Mixed28 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 When I got dumped 4 months ago I immediatley went to NC in hopes of getting her back and not pushing her away. Of course it did not get her back but I did suceed in not pushing her away. The funny thing is i don't want anything to do with her. I completely extracted her from my life deleted her from facebook etc i don't even feel like saying hi to her when she says hi to me. I do in order to not look like an ass. i do not make eye contact with her i act like she does not excist whether she is around or not. I avoid interacting with her. When we walk past one another I don't even look at her. Do you feel I am being a douche? The interesting part is her best friend thought I was super cute when I met both of them and she always says hi to me and stuff although I will not try to pursue her even if I find her attractive.
0hpenelope Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Nope, I don't think it's you being a douche at all. You've found what works for you for moving on and this is you moving on. You're giving to her exactly what she's giving you, no more and no less. Feels good, doesn't it?
Author Mixed28 Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 Nope, I don't think it's you being a douche at all. You've found what works for you for moving on and this is you moving on. You're giving to her exactly what she's giving you, no more and no less. Feels good, doesn't it? I came to the conclusion that she just wasn't that into me. I said I was clingy but looking back that's BS! Clingy to me and most people is sending a crap ton of texts when you don't reply to them. Being around them 24/7. Being extremely jealous, Controlling etc Was I any of those? The answer is NOOO! It was difficult to read her body language during the relationship. In fact I saw her and her new bf her body language when they were sitting together was odd. I remember my friend who is also my student manager at the campus cafeteria who is a girl said that when we were together and she saw us sitting together her body language was odd she didn't seem interested. She said that most girls will be kind of more open and not standoffish if that makes any sense hard to describe. I got the same feeling when I saw them together. She is kind of weird now when I see it from an outsiders perspective
USMCHokie Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 This is great to hear, OP! Right after the breakup, it's often hard to even imagine that you'll get over her or that your feelings will ever change, but you just have to have faith that they will, just as they have in your case. It took me well over a year to truly get to that point you seem to be in, so good on you. Glad to see your head is back on straight. Now it's time to get back in the game!
smudge21 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Nice one. You've reached that place so many of us want to be at. I'm sort of in the middle at the moment, fine one day, terrible the next. Always nice to read some positive posts on here.
turokturok5 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Lol i know right. Firstly i begged to get her back. Then i hated her and deleted her from my life. Then i decided to go NC. Then i contact her congratulating her on her license. Then i want nothing to do with her anymore because she was going after my best mate and i thought she was a terrible person. Then i send her a message apologising for the way i've been acting. NOW i want nothing to do with her again, i feel like im on a rollercoaster.
turokturok5 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 The interesting part is her best friend thought I was super cute when I met both of them and she always says hi to me and stuff although I will not try to pursue her even if I find her attractive. I find it noble that you are not trying to pursue your ex's best friend. Care to explain this to my ex?
Good Arms Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 I came to the conclusion that she just wasn't that into me. I said I was clingy but looking back that's BS! Clingy to me and most people is sending a crap ton of texts when you don't reply to them. Being around them 24/7. Being extremely jealous, Controlling etc Was I any of those? The answer is NOOO! I'm glad that you've come to that conclusion about not being clingy. It was only from my break-up that I've really learned about these common causes of relationships ending. Before, when I was resigned to never finding a girlfriend, I avoided any detailed relationship discussion articles or programmes like the plague. I didn't want to know about what I was missing out on. Now one of the positives to come from this hell I suppose is that I'm far more aware of things to avoid doing in relationships. Like you, I thought this term 'clinginess' at first meant physically clinging - but I was relieved to be assured that cuddling, holding hands, being physically affectionate wasn't the same at all, and I think it was in a thread of yours that many women said they'd love that. I thought I may have been seen as clingy by my ex as I was maybe being more affectionate than ever at the time she turned cold towards me... but I don't think this was the issue. Being too clingy is being jealous, posessive and overbearing I guess. My ex could also have quite strange body language... she can seem cold and stand-offish when she's not smiling or laughing... even some of her old photos on Facebook (which I don't look at now) showed that look. I'm glad your feelings are changing, I have to admit after 4 months my mind still idealises the relationship and her. Having to see her at work - a similar situation to yours - is the biggest challenge, and I'm only starting to really face that challenge in the past 2 weeks since she went full time. If I never physically had to see her, I know I'd be in a better place right now. I try and avoid her, but just smile and say hello when I can't. But I have to admit blanking her out and not making eye contact would be so much easier, as each bit of contact and looking directly at her smile hurts like hell. If not making eye contact works for you, then keep it up. You don't owe her your friendship, and she can't expect anything from you. You're definitely wise not to pursue your ex's friend aswell
Author Mixed28 Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 I'm glad that you've come to that conclusion about not being clingy. It was only from my break-up that I've really learned about these common causes of relationships ending. Before, when I was resigned to never finding a girlfriend, I avoided any detailed relationship discussion articles or programmes like the plague. I didn't want to know about what I was missing out on. Now one of the positives to come from this hell I suppose is that I'm far more aware of things to avoid doing in relationships. Like you, I thought this term 'clinginess' at first meant physically clinging - but I was relieved to be assured that cuddling, holding hands, being physically affectionate wasn't the same at all, and I think it was in a thread of yours that many women said they'd love that. I thought I may have been seen as clingy by my ex as I was maybe being more affectionate than ever at the time she turned cold towards me... but I don't think this was the issue. Being too clingy is being jealous, posessive and overbearing I guess. My ex could also have quite strange body language... she can seem cold and stand-offish when she's not smiling or laughing... even some of her old photos on Facebook (which I don't look at now) showed that look. I'm glad your feelings are changing, I have to admit after 4 months my mind still idealises the relationship and her. Having to see her at work - a similar situation to yours - is the biggest challenge, and I'm only starting to really face that challenge in the past 2 weeks since she went full time. If I never physically had to see her, I know I'd be in a better place right now. I try and avoid her, but just smile and say hello when I can't. But I have to admit blanking her out and not making eye contact would be so much easier, as each bit of contact and looking directly at her smile hurts like hell. If not making eye contact works for you, then keep it up. You don't owe her your friendship, and she can't expect anything from you. You're definitely wise not to pursue your ex's friend aswell It sucks though that she found a new bf 2 months after we broke up here I am still with no one granted being in relationship does not make you better or anything it's just that when I was in a relationship I much more happy before the relationship and I was super happy before the relationship so you can imagine being even more happy which I am sure you felt. Oh well.
Good Arms Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Yeah, I have to admit I myself wasn't exactly happy with life before the relationship, but during it I felt amazing, it was like a new lease of life, finally some sense of purpose. Finally I could share my love, the times when I made her happy were a real boost to my self-esteem. I know it's not healthy to get that from another person alone, but that's my life. I also had to see her moving on mere weeks later, on FB joking that she'd probably play hard to get with someone who liked her at work... yeah, thanks for that *deletes and blocks*... then I saw her walking alone with someone at Christmas and some other new guy at work last week... no idea if anything went/is going on with either of those, or if they're just friends... I don't want to know. But working with her means all these horrible things are rubbed in my face. Then today I thought I was getting away without seeing her all day, then she goes and walks right by me to give one of our mutual friends some snack or something (she's always sharing food with people)... this time I avoided looking at her, and afterwards I'm left wondering if I did the right thing as usual, plus it almost tips me over the edge into tearfulness again... how could things change to this, she used to lovingly give me sweets and stuff at work, does she really not understand that I'm still cut up about all this? She clearly avoids the area most of the time, so why break it now? Four months probably feels like ages to her, she's probably moved on so much and maybe dabbled with several people, I really don't know, and don't want to. Yet I'm still right here, stuck trying to get over my first love. It truly sucks.
turokturok5 Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 i think by what you said about sending lots of texts when they wouldn't reply is being clingy, im pretty sure i did that. Exept the only time i did it was after 13 beers and 2 shots
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