Girlygirl1977 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 I'm not very convinced that people often walk out of dates thinking totally different things. I had a date last sun (and was traveling for work all of the wk which i mentioned). I just didnt like this guy and actually found him annoying. He is accomplished but body-type e.g. is smaller stature and my height or 1 inch or so shorter - usually like someone I feel is bigger than me. Anyway - At the end of the date, he wanted to walk me home etc. I made sure to say no thanks. Today, I get flowers from the guy. It took me a while to put two and two together bc he just signed it with his first initial. Also, I didn't give him my work address. Anyway - just made me really feel people perceive good/bad dates very differently! Amazing! And again, when a man is interested - he will let you know!
SingVoice Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 TOTALLY agree with this. Most of the dates for me that I go on I end up feeling "ehhh" afterward. Not that I didn't have a good time...but just no chemistry...and no REAL desire to see them again. But yeah...I have had a lot of those guys call me and say "Oh I think we really got along and would be a great match!" Unless you walk away from the date saying "I don't like you at all" or you act like you don't like them...of course it's hard for them to know. It is kinda interesting though.
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 I agree SingVoice - I also had a typo. I meant I am now very convinced.
LifesBeachy Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 I've tried the "it's okay I'll walk myself" but find them making excuses to walk me to my car... So I definitely think yah, in the eye of the beholder. . . I feel as though I can't get away fast enough but yet they are savoring every moment. I've only had one guy that did not offer after I asked him to. He said "Oh, it's not that far"... I told him to "Stop being weird".. haha. But it was a good time but knew right then and there I'd never see him again. And I wasn't overly surprised I never heard from him again. The other person lingering is always a good sign. I spent all day with one guy and he still lingered to go. That was nice... So nearing the end you can need to check their "linger time" to guesstimate their interest level:laugh: The guy sending flowers is a nice gesture. But hopefully he doesn't keep trying to follow up with you.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 I think the biggest clue in online dating is when you meet up for coffee and the other person makes an excuse to go after an hour (polite time limit). This happened to me once and I was 100% sure that I would never hear from the guy again (and I didn't).
mogul Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 (edited) What would you say are some signs that it was a good date? Would a kiss be a good indicator or is it possible they were just being nice? What if it is a conservative kiss on the lips for <10secs and not a full on make out? Edited March 21, 2011 by mogul
irc333 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Yeah, but some people believe it takes more than 1 date to really figure things out on wether the person is for you or not. Because, I went out on this date, the sparks were flying online....the phone AND in person....I figured the flirting and the chemistry would stop in person, but it remained consistent till the moment I walked her to her car, and we were walking side-by-side and she was leaning into me (she initated that move) and I put my arm around her......at her car, we did a great kiss goodnight (it wasn't a long make-out thing) but it was real nice...she was smiling ear to ear, and so was I. When I got home, she called ME to "see if I made it home safe" I was SURE...that this was indeed a DEFINATE GOOD sign! I never had that happen. This was actually one of those first times I ever had a date unique as this one, as to how well it went. NEVER had a woman call me when I was getting home. I could HEAR her smile over the phone when we were chit chatting a bit. Then I call her a few days later....her tone was different, distant, she sounded even a bit off-putting....she was telilng me about her day and such...but the tone in her voice was completely different. As if she was almost business-like in nature. Very wierd. I asked her about getting together again the next weekend, and she gave me this song and dance about how her friend wanted to spend time with her due to some ill person in the friends family. I sympathized...and then asked about Sunday, and she said, "She was going to mow the grass and the gym Sunday." And I asked, "So how long does it take for you to do that? After you're done with that.....how about meeting up?" And she goes, "I'll get back to you on that" I was thinking "Meh, she can go jump in a lake with that attitude" She went from hot to cold in a matter of days. Some might say that women typically over think those days, and winding up finding some irrational reason not to see the guy again, even though it's not warranted. My response to THAT is, "That's the problem, they think too much" lol After that, I never heard from her again, it was at that moment, I comfirmed that it isn't always about Chemistry.
Star Gazer Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 And again, when a man is interested - he will let you know! Truer words have never been spoken.
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 As far as the flowers I received today, I do feel it is appropriate for me to respond still. Now I certainly wouldn't mind taking advice on the best response. I will likely send a text. Ideas?
Imajerk17 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 As far as the flowers I received today, I do feel it is appropriate for me to respond still. Now I certainly wouldn't mind taking advice on the best response. I will likely send a text. Ideas? "Hi John, thanks for the flowers, and for meeting up with me. I have to say though, that I am not feeling that this is a match. I'm sorry. Good luck in your search!"
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 "Hi John, thanks for the flowers, and for meeting up with me. I have to say though, that I am not feeling that this is a match. I'm sorry. Good luck in your search!" Fair enough. I'm likely to go a little gentler and just thank him for the flowers. If and when he follows up I will say the rest. I guess I don't want to be arrogant about it.
crossfitter Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Yeah, but some people believe it takes more than 1 date to really figure things out on wether the person is for you or not. Because, I went out on this date, the sparks were flying online....the phone AND in person....I figured the flirting and the chemistry would stop in person, but it remained consistent till the moment I walked her to her car, and we were walking side-by-side and she was leaning into me (she initated that move) and I put my arm around her......at her car, we did a great kiss goodnight (it wasn't a long make-out thing) but it was real nice...she was smiling ear to ear, and so was I. When I got home, she called ME to "see if I made it home safe" I was SURE...that this was indeed a DEFINATE GOOD sign! I never had that happen. This was actually one of those first times I ever had a date unique as this one, as to how well it went. NEVER had a woman call me when I was getting home. I could HEAR her smile over the phone when we were chit chatting a bit. Then I call her a few days later....her tone was different, distant, she sounded even a bit off-putting....she was telilng me about her day and such...but the tone in her voice was completely different. As if she was almost business-like in nature. Very wierd. I asked her about getting together again the next weekend, and she gave me this song and dance about how her friend wanted to spend time with her due to some ill person in the friends family. I sympathized...and then asked about Sunday, and she said, "She was going to mow the grass and the gym Sunday." And I asked, "So how long does it take for you to do that? After you're done with that.....how about meeting up?" And she goes, "I'll get back to you on that" I was thinking "Meh, she can go jump in a lake with that attitude" She went from hot to cold in a matter of days. Some might say that women typically over think those days, and winding up finding some irrational reason not to see the guy again, even though it's not warranted. My response to THAT is, "That's the problem, they think too much" lol After that, I never heard from her again, it was at that moment, I comfirmed that it isn't always about Chemistry. Had a similar epiphany a couple of weeks ago, for incredibly similar reasons.
zengirl Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I'm not very convinced that people often walk out of dates thinking totally different things. I had a date last sun (and was traveling for work all of the wk which i mentioned). I just didnt like this guy and actually found him annoying. He is accomplished but body-type e.g. is smaller stature and my height or 1 inch or so shorter - usually like someone I feel is bigger than me. Anyway - At the end of the date, he wanted to walk me home etc. I made sure to say no thanks. Today, I get flowers from the guy. It took me a while to put two and two together bc he just signed it with his first initial. Also, I didn't give him my work address. Anyway - just made me really feel people perceive good/bad dates very differently! Amazing! And again, when a man is interested - he will let you know! I think certain men tend to be more aggressive if they think it was a "fair" date (i.e. flowers are more likely to be sent aggressively like that if the guy likes the girl and got the vibe she's on the fence/borderline not interested, but he still thinks there's hope). I've never had a guy I was successfully dating later be so aggressive in the beginning, but maybe I just don't dig that type. Fair enough. I'm likely to go a little gentler and just thank him for the flowers. If and when he follows up I will say the rest. I guess I don't want to be arrogant about it. I don't think it's arrogant. He sent flowers. That's obviously him expressing interest. Best to be firm/clear about it. Otherwise, I'd personally consider it leading him on. Just me.
Author Girlygirl1977 Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 Zengirl - Thanks for the additional thoughts. What you are saying makes sense and I will be more straightforward in my response.
tigressA Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 I definitely identify with this. I've gone on dates that I thought were magical; next time we talked he'd be iffy about getting together and then poof! Vanished.
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