Newbirth46 Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 Hello, My husband is the almost perfect husband until he leaves town. For some reason, he finds it very difficult to stay in touch (one call a day) and sometimes goes as much as a week (it has been longer) without even a phone call. When he comes home, he's never specific about where he's been and where he say's he's going he doesn't go. He refuses to carry a pager or cell phone. To me it sounds like he's having an affair, but there's never been any evidence. He say's I'm crazy and that I should trust him because this is just the way he is. The strange thing is this didn't manifest until about 3 yrs. ago. Up until that point he'd never do such a thing. We've been together 10 yrs. and married 3. He's also almost 63 yrs. old! I'm really fed up with him, but not in the position to leave right now. What do you guys think? Trisha
Rockstar Posted April 2, 2004 Posted April 2, 2004 Unless he is in the CIA you have got real problems. Hire a P.I. to follow him on his next adventure.
TazmaGurl Posted April 2, 2004 Posted April 2, 2004 I don't think anyone is ever in the position to leave. But if you find out he is having an affair will you really want to stay with him? Here is where you choose ignorant bliss or painful honesty... if you get someone to follow him and find out, make sure you are prepared for the feelings that can come with finding out he is having an affair. Or you may be pleasantly surprised in finding out he is innocent. Etheir way he is hiding something, at least, thats my opinion. It may even be something like a gambling or alcohol addiction and he may not want you to be upset or get on his case about it. Tazmagurl
fredrolin Posted April 2, 2004 Posted April 2, 2004 God bless him if he is having an affair. I hope I am still willing and able when I get to 63 !!!!! Seriously, he probably just wants some peace and quiet, or doesn't call because he doesn't have anything to say.
dixiepix Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 If I were you I would check into a personal vehicle tracking device. Type that into your computer and check that out. For a couple of hundred dollars, which would probably be cheaper than a P.I., you can track the destination, start and stop times via satellite, all done from the privacy of your own home with your computer. He is definitely hiding something. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
TigerEyes Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 Originally posted by fredrolin God bless him if he is having an affair. This is a real person with real feelings... She trusted us enough to 'share', and this is what you give back? wow, I'm speechless.
Darkangelism Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 Originally posted by TigerEyes This is a real person with real feelings... She trusted us enough to 'share', and this is what you give back? wow, I'm speechless. agreed
Pookette Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 fredrolin-that was heartless. Just plain cruel. Anyways, just tell him what you are suspecting. I know it's a hell of a lot harder than it sounds, but give it a shot. Maybe it'll just end up as...a fetish for fishing lures or something equally harmless. I'm sorry to say I agree with dixiepix though. "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst" That has been my motto for years and its never let me down...Good luck
dyermaker Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 In defense of fredrolin, I don't believe his comments were heartless at all. He wasn't honestly seeking the divine blessing of an affiar, he began his post with a joke, and then continued with legitimate advice--that he's escaping from the intimacy of a marriage, and his absences could be due to wanting peace and quiet.
fredrolin Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 I guess you people can't take a joke. I was kidding. I am 40 and don't have the energy to have an affair. If a 63 year old guy is still out there getting his groove on he is a lucky man. Why when there is a mysterious absence by a mate, the first thing somebody thinking is that there mate is boinking someone else? Sometimes people just need to get away from there daily routines to refresh themselves.
Author Newbirth46 Posted April 3, 2004 Author Posted April 3, 2004 Thanks everyone for your replies. I don't mind him taking a few days off to "refresh" himself. I never try to stop him from going because I know he likes to travel......the problem is that he WON'T phone home when he's away. I mean, any number of things can go wrong with him on the road or me at home. I'd think he'd at least give me that consideration, I mean, all I'm asking him for is to keep in touch, but he makes it sound like I want him to stop by every phone ( he won't carry a pager or phone), but it's nothing like that--just one (1) call a day is all. Mind you, this only started happening about 3 yrs. ago after we got married and bought a house--we lived together for 7 yrs. without this drama. Why couldn't he show this side of himself before I said "I do". Anyway........... I haven't read many of the posts yet, but I read one that said maybe he just wants to get away for peace and quiet..........it should be the other way around because around the house--he's the noisiest person I know. I'm the one that needs the quiet and I enjoy his short trips away, it's all his secrets and lies that get in the way. About what Fredrolin said........I could deal with him having an affair if I just knew that or "whatever" for certain. It's the "not knowing" that's causing the problems. I'm told him my suspicions about another woman. He denies it and still won't tell me where he's been. This would be a lot easier if he didn't treat me like a queen when he's home. anyway.........thanks again for all your posts and I'll keep you updated! Have a great weekend! Trisha
TigerEyes Posted April 3, 2004 Posted April 3, 2004 Originally posted by Newbirth46 Thanks everyone for your replies. I don't mind him taking a few days off to "refresh" himself. I never try to stop him from going because I know he likes to travel......the problem is that he WON'T phone home when he's away. I mean, any number of things can go wrong with him on the road or me at home. I'd think he'd at least give me that consideration, I mean, all I'm asking him for is to keep in touch, but he makes it sound like I want him to stop by every phone ( he won't carry a pager or phone), but it's nothing like that--just one (1) call a day is all. Mind you, this only started happening about 3 yrs. ago after we got married and bought a house--we lived together for 7 yrs. without this drama. Why couldn't he show this side of himself before I said "I do". Anyway........... I haven't read many of the posts yet, but I read one that said maybe he just wants to get away for peace and quiet..........it should be the other way around because around the house--he's the noisiest person I know. I'm the one that needs the quiet and I enjoy his short trips away, it's all his secrets and lies that get in the way. About what Fredrolin said........I could deal with him having an affair if I just knew that or "whatever" for certain. It's the "not knowing" that's causing the problems. I'm told him my suspicions about another woman. He denies it and still won't tell me where he's been. This would be a lot easier if he didn't treat me like a queen when he's home. anyway.........thanks again for all your posts and I'll keep you updated! Have a great weekend! Trisha I hope it gets better. I know ALL about the secrets and lies. It's torture. Also, the not knowing... What makes them think it is okay not to tell their spouse where they have been? I WOULD NEVER TREAT MY SPOUSE WITH SUCH DISRESPECT! I'm thinking of you! I've been there.
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