BunnyGirl Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Hi. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few months now and I’ve recently noticed he keeps looking at women on the street. I’ve watched him and he seems to watch everyone, I’ve confronted him and he says he just likes to watch people and guess what they do and what type of person they are etc. However, the other day I caught him looking a woman in her forties up and down (I by no means mean any offence to forty year women but she was certainly not the most attractive), I watched him do it and when he saw me looking at him he kissed me! What the hell is that all about?? I’m really worrying why he feels the need to do this when he is with me, I’d like to hold his full attention for once, especially when we’re talking. It’s making me feel very insecure, I’m going to a music festival with him soon and I am absolutely dreading it, because I know there are going to be stunning women there and they will probably have more of his attention than me. I’ve tried to tell myself I’m just being sill, because he paid for the tickets and the hotel etc. It’s not even his type of music. I know he’s doing for me and to spend time with me and that he probably hasn’t even thought about what the women might be like who will be going, but I’m starting to obsess about it and dread going out with him. I just feel like he doesn’t find me attractive and I'm really starting to distrust him. Please help!
Titania22 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 You will no doubt find women on here who will empathise with you, however I am not one of them. Your need to be the centre of his attention and your insecurity, come directly from your ego. What is the real harm in looking at other people? We're human, we're social beings, are you so complete that by your very nature you fulfill every role of the feminine. I know you aren't complete, because if you were you would not feel insecure, and you would not feel the need to control who your boyfriend looks at. It's time for you to look within. See yourself for who you are. Ask yourself what motivates you, fear or love? Forgive yourself, accept yourself, love yourself and give up the fear. As for your boyfriend, he probably is happy with you and is only looking, but even if he was looking for a replacement, that is his journey, and he will do what he will do. If you are the best you, you can be, that is all you can ask. He will either be with you, or he won't, worrying and trying to control him, will only push him away faster.
mo mo Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 You will no doubt find women on here who will empathise with you, however I am not one of them. Your need to be the centre of his attention and your insecurity, come directly from your ego. What is the real harm in looking at other people? We're human, we're social beings, are you so complete that by your very nature you fulfill every role of the feminine. I know you aren't complete, because if you were you would not feel insecure, and you would not feel the need to control who your boyfriend looks at. It's time for you to look within. See yourself for who you are. Ask yourself what motivates you, fear or love? Forgive yourself, accept yourself, love yourself and give up the fear. As for your boyfriend, he probably is happy with you and is only looking, but even if he was looking for a replacement, that is his journey, and he will do what he will do. If you are the best you, you can be, that is all you can ask. He will either be with you, or he won't, worrying and trying to control him, will only push him away faster. agreed 10000% damn titiana, you beat me to it The problem isn't with him looking at other people, it's with your own confidence. I know that isn't really what you want to hear, but if you don't want something like this bothering you then that is what you need to work on
jane100 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 (edited) I dunno, I don't quite agree with replies. There's looking and looking. Is it occasoinal, appreciative but subtle? Or is it in yer face and OTT? Part of me believes he should have eyes for you if he's with you ... Do the same to him. See how he likes it . I mean, just as an experiment (nothing nasty intended), then report back! Edited March 21, 2011 by jane100
Author BunnyGirl Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 You will no doubt find women on here who will empathise with you, however I am not one of them. Your need to be the centre of his attention and your insecurity, come directly from your ego. What is the real harm in looking at other people? We're human, we're social beings, are you so complete that by your very nature you fulfill every role of the feminine. I know you aren't complete, because if you were you would not feel insecure, and you would not feel the need to control who your boyfriend looks at. It's time for you to look within. See yourself for who you are. Ask yourself what motivates you, fear or love? Forgive yourself, accept yourself, love yourself and give up the fear. As for your boyfriend, he probably is happy with you and is only looking, but even if he was looking for a replacement, that is his journey, and he will do what he will do. If you are the best you, you can be, that is all you can ask. He will either be with you, or he won't, worrying and trying to control him, will only push him away faster. Yep. Well thank you for you're wonderful help.
Author BunnyGirl Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 You will no doubt find women on here who will empathise with you, however I am not one of them. Your need to be the centre of his attention and your insecurity, come directly from your ego. What is the real harm in looking at other people? We're human, we're social beings, are you so complete that by your very nature you fulfill every role of the feminine. I know you aren't complete, because if you were you would not feel insecure, and you would not feel the need to control who your boyfriend looks at. It's time for you to look within. See yourself for who you are. Ask yourself what motivates you, fear or love? Forgive yourself, accept yourself, love yourself and give up the fear. As for your boyfriend, he probably is happy with you and is only looking, but even if he was looking for a replacement, that is his journey, and he will do what he will do. If you are the best you, you can be, that is all you can ask. He will either be with you, or he won't, worrying and trying to control him, will only push him away faster. Yep. Well thank you for your wonderful help.
MutteringUrchin Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 . . . I caught him looking a woman in her forties up and down . . . I watched him do it and when he saw me looking at him he kissed me! What the hell is that all about?? I’m really worrying why he feels the need to do this when he is with me, I’d like to hold his full attention for once, especially when we’re talking. Please help! The part where he kissed you is one of the most blatant signs of Guilty-but-I-will-kiss-you-to-shut-you-up I have ever seen. I wouldn't necessarily come to the conclusion that he's doing it specifically when he's with you; I'd wager he does it a ton when/if you're not around. Is it something he only does with women within that age-range or is it attractive women in general? If I had more to work with, I could fill you in on a few things men do and why they do them.
Author BunnyGirl Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 The part where he kissed you is one of the most blatant signs of Guilty-but-I-will-kiss-you-to-shut-you-up I have ever seen. Is it something he only does with women within that age-range or is it attractive women in general? QUOTE] Hi thanks for your answer. He just looked at me then kissed me. I've never said anything about him looking, I don't want to cause an argument. He just seems to look at everyone in general
MutteringUrchin Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Then he may just be feeling disassociated from you physically. This isn't your fault as far as I can tell, and him scoping out other females in your presence is most certainly not your fault. The man is pining for something, and it seems physical. What I suggest you do is not silently take it when he oogles. I'm not saying flip out, just don't accept the "I'm sorry" kiss, because he isn't sorry when he kisses. If he asks why, then you tell him in a reserved and appropriate manner. I'm not sure how open your relationship is when it comes to the topic of talking about sex, so that's another subject entirely. But it's related as far as my experience goes. If he refuses to change or even talk about it, you should consider doing as others have smartly suggested.
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