Jane Deaux Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Most of the comments have been geared towards your leaving the family unit when the child is around the age of 3. Not much here in the way of moral discussion on your infidelity because we all are more concerned about the damage that would be done were you to leave after several years of creating a family and then tearing it apart. But seriously, can you see yourself for the next 50 years pretending to love her and never falling in love with someone else and then either being miserable or then tearing the family apart to be with the new love? You don't know what's going to happen in the next 50 years. Or even 10 years. But if you aren't in love with someone now it stands to reason that unhappiness in some form will occur. If one or the other, or both, parents raise a family for 50 years all the while not being in love and still didn't cheat then they deserve an award.
Author ordinaryguy Posted March 22, 2011 Author Posted March 22, 2011 Most of the comments have been geared towards your leaving the family unit when the child is around the age of 3. Not much here in the way of moral discussion on your infidelity because we all are more concerned about the damage that would be done were you to leave after several years of creating a family and then tearing it apart. But seriously, can you see yourself for the next 50 years pretending to love her and never falling in love with someone else and then either being miserable or then tearing the family apart to be with the new love? You don't know what's going to happen in the next 50 years. Or even 10 years. But if you aren't in love with someone now it stands to reason that unhappiness in some form will occur. If one or the other, or both, parents raise a family for 50 years all the while not being in love and still didn't cheat then they deserve an award. Hi Jane, Thanks for taking the time to reply.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 We all aim for a healthy relationship. That is the ideal. Hi Tash, thanks for your message. I do listen to what people say and I do agree with what you guys have stated. A lot of my doubt has arisen from the treatment i have received from my girlfriend, its not because i didn’t want a family and a stable relationship, that is all I’ve wanted. As i have stated is that i will try now and for as long as it takes to exhaust all avenues to ensure we work as a family. I cant leave now without trying. The point of me raising this question wasn’t because I wanted to cheat but because maybe keeping the family together for longer (despite any future possible indiscretions) was in the best interests of everyone. One point I agree with without question, is taking 3 years of her life away from her. I wont do this to her; sadly whatever decision i make she will end up bitter towards me as she feels its her given right to be married with me now we have a child. This discussion has made me think more deeply regarding the happiness of one over another. Could I have your opinions on this: i feel a lot of your opinions given so far are idealistic, how many women rob men of an opportunity of a honest relationship when all she is after is money, because he is rich etc. Its not so clear cut, a lot of people have ulterior motives, some we are not aware of (laws of attraction) whilst times we select other halfs based on a small set of criteria, i.e. young, good-looking or young/old and rich etc. Sometimes these motives are not honest and we are literally fooling the ones we are with. Yes this is true, sometimes people are like this, do you think that a woman who marries a man for money etc. is truly happy and comfortable inside with what she is doing? If she is comfortable, does she have a soul left? For those that have your parents still together, would you be surprised if you learned of any affairs that have gone on with between either parent? You’ve still become a product of a supposedly happy family unit. What you didn’t know didn’t harm you, and your parents may be blissfully unaware of anything untoward going on and lead fulfilled rewarding lives. My father did have an affair and got caught by me (not my choice) it did things to my head that can't be undone. Never, never do that. As well, almost everyone who has an affair figures that they will never get caught. Surprise, surprise they aren't all undercover ninja assassins. What if I lived a lie for 50 years and said GF died the happiest girl and i raised the happiest family (and of course didn’t cheat)...what that be robbing someone of happiness? Yes in quite a way because it would all be fake, she would be married to someone that didn't exist. You would also be unhappy with that internal incongruency and your child would pick up on that whether they realized it consciously or not. My father is/was an addict, it was never acknowledged, I married someone with the same addictions (even though one had never been made known to me until after marriage). The brain picks up on things that we consciously do not. is all this comes down to is basic morals...dont you think sometimes there is a need of a greater good? ala war on terror, an absolute lie but keeping economic stability is crucial to the development of the civilised world? The ends do not justify the means. Better means tend to equal better ends.
Owl Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Hi Tash, thanks for your message. I do listen to what people say and I do agree with what you guys have stated. A lot of my doubt has arisen from the treatment i have received from my girlfriend, its not because i didn’t want a family and a stable relationship, that is all I’ve wanted. As i have stated is that i will try now and for as long as it takes to exhaust all avenues to ensure we work as a family. I cant leave now without trying. The point of me raising this question wasn’t because I wanted to cheat but because maybe keeping the family together for longer (despite any future possible indiscretions) was in the best interests of everyone. One point I agree with without question, is taking 3 years of her life away from her. I wont do this to her; sadly whatever decision i make she will end up bitter towards me as she feels its her given right to be married with me now we have a child. Here's something to consider. She may live happy those three years...and then once you tell her the truth, she may well look back at those years as nothing but lies meant to deceive her. And whenever she looks back at those years, they'll be colored by that perception of them. They won't be gifts to her anymore. For her...she'll hate them rather than look back and cherish them. This discussion has made me think more deeply regarding the happiness of one over another. Could I have your opinions on this: i feel a lot of your opinions given so far are idealistic, how many women rob men of an opportunity of a honest relationship when all she is after is money, because he is rich etc. Its not so clear cut, a lot of people have ulterior motives, some we are not aware of (laws of attraction) whilst times we select other halfs based on a small set of criteria, i.e. young, good-looking or young/old and rich etc. Sometimes these motives are not honest and we are literally fooling the ones we are with. Let's cut to the reality. Do you believe that SHE is like that? I don't care about the nebulous "they" out there that may conform to this...do you believe that this is her motivation? Do you believe that this is what makes her happy? Or are you wanting to believe it because it suits your own personal goals and agenda instead? For those that have your parents still together, would you be surprised if you learned of any affairs that have gone on with between either parent? You’ve still become a product of a supposedly happy family unit. What you didn’t know didn’t harm you, and your parents may be blissfully unaware of anything untoward going on and lead fulfilled rewarding lives. What if I lived a lie for 50 years and said GF died the happiest girl and i raised the happiest family (and of course didn’t cheat)...what that be robbing someone of happiness? is all this comes down to is basic morals...dont you think sometimes there is a need of a greater good? ala war on terror, an absolute lie but keeping economic stability is crucial to the development of the civilised world? Yes, I believe that there is a need for a "greater good". But, I don't believe you get to a greater good by taking "the easy path". Not telling the truth, not admitting to what's gone on, not being honest with her and instead avoiding and postponing the outcome while you maintain a lie...that's not for the "greater good" my friend. It serves your wants/desires...probably not hers, probably not your childs...only yours. Is it what she would choose if she actually were given the choice? To be lied to, deceived, fooled into thinking she was loved the same way in return when that really wasn't the case? Or would she want the truth, and the chance to choose for herself and her child? Realize I'm not "bitter", or angry, or hurt, or any of those things. I'm just pointing out to you a different viewpoint than what you're considering.
Flabbergaster Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 (edited) i'm an MM, unhappy with M, who was in a 2 year affair. Recently ended, lost at sea (emotionally). I respect you for wanting to 'do right' by the kid, and be there for the kid. I'd like to separate the issues. 1. entering into an affair because you are unhappy 2. what to do about the kid 1. entering into an affair, secretly DO NOT do this my friend. The girl you are with will probably become more attached to you. You're not being fair to her. You might become more attached to her. From what i've seen, every day you are in an A it gets harder to leave the first R. You'll have two women providing to your needs...you'll get spoiled and like it. Then you'll want to cake eat. This A will be painful on the new girl. She won't have you to herself, she'll wonder what you're doing. She won't trust you, because you've shown you're willing to lie. She will learn what's going on, even if you think you can keep it a secret. The first time you HAVE to leave when she is REALLY convincing you to spend the night...that's too late to tell her the truth without causing problems. Once you do get around to ending the first R...if this other girl is around, she'll have expectations on how life will be 'different' overnight. She'll have suspicions about what you're doing, next. This will keep her from loving you fully, which puts the relationship with her at risk from day one. Worse: you could be like me. You could find yourself still unhappy, but with some other reason to not leave the M. Now you're unhappy and in pain, your OW is in pain. Options become "finally leave, but your relationship with OW is already cursed from all the pain you've both suffered" or "watch the OW leave because you didn't leave fast enough." 2. The kid Get house or apts next to each other. Be involved. Don't spend the night. Don't you EVER touch her (baby mother) sexually or romantically, it will confuse her too much. Go to therapy with her to help both of you deal with the fact that you are 'around' but not 'in love.' Maybe be willing to do therapy a bit with your girlfriend as well; this will show her that you are trying to be serious w her. Don't start one A while still in an R. It's not fair to anyone, especially you. Edited March 23, 2011 by Flabbergaster
Author ordinaryguy Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Thanks for all the replies. I’ve taken the plunge and decided to end things. It really does feel the most selfish and harmful option, but she has made the decision very easy for me by continuing to push me away with various things. The list is endless and i really thought I was providing her with everything I can; she has a history of 1 year relationships and I really think a year is as much as anyone can take of her. As you can see there is some contempt there on my part. She is suffering from depression but she will take this depression out on me, its not like she’s down and needs someone there to support her, pick her up, she will literally turn on me, abuse me physically and say the nastiest of things – i cant physically be near her. She blames me for all everything, a right nightmare! The fact ive now done "the right thing", means nothing, i wont be seen in the correct light. I'll be known as the guy who "left his pregnant gf". So I will be there for all parenting visits, prenatal classes, i will provide financially and will be hands on during the whole weekends and some evenings... From a ladies perspective what would you require from the babies dad at this stage and onwards?
greengoddess Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Thanks for all the replies. I’ve taken the plunge and decided to end things. It really does feel the most selfish and harmful option, but she has made the decision very easy for me by continuing to push me away with various things. The list is endless and i really thought I was providing her with everything I can; she has a history of 1 year relationships and I really think a year is as much as anyone can take of her. As you can see there is some contempt there on my part. She is suffering from depression but she will take this depression out on me, its not like she’s down and needs someone there to support her, pick her up, she will literally turn on me, abuse me physically and say the nastiest of things – i cant physically be near her. She blames me for all everything, a right nightmare! The fact ive now done "the right thing", means nothing, i wont be seen in the correct light. I'll be known as the guy who "left his pregnant gf". So I will be there for all parenting visits, prenatal classes, i will provide financially and will be hands on during the whole weekends and some evenings... From a ladies perspective what would you require from the babies dad at this stage and onwards? Watch her closely after the baby is born. I'm afraid if she is depressed now she will really have a problem post partum. Are you giving her a fair shake? Pregnancy hormones are hell. They can make a woman a little nuts. Think about it. I'm glad you chose not to cheat.
Jane Deaux Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 Definitely don't forget about the pregnancy hormones! They do make a woman crazy. There were times when it was like I was standing right beside myself WATCHING myself act like this crazy person, and I would be thinking to myself AS I WAS acting this way "WHY Am I acting so crazy?!?!" but I COULDN'T stop. But that was just randomly. I wasn't physically abusive to my SO. Just extremely easily upset over small stuff. I never told him everything was his fault or anything of the sort. Have you told her you don't think you guys are going to work out romatically yet? Or are you still getting it right in your head. I feel sorry for you and she. It's the hardest thing to say and the hardest thing to hear. But maybe she will be okay. Could be she doesn't want the relationship either and was staying because she thought you did want it or is more concerned for the baby. So I would emphasize strongly how you want to do everything you can for her and baby, but that you can't see the two of you together being the best parents together. If I were pregnant and split from my babies father I would just expect him to check on us daily. Phone calls, ect. This shows you want to be there for the baby and you aren't someone running from responsibility. People may believe what they are going to believe in the beginning, but if you show that you are not running the perception will change the more you are there for the baby. Help her get things she needs to complete the nursery if this hasn't already happened. Ask to come by to check on her. See how she is feeling pregnancy wise. Make sure she is comfortable. Make sure she is talking to friends and trying to stay mentally healthy. When baby comes, BE THERE! Set up a network so that you KNOW when she is in labor. If she is angry and tries to keep you away or in the dark about when she goes into labor then you need to consider finding a reliable source to let you know. It is your right to be there. Maybe not in the room, but you have the right to visit your newborn. You may have to discuss with her all your options as far as visiting the child. Good luck!
Author ordinaryguy Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 (edited) Definitely don't forget about the pregnancy hormones! They do make a woman crazy. There were times when it was like I was standing right beside myself WATCHING myself act like this crazy person, and I would be thinking to myself AS I WAS acting this way "WHY Am I acting so crazy?!?!" but I COULDN'T stop. But that was just randomly. I wasn't physically abusive to my SO. Just extremely easily upset over small stuff. I never told him everything was his fault or anything of the sort. Have you told her you don't think you guys are going to work out romatically yet? Or are you still getting it right in your head. I feel sorry for you and she. It's the hardest thing to say and the hardest thing to hear. But maybe she will be okay. Could be she doesn't want the relationship either and was staying because she thought you did want it or is more concerned for the baby. So I would emphasize strongly how you want to do everything you can for her and baby, but that you can't see the two of you together being the best parents together. If I were pregnant and split from my babies father I would just expect him to check on us daily. Phone calls, ect. This shows you want to be there for the baby and you aren't someone running from responsibility. People may believe what they are going to believe in the beginning, but if you show that you are not running the perception will change the more you are there for the baby. Help her get things she needs to complete the nursery if this hasn't already happened. Ask to come by to check on her. See how she is feeling pregnancy wise. Make sure she is comfortable. Make sure she is talking to friends and trying to stay mentally healthy. When baby comes, BE THERE! Set up a network so that you KNOW when she is in labor. If she is angry and tries to keep you away or in the dark about when she goes into labor then you need to consider finding a reliable source to let you know. It is your right to be there. Maybe not in the room, but you have the right to visit your newborn. You may have to discuss with her all your options as far as visiting the child. Good luck! Hi Jane Thank your for your message. I do understand pregnancy hormones, i learnt very quickly! Once i googled “my pregnant partner hates me” i was pleasantly surprised to see i wasn’t the only one on the receiver end of this phenomena! However her outbursts are so regular it is actually very hard to be near her as anything i say or do makes her react in the way she does. I totally understand this may alleviate somewhat when her hormones settle, maybe it will to the point of her being normal again; however she tends to store this feelings up and i can imagine she will refer to all the periods i made her go “crazy” months down the line. Its a no win situation. i even went counselling as i thought it was me who was causing it! we’ll see where things go with this. Maybe we can all be a happy family when things carm down but i really don’t want to be with her right now. Theres supporting someone and theres being subject to continuous shouting, name calling and accusations! I will always be there, i told her this about 10 times today, she doesn’t need to worry about that, i still cant wait to be a daddy! Edited March 31, 2011 by ordinaryguy ?
SoleMate Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 is the issue here cheating or staying in a relationship you know you're going to bail out on? Both. Fundamentally, you are depriving the pregnant woman of what she deserves, which is honesty about the type of relationship she is in and what the future will be. You have decided, based on no facts and no evidence, that it is better for the child-to-be for you to live this lie. Sorry, you are wrong about that. Why don't you see a family counselor and ask for some professional advice? Taking your pregnant "girlfriend" on shopping trips and "pampering" her and promising marriage while fully intending never to follow through, does nothing for her in reality, it just relieves your guilt. Although if you were objective about it, your guilt just be enhanced by what you're doing. I understand you're in a rough situation without any great choices, but you've managed to hit on one that is quite poor even among a bad batch. You can still support the child and the mother, WITHOUT lying to her. Think about it.
dreamingoftigers Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Hi Jane Thank your for your message. I do understand pregnancy hormones, i learnt very quickly! Once i googled “my pregnant partner hates me” i was pleasantly surprised to see i wasn’t the only one on the receiver end of this phenomena! However her outbursts are so regular it is actually very hard to be near her as anything i say or do makes her react in the way she does. I totally understand this may alleviate somewhat when her hormones settle, maybe it will to the point of her being normal again; however she tends to store this feelings up and i can imagine she will refer to all the periods i made her go “crazy” months down the line. Its a no win situation. i even went counselling as i thought it was me who was causing it! we’ll see where things go with this. Maybe we can all be a happy family when things carm down but i really don’t want to be with her right now. Theres supporting someone and theres being subject to continuous shouting, name calling and accusations! I will always be there, i told her this about 10 times today, she doesn’t need to worry about that, i still cant wait to be a daddy! I am not going to comb through the thread again....tired.... but your relationship is quite young, is it not? That combined with the stress plus the hormones is pretty staggering. Not an easy place to be.
Author ordinaryguy Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 Ive been dating a girl for a year and she became pregnant 5 months ago, around the time i decided this wasnt the girl for me. Without doubt im here to support and raise our child and give them the best in life. I treat my girlfriend to the best things in life, take her on shopping trips, help her pay her debts off, make sure she doesnt go without and of course i will support her for the next 2-3 years because i want my child to have its mother there for those important years. i will make sure the mother is financially independent and secure before i even contemplate leaving her. Heres the catch, my girlfriend has the ideal of marriage at some stage, prefably in the next 2 years. I know deep in my heart i dont want to marry her, i know if i tell her this it will upset her and we'll break up effectively leaving a child with a broken home. I dont want to do this so i tell her that we will one day. The girlfriend suffers from depression and coupled with the pregnancy hormones she can be very difficult to live and sometimes very unpleasent to live with, but i have a responsibility to look after her and my child irrespective of her treatment of me. I now have met someone else that i intend on seeing, the thought of effectively living a lie for the next 3 years depriving myself of love, laughter, and affection from another girl is just too much. The baby comes first so i wont let anything come in between that, but is it wrong to have some fun with this other girl or see other girls in the meantine? I thought id give you the update on this. I took your guys advice and told her i wanted to separate, but id support her financially and be there as much as i can as a dad. Wrong move. She moved out immediately and then took out a contact order and a non molestation order out on me. I am now being screwed over, court costs are looking like 10-15k to just 'defend' myself, shes denying access to my child because of the alleged harm i may cause him and the allegations are a work of pure art. Why is this happening, well because i thought id be honest and upfront and she is incapable of discussing things like adults. Even though i have tried to be amicable she would rather take me to court despite me having enough evidence of her nature, depression and unreasonable behavior. The likely result of being open and honest is i wont have a relationship with my child (i have read so many case stories regarding this and knowing what she is like i know i don't stand a chance unless i prove shes mentally unstable). The last two weeks have been the worst of my life, ive been balancing a new business, a part time masters degree, client work, harassment from her and her family, now court all because i dared to be honest. I realize you guys meant well but i have learnt a valuable lesson. If you know a girl has issues, you have to treat her differently. Guys take note. Honestly doesnt always pay. I am now paying £ 0000's per month for a child ive hardly seen and being denied access to. He's 8 weeks old and ive seen him for 1hr in the last two weeks!
eleanor01 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I thought id give you the update on this. I took your guys advice and told her i wanted to separate, but id support her financially and be there as much as i can as a dad. Wrong move. She moved out immediately and then took out a contact order and a non molestation order out on me. I am now being screwed over, court costs are looking like 10-15k to just 'defend' myself, shes denying access to my child because of the alleged harm i may cause him and the allegations are a work of pure art. Why is this happening, well because i thought id be honest and upfront and she is incapable of discussing things like adults. Even though i have tried to be amicable she would rather take me to court despite me having enough evidence of her nature, depression and unreasonable behavior. The likely result of being open and honest is i wont have a relationship with my child (i have read so many case stories regarding this and knowing what she is like i know i don't stand a chance unless i prove shes mentally unstable). The last two weeks have been the worst of my life, ive been balancing a new business, a part time masters degree, client work, harassment from her and her family, now court all because i dared to be honest. I realize you guys meant well but i have learnt a valuable lesson. If you know a girl has issues, you have to treat her differently. Guys take note. Honestly doesnt always pay. I am now paying £ 0000's per month for a child ive hardly seen and being denied access to. He's 8 weeks old and ive seen him for 1hr in the last two weeks! I recently had a friend go through this exact same experience, except that he and his xGF were in a "normal" relationship. His child is now about 18 months old, and his xGF has been dancing him around like a marionette. Restraining order. . . then complains that he doesn't spend time with his daughter. Doesn't cash his child support checks and then accuses him of not paying up. All this to say that I am very sorry that you have to deal with this. And unfortunately, you're going to have to suck it up and keep dealing with it if you want to see your son. Good luck to you, Ellie
Author ordinaryguy Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 I recently had a friend go through this exact same experience, except that he and his xGF were in a "normal" relationship. His child is now about 18 months old, and his xGF has been dancing him around like a marionette. Restraining order. . . then complains that he doesn't spend time with his daughter. Doesn't cash his child support checks and then accuses him of not paying up. All this to say that I am very sorry that you have to deal with this. And unfortunately, you're going to have to suck it up and keep dealing with it if you want to see your son. Good luck to you, Ellie Thanks Ellie, Im a decent guy and promised id look after her. Sadly i know how this is going to draw out, i will fight and exhaust every avenue i can. If i fail i have decided to stay away and not have contact, more for my own sanity than anything else. I will just have to explain what happened to my son when he finds me 18 years later.
spice4life Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 What an awful situation to be in. I don't have any advice, just wanted to say I hope you find some kind of peace through all of this. It must be very hard to focus on just living life while you are being put through the ringer by this woman. I never understood how people could be like that...what purpose does it serve? What are they trying to prove? Boggles my mind.
Author ordinaryguy Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 What an awful situation to be in. I don't have any advice, just wanted to say I hope you find some kind of peace through all of this. It must be very hard to focus on just living life while you are being put through the ringer by this woman. I never understood how people could be like that...what purpose does it serve? What are they trying to prove? Boggles my mind. Thanks. all i can do is be positive and look to the futre and hopefully i'll have my perfect family one day. She has psychiatric history as a result of herself not having a relationship with her dad, yet she does this to our son, it beggars belief i really does. Im not saying im a saint but myself nor my son deserves this. Peace.
jwi71 Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Wrong move. She moved out immediately and then took out a contact order and a non molestation order out on me. I am now being screwed over, court costs are looking like 10-15k to just 'defend' myself, shes denying access to my child because of the alleged harm i may cause him and the allegations are a work of pure art. Why is this happening, well because i thought id be honest and upfront and she is incapable of discussing things like adults. Even though i have tried to be amicable she would rather take me to court despite me having enough evidence of her nature, depression and unreasonable behavior. One this is NOT happening because you were honest - as she would have reacted like this (or worse) when you broke with her down the road - possibly even worse had you gone on and lied and cheated on her as you had planned. This is happening because she is...unhinged. The likely result of being open and honest is i wont have a relationship with my child (i have read so many case stories regarding this and knowing what she is like i know i don't stand a chance unless i prove shes mentally unstable). I am clueless when it comes to UK law so hire a lawyer and go to war. IF that is the choice she is making then you have no other recourse. Good luck and it sucks that UK laws don't give dad's equal and fair access to their kids. The last two weeks have been the worst of my life, ive been balancing a new business, a part time masters degree, client work, harassment from her and her family, now court all because i dared to be honest. I realize you guys meant well but i have learnt a valuable lesson. If you know a girl has issues, you have to treat her differently. Guys take note. Honestly doesnt always pay. I am now paying £ 0000's per month for a child ive hardly seen and being denied access to. He's 8 weeks old and ive seen him for 1hr in the last two weeks! What do you mean by "known issues"? Do you mean documented psychiatric care? If so, USE it against her. Can you not have the courts order visitation in the UK? Have you been before the judge yet? Looks like you are in for war...so lawyer up and get nasty. Fight. And keep all the documentation for future reference. One day, your son will try to find you. He may want to why you "abandoned him" - this paperwork (court filings you are doing) will be proof to support you did not - that her family pushed you away. Good luck...fight hard, fight mean and don't be fair - use every weapon at your disposal to WIN.
Author ordinaryguy Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 One this is NOT happening because you were honest - as she would have reacted like this (or worse) when you broke with her down the road - possibly even worse had you gone on and lied and cheated on her as you had planned. This is happening because she is...unhinged. I am clueless when it comes to UK law so hire a lawyer and go to war. IF that is the choice she is making then you have no other recourse. Good luck and it sucks that UK laws don't give dad's equal and fair access to their kids. What do you mean by "known issues"? Do you mean documented psychiatric care? If so, USE it against her. Can you not have the courts order visitation in the UK? Have you been before the judge yet? Looks like you are in for war...so lawyer up and get nasty. Fight. And keep all the documentation for future reference. One day, your son will try to find you. He may want to why you "abandoned him" - this paperwork (court filings you are doing) will be proof to support you did not - that her family pushed you away. Good luck...fight hard, fight mean and don't be fair - use every weapon at your disposal to WIN. I agree with your statement about honestly vs her being unhinged. She has long standing history of depression and failed relationships, her family are harassing me because they feel partially guilty for how she is. She has psychiatric history and i will be using it, mostly for her benefit as she needs the right support. I am trying for visitation, she is currently stating the child gets distressed out of her care because shes breast feeding and is being as obstructive as she can. The contact order will take a while and will be long winded, luckily i can limit costs as i know the law well and have represented myself against her this week in defense of the molestation order. The judge even asked her to rewrite her statement as it was misleading etc and the case will be reheard later in the month. If my statement was misleading i would have lost my defense there and then, it seems mothers get so much bias. Not fair at all.
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