Mrlonelyone Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 (edited) I have been venting on another thread here for a while I think maybe I should ask this to our dating guru's. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=266550&page=3 I have been trying to date for a while now. I have tried every avenue, from giving first refusal to my college sweetheart. To discretely seeing what graduate students were available around me (none were). To briefly crossing the line and considering undergraduate students. To pursuing a woman I met and thought I hit it off well with in an exercise class. All of that was over the last 8 or 9 months. Then over my life I am bisexual and even lived as a woman for four and a half years. I have tried every angle and every angle of attack...every direction of approach to dating. I have tried online dating on a few different sights. In short I have cast the widest possible net and come up empty. Everyone is taken, not interested, or not interesting to me. So here is what I am asking. After all this time of casting a wide net should I perhaps narrow my focus to a group of people I know I get along with as friends and collegues. A group that's already produced the most significant other I ever had and could offer up one or two more such people at least. Should I just focus on trying to date another scientist? I don't have anyone in mind, since as I have said every scientist I know male or female, is taken. At least in the immediate vicinity at this point in time. I am not the only one http://thetwobodyproblem.blogspot.com/2010/03/scientist-marry-other-scientists-as.html Please don't tell me I have been searching "desperately". I am not desperate I have just done my due diligence in searching everywhere I could in as calm and reasonable a manner as such an emotional thing can be pursued. Were I desperate I would have no standards of my own. Which aren't high...I pretty much would look at anyone who gave a hoot about grooming, with a college degree and/or a good career plus some X factor that I found interesting. Maybe I have been letting myself get worked up over types of people with whom I don't have enough in common. Edited March 21, 2011 by Mrlonelyone
Cee Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Casting a wide net didn't work for me. I thought that would work, but somehow it didn't. I ended up finding someone through a narrow social world, but I was very compatible with that group in terms of political preference and intellectual match. Sure, I think you might want to try to date scientists and people in your social network. Like attracts like.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 (edited) That seems to be what I have to do. I was just so afraid to ask here because whenever I suggest that and look for feedback I get accused of being "arrogant" or "elitist". Perhaps instead of trying to fish the whole sea I should just find a fishing hole were I know I can find fish that will jump on my hook. Pun sort of intended. I have asked on websites like girls ask guys and other MB's weather or not people would consider dating a scienitst. It's always yes..but then they have to have all sorts of "cool" hobbies like being a bungie jumping, rock climbing, plays in a band, and traveled to exotic places (when does such a person have time for being a scientist I wonder as I read such list..) kind of person. Edited March 21, 2011 by Mrlonelyone
jane100 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 I believe everyone has to find what works for them in their circumstances, and it is not the same from person to person. If you meet people in your work and social life it is probably a really good place to go as you say; if you don't then you probably have to find other ways.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 (edited) That's the discouraging part Jane. Everyone I meet really weather I find them interesting or not it seems...is in a deep, serious, long lasting, committed relationship, or engaged or married even. Or they are still so very very young and either immature or off limits due to my being a grad student at their same university. That is on the gay scene, transgender scene, straight scene... any scene any venue that can be thought of. The only thing I haven't tried is moving to another city. I am out of ideas as to just what I could possibly do different. Everyone near me in age at all is taken. I have to either seduce someones SO or be celibate or move to another city. Those are the three options I see. I have shaken and climbed every tree for any fruit what so ever...only to find them all picked clean. Edited March 21, 2011 by Mrlonelyone
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