After five months, girlfriend tells me she was previously married. Thoughts?

[RandomGuy01]

Well, I've been in a relationship for five months now. I have to say, I'm very happy with the person I'm dating. I'm in love. Everything has been going great. I really feel like I'm with someone that understands me and that we could potentially have a very good long-term relationship. BUT...

 

Two days ago, my girlfriend tells me that she was married five years ago and is now divorced. The circumstances of the marriage/divorce are extremely bizarre. She told me that she basically married a guy, then left him the next day and returned home (she's from another country). She says that when she got home, she immediately emailed the guy and told him it was a terrible mistake, that she would not be coming back, and that she wanted to get the marriage annulled. He refused and she eventually was able to divorce (due to being separated for over a year.)

 

First, I don't mind the divorce part. This has nothing to do with that. The thing is, we met online and on her profile, she explicitly put that she had never been married. I pointed this out and said that I felt she had lied and she argued that even though she legally had been married, since they were never together (she swears that they never even spent a day together after the marriage), that she doesn't really see it as being "married."

 

I'm pretty bothered by the entire thing. I know everyone has something strange in their past. And it was five years ago when she much younger and not as mature. Still, the entire thing seems so bizarre that it has me very concerned. I just feel like I don't trust her as much now. She has told me that's the only thing like that from her past. Any thoughts? Does this seem like a big deal?

[Kindaconfused_77]

In her mind she clearly didnt consider it a mairriage considering she changed her mind a day later, which is why she listed herself as never married, but still, knowing that on some level she kinda lied on her profile, shes probably been agonizing about coming clean with you and sharing information about her past with you, even knowing it was taking a risk to upset you.

 

She is being honest with you. Its a big deal, in a positive way - she wants no secrets between you two, and you should take this as an opportunity to accept her regardless of her past and be closer to her.

 

At least, that is my opinion. We've all done dumb stuff in our past we arent proud of or might not ever want to share with anyone else, the fact she is opening up to you means she clearly cares enough about what you have with her and that she sees a future with you. Be happy!

[utterer of lies]

Sounds weird and fishy, but I wouldn't worry about it too much. Why? Because she told you by herself. Looks like it's important to her that you know the skeletons in her closet, and that's a good sign.

[jane100]

TRULY, its no big deal. She wasn't really married in the normal sense of the word, so why tell the world she's a "divorcee" and invite alot of pointless questions about a failed marriage that never really was! Honestly, it was over in the blink of an eye, and neither here nor there.

[oaks]

Does this seem like a big deal?

 

There are 2 parts to this. Firstly that she was previously married and secondly that she took 5 months to tell you. For me the second one would be the bigger issue (given what you've said about the marriage and how long ago it was).

 

I dated a woman who I met online - her profile said she was single with no mention of a previous marriage, but on our first date she told me. It was long enough ago that she didn't think that calling herself "divorced" served any purpose, and after she explained I agreed with her. I would've been annoyed if she hadn't told me early on.