Raderick Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 So there's a gal who looks really freaking cute that I see on the bus on Mondays and Wednesdays. I'm not much of one to disturb people since she wears headphones to listen to music, and I'm one to experience high amounts of anxiety when the idea of approaching people or being approached. She goes to the community college that's down the street from where I work. What I'd like to do is just before I get off the bus, is to swipe her my business card, write a very short note saying something to the extent of "You look cute. Call or text me? :)", and get off the bus, forcing her to make the move. Thoughts?
MutteringUrchin Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Your South Park pic is awesome. On the girl: despite many people being non-confrontational creatures, I wouldn't suggest the card route. Maybe it has worked for others, but it has never worked for me or anyone I personally know. Why? Because you're still a stranger, and most people are hesitant to call strangers. You have to speak to her at least, before you give her your number/ask for hers. Just get her attention and tell her that you see her all the time, but were too chicken to talk. This is good, because you're being open and 100% honest right off the bat, you're also being confident enough to admit vulnerability. If you're too embarrassed to admit to being scared, then tell her that you've seen her many times and always wondered what she is like and who she is, etc. Hope that helps!
westernxer Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 she wears headphones to listen to music This means she doesn't want to be bothered by strangers. Doesn't mean you can't try, but unless you catch her looking at you with a flirtatious look in her eye, best not to try anything. Years of public transportation has taught me when it's safe to make a move and when it isn't. Most of the time it isn't. Check out the blog entry about Shrodinger's Rapist. It's a great read from the perspective of a woman who is often out in public. Doesn't mean you can't try to talk to this chick, but don't take it personal if it doesn't work out.
Author Raderick Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 Your South Park pic is awesome. Thanks! On the girl: despite many people being non-confrontational creatures, I wouldn't suggest the card route. Maybe it has worked for others, but it has never worked for me or anyone I personally know. Why? Because you're still a stranger, and most people are hesitant to call strangers. You have to speak to her at least, before you give her your number/ask for hers. Just get her attention and tell her that you see her all the time, but were too chicken to talk. This is good, because you're being open and 100% honest right off the bat, you're also being confident enough to admit vulnerability. If you're too embarrassed to admit to being scared, then tell her that you've seen her many times and always wondered what she is like and who she is, etc. Hope that helps! My only problem is disturbing her while she has headphones on (assuming she's listening to music). To me at least it's disrespectful unless, say, she dropped or forgot something.
Author Raderick Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 This means she doesn't want to be bothered by strangers. Doesn't mean you can't try, but unless you catch her looking at you with a flirtatious look in her eye, best not to try anything. Years of public transportation has taught me when it's safe to make a move and when it isn't. Most of the time it isn't. Check out the blog entry about Shrodinger's Rapist. It's a great read from the perspective of a woman who is often out in public. Doesn't mean you can't try to talk to this chick, but don't take it personal if it doesn't work out. Then let me ask this: when is a good time to approach her? We do catch each other looking at the other once or twice, but it's extremely hard for me to catch flirty signals - Even if you put up a huge sign saying "I'm flirting with you by looking at you this way", I would think twice about it.
westernxer Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Then let me ask this: when is a good time to approach her? We do catch each other looking at the other once or twice, but it's extremely hard for me to catch flirty signals - Even if you put up a huge sign saying "I'm flirting with you by looking at you this way", I would think twice about it. Just give her a quick nod and a smile, to break the ice between you. If she reciprocates then go to the next step. Ask her something harmless, like "are you a student here?" and "what are you studying?" and stuff like that. If she opens up and looks comfortable doing so, you're in good shape. If she keeps her distance, then play it cool and brush it off. Then play it cool next time you see her. The Craigslist missed connections are full of examples in which women were approached by random guys only to brush them off and regret it later. Since you're both strangers, just stick to planting the seed and harvesting when ripe.
cutecatch Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Then let me ask this: when is a good time to approach her? We do catch each other looking at the other once or twice, but it's extremely hard for me to catch flirty signals - Even if you put up a huge sign saying "I'm flirting with you by looking at you this way", I would think twice about it. Stop being a pussy and just approach. It's not rocket science, go up to her and have a normal conversation lile you would with any body else. Girls are not these creatures that you have to put on a pedestal they are normal human beings. So nut up and approach
makelemonade1974 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Isn't there a song about this - or several songs - The Beatles, James Blount (or Blunt how do you spell duh). But I think the first is a bus stop, not a bus. How about "you have the most beautiful hair / eyes / toenail polish / boobs" (but you should probably pick one of the first two).
Author Raderick Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 Stop being a pussy and just approach. It's not rocket science, go up to her and have a normal conversation lile you would with any body else. Girls are not these creatures that you have to put on a pedestal they are normal human beings. So nut up and approach I have a case of social anxiety disorder, ain't that easy.
cutecatch Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 I have a case of social anxiety disorder, ain't that easy. translation- I'm a pvssy around people
Author Raderick Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 Stop being a pussy and just approach. It's not rocket science, go up to her and have a normal conversation lile you would with any body else. Girls are not these creatures that you have to put on a pedestal they are normal human beings. So nut up and approach I have a case of social anxiety disorder, ain't that easy. But yeah, I'd like to approach her, but I guess I'm too chicken-****. Sucks to be me.
Author Raderick Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 translation- I'm a pvssy around people Pretty much.
MutteringUrchin Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 My only problem is disturbing her while she has headphones on (assuming she's listening to music). To me at least it's disrespectful unless, say, she dropped or forgot something. I've done it before and it worked. A lovely-looking Spanish woman was opposite me on a train. Never seen each other before. She had her headphones in and was sleeping. I merely spotted the "Inglese" dictionary on the table, thought about it, then caught her attention with a small wave of my hand. She took her headphones out. And I did something so incredibly corny, I won't share it. But it worked! Her hard expression disappeared. She was smiling, we were flirting. It was too bad I had to get off the train. Listen, if you're friendly and you try to open up an honest coversation with another human being, with nothing but good intentions. And in turn to this, and she gets disproportionately mad at you, is that really the type of woman you want anyway? Ask yourself.
Author Raderick Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 (edited) I've done it before and it worked. A lovely-looking Spanish woman was opposite me on a train. Never seen each other before. She had her headphones in and was sleeping. I merely spotted the "Inglese" dictionary on the table, thought about it, then caught her attention with a small wave of my hand. She took her headphones out. And I did something so incredibly corny, I won't share it. But it worked! Her hard expression disappeared. She was smiling, we were flirting. It was too bad I had to get off the train. Listen, if you're friendly and you try to open up an honest coversation with another human being, with nothing but good intentions. And in turn to this, and she gets disproportionately mad at you, is that really the type of woman you want anyway? Ask yourself. I don't really care so much about her being mad - I experience people being mad 9 hours a day 5 days a week (not necessary at me, but you get the jist). I don't handle rejection well, in fact I tend to go on a self-loathing period after rejection, and that's fine. But I'd rather not feel rejection by not exploring talking to her, than to talk to her and risk it. But I also want a relationship. Blah. Edited March 21, 2011 by Raderick
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