Unbalanced Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 So lately I feel that either I have an emotional attraction to someone, or a sexual one. By sexual, I mean that I want to go all the way with a person, and by emotional I mean I like the company, and could picture doing things, but don't get turned on at the thought. So here's my current situation to paint a picture. Im home from college for spring break. There are two girls taking up my mental space. 1 is my ex of three years who we have been broken up for 1 month, but started talking again, and casually hanging out aka no sexual stuff. The other girl is this girl I went on 1 date with so far, and haven't done anything with yet... So when I think of my ex, im not gonna lie I mostly picture her w/ minimal clothes on and really enjoy the thought of doing things I have done w/ her while in a relationship. I really love exploring these thoughts nd memories, and want to pursue them but ive been stopping myself cuz of the other girl I am trying to date. WIth this other girl, I feel on and off periods where I am caught in a nice romantic train of thought such as kissing her on the beach or in the rain. WHen I think of these things, I sometimes get this like strange but nice feeling that radiates throughout everywhere in my body except my private parts.. When thinking of my ex I only get feelings really in my private parts, but i dont get that awesome other more emotional feeling I get when thinking of this new girl... so wtf is this? when im horny I can only think of my ex, but if i whack it and get relieved, Ill think of the new girl...is this normal? Is it because this other girl is new that both emotional and sexual worlds havent combined yet?..and look at this one last detail. I really dont want to tell my ex about this new girl because I don't want to hurt my ex emotionally, and at the same time I dont want to do anything sexual with my ex bc i think its ethically wrong to both lead my ex on and to do this when theres a new girl who may see potential compatibility with me. SO wtf do i do? Will the emotional sexual thing merge? ANd if I keep both these girls in my life could I still settle down with just one? or is it the fact that Im keeping both of them in my life right now that I am getting mentally mind f**ked??
Kindaconfused_77 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Maybe your emotional attachment and investment in the new girl is whats preventing yourself from objectifying her or even "using" the thought of her to gratify yourself sexually, becasue deep down what you crave first and foremost with her is that emotional connection? I am definitely both physically and emotionally attracted to my current crush, but like you, cannot picture doing anything to her sexually, becasue for some reason fantasizing and daydreaming about romantic scenarios seems to fulfil me more than, as you put it, "whacking off" to the thought of her. Even though I would like intimacy.. such fantasies doent seem to be at the top of my priority lsit when it comes to her. For now.
Author Unbalanced Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 Maybe your emotional attachment and investment in the new girl is whats preventing yourself from objectifying her or even "using" the thought of her to gratify yourself sexually, becasue deep down what you crave first and foremost with her is that emotional connection? I am definitely both physically and emotionally attracted to my current crush, but like you, cannot picture doing anything to her sexually, becasue for some reason fantasizing and daydreaming about romantic scenarios seems to fulfil me more than, as you put it, "whacking off" to the thought of her. Even though I would like intimacy.. such fantasies doent seem to be at the top of my priority lsit when it comes to her. For now. yeah that sounds about right lol..i find myself not objectifying girls that i like in the beginning stages of a relationship..not saying I objectify them once I hit that sexual stage lol, but once or if i do get there, im guessing it will pop into my mind at times, i really dont know haha ive only been in one serious relationship...
spiderowl Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Sounds like you are still too attached to your ex to move forward in some way. I think the two will merge when the relationship with the new girl goes that way, provided that you are interested in her emotionally. If you are not and are just passing time with her, then it would be foolish to take this further unless she's aware that you are not very committed. I get the feeling you feel you would be being unfaithful to your ex if you saw other women in that way. Not sure what you can do about this other than consider it and perhaps give yourself permission to leave the ex behind. Did you leave your ex? Maybe there is some guilt there too. I agree it would be completely wrong to have sex with her if you have split up. It maintains an emotional tie, regardless of whether you feel it does.
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