There is not one day that goes by that I do not think of him

[forbidden fruit]

My affair has been over for some time. My xmm wanted me to call him about a month ago, but I did not. I see him at least once a week around town and at school, but avoid eye contact. He thinks I hate him and has know idea my heart breaks whenever I see him.

So yes I have moved on but I feel like he will never be out of my thoughts entirely. Most of the time I regret my affair because the pain was so great for me and my family.

 

All I can say is I miss him, and always wonder if he misses me but I would never in a million years go back to where I was no matter how much I loved him.

 

 

 

The times I had with him before the A were some of the best times in my life.

Even though I have this beautiful family that loves me and I love them.

[OWoman]

My affair has been over for some time. My xmm wanted me to call him about a month ago, but I did not. I see him at least once a week around town and at school, but avoid eye contact. He thinks I hate him and has know idea my heart breaks whenever I see him.

So yes I have moved on but I feel like he will never be out of my thoughts entirely. Most of the time I regret my affair because the pain was so great for me and my family.

 

All I can say is I miss him, and always wonder if he misses me but I would never in a million years go back to where I was no matter how much I loved him.

 

 

 

The times I had with him before the A were some of the best times in my life.

Even though I have this beautiful family that loves me and I love them.

 

It's not over, FF - you still think of him each day. You may have "moved on" a little but you are not over him yet. Until you feel absolutely nothing for him - no love, no longing, no hatred, no anger, nothing at all - he will still be a millstone around your neck.

 

When do you move out of state?

[Hazyhead]

I'm sorry you are still hurting Forbidden, but I think you are doing well for the most part. It still is early days, really - you can't forget somebody for whom you had strong feelings overnight. Do you find, though, that the more time that passes, the more you have prolonged periods in which you do not think of him? I do believe in the power of time as a healer and it seems to me that you are putting in the work required to get there. Maybe try some diversionary tactics when he does pop into your head? Try to move your thoughts to your loved ones at home, something funny that they've done or a good time you had together.

 

You will get there. I wish you continued strength and hope you find your peace.

[whichwayisup]

My affair has been over for some time. My xmm wanted me to call him about a month ago, but I did not. I see him at least once a week around town and at school, but avoid eye contact. He thinks I hate him and has know idea my heart breaks whenever I see him.

So yes I have moved on but I feel like he will never be out of my thoughts entirely. Most of the time I regret my affair because the pain was so great for me and my family.

 

All I can say is I miss him, and always wonder if he misses me but I would never in a million years go back to where I was no matter how much I loved him.

 

 

 

The times I had with him before the A were some of the best times in my life.

Even though I have this beautiful family that loves me and I love them.

FF, I really don't know why you can't let him go. It makes me wonder if you ARE actually inlove with him or possibly obsessed about your exMM. If you don't love him, then it could be ego too. I'm just trying to understand your frame on mind on this. You've ended the A. You two ended any friendship. You've moved. YET, you STILL are on about him, wondering this and that. You don't want him back yet you can't let go.

 

It's been since 2006. We're now 2011. That's FIVE years! And atleast 3 since the A totally ended.

 

Stop picking your kids up from school. Either get someone else to pick them up or allow them to take the bus home. He isn't in your neighbourhood anymore so no need to see him.

 

Also, WHO cares if he thinks you hate him. The A is over!!!! you two are not friends.

 

I don't know what else to say or how to help you, except that maybe it's time to reconsider therapy about this.

[Star_Bright]

My affair has been over for some time. My xmm wanted me to call him about a month ago, but I did not. I see him at least once a week around town and at school, but avoid eye contact. He thinks I hate him and has know idea my heart breaks whenever I see him.

So yes I have moved on but I feel like he will never be out of my thoughts entirely. Most of the time I regret my affair because the pain was so great for me and my family.

 

All I can say is I miss him, and always wonder if he misses me but I would never in a million years go back to where I was no matter how much I loved him.

 

 

The times I had with him before the A were some of the best times in my life.

Even though I have this beautiful family that loves me and I love them.

 

Reading your post in context with the background that WhichWayIsUp provided leads me to think that perhaps you are just very unhappy/depressed and your exMM was an escape from that? And now you are still focused on exMM instead of fixing your own issues? Just my impression, and I'm trying to help. Best wishes.

[Hazyhead]

Reading now, I was confused about the timing for your affair. It is quite concerning that you think about him so much, after all this time. Have you had any counselling Forbidden?

[findingnemo]

FF, I really don't know why you can't let him go. It makes me wonder if you ARE actually inlove with him or possibly obsessed about your exMM. If you don't love him, then it could be ego too. I'm just trying to understand your frame on mind on this. You've ended the A. You two ended any friendship. You've moved. YET, you STILL are on about him, wondering this and that. You don't want him back yet you can't let go.

 

It's been since 2006. We're now 2011. That's FIVE years! And atleast 3 since the A totally ended.

 

Stop picking your kids up from school. Either get someone else to pick them up or allow them to take the bus home. He isn't in your neighbourhood anymore so no need to see him.

 

Also, WHO cares if he thinks you hate him. The A is over!!!! you two are not friends.

 

I don't know what else to say or how to help you, except that maybe it's time to reconsider therapy about this.

 

FF, it has been a long time since you did the right thing. I have been in the same situation longer than you have. I found that it didn't help to think that there was something wrong with me or that I was weak. What helped was to accept the truth. In my case, I loved xMM but couldn't be with him. Therapy as WWIU suggests may be a good idea. It will help you figure out what you really feel about him.

 

At the end, you can only be happy if the choices you make are in line with your values. So take your time to understand why you feel the way you do and to know what would make you happy.

[Wandaland]

My affair has been over for some time. My xmm wanted me to call him about a month ago, but I did not. I see him at least once a week around town and at school, but avoid eye contact. He thinks I hate him and has know idea my heart breaks whenever I see him.

So yes I have moved on but I feel like he will never be out of my thoughts entirely. Most of the time I regret my affair because the pain was so great for me and my family.

 

All I can say is I miss him, and always wonder if he misses me but I would never in a million years go back to where I was no matter how much I loved him.

 

 

 

The times I had with him before the A were some of the best times in my life.

Even though I have this beautiful family that loves me and I love them.

 

Forbidden Fruit, I read some of your previous threads and the way you're handling this situation is terrible. You have been dealing with this for so many years. You are making this WAY harder than it has to be. All you have to do is TELL YOUR HUSBAND ABOUT THE AFFAIR! And not only to him, but to your XMM's wife as well! Yes, I know it's hard, but that will definitely make him stop contacting you! People here have told you this before, and yet you always choose to ignore them. And I bet you're going to ignore this post too!

[forbidden fruit]

FF, I really don't know why you can't let him go. It makes me wonder if you ARE actually inlove with him or possibly obsessed about your exMM. If you don't love him, then it could be ego too. I'm just trying to understand your frame on mind on this. You've ended the A. You two ended any friendship. You've moved. YET, you STILL are on about him, wondering this and that. You don't want him back yet you can't let go.

 

It's been since 2006. We're now 2011. That's FIVE years! And atleast 3 since the A totally ended.

 

Stop picking your kids up from school. Either get someone else to pick them up or allow them to take the bus home. He isn't in your neighbourhood anymore so no need to see him.

 

Also, WHO cares if he thinks you hate him. The A is over!!!! you two are not friends.

 

I don't know what else to say or how to help you, except that maybe it's time to reconsider therapy about this.

 

Hi WWIU,

 

Yes,you are all right in the things you have said. I just keep wonering what if I did not end it and what if he we did what he wanted to do which was be friends and keep everything status quo. I have not moved yet and at least going away for summer. Anyways, had to see him today at school function. He came up next to me with his kids so I said hi to them but did not even look at him. I could not even look up. Agonizing is the only word to describe what I felt!!

 

Yes ,it has been a long time, but there is just a feeling there that is hard to get over. We went through so much good and bad, we shared alot of intimate moments, alot of heartache and alot of guiilt. Awkard to say the least and I know you are all going to kill me when I write this, but I am just being honest. I was wondering at that moment what he was feeling. I know what I was feeling, but I just wondered what was going on in his head. Yes, I do still love him there I said it, but not in a I want to be with him, but in a I still love him plain and simple.

 

I know everyone has told me to get over it move on, get a therapist, or tell our spouses. I am sure I should do one or all but I am still not there yet. I am still just trying to get through one day at a time and yes it has been some years later. Maybe these things you never get over. You just live your life with this inside.

[bentnotbroken]

Hi WWIU,

 

Yes,you are all right in the things you have said. I just keep wonering what if I did not end it and what if he we did what he wanted to do which was be friends and keep everything status quo. I have not moved yet and at least going away for summer. Anyways, had to see him today at school function. He came up next to me with his kids so I said hi to them but did not even look at him. I could not even look up. Agonizing is the only word to describe what I felt!!

 

Yes ,it has been a long time, but there is just a feeling there that is hard to get over. We went through so much good and bad, we shared alot of intimate moments, alot of heartache and alot of guiilt. Awkard to say the least and I know you are all going to kill me when I write this, but I am just being honest. I was wondering at that moment what he was feeling. I know what I was feeling, but I just wondered what was going on in his head. Yes, I do still love him there I said it, but not in a I want to be with him, but in a I still love him plain and simple.

 

I know everyone has told me to get over it move on, get a therapist, or tell our spouses. I am sure I should do one or all but I am still not there yet. I am still just trying to get through one day at a time and yes it has been some years later. Maybe these things you never get over. You just live your life with this inside.

 

 

Years, years of wasting your BS lives while you continue to pine about the "what if of this mess". Have you ever heard the saying "Crap on the pot or get off". Most folks do get over what they want to get over. If not get over it, live in the present with the blessings they have instead of what somebody else has.

 

What about this person is so lovable? Is it his lying to his wife (and your husband's face)? Is it the way he plays games with the lives of other people? Could it be he is such a upstanding father and husband? Maybe it is the other women he flirts with that makes him so lovable. Surely it is his winning ways as a decent human being that makes him worth risking the stability of your children and the sanity of your BH.

 

When your husband finally figures out that he has lived with a woman who has longed for another man for years, you won't know what hit you. The anger, pain and devastation will be nothing compared to what will happen when Mr. Loveless' wife finds out. You have had years to do the right thing and you have refused to step up to the plate. Nice.

[Owl]

FF...you've been all over the board with this guy.

 

I think I've changed my mind on this...I think I agree with some of the other posters.

 

Personally, I still think you should tell your H, but for an entirely different reason now.

 

Tell your H the truth about what happened, and about how you still feel. Let him know that you're not able to move on...and go ahead and file for divorce so that you can free yourself up to explore the possibilities with this other man.

 

If you can't beat it...embrace it.

 

Stop denying yourself, denying him. File for divorce, and see what happens between the two of you from there.

 

It'll free your H up as well, it'll get the truth out there in the open so that there's no more deception.

 

At this point...what else can you do???

[whichwayisup]

Hi WWIU,

 

Yes,you are all right in the things you have said. I just keep wonering what if I did not end it and what if he we did what he wanted to do which was be friends and keep everything status quo. I have not moved yet and at least going away for summer. Anyways, had to see him today at school function. He came up next to me with his kids so I said hi to them but did not even look at him. I could not even look up. Agonizing is the only word to describe what I felt!!

 

Yes ,it has been a long time, but there is just a feeling there that is hard to get over. We went through so much good and bad, we shared alot of intimate moments, alot of heartache and alot of guiilt. Awkard to say the least and I know you are all going to kill me when I write this, but I am just being honest. I was wondering at that moment what he was feeling. I know what I was feeling, but I just wondered what was going on in his head. Yes, I do still love him there I said it, but not in a I want to be with him, but in a I still love him plain and simple.

 

I know everyone has told me to get over it move on, get a therapist, or tell our spouses. I am sure I should do one or all but I am still not there yet. I am still just trying to get through one day at a time and yes it has been some years later. Maybe these things you never get over. You just live your life with this inside.

 

WHy haven't you seeked therapy about this yet? Is it because this guy and thinking of him has become such a part of your life, you're afraid to let go? deal with actually LOSING him in everyway?

 

I thought you'd moved already... ?

 

Okay, running with OWL's idea.. You divorce, and now you're able to pursue 'whatever' with him. What then? He leaves his wife and the two of you get together? What do you have to gain from this? Love? Respect? True friendship? Companionship? Hot sex? Loving and kind, give and take relationship that could turn into marriage, have his kids as your stepkids and your kids HIS stepkids? Are you prepared for the fallout, all the changes, dealing with your (ex)H and his (ex)W too?

 

I don't know if you are just on a huge ego ride and can't let go, you need this guy in your life for some reason.

 

I feel sad for you because it seems your whole life is being controlled by him. The bits and pieces of attention he gives you and how you've built him up in your head, feeding your feelings which I believe is now an obsession.

 

Decide what it is you want and go from there. Either let go and get help, or chase after him and accept things as they are. As long as if it's the latter, you're willing to suffer consquences -- Possibly losing your H, your life as you know it and turning your kids lives upside down.

 

PM me if you need to FF.