone who knows what time it is.
dispatch3d Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 .I told him he wasn't smothering me and that we should hang out next week (which is THIS week) he asked "What context would we be hanging out in..." and I said I don't know, just wanted to spend some time with him... He said he was interested in me as more than a friend and just wanted to know where I stood. I told him I thought he was cute and sweet, but wanted more time to get to know him as it's hard for me to automatically get emotionally attached and I have a guard up to keep from getting hurt, he said he understood and that was fine. Guys mean what they say. If he says he wants to know where he stands before he goes on, then you're wishywashy about it. Well that's not what he's looking for right now. Make some concessions and meet him half way here. The situation is a lot of girls will just let things peter on forever because they are getting attention and think this fueling of their selfesteem is "okay" (the reasoning is whacky but you can look through some posts of women who truly believe this and find them). He doesn't want to be in that situation. He can't tell if you miss the friendship or actually want to date him. Then, we were making plans to meet up ... (I live like, 1 hr away from him) so I suggested I meet him at the mall near his place so that he didn't have to drive up/waste gas as he had driven up the last time .. He said that wasn't necessary and that he'd pick me up .. I told him it was no problem, and he said if I was that worried about the gas prices and stuff that I could chip in for the movie (He started goin on about he wanted to go to the movies so that he could play with my hair, blah blah ... And asked if I'd like that.. I said I didn't know and that he needed to stop putting me on the spot like that.. But finally gave in and said it would be fine) It's tacky but he's looking for reassurance that you like him. Telling him to not put you on the spot isn't leading anywhere. If everytime he tries to progress things a little you accuse him of something - well you get the idea . Then, we were trying to decide on a day.. I told him I could meet up with him during the week to do lunch, or sometime on the weekend if he wanted to do something else .. .He said "Leave the date up to me.. l'll let you know when I'm free and you can tell me what works for you.. I'll figure it out and get back to you" Then he said "I'm happy we got all of this sorted out... I'll talk to you later" I specifically told him to let me know a couple of days in advance of when he wanted to hang out 'cause I was gonna make him cookies and not let me know on the day of as that would upset me. He said "Don't worry, I promise... Will let you know in advance" WELL, It's Thursday today and STILL no word! I'm not sure if he was expecting me to CONTACT him with what days I was available and for him to get back to me what works for him.... This is reallly bugging me and I'd like to know what happened. Isn't it common courtesy for him to get back to me? Even if he HAS changed his mind .. Which I don't really care... But It seems as though he wanted to hear I thought he was cute and now he doesn't give a crap ... Or he's uninterested 'cause I said I need some time to get to know him for him to get to know me... Which I don't think is unreasonable. Although, in the past he's always been a call on the day of kind of a guy ... He's the VP of a large corporation and also teach a course at university on Saturdays ... So I understand his schedule is VERY red, but couldn't he give me an FYI? I'm tempted to text him and ask saying something like "Hey you! Were you going to get back to me with what day you're free..?" But I fear that comes across as needy/desperate/insecure. But really, I just want to know what happened and if he's not interested just do a clean sweep and get rid of him off my phone and such. .... Do you have any advice? Thanks for all your help. A lot of demands from your end about when to meet up and yadayada yet not a whole lot on the "I like you end". You aren't really filling anything he's looking for in the arrangement (he'll say something he wants/is looking for and you'll respond by defending why you are behaving like you are). Think of all the energy you wasted thinking about this crap. You could have called him and be done with it. Instead you give yourself anxiety for the next 2 days. It doesn't seem worth it to me. I'd move on to something else, or if it really bothered me call him again and get it over with. Why put things off like this.
dispatch3d Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 All I'm requesting is time to get to know and hang out with him. I told him I thought he was cute and sweet. He concurred and said he felt the same about me. I'm not sure how I'm putting him off, I've reached out and requested we spend time together .... How much stronger of a signal does he require? Yeah but he already knew you wanted to spend time with him. I agree you don't have to go overboard on the interest (and you shouldn't!). But you have to give a brother somethin homies
Author Chicklette Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 Thank you for the advice, Dispat3d - You bring up very valid points. I guess it's a learning/growing experience for me. He DID get back to me and we will be seeing eachother ... Any tips/suggestions for me? It would be MUCH appreciated as I don't want to confuse him any further. (Made the cookies, they taste fab! I'm excited to give 'em to him) Yeah but he already knew you wanted to spend time with him. I agree you don't have to go overboard on the interest (and you shouldn't!). But you have to give a brother somethin homies
dispatch3d Posted April 2, 2011 Posted April 2, 2011 Thank you for the advice, Dispat3d - You bring up very valid points. I guess it's a learning/growing experience for me. He DID get back to me and we will be seeing eachother ... Any tips/suggestions for me? It would be MUCH appreciated as I don't want to confuse him any further. (Made the cookies, they taste fab! I'm excited to give 'em to him) Avoid negativity. Lol got any general advise for dating was the question. Scopes a little too big ;-). Anyhow I'm sure you'll be fine, just have confidence things will work out; I think he likes you, and what is getting in the way more than anything is self-esteem issues (with either you him or both, i don't know! lol I only have a limited amount of info!!! ).
Feelin Frisky Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 ..Any tips/suggestions for me? It would be MUCH appreciated as I don't want to confuse him any further... Good. I'm glad you will be seeing him. My suggestion would be, based upon everything you've said from the beginning of this thread, to get into some real adult action with him very very soon. Like I said earlier in the thread, you appear to be a little slow on the draw and are acting like you both have forever to keep each other at arms length. He's done enough to be passed that stage (based upon what you've said), so show him some grown up sense of adulthood. "Cookies" don't exactly fill me with confidence that you're gettin' it.
NXS Posted April 3, 2011 Posted April 3, 2011 I think he'll be impressed with the cookies (even if he doesn't really show it) and shows you're potential LTR. I would suggest you offer to pay for the movie and allow him his hair fetish as that was the deal. He seemed to like you on your previous dates and wanted to meet you again so don't try and get over anxious about the whole thing and just have a good time.
MissBennett Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 He seemed to like you on your previous dates and wanted to meet you again so don't try and get over anxious about the whole thing and just have a good time. Exactly - dont sweat it he likes you. you like him. you're attractive and confident and easygoing (repeat to self often ) smile, laugh, relax, enjoy. (and let us know how it goes )
TuffCookieX Posted April 9, 2011 Posted April 9, 2011 Any tips/suggestions for me? It would be MUCH appreciated as I don't want to confuse him any further. (Made the cookies, they taste fab! I'm excited to give 'em to him) Sexual favors, such as your actual cookies (not the kind you bake in the oven) will get the point across that you're interested. No more confusion! Ok but in reality, don't tug at this guy's heartstrings if you're so unsure. He seems like the type of guy that would make a girl really happy - a girl who knows that she is into him just as much as he is into her. I hope your date went well, and I hope you like him back. Otherwise, I'll have him! With a side of peanut butter cookies. Haha jk. Update us soon!
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