Chicklette Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Hi All! I'm new to this forum and have seeked out this forum and an outlet to help me better understand guys. This is my current situation: There is this guy that approached me at work one day, saw me waiting in a meeting room and asked what I was up to. After that we bumped into eachother a couple of times, smiled, said hi, but never got around to exchanging names. One day, we ran into eachother twice in one day, I was walking in the caf, he was walking out, we said hi. He followed me back in and asked whether I wanted to have lunch with him/chat. At first I was hesitant and said no, but then I figured I took a long lunch and decided to take him up on his offer. We spoke, laughed, it was a good time, great convo and we got along well. We FINALLY exchanged names too, lol. He sought me out in the company directory and called my desk a couple of times to see if I wanted to have lunch, I never noticed these missed calls on my phone. One day, bumped into him again and he was like "Hey, I tried calling you, wanted to see if were interested in having lunch ..." I said "I never noticed any calls from you.." he said "Well, I called and hung up, no voicemail" and I was still confused as I had never noticed a missed call from him, but told him we should do lunch and for him to get in touch with me again. I went back to my desk and finally found the missed calls, I emailed him and told him that I did find the missed calls, we decided to meet up for lunch that week. We did, lunch was great, good convo and got along. I decided I would leave the company and when he found he said he must have my personal contact info as he wanted to stay in touch so, I did. That day we were supposed to have lunch, but he called to cancel, as an unexpected meeting came up. He called me on my cell later that night to apologize, and chat (I Thought that was so sweet ... He took the time to call me after hours to say he was sorry ) Anyways, we had lunch before I left the company and he was asking me about my dating history etc, and revealed to me that he thinks I'm very attractive. He called my office line on Vday asking me if I had any plans ... I told him I didn't as it was a regular Monday... (I had forgotten it was Vday) he said "It's Vday, you should be going out.. having dinner with that special someone" I said 'Nope, I forgot it was vday and I don't have any plans" he said he figured I would have plans... (I think he was trying to figure out whether I was single) After I left the company, he called to see how I was doing, what was new, etc etc. Said he wanted to get together... So we did. We hung out two weeks ago and it went well, he kept looking for excuse to touch my hand, leg... Said he finds me very very cute and it's hard for him to not hit on my continuously. Also, said he noticed he talks less around me 'cause he likes hearing me/what I have to say. Mentioned he wanted to take me to the movies ... I told him I'd probably fall asleep 'cause it's sooo dark and boring in the theaters, he said I could fall asleep on him and it'd give him a chance to play with my hair. Continued to call me cute throughout the date ... Dropped me home. Well, I texted him a couple of days after the date saying "I forgot to say thank you - So, THANKYOU! I had a great time, thanks for taking me out" He texted back "Thanks! :)" And then, he called me on Friday (Didn't leave a voicemail and I couldn't take his call) so I TEXTED him the following day "Good morning mister, you called yesterday - What's up?" And here's the clincher - HE NEVER RESPONDED. It's been 1.5 weeks, I don't understand! What could have happened? He took so much initiative, showed so much interest. Keep in mind - I never revealed to him that I think he's cute, or let him know I may like him... Is it possible he thinks I'm not interested and has decided to retreat? Also, during our date, he told me "I haven't been able to figure you out yet..." I said "Well, that's not a bad thing, is it?" He said "No, not at all ..." and he smiled .. could someone PLEASE shed some light on this? I am going CRAZY trying to analyze and understand what could have gone wrong. Should I reach and text him to see how he's doing? What should I say? Thanks for reading all this.
MutteringUrchin Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 There are a few conclusions to come to: 1: Some has happened in his life; 2: The date didn't go as well as he had hoped; 3: He's playing mind-games. I know it's hard, but you'll have to try and give him some time. You've sent him a text and he most likely received it. Do not, however, bombard him with questions. Big no-no. When/if he contacts you, ask him what happened and if he's okay.
Author Chicklette Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 Okay, question, though - If the date didn't go as well as he had planned, why did he make mention of wanting to hang out again during date, and also called me AFTER? It's been 1.5 -2 weeks since I sent the text asking him why he called. Should I not follow up at all?
Cee Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Why did you text him instead of returning his phone call? He may have interpreted that as a lack of interest. Why not give him a call? The worst that will happen is he won't pick up or call you back.
Author Chicklette Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 I don't know! I'm a really shy / nervous girl and can't bring myself to call a guy (I'm 28 ... Yes, I know that's crazy) lol. Maybe, I'm just old - fashioned and expect the guy to call first... When we first exchanged numbers he said "You have my number now, I have yours ....You still haven't called me" and I made it clear to him I prefer texting. Do you think I should send a follow up text to see how he's been? Why did you text him instead of returning his phone call? He may have interpreted that as a lack of interest. Why not give him a call? The worst that will happen is he won't pick up or call you back.
Dust Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Your guess is best. So, what do you think happened? One, all, or some combination of the following most likely happened; something has come up in his life. He’s playing mind games. This is how he rejects people in what he considers the least awkward way. He’s a flakey guy. You could call him, and tell him or leave a message about how you liked spending time with him, and would enjoy doing it again some time soon.
Cee Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 C'mon Chicklette, you can do better than a text. Just call him. I know you can. Everything you have said indicates that this guy likes you a lot. Give this a shot. Without risk, there is no gain. Pick up the phone.
Author Chicklette Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 C'mon Chicklette, you can do better than a text. Just call him. I know you can. Everything you have said indicates that this guy likes you a lot. Give this a shot. Without risk, there is no gain. Pick up the phone. LOL. Gosh! I'm sweating, just thinking about it. And I don't know, judging from some of the other posts - He could potentially try 'freezing' me out? Maybe he's put off 'cause I didn't show any interest. He doesn't even know I think he's cute or that I have a crush on him. I was hoping we could hang out again and it would allow me to be more comfortable around him .... But if he's simply not interested/playing games ... Is it worth it? Really - What does it mean when he hasn't responded in OVER a week? I mean, there's that famous saying "HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU" ...
lonely79 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 when i read your post, the first thing i thought was that he felt slighted by the text back the next day instead of a phone call. From the sounds of things, I would think you weren't that interested in him and Im pretty sure that's what he thinks too. You should call him. If he's not interested, he won't answer, you leave a nice voicemail telling him youd like to see him again and that will be that. You have to at least do that. Its not like he's gonna answer and tell you flat out he doesnt like you, right?
Author Chicklette Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 when i read your post, the first thing i thought was that he felt slighted by the text back the next day instead of a phone call. From the sounds of things, I would think you weren't that interested in him and Im pretty sure that's what he thinks too. You should call him. If he's not interested, he won't answer, you leave a nice voicemail telling him youd like to see him again and that will be that. You have to at least do that. Its not like he's gonna answer and tell you flat out he doesnt like you, right? But ... He didn't leave a voicemail. And isn't a text just as good? I did text him first thing in the morning the following day .... I am debating on reaching out to him again, but I really don't want him to play games with me and that's what I'm now afraid of, given the long lag.
Feelin Frisky Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Hi Chicklette and welcome to LS. My impression in reading your original post is that you have been moving a little slow for the attention he's shown in you. As I was reading I expected you two would have been lovers already or really clear that there's relationship potential there. Maybe he just took something wrong and decided to shut his interest down. I myself like the idea of playing with a girl's "hair" at a movie, but I definitely have had the few who actually did "fall asleep" and thought that that was normal. It's not normal for my speed. Maybe he's like me. I want someone who is going to be "up with me". If you're not really a sleeper and you really felt a connection with him, I think you should try right away to contact him and perhaps even be somewhat apologetic for missing some of his cues or being a little slow to the draw. It's not too late but don't dawdle any more if your're interested in him.
Author Chicklette Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 Thanks for all your responses! Okay, so the overall consensus is I SHOULD contact him . . . . VIA a PHONE CALL, I take it. Wish me luck, please! I'll probably give it a go tomorrow evening.
oaks Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Thanks for all your responses! Okay, so the overall consensus is I SHOULD contact him . . . . VIA a PHONE CALL, I take it. Wish me luck, please! I'll probably give it a go tomorrow evening. Yes. Good luck. And if it goes to voice mail you should leave a message (so think about what you're going to say before you call).
NXS Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Well, I texted him a couple of days after the date saying "I forgot to say thank you - So, THANKYOU! I had a great time, thanks for taking me out" He texted back "Thanks! :)" And then, he called me on Friday (Didn't leave a voicemail and I couldn't take his call) so I TEXTED him the following day "Good morning mister, you called yesterday - What's up?" And here's the clincher - HE NEVER RESPONDED. It's been 1.5 weeks, I don't understand! What could have happened? He took so much initiative, showed so much interest. Your texts are cold, sorry but it has to be said. For a start you didn't text him until a couple of days after the date and your last text "you called yesterday - What's up?" sounds really 'official'. Don't mind the other posters here saying he's playing games, he has been straight up with you all along. You're a bit shy but that's not an excuse to not put your own ego on the line and make some advances, why should he be the one doing all the advancing?
NXS Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 If you don't want to call just text back: "Hey, still waiting for you to play with my hair :)"
dispatch3d Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Yeah the only thing I could guess is that he took the friday thing the wrong way. You didn't call back friday night then texted him saturday morning? It probably made him wonder what you ended up doing friday night. Why didn't you text back that night? In general I find it best to always reply to texts. People really really don't like standoffish behaviour. Which is fair, its not fun to get slighted by anyone especially someone considered a friend. Conversely the people I know who don't have many friends are pretty awful at returning texts (they tend to make rationalizations on why it isn't that important). Anyhow, you should have just tried calling him on sunday to see what's up. He probably just wasn't getting enough positive feedback, then you gave him one negative sign and he split. Putting myself in his perspective, I think I would definitely be wondering what happened friday night and why you couldn't text back then. This is especially true considering his earlier comment on him not believing you were doing nothing on valentines day. That kind of comment to me is something I would make if I was nervous a girl was available to date/was interested enough in me/was seeing more guys and I was just one of ten guys on her rotation (with the latter probably being my biggest fear). Anyhow, best of luck.
Macaw Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I'll have to side with Frisky on this one. It would seem to me that he was trying at least 4 times harder than you to make this work. Not leaving a voicemail is not cold, it just means he doesn't want to come off as clingy or desperate, which most women find unnattractive. By not picking up his calls, replying with text only, and making comments that would make you seem uninterested ("If you take me to X I'll just fall asleep because neither the movie nor your company will keep me interested enough to stay awake" - what he probably got from your statement) you gave about a couple dozen bad signals even if that wasn't your intention. Men like to be chased too, just as much as women like sex. If you let him do all the chasing, all the time, he'll move on.
Imajerk17 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Good luck Chicklette! I would be impressed if the girl in this situation called me... If he doesn't pick up, leave a vm.
Imajerk17 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 What I think happened come to think of it: When a guy calls a girl, a positive response back is a call back. Your *text* back to him was hard to read and was probably taken as a sign of disinterest. Think of it: He called you asking for a date. How was he supposed to respond to your text back asking why he called? You know why he called... This guy's way of communicating is a little strange too though. Why doesn't he just leave a voice-mail?
dispatch3d Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I think calling him is definitely a good idea. I wouldn't read too much into texting/calling. I think after a while you should be comfortable calling him on the phone (if not for your own sake, and conquering your own anxiety over this stuff). I would guess he didn't get enough positive feedback and split (more than anything else). Be faster with your replies .
Andy_K Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I'll have to side with Frisky on this one. It would seem to me that he was trying at least 4 times harder than you to make this work. Not leaving a voicemail is not cold, it just means he doesn't want to come off as clingy or desperate, which most women find unnattractive. I disagree. I think he was trying more like 20 times harder than her to make this work! He did all the initiating, made all the compliments, all the flirty comments, arranged the date, asked for her contact info, the lot. In return he got virtually nothing whatsoever. I think he's most likely decided that you're just far too shy for him, or not really interested. No kiss, no compliments, no touching on your part, no flirting, nothing for him to go on. Most girls expect sparks and chemistry on dates in order for things to work out. What have you given this guy?
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I disagree with everyone. When a guy is truly interested, wild horses can't keep him away. He is certainly not going to stop responding cold to a girl he is crazy about. He either wasn't that interested in the first place, you were one of many or he met someone new.
Andy_K Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 No sane guy is going to be so enamoured with a girl he's been on just one date with, that he'll chase her to the ends of the earth and back despite her being as passive as a rock.
Confusedalways Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I disagree with everyone. When a guy is truly interested, wild horses can't keep him away. He is certainly not going to stop responding cold to a girl he is crazy about. He either wasn't that interested in the first place, you were one of many or he met someone new. This is my usual stance- but this guy already did that!! There comes a point where you just start looking silly after doing ALL the work and receiving absolutely ZERO reciprocation. The OP did absolutely not one thing to indicate to him she wasn't friend zoning him, and he probably 'got the hint' and thought she was playing games. OP you must call him, asap. Initiate a date, goodness gracious, do something. You might be shy but you need to put that aside for this!
Feelin Frisky Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 This is my usual stance- but this guy already did that!! There comes a point where you just start looking silly after doing ALL the work and receiving absolutely ZERO reciprocation. The OP did absolutely not one thing to indicate to him she wasn't friend zoning him, and he probably 'got the hint' and thought she was playing games. OP you must call him, asap. Initiate a date, goodness gracious, do something. You might be shy but you need to put that aside for this! Agreed. There comes a point where a guy even starts looking for a reason to stop--for his own good. Just about anything can be taken and run with as "the" reason to just give up (like I said about falling asleep on a date even in theory).
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