Not getting any younger, and I have NO game...

[Sophia03]

Okay so this is the deal. I am looking for advice.....

 

Well, it's sort of a long story, but a while back ago, 6 and a half weeks before I was to get married, I tragically lost my fiance and my unborn child. I went through a really dark time and place, but through my friends, family and faith, I was able to get through some really tough years. I have a great and fulfilling job as a teacher and a supporting family. I enjoy many things that "get me out of the house" which includes tennis, horseback riding, etc. I went through lots of therapy which included "peer support groups" at my church and private therapy to get through the more physiological changes that I was going through at the time.

 

This happened when I was 27 years old. It took me a while to get healthy and get my life back in order. I see things in a more mature and holistic manner now. The problem is this; now that I am open to dating people and I DO want to settle down one day, I lost a lot of my "prime dating years" getting my life back together. I understand men like the younger women. I've tried dating sites, but to much of my chagrin, most of the men in my age demographic are interested in women 10 years younger than me. I have friends who are at this age and many of them also (in this generation) keep up their looks much more than I ever did. Most of them have had breast enhancements and botox before they hit 25! I have lost a lot of my youthful beauty, but my friends still tell me that I am very attractive and fit. But appearance aside, it doesn't even compare to how I cannot "flirt" at the same level of single women out there. So, if I go to a function, I end up talking about the weather or some other kind of small talk which is obviously just going to send a guy running. I usually try to use my sense of humor, but then the guys usually treat me like "one of the guys" and I don't stand a chance. I've been told by some friends that I'm a "tough nut to crack" and I can only suppose that is because of the walls I have built up around me to protect me from getting hurt. I know that they are there, but I am willing to be vulnerable if given the opportunity. I just don't see any opportunities. I wanted some advice on what to do to; 1. compete with the younger singles and; 2. to present myself in the best manner possible.

 

ANY advice will do! I am open to any suggestions.

[Eddie Edirol]

if you have walls up and they are preventing you from conversing freely to people, you have to learn to separate conversing with people from getting attached to people. You also have to learn to go to the places where guys like women who are like you. People can sense when you are holding back, and they will stay away from you. So you will have to open up to people a little more to feel more comfortable, and then conversate better. Thats it. You can keep from getting attached to people if you know how to read the liars. But it takes practice, and if you dont practice, you'll be alone for quite a while.

[Macaw]

It's not that men prefer younger women - some men are simply insecure and easily intimidated by older women for a number of reasons.

 

You should focus on meeting people you have common interests or hobbies with, so you have a lot of topics to talk about and won't have to fall back to awkward conversations. Each guy will be different than the next - don't worry about acting "too flirty" or "not flirty enough" because on either way you'll be turning on some guys and scaring away others - just be yourself.

 

At 27 and older, there is only one game in the dating scene: "Zero tolerance for BS". Most people will be looking for a lifelong partner at this age, and if you try to fake an aspect of your personality to get them to like you better, it'll show and they won't be around for more dates, unless they're desperate or just looking for sex.

 

People tend to get picky as they get older - everyone is busy with their lives and feeling unmotivated to "take things slow and see where it goes", so if there isn't a spark early on, they'll move on. Don't feel bad if you get turned down a lot, most of us who are in your age group get turned down (or turn others down) for Long-Term Relationships very often and very fast.

 

Good luck on your search. You'll find what you're looking for as long as you don't give up on searching for it.

[MistaDynamic]

Well I think you need to start at the beginning. This will take some self awareness.

 

1. Make a list of of the type of guys you're attracted to.

 

2. Make you list of the type of guys that are attracted to you. The ones that have showed an interest.

 

Now you must discern the differences between list 1 and list 2. You have ask yourself what type of women , what qualities does the man I'm attracted to look for in woman. If you don't have any these qualities and aren't willing to develop them then you need "get in where you fit in", as they say. You area of finding a partner will only exist in list 2.

 

Also men choose women by their appearance and personality. You already mentioned somebody has said you're "tough nut to crack". Taming the shrew only works in hollywood. No guy of any worth is going to invest time and energy in women he feels he has put alot of hard work in "cracking". Especially when there are plenty of younger women by their nature are very fun and vivacious.

[nezbo]

Not all guys want younger women. I like older women! - the more intellect and emotional maturity the better.

 

Do you really need/want 'game'? Sounds shallow. The internet dating world is mostly shallow and could just leave you feeling crappy as it does to me. What you probably want is to form a real connection with a guy.

 

Just put efforts into meeting people in general. Getting involved in lots of organized activities, whatever they might be, always a good way of meeting new people. the activity gives you a reason to talk to them + a topic to talk about. Try out different types of activities, different types of people and take note of where you find people you trust the most and form the best kinds of friendships with. Maybe thats when your walls will come down a bit? When you're around the right types of people you're also around the right types of guys, and things will start to develop in their own time.

 

Cant really tell what you are like socially from your post, so my advice could be completely useless if my assumption that you arent very socially 'active' is innaccurate.