Just want to text her

[confused1989]

Hey everyone.. as I said in my other thread me and my ex broke up in late January after she told me she felt the spark was gone and that we were more like friends. Ever since that she's told me she loves me and wants to be with me but for some reason won't actually do the action part of that.

 

Since Thursday I have been hurting immensely because she told me to stop waiting on her and to go enjoy myself and have fun. Up until this she has continously told me she wanted to be with me, that I am the ideal boyfriend, etc. She would make plans with me then cancel and not reschedule and it would kill me everytime. I would ask her to do something and she would pick her friends over me, saying she's being careful around me because she's afraid I'll hurt her 'again'. Our breakup was initiated by her and once she said the spark was gone and she didn't feel the same towards me I got extremely insecure about us and just agreed to call it quits even though I never did really want to.

 

But this past month she has been stringing me along I guess by flattering me continuously, saying she wishes we could have sex, etc. Saying that I'm a good lover, etc.

 

I am so hurt... ever since Thursday when things shifted and she told me not to wait on her I have been shattered. She went away Friday and is coming back today and from Facebook it looks like she had the time of her life while she was gone and met a ton of new guys who keep writing saying they wished she would move out there. She's so well liked and a social butterfly and I'm hurting so much seeing her so happy and not wanting to be with me when I tried my hardest to be with her. Even though all she does is blame me. I haven't heard from her since she left whicih is very odd and I've just been paranoid and hurting to no end.

 

I just want to text her.. I wish she knew how much she was hurting me. She says don't go NC with her because that's not the way to win her back and sweep her off her feet. I need to "prove" myself to her and prove that I won't hurt her and prove that I love her while at the same time she keeps me at arms length.

 

I am dying... how do I stay focused on my school work? I have no motivation to do anything.

[confused1989]

I feel like she is way above me now and that she thinks this too. Shouldn't it be easier? I ahve sucked up my pride and say I want to work things out and she agrees but her actions show otherwise. Then she will continuously hurt me by not wanting to spend tim ewith me, and she'll say things like "if you want to see me you know where to find me in school".

 

It's her word choice that kills me. "if you want to, if you want to, if you want to..." How come she never says she wants to? I always feel like she's doing me a favor by sticking around.

 

Another thing that frustrates me to no end is that she doesn't want me to go NC caues she says that shows I don't love her and she wants me to prove that I do. So when she goes out of town and has the time of her life and hurts me I don't feel like contacting her and killing my pride when she's out meeting a million guys I feel like I'm competing for someone I don't think even wants me deep down.

 

I am going to get ***** on all over for not texting her since she's gone. She will jsut accuse me of not caring.

Edited March 21, 2011 by confused1989

[confused1989]

Bump.. texted her now I feel like crap.

[lemonlegs]

Okay, to put it bluntly, you come off as being very desperate, which I'm sure you know. But you probably appear that way in her eyes too, and that's no way to get what you want, at all.

 

She knows that no matter what she does, you'll be there, waiting for her. She can do whatever she wants, but if she ever decides to, you'll be waiting with open arms. You need to explicitly make clear that it is NOT the case.

 

What exactly did you do to 'hurt her', as she put it? Sounds like you didn't do anything, in which case, she's just being a plain B I T C H.

 

She likes the idea of having you there for emotional support and someone to talk to whenever she needs to, but not be committed to you wholly. How is that fair? You say she appears to be having the time of her life... well, she probably is. So, you should too.

 

She has you wrapped around her finger, and though I know that you think by setting things straight (like you know you NEED to do), you're ruining any potential for things to work out. Well, my friend, that's not going to happen with things like this anyways, so you might as well put your foot down and tell her to stop talking to you, stop texting you flirty stuff, and that you're moving on. You HAVE to.

 

If she decides she cares about you and wants to be with you, she'll give herself to you fully and be WITH YOU. Not this crap that she's been pulling. If not, you'll know how she really feels and you'll both be able to move on.

 

I suggest writing her an email or something saying that you're done with her games and you're not happy with how things are going, thus, you can't talk to her anymore.

[JasonRules]

This girl is very immature. It was a mistake to text her. Ask yourself; "Why am I giving her ALL the power?" "Why does she have such control over me?" "Why am I constantly looking at her FB page and checking up on her?".

 

You were dying to text her, right? And now that you did, how does that make you feel? Do you feel empowered? Weak? Pathetic? Desperate?

 

Do you know what she is thinking right now? "I have him wrapped around my little finger". "He's not going anywhere. I'm going to have my cake and eat it too".

 

Have some pride and walk away. Be a man, raise your chin up, get your pride back up and say "I'm done with this shvt". Defriend her from FB, cut all ties. Stop obsessing about her. In the beginning it is very difficult, but you have to force yourself to do it even if you don't feel like it.

 

Start making plans to go out with your friends to fill the void you feel. Start going to the gym and spend as much time in their as possible.

[robinseggblue]

I agree with Lemonlegs. She says you need to prove your love to her, but she isn't letting you. Weird. It seems like by travelling and having a good time, she is just rubbing your nose in the fact that she could leave you permanently and everything would be ok with her.

 

The good news: This isn't necessarily true. Deep down, she probably just wants you, period. The problem is that she is being a bee-yotch about the whole thing. She is using her power to try to force you to give her attention and love, which of course is not the right way to do it. Also, she is making you feel like s**t, which is mean, plain and simple. That means that you should probably give her a taste of her own medicine and tell her what Lemonlegs said to tell her. Then wait and see. Something tells me that the power will shift and she won't be such a bee-yotch anymore.

 

I hate when people play mean games like she is doing.

[danrs]

She says don't go NC with her because that's not the way to win her back and sweep her off her feet. I need to "prove" myself to her and prove that I won't hurt her and prove that I love her while at the same time she keeps me at arms length.

 

 

That, my friend, is total and complete b.s.! She broke it off, and now YOU need to prove yourself to HER? WTeF?!! Sorry, but this chick is something else. She hurt YOU, but now you need to prove that you won't hurt HER? Come on man...

 

I'd "sweep her off her feet" as she desires alright, but not the way she wants. I'd be yanking the doormat you've become (don't sweat it, we have all done it) right out from under her feet and leave her there on her butt with a shocked look wondering "WTeF just happened?".

 

I think she's "chit testing" you bud. Time to pass this test. Ignore her. I can virtually guarantee with what you've said here about her, it will drive her apechit. You've been pulling, and she's been pushing for too long. Time for you to push. Stop being her doormat. Biggest attraction killer for a woman is for their guy to be a doormat and not stand up for themselves (I've learned the hard way). Stand up for yourself and get her attraction back. Get her pursuing you. I think you're in a good position to do exactly that.

[lovelyladyland]

I know exactly what your going through. My guy just broke up with me the other night. It was such an unexpected rejection and I can't wrap my head around it. I to feel like I'm dying inside and have all these questions to ask him,but I know it won't make any difference. It won't make him come back which is what I ultimately want. Every second I want to find an excuse to talk to him,but I know that would make it worse and he would think me more desperate than he already does. Today I had to go through the heartwrenching task of deleting him from my phone and facebook. I have no idea how to get through this or how to stop thinking of him every minute. So I'm right there with you. He's probably just fine and out there having a ball. At least he told me straight up that it was over and he didn't feel the same. It sounds like your girl wants it to be over and doesn't feel the same either,but is just to afraid or cowardly to say it outright. Plus, if she did she wouldn't get the attention anymore. I'm so sorry this is happening to you and that she's put you in the position to have to break up with her because she doesn't have the balls (so to speak), which I know is a near impossible thing for you to do. Sending you big hugs, from someone who is hurting too.

[confused1989]

Hey guys, I just found out that she's now applying for summer jobs in the town that she just came back from on her road trip. Boy is she ever a confusing headcase. I guess not only did she have fun out there but she may have met someone too. On top of that, she isn't very committed to getting back with me I'm sure. I just find it unreal how easy she is to persuade. I mean she went there for 3 days now she's trying to devote a whole summer to being there. God.

 

Anyway to cut to the chase I sent her the email that you guys told me to send. It hurt like hell. And it still hurts. But I am tired of all this anxiety and pain. I added a little and told her not to expect texts from me anymore.

 

I feel so let down and in so much pain. I hope this was the best thing to do for now. Obviously there are a billion signs that show that I'm not what she wants to be with right now.

 

 

 

 

For those who questioned how I "hurt" her in previous posts, I can't really answer that as I'm not too sure. All I know is, when she would tell me how much of a prize she is and how I should fight for her I reminded her that I'm special too and she isn't above me, I told her that I could get asked out just as easily as she could, and this "hurt" her and apparently I "hurt" her by not loving her enough, which she could never explain to me how I could love her more in the first place.

 

Basically what I think is she tried to turn me into a superboyfriend like a superhuman type boyfriend or something and she realized she couldn't have all aspects of the perfect boyfriend in me, and therefore this "hurt" her.

 

I mean the list goes on about all the things she wished for me to change. Things about my appearance, things about my personality, wanted me to act in certain ways around certain people, I mean it was exhausting. Sadly, I did not ask her to change in any way, I knew she had flaws but I accepted them for what they were.

 

She breached my trust in ways so I was cautious about some things and apparently this was "hurtful" too.

 

Well I don't care how much she's "hurting" because I'm the one who can't eat some days, can't sleep, can't get her off my mind. Everyone I know knows me as a guy who is loyal and trustworthy. They know I'm not a guy who needs to be feared or afraid of.

 

I think another part of the problem is, she's very selfish. She thinks that she can do whatever she wants, when she wants to, and just because it makes her happy it's supposed to make me happy. Well not always. I didn't like her partying as much as she did, I didn't like that her being happy meant she had to sleep in her own bed instead of with me when she had the opportunity to, I didn't like that her being happy meant she had to be away from me for weeks at a time on a party when we didn't get much quality time as it was.

 

She may not realize it but she has done a lot to hurt me.

Edited March 21, 2011 by confused1989

[fetish]

confused.

 

I'm going through a similar situatiion with my girl (ex). She's doing all the things you described your girl to do: being selfish, hanging out (mine was a gambler), and not devoting her attention to me.

 

Your girl is a manipulator, plain and simple. She wants to keep a leash on you but doesn't want you keeping tabs on her. That's not fair to any circumstance. The best way to deal with these manipulative people is to move on and still be happy, mainly with yourself. That leaves them powerless and drives them CRAZY! Just remember, manipulators have great acting skills. Many know how to cry on que, and act like they care about you but really when it all comes down to it, its not you they really care about, its the attention they get from you that makes them feel better about themselves, and it empowers them. Another thing, no matter how good you treat them, no matter how much good you do, it will never be good enough. You could buy them a brand new car and in the end, they'll still find something you didn't do and focus on that. Whenever my ex and i would get into it about what i wasn't doing enough, i would simply ask her, "Well what is it that you do for me that's so great?" She would be speechless.

 

Kudos for having the courage to send her that e-mail. I know doing that took alot of strength because I know you still love her and deep down, you really still want her in your life somewhat. But the games she's playing is outright cruel and no one deserves that. It's a shame that when some women get a nice guy, they don't know how to act. They let it go to their head to the point that they forget that the other person has value too. It's women like yours (and mine) that mess it up for all women to where guys think they gotta become dogs. But don't let anyone take your good nature from you. You can be good and get respect from people (i.e. women) without being a doormat. The step you took today was a giant one! Keep your head up buddy!

[confused1989]

Hey fetish thanks for your reply.

 

Yeah I think she is a manipulator too. I mean I have dated a few people and know a lot of people and no one ever questioned me or doubted me or said I was a guy who didn't care enough about his women.

 

She did cry on cue a lot, I thought it was genuine but I know now that it was probably fake. Also when she made that 'effort' that I talked about in a previous post in which she showed up at my door against my will and it impressed me and we talked and stuff etc. then I couldn't get time with her for 2 weeks after that. I think I see that more clearly now too as to why she did it. At the time I thought it meant she really loved me and wanted things to work.. but she couldn't make time to see me after that for 2 weeks? So what I basically think is that the night before we got in a huge fight and I know she was the one who initiated it and the one who was wrong in that fight and she was "sick to her stomach" so I think she came to see me for her own benefit, to clear the air and then continue to move on which is so unfair to me.

 

You are right this girl never did focus on what i DID do for her, she would rather criticize what I didn't do. This breakup has left a huge scar on me.

 

I know if I asked her what she did that was so great for me she would be speechless too and not have anything to say. There are several times where she "challenged" me to love her more and prove stuff to her, as you can see if you read my previous posts I was in the same position last year and I busted my balls to "win her back" which of course was always on her terms and she always did what she wanted to do when she wanted to. It sucks feeling uneasy everytime your girlfriend goes out of town for something because she always comes back a different person or someone with a new outlook or she suddenly changes her summer plans all of a sudden. Such a crappy feeling.

 

So this time I felt like giving up, she saw this as I don't love her, and therefore rather than her try to bend backwards for me she just moves on. Makes me feel really used.

 

I don't think there is anyone out there who can treat her "good" enough.

 

I'm not perfect by no means but I know she finds me a looker, caring, sweet, and smart. What else would she want? I don't know. I just wasn't up for her "challenge" this time around as I have been through too many of these "prove your love to me" in the past couple of years from her.

 

 

Thanks, I'm not going to change my good nature. I'm me and that's the way I'll stay. I wish she saw the good in me but I don't know. By the way I'm just curious does anyone think she has G.I.G.S ?

I should note that her response to my email was "Well you didn't even try to talk to me while I was gone on my road trip so you take care too". Like it didn't mater to her anyway. Like I said the day before she left on her trip she told me to stop waiting on her and to go live my life. Why would I want to text her when she's out meeting new guys and possibly waking up in a bed next to them? I previously voiced how frustrated and disappointed I was that she couldn't spend no time with me yet she can make time to go on road trips. I don't feel like it was my responsibility to be initiating any texts that weekend. I don't think she is too affected by what I said to her. Her mind is so distorted and take no responsibility for anything and it really screws me up hard.

 

Anyway... I know you guys say I'm in a good position to have a power shift here and that she'll go crazy, but sadly I don't know if I think that's the case. Logically it makes sense..... but this girl thinks she has done no wrong and it's all my fault for not pursuing her despite what she's said to me to discourage me from even slightly wanting to. She even went as far as to say that she has "bent over backwards" for me many times and it frustrates me to NO END because I can't think of a SINGLE TIME where she compromised or went out of her way for ME in TWO YEARS!!!!! I can name A MILLION off the top of my head where I have done this for her but she doesn't give a sh&t about it or appreciate it or even acknowledge it. And on top of this she's surrounded by guys and booze and she has this fake charm about her so everyone likes her and she'll get the attention elsewhere. She is probably the best looking girl I will ever have that's for sure which makes this harder. I am told I'm a good looking guy by most people but I just thought she was off the charts gorgeous.

 

Having a lot of ups and downs today. She seems to be doing just fine, we have too many mutual friends on Facebook and I see that she's already excited to go get ****faced this weekend again as usual.

Edited March 22, 2011 by confused1989

[betterdeal]

Hye, it's your life, do what you want. If banging your head against a brick wall is your thing, keep on doing it. When you get bored of doing that, try something else. Like not banging your head against that brick wall.

[shawn923]

Man, cut her off!!!

 

We're going thru pretty much the EXACT same thing. I erased my ex from fb and cut off all physical contact over the weekend... She spazzed out when she realized i deleted her, and i casually told her it was for the best... and that she would need to "figure out what she wants".... my story is here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t269587/

 

I suggest u take a look, take notes, comment, or w/e...

 

Anyways, i also feel the same way about my ex. Shes immature, she does things on purpose to get me jealous, she used to have that leash around me, never having time for me yet she does for everyone else, etc... and yet, like you, shes GORGEOUS and i still want her back deep down...

 

Basically, what u gotta do is ERASE her out ur life. Do your best impersonation at ignoring her. It'll erase her leash, and bring her petty ass ego back down to earth. When she doesnt have u to fall back on, its human nature that she starts acting more cautiously about her decisons. Hopefully it'll make her realize she treated u horribly... And i know its hard to ignore her, but WHAT MORE CAN U DO? u sound like a good dude, and since the break up, youve tried all u could. So DROP her... at very least, this gets u your pride back, all at once.

 

In my case, i got immediate results. She panicked and thought "this was b/c of another girl". I just never answered her bs questions and let her know casually that i WILL NOT continue living like this. And i KNOW its hard to take that step... but 48 hours after u do, you'll feel much better than u do now. although u wont be totally 100%, fine, u will certainly be cured of the "crying" part of heartbreak. I admittdly still check her fb page thru a mutual friend's account, but she doesnt know that... so in HER eyes, ive cut her off completely; NO calls, NO texts, and i dont look her way when i randomly see her at school.

 

Just think about all the shvt u did since u broke up. Ur only human just like she is. whats stopping HER from doin all those exact same things??? why cant SHE cry over u and beg to hang out with u once in awhile??? Well... IF SHE WANTED TO SHE WOULD!!! thats pretty much the best way to think about it. And u cant force her to do it... u just gotta show her u dont care. she already made her decision to leave. let her. all u can do now is play this big f*ckin game of NC... u have to show her u dont care, and she has to see on her own that the grass isnt greener anywhere else but with u. And im a firm believer in karma... If ur a good dude and treat ur gf's right, and u did all u could from the bottom of ur heart in this relationship, then karma HAS to reward u. she WILL find that ur the best option... she just might find out months from now when its too late. I know it sucks... but keep ur head up and DONT be anyones dog. Most likely, since you've done SO much for her already, i 100% doubt she'll find that love in anyone else. Over the course of time, with u NOT in the picture, it WILL eat at her psyche... KNOWING she made a HUGE mistake letting true love go.

 

And a couple months from now, WHEN she comes crying back, im pretty sure you'll be totally over her by then... and THIS is when you'll decide whether or not u still want her. and it WILL/SHOULD be a tough decision. u think if she did that right now, it'll be a no-brainer, you'd take her back in a heartbeat... BUT just wait 2 months from now, agter youve cut her off, and start looking at her and the relationship for what it REALLY was... thats why a lot of guys DONT take their ex's back, ITS TOO LATE!!! Now dont u want THAT kind of power of this ex??? if so, cut her out ur life NOW!!!

[fetish]

Anyway... I know you guys say I'm in a good position to have a power shift here and that she'll go crazy, but sadly I don't know if I think that's the case. Logically it makes sense..... but this girl thinks she has done no wrong and it's all my fault for not pursuing her despite what she's said to me to discourage me from even slightly wanting to. She even went as far as to say that she has "bent over backwards" for me many times and it frustrates me to NO END because I can't think of a SINGLE TIME where she compromised or went out of her way for ME in TWO YEARS!!!!! I can name A MILLION off the top of my head where I have done this for her but she doesn't give a sh&t about it or appreciate it or even acknowledge it. And on top of this she's surrounded by guys and booze and she has this fake charm about her so everyone likes her and she'll get the attention elsewhere. She is probably the best looking girl I will ever have that's for sure which makes this harder. I am told I'm a good looking guy by most people but I just thought she was off the charts gorgeous.

 

Having a lot of ups and downs today. She seems to be doing just fine, we have too many mutual friends on Facebook and I see that she's already excited to go get ****faced this weekend again as usual.

 

You have to start training yourself to really not care about what she's doing. I know, it's much easier said that done, especially knowing that this girl was yours, but this is the best thing you can do for yourself. The thought of her hooking up with another guy I know is also a gut-puncher. I'm going through the same thing right now, but you have to know that this can't be an act or a hope to win her back, this is the best thing to do for you.

 

Trust me, you are in a good position to power shift. I don't care how many friends she can make or anything else. Shawn 923 is right. People always yearn for love and miss it when it appears to be gone. You were a good dude to her and I believe it will eventually hit her that you're not there anymore, so don't worry about that. Just treat her like she doesn't matter to you and she'll notice that Don't be thrown off by her little guilt trips she sends you either. Again, that's a tool manipulators use to regain control when they see its slipping away.

 

BTW long were you guys together again?

Edited March 22, 2011 by fetish

[lovelyladyland]

I just want to say that going through a fresh break up (2 days ago) listening to all of your stories makes me feel a little less alone. And God knows I understand how awful it is to think of them with someone else. I just found my ex back on the dating site we met on! 2 days after breaking up! God that ripped my heart out! So yes, now every thought is about him touching someone else like he touched me. Makes me want to puke and there is nothing I can do. He's livin it up and I'm crushed. I know we'll all get through this at some point.but I know how much of a f**king killer the meantime is. Hang in there.

[VJohnson32]

Heres a great song in a way sad and motivational that says it all ...

 

[lemonlegs]

Your girl is a manipulator, plain and simple. She wants to keep a leash on you but doesn't want you keeping tabs on her. That's not fair to any circumstance. The best way to deal with these manipulative people is to move on and still be happy, mainly with yourself. That leaves them powerless and drives them CRAZY! Just remember, manipulators have great acting skills. Many know how to cry on que, and act like they care about you but really when it all comes down to it, its not you they really care about, its the attention they get from you that makes them feel better about themselves, and it empowers them. Another thing, no matter how good you treat them, no matter how much good you do, it will never be good enough. You could buy them a brand new car and in the end, they'll still find something you didn't do and focus on that. Whenever my ex and i would get into it about what i wasn't doing enough, i would simply ask her, "Well what is it that you do for me that's so great?" She would be speechless.

 

You are exactly right. Confused, your girlfriend is a manipulator, and those people are the hardest to date because they almost seem like sociopaths. They basically blame everything on you, and it was you who wasn't good enough for them, and you didn't treat them right, and you didn't buy them enough stuff.

 

Such bullcrap. As I said before, you DID NOT hurt your girlfriend, she hurt you, and she doesn't seem to give a crap.

 

I went through this with my ex-boyfriend, and he was the manipulating King. But of course, you don't realize this until it all ends in shambles. He was awesome at first, and he was definitely the one doing the chasing. However, once he got me, it seemed, things cooled off and he began talking to his ex. He wanted to not go to a family reuinion of mine so he could GO TO HIS EX'S BIRTHDAY PARTY. Do you believe that? And I'm like "Alright, well, if my family asks, I'll tell them and they're gonna think you're quite the *******." And his response was, "No, I don't want them thinking that, you can't say it like that." It was all about keeping up appearances to him. He lied to both of my parents about wanting to be a pilot and having already got accepted to the school, meanwhile he lied to me about even getting his high school diploma. Anyways, after we broke up, he strung me along and I put up with it, being in love. It was a triangle between his crazy ex girlfriend and I knew they were sleeping together after a while so I finally did what you did just now and said "that's enough, I'm tired of your games". When he tried to contact me and I didn't reply, you know what he did? He decided to call me and tell me that he cheated on me the whole time with his ex. And I wish I didn't react like I did, but obviously that hurt to hear. Know why he did that when he could have told me ANY OTHER TIME? Because he had to just drag me right bcak down again when I was finally done with him, that's how big of a sad sack manipulator he was. Piece of s h i t.

 

ANYWAYS, don't let that happen to you. Get out and don't let her get the best of you, cause you know what, that's exactly what these types strive for. Act happy and confident and as though you're better off without her. I wish I did that initially. After he told me that though, told him he was apiece of sh it and to never talk to me again, and that was the last time i spoke to him, over a year and a half ago. Now I've been dating my amazing boyfriend for almost a year. You deserve that too, my friend.

Edited March 22, 2011 by lemonlegs

[confused1989]

Thanks again for the support guys. It'snice to log on here and see so many replies in such a short time and very thought out and obviously you guys take the time to help me out and I can't say how much I appreciate this and how much this is helping me to stay focused.

 

I believe in karma too shawn and I hold on to the hope that good karma will find me too. I went out with two other girls for over a year each, one I got dumped and the other was a mutual split and both times they came back to me and both times it was too late and after I had already moved on. BUt needless to say I know they both regretted their decision so I have to start thinking about those things even if this girl I'm dealing with now never sees the good in me I have to focus on the fact that others in the past have.

 

Thanks shawn man I have sent her an email last night telling her that I can't talk to her anymore and as much as it killed me to do it and as much as I shook and woke up feeling like crap I know in the long run it's the best thing for me. You said a lot of stuff that made sense thanks for everything you said it got me through the day for sure.

 

Fetish, I think slowly but surely I'll get to the point where I'm not thinking about what she's doing. She used to constantly ask me what I was doing, who I was with, etc. and I would never ask her what she was up to because I didn't want to know. This was obviously after we broke up but were still somewhat talking.

 

I'l l keep trying not to be thrown off by the guilt trips. She always finds a way to put blame on me though, any argument I have against her she will just use the same one against me. Thanks for saying that you think she'll eventually see the good in me even if it is too late. And we were together for about 2 years. Pretty casual at first so I'd say really about 1.5 of actually going out. We were not friends or anything before this, I met her at college and we pretty well started dating right away. I just invested a lot in her, more than I did with anyone else and I know I put myself in a situation to get screwed over because she invested probably half as much or even less.

 

Lemon you know what, the term sociopath has often come across my mind. I know she's not one, but man it's crazy how cold hearted and selfish a person can be sometimes. You know what hurt a lot too was even when I'd buy stuff for her, and like random small surprises and stuff , she would say that money doesn't show love. Talk about a hard place to be in. I couldn't show I loved her by buying her gifts, or by spending time with her, or hugging her kissing her, being loyal to her, always putting her first. What more could I have done really? She really was hard on the head. It's like rather than appreciate and like the things I did for her it was more like she expected it. Like the past 2 boxing day's (dec 26th) I have made an effort to go to her town and spend them with her family although I would have loved to have spent it with mine, I just had to find a way to make it up to my family afterwards. I also spent the last 2 new years doing what she wanted to do, and the list goes on. She is not one to compromise that is for sure. She don't think of that stuff or appreciate any of that stuff, I have gone out of my way so many times that have gone unrecognized. Even when I sucked up my pride and put an extra effort in she would just say it wasn't genuine. Whcih completely hurts. All of the times I brought her thoughtful surprises or brought her coffee to her work and didn't get anything in return for it and she didn't recognize or appreciae anything. Even in groups of people I would always make her feel special, but nothing was ever enough, you could never fully please her.

 

Wow.... he sounds like this girl I'm talking about. I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that too. You know what this girl is also ALL about keeping up appearances. She would go into a anxiety/panic attack if someone looked at her the wrong way or thought something bad of her. She always had to make herself look good. This girl also very nearly skipped out on my family reunion this summer too, except it was because she wanted to extend her partying in another state. Needless to say I was savage and she eventually ended up coming but it was a struggle.

 

Wow good for you though for standing your ground and now you are with a good guy. Talk about good karma. I hope that happens to me and I end up getting what I want. I'm glad I took your advice to send that email to her. I am still a little shook up at her reaction, I'm not going to lie. BUt I can only control myself as I've learned on these boards. It's only been 24 hours since I sent that email , no sign from her yet, but guess what I know deep down I'm stronger than I seem/feel right now and I haven't even checked her Facebook profile today which is a good step for me. I notice she had pictures up because a mutual friend was tagged and that came up in my news feed but I completely resisted any temptation to go through her pictures. You know, I don't even want to go through them at all anyway. It won't help that's for sure. Being the flirty social butterfly that she is, looking at her pictures would be like her grasping my balls and twisting them. No thanks. I can just assume there is a ton of pictures there with her and other guys, this doesn't make me anxious because I know she needs to feel validated hence why I think she parties so much. She craves the attention, needs to feel wanted and desired or else I don't think she can function. On the outside she is confident and outgoing, but I think there are some deep insecurities in there. I thought about that while we went out too, but hey I just saw through her flaws because I loved her. It's too bad she couldn't cut me some slack for not being perfect.

 

Still trying to stay strong.

Edited March 23, 2011 by confused1989

[lemonlegs]

Lemon you know what, the term sociopath has often come across my mind. I know she's not one, but man it's crazy how cold hearted and selfish a person can be sometimes. You know what hurt a lot too was even when I'd buy stuff for her, and like random small surprises and stuff , she would say that money doesn't show love. Talk about a hard place to be in. I couldn't show I loved her by buying her gifts, or by spending time with her, or hugging her kissing her, being loyal to her, always putting her first. What more could I have done really? She really was hard on the head. It's like rather than appreciate and like the things I did for her it was more like she expected it. Like the past 2 boxing day's (dec 26th) I have made an effort to go to her town and spend them with her family although I would have loved to have spent it with mine, I just had to find a way to make it up to my family afterwards. I also spent the last 2 new years doing what she wanted to do, and the list goes on. She is not one to compromise that is for sure. She don't think of that stuff or appreciate any of that stuff, I have gone out of my way so many times that have gone unrecognized. Even when I sucked up my pride and put an extra effort in she would just say it wasn't genuine. Whcih completely hurts. All of the times I brought her thoughtful surprises or brought her coffee to her work and didn't get anything in return for it and she didn't recognize or appreciae anything. Even in groups of people I would always make her feel special, but nothing was ever enough, you could never fully please her.

 

Wow.... he sounds like this girl I'm talking about. I'm sorry to hear you had to go through that too. You know what this girl is also ALL about keeping up appearances. She would go into a anxiety/panic attack if someone looked at her the wrong way or thought something bad of her. She always had to make herself look good. This girl also very nearly skipped out on my family reunion this summer too, except it was because she wanted to extend her partying in another state. Needless to say I was savage and she eventually ended up coming but it was a struggle.

 

Wow good for you though for standing your ground and now you are with a good guy. Talk about good karma. I hope that happens to me and I end up getting what I want. I'm glad I took your advice to send that email to her. I am still a little shook up at her reaction, I'm not going to lie. BUt I can only control myself as I've learned on these boards. It's only been 24 hours since I sent that email , no sign from her yet, but guess what I know deep down I'm stronger than I seem/feel right now and I haven't even checked her Facebook profile today which is a good step for me. I notice she had pictures up because a mutual friend was tagged and that came up in my news feed but I completely resisted any temptation to go through her pictures. You know, I don't even want to go through them at all anyway. It won't help that's for sure. Being the flirty social butterfly that she is, looking at her pictures would be like her grasping my balls and twisting them. No thanks. I can just assume there is a ton of pictures there with her and other guys, this doesn't make me anxious because I know she needs to feel validated hence why I think she parties so much. She craves the attention, needs to feel wanted and desired or else I don't think she can function. On the outside she is confident and outgoing, but I think there are some deep insecurities in there. I thought about that while we went out too, but hey I just saw through her flaws because I loved her. It's too bad she couldn't cut me some slack for not being perfect.

 

Still trying to stay strong.

 

I'm glad to hear you've made progress! The fact that you can recognize those flaws in her is a good sign... you've acknowledged that it's not you that caused the problems... it was definitely her.

 

It just sounds like nothing was ever good enough for her. You bought her gifts, but that wasn't good enough becuase it didn't prove your love for her. You showered her with affection, but that wasn't good enough either. There was no pleasing her, and I truly hope you realize that. She's going to be one lonely girl if she's that hard on all the men that will enter her life. And you know what? You will find a girl that will be so grateful to have a caring boyfriend like you, because they're hard to come by as well.

When I finally told my ex to shove it and finally stopped talking to him, I have NO idea what it was, but I got the biggest ego boost. I was the happiest I have ever been those following months. Sure, I had some bitterness towards him and his ex, but I felt great about MYSELF. I felt like I was the the person who got to walk away, head high, from the situation I was in. I realize it was different but I have no doubt that you can be that person. She's in the wrong here. Usually I don't like to label all dumpers as the monsters because sometimes it's just gotta happen, but your ex sounds like a demanding, manipulative, cold-hearted person to put it nicely. So, you can know that you're going to be WAY better off without her, and just look forward to that amazing girl you're eventually going to meet!

 

Also, don't wait for her response. Screw her. She has her head stuck too far up her own ass to acknowledge anything else right now. She'll read, but she might not respond. So, just know that she read it and she now knows you don't give 2 craps about her!

[betterdeal]

I just want to say that going through a fresh break up (2 days ago) listening to all of your stories makes me feel a little less alone. And God knows I understand how awful it is to think of them with someone else. I just found my ex back on the dating site we met on! 2 days after breaking up! God that ripped my heart out! So yes, now every thought is about him touching someone else like he touched me. Makes me want to puke and there is nothing I can do. He's livin it up and I'm crushed. I know we'll all get through this at some point.but I know how much of a f**king killer the meantime is. Hang in there.

 

And you were on that dating site 2 days after you split up because?

[confused1989]

I must have done something for her to change her feelings toward me and not want to put any effort into getting me back but I know I can't control that so I'm trying to catch myself when I start thinking that way.

 

She can definitely be demanding, manipulative, and cold hearted that's for sure. Nothing was ever good enough for her it's so hurtful thinking about it. I admit I did feel a little better after I sent that email and saw her reaction which was basically "fine I'm sick of you anyway". This made me feel like sh*t at first but obviously she don't care.

 

The worst thing is I felt like I was doing alright and keeping my head above water for the most part yesterday. Now today I have a huge important test in school this evening and she texted me at 8:30 this morning saying "Good morning!! Can you please put all my belongings from your apartment in our locker and send me the locker combination again when you put it there. Thanks! Have a great day!"

 

I just responded and told her the combination and that was it. But I am in so much pain right now, not going to lie, it was a terrible start to my day and I know I had to answer because it was her stuff. Just feels so horrible, the fact that I don't think she is going to come around.

[TheLoneSock]

I am dying... how do I stay focused on my school work? I have no motivation to do anything.

 

Ok, so text her then. Go ahead. Validate her, show her how sad and sorry you are without her in your life while she flirts with other guys she deems better than you. Go ahead, be the highlight of her week - let her know that the dude she dumped still pines over her. She'll have her confidence boosted for the next 4 days, which will make other guys want her even more.

 

Angry yet? You should be, because that's what you need to be using to drive yourself on.

 

Seriously bud, work out a lot, study hard in school, and make some f*cking money. THAT is your life right now. This broad will pale in comparison to the girls you will meet in the future. I PROMISE you that.

[fetish]

confused,

 

i know you're in pain but this is the time to test what you're all about, including your self respect. I know you feel horrible right now but you need to stay focused. Stay focused on your test and you have to block her out right now.

 

Her text message was just a retaliation to your message to make it look like she's not bothered by what you said and still in control. Trust me, her main intent was to make you feel like you're feeling right now. My ex did the same thing when i asked her for the key to my apartment back. When i did that asked me for her carkey back. I didn't give it to her because i was the cosigner to that car and i have right to that key as long until that car is paid off.

[confused1989]

Ok, so text her then. Go ahead. Validate her, show her how sad and sorry you are without her in your life while she flirts with other guys she deems better than you. Go ahead, be the highlight of her week - let her know that the dude she dumped still pines over her. She'll have her confidence boosted for the next 4 days, which will make other guys want her even more.

 

Angry yet? You should be, because that's what you need to be using to drive yourself on.

 

Seriously bud, work out a lot, study hard in school, and make some f*cking money. THAT is your life right now. This broad will pale in comparison to the girls you will meet in the future. I PROMISE you that.

 

Hey LoneSock, thanks for the reply. I guess you didn't read all my posts but nonetheless it's still helpful because I am still tempted from time to time to text her because I still miss her naturally. But you are so right, texting her will just validate her and she's already out flirting with guys she deems better than me so why the f*ck should she have the pleasure of getting my attention too. You are so right any bit of attention I give her puts her confidence soaring. By texting her and giving her attention all I'm really doing is making her feel good about herself and pushing her towards other guys even more. Man that makes sense. You are right my school and my health that's all I have in my life right now that I have control over and I'll try to stick to that and improve those.

 

I put her crap in the locker and am still on NC. Although of course it's really only been a day or 2 of NC, nothing to brag about. I seen her in the library today across the room and I just made sure I kept studying and made sure I didn't let my eyes make contact with her at all after I knew she was over there. A girl in my class came and sat with me and we studied and my ex definitely saw this.

 

And Fetish I hear you man. This is a test to prove to myself that I'm worth something, or I can crash and crumble and be a sissy and text her and shower her with attention when I'm not getting anything. I did my test for school and put as best effort into it as I could.

 

I can see that too, that maybe it was a retaliation and to show she isn't bothered. She succeeded and made me feel like crap but she will never know this because I didn't come off that way. She sent me another text during my test, it was just breadcrumb nonsense, telling me to tell someone in my class to go to a certain spot after the test was over, basically wanting me to be a messenger. Well obviously I didn't respond.

[fetish]

Well obviously I didn't respond.

 

smart move man. Don't respond. Don't even act like you care even if you do. Don't even look her way. This girl got some balls and there can't be two men in a relationship. That's what i told myself as i was breaking up with my ex. I'm the man by nature so I have to stand up and be that!

 

Your ex's mission right now is to act like she doesn't care and is not bothered. Such a manipulator! Just to give you a heed of warning, now that you're standing up and being a man against her, prepare yourself because she might start flirting with other guys to make you jealous. Just know that you can do the same thing with other girls, study partners, and etc. I mean after all, you say people have said you're good looking right?

 

BTW are you in college or HS cuz you mentioned locker? Just curious?