brokendreamz Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 For those who have't followed my threads I was dumped at the beginning of Jan after an 8 year relationship - the last 2 we were engaged. I beat myself up for a good while - blaming myself. I'd been unhappy for a few years and eventually it took it's toll and she said she couldn't be with someone who was always so negative about everything and who actively retracted from the world. I never really understood why I felt so unhappy all the time; I had a beautiful fiance, decent car, well paid job and a lovely home but somehow it just didn't feel like it was enough for me - it just didn't do it for me. I kept talking to her about travelling and that surely there must be more to life but she was happy at home and looking forward to kids etc. Fast forward 2 months and 1 week and I'm so desperately unhappy I make an appointment with the doc. He diagnoses depression (google it if this sounds like you) and after looking through most of the symptoms, I realise I'd been suffering with this disease for at least 10 years!!! ****! I'm starting to realise that although ultimately it was my actions that drove her away - there was nothing anyone could have done if I hadn't gone to see the doctor. I just thought it was my personality - that I was 'just a moody git'. I am having the most awful time being apart from someone who I woke up next to for 8 years of my life, who I built my life around and who I believed I'd be with forever and to think that I could have stopped feeling like this if I'd seen my doctor sooner is even more heartbreaking. Not sure why I'm posting this. I guess I just wanted to get things straight in my head (if that's even possible!). Thanks for listening.
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