desertIslandCactus Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 Blinded, I have seen what you are speaking of with my H's OW. She has always made others feel that she was jealous and preoccupied with me. You are different than she, as you are honest and humble. The only consolation I can give is that anyone you could be with who had previously been in a close relationship - may give cause for concern. And if I wound up with Anyone, I might feel the comparison factor. I agree with what Whichwayisup has said: To start over and establish, date, and rebuild with him.
Got it Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Blinded, I am sorry for the struggles you have been facing. Yes, you have to see who they are in the EMR and understand what behaviors are just them, how the handle conflict, stress, etc. For me and my relationship, just getting to the point of separation/divorce was putting it at ground zero and now the relationship could truly start. Prior to that it was a diffrent dynamic. But the time in the EMR showed me a lot of things, both good and bad, about him which was very insightful. I agree about slowing it down and also watching your boundaries. If you are in a situation where you can't be honest now about your relationship with him you need to revisit that. How are you going to move beyond that? Have you tried couples counseling? How does he see the EMR and the ending of his marriage? What ownership does he take in either one? What does he see he needs/should do differently in future? Is he content with how everything played out? Does he blame others?
2sure Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Urgh...just the last couple of years I have become aware of several people in real life - BS, WS, and OW/OM who are in the same boat. I know THREE people who are part of a scenerio where the MM left wife for OW...and is now having an affair with the ex wife. I dont know, to me - its rediculous. Even after its over, its not over.
mzdolphin Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 Disclaimer: This isn't to say that the outcome would be the same for everyone, I know there have been a few posts here by OW who claim they are truly happy with their partner. But for the majority of us, the fact is you'd be ending up the type of person who has no problems lying, cheating, and catering to their own needs before anyone else's. -------------------------------------------------- That is the point. No matter how much chemistry we had. No matter how much fun we had and how much we had in common, I realized and kept reminding myself that this guy is quite comfortable cheating on his spouse and hurting his family. Who wants that? I developed a name for him, and you can use this (just insert the name of the CS) Lying-scheming-cheating-on-his-wife Ralph. That is the way I refer to him to my friends and sisters. It's funny, but it constantly reminds me of who he is. Helps in moments of weakness.
lilypond31 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 THANK YOU! I'm new to the forum and this is my very first post. i so wish i would've found this site sooner. as i read your post i couldn't help but cry and think your right about me to the tee. i have been with my MM on and off since nov. 08. after all the mess i've been through they finally gave up on the marriage this past July. and to be all honest i was happy because i felt in my heart they would've split with or with my involvement. but as great as the first 2 months were with him FINALLY able to spend the night without sneaking around and he was all mine i wonder now if i really want a relationship with him. he has a toddler with his wife out of state and during an arguement blamed me for him not being a good dad cause he was missing milestones and his daughter. that i was jealous-though i've caught him on facebook flirting and texting other women. i'm . i have never been like this in any relationship.i'm attractive and never had an issue meeting guys(which makes him soooo angry on minute and proud the next) my friends are so sick of hearing about it and only 2 know he's married. this is not what i expected i figure after all the patience, love and fighting i did that he would love me and do right by me. i guess the fantasy is better than the reality.
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