NoChance Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Please help, I am a mess and need any insight available... There is a girl I like. I get the feeling she likes me, but I keep freezing in the moment despite pre-planning what to talk about. When I am with her, I forget everything, stumble over words, etc. We were talking the other day, she is a bartender, and I made some sort of comment of how she must never have a hard time finding work. She replied with some comment about how that's what she thought, but she had such a hard time finding work in this new city, and how its amazing that no one cared about her lengthy experience, and that she felt she was judged by her looks in every interview more than anything. She continuing on hinting several times along the lines of if she was better looking, she would have found a job easier. The thing is, she is gorgeous, I wanted to tell her that right away, but it seemed too forward. I couldn't think anything else less direct either. Thinking back now, something along the lines of `I have a hard time believing it was because of your looks` etc. I kind of felt she was fishing to see if I would compliment her as well, but instead I froze and bitched out and kind of steered the conversation elsewhere. What should I have said. While I have the feeling she likes me, I see her everyday and have never been direct about my feelings. To make things awkward would be worse than normal because I would still see her every day. What should I say in the future in situations like this where she creates opportunities for me to compliment her. Is there a way for me to compliment her without making the situation awkward if I`m wrong about how she feels. What can I do to calm down and stop freezing. I`m normally a smart guy, but around her I feel like a bumbling idiot.
USMCHokie Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 There is a girl I like. I get the feeling she likes me, but I keep freezing in the moment despite pre-planning what to talk about. When I am with her, I forget everything, stumble over words, etc. The problem is that you're pre-planning what you're going to talk about. Pre-planning implies a set course of action, and any deviation from that course of action generally leads the actor to focus solely on returning to that course of action. So of course you're going to forget things and stumble over words, because you're not thinking about what you're saying anymore. Instead, you're concentrating on getting back to what you had planned on saying. Instead of trying to go through a rehearsed conversation, why not just have a conversation...? What should I have said. While I have the feeling she likes me, I see her everyday and have never been direct about my feelings. To make things awkward would be worse than normal because I would still see her every day. You can be quite direct with your feelings by asking her out on a date. What should I say in the future in situations like this where she creates opportunities for me to compliment her. Is there a way for me to compliment her without making the situation awkward if I`m wrong about how she feels. Eh, you shouldn't really have to communicate your interest through compliments...
Author NoChance Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 When I say I pre plan a conversation I dont mean I plan exactly what to say. I just mean I make sure I have thought up of a few things I can bring up in case it gets to a awkward silent moment. The reason I am doing this and not just having a real conversation is I freeze, cant think of anything to say, I thought having some conversation starters thought out would help. The biggest problem, I have not mentioned is we are neighbors. I see her and her roommates multiple times a day. If it didn't work, they would all know right away. Wouldn't you be embarrassed or at least awkward to have gotten shot down, all these girls know, and now you have to see them and say hi to them every time you see them multiple times a day.
flowerlove Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 When I say I pre plan a conversation I dont mean I plan exactly what to say. I just mean I make sure I have thought up of a few things I can bring up in case it gets to a awkward silent moment. The reason I am doing this and not just having a real conversation is I freeze, cant think of anything to say, I thought having some conversation starters thought out would help. The biggest problem, I have not mentioned is we are neighbors. I see her and her roommates multiple times a day. If it didn't work, they would all know right away. Wouldn't you be embarrassed or at least awkward to have gotten shot down, all these girls know, and now you have to see them and say hi to them every time you see them multiple times a day. Hey...I'm probably of no help but, I'm the same way. I freeze in the moment. In my personal situation, there's a guy who has told me to my face that he likes me. I like him too. The thing is, we know each other but not too well and when we get to interact, it's not for too long. So I try to think of things we can possibly talk about [not exact conversations though, just possible stuff/topics]when we see each other but when we talk, I freeze. I usually let him direct the conversation but even though I'm a smart person and consider myself to be well-spoken, I feel as if I can hardly form a sentence around him. The thought of what I want to say is in my head but the words won't come out. I try to remind myself that he's a human being just like me and that he's not perfect, just like I'm not perfect...but...that doesn't always help.
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