makelemonade1974 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Met this guy online. Great first date - long dinner (3-4 hours of talking), then we got a little tipsy, went to meet some of his friends for drinks - who were fabulous btw - lots of kissing after dinner and drinks, goodbye kissing etc. etc. really hot stuff. He kisses amazing, kept telling me how beautiful I was and it was generally great. There's not much I don't like about him - he's great looking, similar interests, level-headed, successful businessman, we even like the same music. Here's my issue - we have talked a LOT online - more than I would usually do pre-date. We shared a lot at dinner and he seems to be looking for a relationship - or at least keeps telling me that. The making out was apparently so hot that he keeps making references to what great sex we would have, which I find a little crass (and tell him so). I got a wake-up text this morning telling me how much fun he had and he thinks I'm beautiful, etc. I responded and we've been texting back and forth literally all day. At one point I had to tell him to quit so I could get some work done. He is SO eager - and the sex talk is freaking me out. Sex is not a "sport" for me and I don't plan on sleeping with him until I feel he's trustworthy - maybe a month or two, certainly not on the next date or even the third date. I need to get to know him first. Are these red flags? He keeps telling me he's likes me for me and not my body, etc. and he's not just looking to screw, but why does he talk about it so much then? I like him, don't get me wrong, I just prefer to be a little more cautious in my approach to relationships. Is this guy a nut or is this just some pursuit thing? Maybe he's like instantly in love with me or something? I'm a bit overwhelmed. Any advice would be appreciated. And sorry to start all these threads lately - it's been an eventful week.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 It sounds like he likes you way waay tooo much. I mean all that caring and attention what a problem to have. End sarcasm No its not a red flag. He likes you. Unless there is something more we don't know he just really likes you.
MarlyStar Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 All the sex talk would bother me too. But maybe he feels entitled since you did all that passionate kissing? If you told him you thought the sex talk was a little crass, did he back off on it? If not, and it seems like he didn't, then he's not very sensitive or respectful to your opinion. But if you told him, and he did back off (all the sex references were before you told him you found it crass, then I'd think that was ok.
Ricl Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Yes, he simply just likes you a lot. And is probably a bit clingy. The sex talk is just a part of him. Make it clear to him that if you guys continue the sex won't happen till you're ready.
Author makelemonade1974 Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 I did make it clear that the sexual stuff needed to stay in his head. I don't need to know about his fantasies. We were maybe a little too sexy flirty - and he swears he likes me for my brain and did back off when I told him to. I just feel like I already have a boyfriend and it's only been one date! I've never met a guy who communicated or texted this much. My ex (who was pretty much an a s s so not sure a great example) used to get mad at me if I texted him 5 times in one day. I have had 15 texts and 12 facebook messages today. Now I have responded to every message, so perhaps this was a conversation sort of thing. It's just freaky - he must be REALLY into me.
MarlyStar Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 I'd be a little wary. But if he backed off when you said something, that's good. So pace the relationship. Don't respond so quickly to FB and texts. Slow it down, and see if he's responsive. It's not possible that he's in love with you so fast, he doesn't know you; he's in love or attracted to a fantasy of you. That's okay, everyone does that. Then as you reveal who you are it either meshes with the fantasy or it destroys it and some of these who fall so fast and furiously, fall out of love/attraction just as swiftly.
mizliz Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 I did make it clear that the sexual stuff needed to stay in his head. I don't need to know about his fantasies. We were maybe a little too sexy flirty - and he swears he likes me for my brain and did back off when I told him to. I just feel like I already have a boyfriend and it's only been one date! I've never met a guy who communicated or texted this much. My ex (who was pretty much an a s s so not sure a great example) used to get mad at me if I texted him 5 times in one day. I have had 15 texts and 12 facebook messages today. Now I have responded to every message, so perhaps this was a conversation sort of thing. It's just freaky - he must be REALLY into me. 15 texts and 12 FB messages in one day would weird me out. However, you obviously find him attractive and he wants you, so I'm not sure what the problem is? I don't see an issue with a man who makes his desire for me, clear. If you are uncomfortable with his advances you can ignore them. Life is too short to over-analyze. Trust your gut. His intentions are clear - the ball is in your court. Good luck!
Author makelemonade1974 Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 the ball is in your court. Apparently so. I am a bit wary though - he needs to slow it down.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 In my dating experience, this sort of thing never ends well. My ex was like that for 5 weeks - every single day. I felt like he was obsessed with me. Then one day he just decided to change his mind and dump me. It went from that to NOTHING. Be careful, the guy is most likely emotionally unstable.
mizliz Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Apparently so. I am a bit wary though - he needs to slow it down. Tell him that, hun. If you are interested, but feel he is moving too fast - let him know. As Maye West said: "Anything worth doing, is worth doing slowly".
Eddie Edirol Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Apparently so. I am a bit wary though - he needs to slow it down. Tell him straight up that when he talks about sex it reduces your desire to consider sex with him, and trust.
tigressA Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Tell him straight up that when he talks about sex it reduces your desire to consider sex with him, and trust. I second this. I'm feeling wary about this guy. He seems to be coming on way too strong. Every single time I've experienced a similar scenario, the guy has disappeared soon after. I would be extremely cautious if I were you, OP.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 I second this. I'm feeling wary about this guy. He seems to be coming on way too strong. Every single time I've experienced a similar scenario, the guy has disappeared soon after. I would be extremely cautious if I were you, OP. I can't stress this highly enough.
tigressA Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 (edited) I can't stress this highly enough. Agreed. It's all about being swept off your feet as quickly as possible, and then the fall is swift and there's nothing to cushion your landing. IMO, a guy who truly wants you for you, who wants a relationship, demonstrates such through his actions--he doesn't go on in endless, cheap talk about it. The guys I had relationships with made plans with me, made me a priority--actions. The guys I had flings with talked, talked, talked. Have you two made plans to see each other again? Edited March 21, 2011 by tigressA
Author makelemonade1974 Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 Eternal - I will run far and fast from "emotionally unstable" - I hope you are wrong on that point. Eddie - good idea Tigress - wow that REALLY freaks me out. I hope that's not the way things go gheesh. I don't like to be played. Here's the deal - Sat night during the date he asked me to go hiking the next day - I said no. Sunday he asked me to come over, I said no. Last night I told him "too much texting, take it s l o w" and expressed my fears that he was trying to get me in bed as soon as possible. He protested etc etc and also said I would not hear from him during the week and that he was texting a lot because it was the weekend. No, we haven't made plans yet, but I think Tigress that you have a good point. I've met guys online who just want to sext and I'm not doing it. He better hurry though if he wants a date next weekend because I've got one Wednesday and just got an email from a boy at work who wants my time this weekend. This is so stressful - but kind of fun. I think I need to relax a bit.
betterdeal Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 (edited) He hardly knows you and is getting over-excited. This is unsustainable and he's likely to either cut and run or burn out and be miserable if he tries to continue to keep up the courting ritual like this. As far as flags go, if you feel uncomfortable with something that's what matters. You can tell him this and ask him to slow down, and let him know what you will do if it doesn't slow down. A little guidance might put him on the right track. Whatever the outcome, the lesson us guys have learnt is that being over-enthusiastic and throwing everything at it works, to get your attention. Edited March 21, 2011 by betterdeal
SmileFace Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 I like to hope everyone is different. If he is anything like the guys I have dealt with like this, he will be gone as soon as he comes.
EasyHeart Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 he will be gone as soon as he comes. That is an awesome line! I am going to steal it.
betterdeal Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 he will be gone as soon as he comes. You misspelt a word
Author makelemonade1974 Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 Yeah well I told him it bothered me and now I'm pretty sure he's pissed. Gheesh. NEXT
jane100 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 That is an awesome line! I am going to steal it. God, I'm laughing. Nothing to do with you Lemonade. People have made great comments on LS, take it at your pace absolutely...
yessy21 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 I did make it clear that the sexual stuff needed to stay in his head. I don't need to know about his fantasies. We were maybe a little too sexy flirty - and he swears he likes me for my brain and did back off when I told him to. I just feel like I already have a boyfriend and it's only been one date! I've never met a guy who communicated or texted this much. My ex (who was pretty much an a s s so not sure a great example) used to get mad at me if I texted him 5 times in one day. I have had 15 texts and 12 facebook messages today. Now I have responded to every message, so perhaps this was a conversation sort of thing. It's just freaky - he must be REALLY into me. I think this is a good thing... just ignore the comments about sex. he might just be a little more sexual than u. He is a little clingy huh? hmmm.... its something different ...enjoy it... u never know what u had until u loose it.
Imajerk17 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Eternal - I will run far and fast from "emotionally unstable" - I hope you are wrong on that point. Eddie - good idea Tigress - wow that REALLY freaks me out. I hope that's not the way things go gheesh. I don't like to be played. Here's the deal - Sat night during the date he asked me to go hiking the next day - I said no. Sunday he asked me to come over, I said no. Last night I told him "too much texting, take it s l o w" and expressed my fears that he was trying to get me in bed as soon as possible. He protested etc etc and also said I would not hear from him during the week and that he was texting a lot because it was the weekend. No, we haven't made plans yet, but I think Tigress that you have a good point. I've met guys online who just want to sext and I'm not doing it. He better hurry though if he wants a date next weekend because I've got one Wednesday and just got an email from a boy at work who wants my time this weekend. This is so stressful - but kind of fun. I think I need to relax a bit. Does this mean you'll finally stop whining about how there's no one to date you? Just wondering.
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