Living together and little housework-related annoyances

[Els]

Been living together with the bf for nearly 5 months now. Still great, but I've noticed that I get very easily annoyed with picking up after the bf! The problem is that I think the issue lies with ME, not him. I used to be able to live in a room with books piling up all around me and not bother very much at all. I could close an eye to stuff lying around as long as it wasn't organic or stinky or disgusting.

 

But now everything just has to be in order for me, for some obscure reason. If he chucks his stuff around the living room, I just cannot stand looking at it and feel compelled to pick up after him. This is strange because I used to be just like him, chucking stuff around! Maybe the difference is caused by this being the only place I've ever really been able to call MY home. Before this I'd only ever stayed with the parents or housemates.

 

I would feel bad telling him to do it himself because (1) he is relatively easygoing about most of MY difficult-to-live-with traits, and (2) he works 50 hour weeks and pays for most of our rent/bills. So I take it on myself to do most of the housework - I go to Uni, but even with studying and assignments added to classes, it equals to way less than 50 hrs/week. I wouldn't mind that, except that it is frustrating to see a place I'd JUST tidied yesterday to be dirtied today! As an example, today he put a stack of papers on the ironing board in the living room (yeah, I know, he treats virtually anything as a surface to put stuff on, which is why I designated 'my' shelves from 'his'), and it fell to the floor. I saw it but wanted to let him pick it up. So he went to iron his shirt... finished ironing his shirt.. and when he returned from the living room the stack of papers remained scattered over the floor right where he would have stood to iron.

 

I've gotten snappy several times over this, and I don't want this to eat into our life together. I used to rightfully think it silly of people to lose sight of what was most important - their RELATIONSHIP - over petty stuff like having their stuff just that little bit cleaner or tidier. But I'm falling prey to it myself, and I don't know how to stop. Today night I made a point to just spend time WITH him doing fun stuff and focus on enjoying ourselves instead of thinking about all the stuff I need to get done including housework, and we had a good time, but it actually took somewhat an effort to do so.

 

Edit: My mom is totally OCD about cleanliness, btw, so I'm hoping I'm not turning into her. She used to get herself all up in a snappy tizzy when little stuff went wrong, like something spilling on the floor, and would make herself mop the ENTIRE kitchen twice if ONE drop of soup fell on the floor, and get all grumpy about it after. Her place was spotless. Her relationship with my father would not have been so had he been a less patient man though, methinks.

Edited March 20, 2011 by Elswyth

[New Again]

Nobody likes constantly picking up after someone and feeling unappreciated.

[Els]

It isn't really about being unappreciated, no. I don't thank him everyday for paying the rent, so I don't think he needs to thank me everyday for doing the housework either. His standards of cleanliness are just naturally lower.

[New Again]

I guess I misunderstood you.

 

This:

I wouldn't mind that, except that it is frustrating to see a place I'd JUST tidied yesterday to be dirtied today!

is something I usually hear from moms who feel unappreciated, frustrated and/or pissed off. They pick something up, clean the house or whatever, and they turn their back and their husband or kids made another mess in the same place. It's disrespectful to the effort they put in to make the house clean and neat for everyone to do that. It makes them feel unappreciated.

 

"It isn't really about being unappreciated, no. I don't thank him everyday for paying the rent, so I don't think he needs to thank me everyday for doing the housework either. His standards of cleanliness are just naturally lower."

 

I guess you just need to accept that that's the way he is, and that's the way things will go if you are living together and/or married to one another.

[denise_xo]

I think these issues are just kind of part of living together. I don't have any better advice than a dash of tolerance and a dash of communication. I'm the messier one at home and my partner tells me when he needs me to clear something away, as he does most of the day to day tidying. I put up with his 'cleaning dishes without actually cleaning them' for several years. But as long as you don't assign it too much importance and both parties kind of try to meet half way, it doesn't get too big (unless point of departure is radically different, but doesn't sound like that in your case).

[asireen]

Edit: My mom is totally OCD about cleanliness, btw, so I'm hoping I'm not turning into her.

 

If not now, then later. Eventually you will turn into her. It is in the genes. Marriage (if it happens) will accelerate the process.

[charissa]

Oh ... you sound just like me 9 years ago. I was always a slob growing up, but my hubby makes me look like a neat freak. Overall, we have a good relationship. I love him dearly and he is my best friend. We have no secrets, and no major arguments except for one: housekeeping!

 

There are some advantages to living with a messy guy. I think sometimes they don't see the mess. This means you might not get much help cleaning up (even his own messes), but also you won't get much grief about keeping the place clean. My own dad is pretty OCD, and was always riding my room, yard work, etc. so I appreciate someone who is more easygoing.

 

Then again, even if you have tolerated clutter in the past, if you want to move past that now, living with it every day can be draining. You mentioned the idea that this is your home, so let me be completely honest with you. After 8 years and 2 moves, I sometimes still have trouble feeling like this mess is home. I feel like home should be a refuge, and I just can't relax or concentrate when the mess reaches a certain level. It could be because I was raised in a neat and tidy home. I don't feel like I can have people over, so it can be isolating at times. Also, we have kids now, and that adds a whole new element.

 

If I had to do over again, I think I would still be with him, but I would have tried harder earlier on to keep up with things myself early on instead of waiting on him to do it. It has taken a while, but he is starting to acknowledge the problem and fix it. Everyone has faults, and I'll take poor housekeeping over a host of other issues!

 

I suppose you have to decide if this is something you can live with long term.

[Els]

I think these issues are just kind of part of living together. I don't have any better advice than a dash of tolerance and a dash of communication. I'm the messier one at home and my partner tells me when he needs me to clear something away, as he does most of the day to day tidying. I put up with his 'cleaning dishes without actually cleaning them' for several years. But as long as you don't assign it too much importance and both parties kind of try to meet half way, it doesn't get too big (unless point of departure is radically different, but doesn't sound like that in your case).

 

Oh ... you sound just like me 9 years ago. I was always a slob growing up, but my hubby makes me look like a neat freak. Overall, we have a good relationship. I love him dearly and he is my best friend. We have no secrets, and no major arguments except for one: housekeeping!

 

There are some advantages to living with a messy guy. I think sometimes they don't see the mess. This means you might not get much help cleaning up (even his own messes), but also you won't get much grief about keeping the place clean. My own dad is pretty OCD, and was always riding my room, yard work, etc. so I appreciate someone who is more easygoing.

 

Then again, even if you have tolerated clutter in the past, if you want to move past that now, living with it every day can be draining. You mentioned the idea that this is your home, so let me be completely honest with you. After 8 years and 2 moves, I sometimes still have trouble feeling like this mess is home. I feel like home should be a refuge, and I just can't relax or concentrate when the mess reaches a certain level. It could be because I was raised in a neat and tidy home. I don't feel like I can have people over, so it can be isolating at times. Also, we have kids now, and that adds a whole new element.

 

If I had to do over again, I think I would still be with him, but I would have tried harder earlier on to keep up with things myself early on instead of waiting on him to do it. It has taken a while, but he is starting to acknowledge the problem and fix it. Everyone has faults, and I'll take poor housekeeping over a host of other issues!

 

I suppose you have to decide if this is something you can live with long term.

 

I am definitely not even thinking of leaving him due to this.. it would be the stupidest decision ever to leave someone who brings so much happiness to me just so I can have a cleaner floor, really!

 

I like your suggestion of the dash of tolerance and meeting halfway, denise, but I was more looking for suggestions on the practical parts of HOW to do so. Bearing in mind that it really will be unfair to divide housekeeping halfway with him paying the bulk of our bills.

 

Also, charissa, thanks for bringing up the point about the advantage being his easygoingness.. that is indeed a perk that I am beginning to take for granted, after having been away from my mom for so long. Once when I was on vacation I just totally lazed out and left the dishes unwashed for several days.. he didn't do them, but he didn't mind me doing so either. I basically have the freedom to do or not do whatever I want, within the scope of my own tolerance. Now if I could only broaden that tolerance to include his habits as well...

[hoping2heal]

I am definitely not even thinking of leaving him due to this.. it would be the stupidest decision ever to leave someone who brings so much happiness to me just so I can have a cleaner floor, really!

 

I like your suggestion of the dash of tolerance and meeting halfway, denise, but I was more looking for suggestions on the practical parts of HOW to do so. Bearing in mind that it really will be unfair to divide housekeeping halfway with him paying the bulk of our bills.

 

Also, charissa, thanks for bringing up the point about the advantage being his easygoingness.. that is indeed a perk that I am beginning to take for granted, after having been away from my mom for so long. Once when I was on vacation I just totally lazed out and left the dishes unwashed for several days.. he didn't do them, but he didn't mind me doing so either. I basically have the freedom to do or not do whatever I want, within the scope of my own tolerance. Now if I could only broaden that tolerance to include his habits as well...

 

Do you need this imperfection, perhaps. I have been following your threads for awhile and one common theme I have noticed with you is that something always has to be wrong. Now, it is more than understandable if you felt unappreciated but you have made it clear that is not the case. He pays the bills, and you do the housework and he is very laid back about when and if you do that and does not but your chops. So, if you are indeed not feeling under appreciated, and you feel like cleaning house is reasonable for you since he is the one paying the bills..I mean, why even take issue with it at all. I mean maybe it is your way of having control to find these issues to have, I am not sure what it is.

[Els]

I am not sure what your point is, H2H. As far as something 'always being wrong', this is my 'rant place', so to speak, so when anything bothers me, I rant here. If your relationship is perfect all the time and nothing ever bothers you, that's great for you. I have no expectations of mine being such, especially because I am not perfect. So I need help with a lot of stuff.

 

I posted this to get suggestions on how I can prevent myself from going the horrible route of naggy, clean-freak live-in gf, and I think some trouble adjusting to one anothers' living habits is something normal when two people move in together for the first time. It can only help to have advice from people who've been there and done it as to how to best smooth this out.

 

As I said, I don't feel that our division of tasks is unfair, but it just boggles my mind how someone can drop stuff on the floor, then stand right next to it while doing something else and just not pick it up. And I feel that my cleaning just gets pointless if he does that.

Edited March 21, 2011 by Elswyth

[hoping2heal]

I am not sure what your point is, H2H. As far as something 'always being wrong', this is my 'rant place', so to speak, so when anything bothers me, I rant here. If your relationship is perfect all the time and nothing ever bothers you, that's great for you. I have no expectations of mine being such, especially because I am not perfect. So I need help with a lot of stuff.

 

I posted this to get suggestions on how I can prevent myself from going the horrible route of naggy, clean-freak live-in gf, and I think some trouble adjusting to one anothers' living habits is something normal when two people move in together for the first time. It can only help to have advice from people who've been there and done it as to how to best smooth this out.

 

As I said, I don't feel that our division of tasks is unfair, but it just boggles my mind how someone can drop stuff on the floor, then stand right next to it while doing something else and just not pick it up. And I feel that my cleaning just gets pointless if he does that.

 

I think it would help to explain how you feel to him about his habits making your cleaning feel useless. You said he is very laid back and perhaps in his pov he does not expect you to clean, therefore does not realize how its making you feel.

[sb129]

Nobody likes constantly picking up after someone and feeling unappreciated.

 

Iit just boggles my mind how someone can drop stuff on the floor, then stand right next to it while doing something else and just not pick it up. And I feel that my cleaning just gets pointless if he does that.

 

Because he is a guy! They all do it. They don't even see mess. My H could live quite happily with piles of junk piling up around him and he wouldn't even notice. (unless his mother was coming to stay then he would be mr neat freak) Its really annoying and its one thing that p*sses me off too.

 

I have just had 'words' with my H about this EXACT same thing.

This time it was about him not putting the dirty bottle in the dishwasher or the formula tin away after he put our daughter to bed. Both were left out on the bench along with a few other bits and pieces- and its not like he was in a rush or anything he still hung out in the kitchen long enough to make popcorn and pour a glass of wine, so he could have done it while he was waiting for the popcorn to pop.

 

I am actually still mad about our exchange, so i am probably not the best person to be giving advice right now, but if there was one thing I could change, it would be that.

 

We argue less since we got a cleaner btw...

[LittleTiger]

I know you've said that you don't feel unappreciated Elswyth but are you sure? Ok, so your bf pays most of the bills and you do most of the housework, that sounds reasonably fair and you're obviously happy with the arrangment - in theory.

 

However, your bf earns the money and pays each bill just once. When the job is done, it's done - at least until next week or next month or whatever. He goes to work each day and you both know how much money he is making. Presumably you don't go around spending huge amounts of money on a credit card and then expect him to fork out extra because you can't control your spending?

 

It works the other way too. Keeping the house clean and tidy is an ongoing process of course and it may be 'your job' but your bf has a responsibility to ensure that he is not making your job more difficult.

 

It's one thing to do the tidying, dusting, vacuuming, clothes washing etc, it's quite another for you to do that only to have him come in and make a mess where you have just tidied. Your example of him scattering the papers from the ironing board to the floor is just plain inconsiderate. You're not his dogsbody, you're his partner. Does he also expect you to clean his teeth, bath him and shave him?

 

There are some things that we are all responsible for doing ourselves, regardless of our partners role in the relationship. Picking up a pile of papers you've dropped on the floor is an easy enough thing to do and shows respect for the person who does the housework.

 

If he spilled milk on the kitchen floor or sauce on the living room carpet, would it be your job to clean that up too?

 

I understand that we're all different degrees of messy. I'm messy and my partner is even messier but we both do our bit to ensure things don't get completely out of hand. Sometimes I do have to remind him, as nicely as possible, that I'd appreciate it if he tidied up X, Y or Z. I know he doesn't like me saying that but he knows it's only fair, he'll do what I ask and we're both happy.

 

If you don't say something Elswyth the resentment, however small it is now, will eventually build up. It's much better to discuss problems early in a relationship when you both have a chance to fix things.

[denise_xo]

[quote=Elswyth;3300397

I like your suggestion of the dash of tolerance and meeting halfway, denise, but I was more looking for suggestions on the practical parts of HOW to do so. Bearing in mind that it really will be unfair to divide housekeeping halfway with him paying the bulk of our bills.

 

I see - practically speaking the tolerance issue is just a state of mind IMO and I don't have any better suggestions than just saying to yourself 'this is not as important as I make it into right now' type of thing. Meeting half way: speaking about it along the lines of 'it really bothers me when you do X do you think it's possible for you to [insert whatever]' and then see what leeway he might ask for in return. Having him pick up papers he dropped all over the floor is not the same as asking him to do all the housework, so one distinction to work out from is 'our general mess' (which you take responsibility for since he is working more) versus 'your and my mess' which are the more specific things that individuals do to tidy up after their actions (as opposed to dust and dirt that will generally gather in a house throughout the week).

 

Sorry not to be of more specific help than that.

[Els]

Because he is a guy! They all do it. They don't even see mess. My H could live quite happily with piles of junk piling up around him and he wouldn't even notice. (unless his mother was coming to stay then he would be mr neat freak) Its really annoying and its one thing that p*sses me off too.

 

We argue less since we got a cleaner btw...

 

Admittedly, most of the guys I know have also been horrible at keeping tidy, worse than my bf.

 

Cleaner suggestion isn't really applicable since I'm not earning.

 

I know you've said that you don't feel unappreciated Elswyth but are you sure? Ok, so your bf pays most of the bills and you do most of the housework, that sounds reasonably fair and you're obviously happy with the arrangment - in theory.

 

However, your bf earns the money and pays each bill just once. When the job is done, it's done - at least until next week or next month or whatever. He goes to work each day and you both know how much money he is making. Presumably you don't go around spending huge amounts of money on a credit card and then expect him to fork out extra because you can't control your spending?

 

It works the other way too. Keeping the house clean and tidy is an ongoing process of course and it may be 'your job' but your bf has a responsibility to ensure that he is not making your job more difficult.

 

It's one thing to do the tidying, dusting, vacuuming, clothes washing etc, it's quite another for you to do that only to have him come in and make a mess where you have just tidied. Your example of him scattering the papers from the ironing board to the floor is just plain inconsiderate. You're not his dogsbody, you're his partner. Does he also expect you to clean his teeth, bath him and shave him?

 

There are some things that we are all responsible for doing ourselves, regardless of our partners role in the relationship. Picking up a pile of papers you've dropped on the floor is an easy enough thing to do and shows respect for the person who does the housework.

 

If he spilled milk on the kitchen floor or sauce on the living room carpet, would it be your job to clean that up too?

 

The problem is that he isn't 'expecting' anything. I would get mad also if he were making a mess and 'expecting' me to clean up after him. But he doesn't. If I didn't pick the papers up, he would happily sidestep them until we move out at the end of the year probably.

[LittleTiger]

The problem is that he isn't 'expecting' anything. I would get mad also if he were making a mess and 'expecting' me to clean up after him. But he doesn't. If I didn't pick the papers up, he would happily sidestep them until we move out at the end of the year probably.

 

Ok, so how about saying to him:

 

"I would really appreciate it if you could pick up stuff when you've finished with it, and not leave things where we have to walk over them - it makes me feel .................. (whatever it is you feel). I'm happy to do all the cleaning but I find it stressful (or whatever) when everything gets untidy."

 

Just an idea. Obviously it depends on your bf whether saying such a thing would make any difference.

[Els]

Sorry, guys, I actually had more to reply, but truncated my post because I suddenly had to go IRL.

 

I see - practically speaking the tolerance issue is just a state of mind IMO and I don't have any better suggestions than just saying to yourself 'this is not as important as I make it into right now' type of thing. Meeting half way: speaking about it along the lines of 'it really bothers me when you do X do you think it's possible for you to [insert whatever]' and then see what leeway he might ask for in return. Having him pick up papers he dropped all over the floor is not the same as asking him to do all the housework, so one distinction to work out from is 'our general mess' (which you take responsibility for since he is working more) versus 'your and my mess' which are the more specific things that individuals do to tidy up after their actions (as opposed to dust and dirt that will generally gather in a house throughout the week).

 

Sorry not to be of more specific help than that.

 

I agree completely with the bolded, and I will try. I am still struggling to understand how I changed from a mess-happy person to a mess-averse person JUST after we moved in together. Perhaps a secret desire to be a good housekeeper for him, I don't know.

 

As for the papers, I only noticed they were still there after he had gone to bed, and he had a 16-hour workday the next day, so I didn't have the heart to make him go and do it.

 

I think it would help to explain how you feel to him about his habits making your cleaning feel useless. You said he is very laid back and perhaps in his pov he does not expect you to clean, therefore does not realize how its making you feel.

 

Yes, precisely, I think. Perhaps I will do just that.

 

Ok, so how about saying to him:

 

"I would really appreciate it if you could pick up stuff when you've finished with it, and not leave things where we have to walk over them - it makes me feel .................. (whatever it is you feel). I'm happy to do all the cleaning but I find it stressful (or whatever) when everything gets untidy."

 

Just an idea. Obviously it depends on your bf whether saying such a thing would make any difference.

 

The reason I am slightly reluctant to do so is because he has made a lot of adjustments for me already, when we moved in together. I have little OCD streaks about certain things that might drive a person bonkers, but he puts up with it easily. For just one example, I have to sleep with my head away from the wall, with the blanket just so, and with the bed in just such a position, and he complies with that. I complained about his pager bleeping away all night, so he keeps it in the living room everyday just because of that. And so on and so forth. I thought I should be able to be the one adjusting this time - it should be easy after all, just ignore the mess, like how I used to the other 23 years of my life.

 

It perplexes me how I can't seem to.

[LittleTiger]

It perplexes me how I can't seem to.

 

Your own mess in somebody else's house is one thing. Somebody else's mess in your house is entirely different - even if it's your partner who's making the mess. It's just the homemaker coming out in you so I wouldn't worry about becoming OCD.

 

You have two choices. You either learn to deal with the mess and pretend it's not there (try therapy if you're really worried about your reaction to it) or you talk to your bf.

 

To be honest, if you love each other and you're planning to make this relationship permanent, he's going to have to learn to live with your little foibles and you're going to have to learn to live with his. It's a question of compromise - but you can only compromise if you're prepared to talk - about everything.

[xxoo]

I was you a few years ago For me, it was when the kids came along, and I suddenly needed a "tidy" home. It was an adjustment, after years of cohabitating as slobs together!

 

Some tricks I've learned:

 

1. Make sure there is adequate storage. If there aren't convenient places for things to go, they won't be put away.

 

2. Make sure he has a "messy spot" where he can dump stuff.

 

3. Make sure you have "cutter free" zones where he absolutely can NOT dump stuff.

 

(2 and 3 are ideas you should sit down together and talk about. Ask for his input, share your concerns, and designate some spaces together)

 

Keep a "big picture" perspective when cleaning up his stuff again. Think of all the repetitive tasks he does for you without complaining. My guy makes my coffee and always pumps the gas. For that, I can happily pick his boxers up from the bathroom floor each and every morning like the "boxer fairy"

[whichwayisup]

Because he is a guy! They all do it. They don't even see mess. My H could live quite happily with piles of junk piling up around him and he wouldn't even notice. (unless his mother was coming to stay then he would be mr neat freak) Its really annoying and its one thing that p*sses me off too.

This makes me laugh..Yes, many guys do this. My H is notorious for eating an apple and leaving the core on the table near the couch. The funny thing is, sometimes when I eat a banana, I'll leave it on purpose on the counter and not throw it away. I KNOW he'll say something..So when he does, I just say OK, apple core and point..He laughs and says yah I know, I know.

 

Each of us have our little things we do, annoying as hell, but it's not a big deal. Laugh about it, make a joke is the best way to handle it that way no argument is going to happen.

[nddb]

but I was more looking for suggestions on the practical parts of HOW to do so. Bearing in mind that it really will be unfair to divide housekeeping halfway with him paying the bulk of our bills.

 

 

Thank you for recognizing that fairness aspect. Some women see it as some kind of gender role struggle and forget that it takes work and is taxing on the mind/body to be the one bringing in most of the income/paying most of the bills. Some men too. Fairness should be the byword for either gender in these situations.

[sb129]

Cleaner suggestion isn't really applicable since I'm not earning.

 

I know- it wasn't really a suggestion....more of a musing. And it wouldn't solve the papers on the floor business anyway.

 

This makes me laugh..Yes, many guys do this. My H is notorious for eating an apple and leaving the core on the table near the couch. The funny thing is, sometimes when I eat a banana, I'll leave it on purpose on the counter and not throw it away. I KNOW he'll say something..So when he does, I just say OK, apple core and point..He laughs and says yah I know, I know.

 

Each of us have our little things we do, annoying as hell, but it's not a big deal. Laugh about it, make a joke is the best way to handle it that way no argument is going to happen.

 

Yes- I am over my grumpy tantrum of last night....my H does the apple core thing too... yuck.

[sweetjasmine]

I agree completely with the bolded, and I will try. I am still struggling to understand how I changed from a mess-happy person to a mess-averse person JUST after we moved in together. Perhaps a secret desire to be a good housekeeper for him, I don't know.

 

I'm a little like you, though I had some neat-freak "OCD" streaks in me beforehand. When I was sharing an apartment with 2 roommates, my room often got messy. Now that I live with my SO, I'm bothered much more by messes.

 

The difference that I see is when it was just my stuff, I could still keep track of everything. And when I cleaned, I would make a conscious effort to keep tidy directly afterward. Now that I live with my partner, it's our stuff, so when we both have things all over, it's harder to keep track of what is exactly where. And when I clean up, he'll come in and do something to create a mess where I just finished tidying up. Not on purpose, but simply because it doesn't register that I just put effort into straightening it out. If he had cleaned it himself, he wouldn't have created the mess.

 

So for me, it's lack of awareness combined with really sharing stuff, everywhere, which is something that my roommates and I didn't really do. In my roommate situation, the kitchen, living room, and bathroom were shared spaces, but everything else was private, so it was easy to keep track of what belonged to whom and who had just cleaned what.

 

As for now, neither of us is a slob, but he does things that drive me batty. Maybe two times a month, he'll develop a sudden allergy to clutter, get annoyed at it, and start going through things like crazy, often trying to throw out things that I actually use and need or simply sticking things where they don't belong. It drives me insane because the rest of the time, he creates clutter and doesn't appreciate it or even notice when I organize things and put everything in its place. It's like he has a gigantic blind spot the majority of the time until one day he gets irritated and acts like neither of us ever does anything.

 

We've worked a lot of things out by just talking about it. I almost never bring it up when I'm already pissed off. I wait until I'm over it and then talk about it so that neither of us gets defensive. It's been working a lot better lately. I would've thought our newest solution to be very naggy and annoying, but he actually asked me to do it: he wants me to explicitly divvy up the chores and tell him what needs to get done when. Not just "we need to clean the bathroom at least once a week" but "can you please clean the bathroom on the next day you have off?".

 

And as for clutter, the same has been working, though it's hard to break habits like leaving things on the floor or, in our case, leaving food in the kitchen sink (I never had a garbage disposal growing up - he's always had one, but our current place doesn't.). It just takes some gentle reminders on one person's end and a bit of understanding on the other person's end.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with you desiring a little more orderliness in your home, but I get why you feel it to be a bit of a burden or an annoyance for him. I think it'd be best to explain to him how you feel and ask him to try to be aware of your efforts to keep the place a little tidier. He doesn't have to break out the mop every day after a 16 hour night shift, but I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to be a little more careful. Honestly, I just view that as part of living with someone else -- being a bit more respectful of the space you share since you're not the only one who has to live in it.

[shlee]

"Honey, can you pick up those papers you're standing on? Thanks xox"

 

"Sweetie, I just cleaned up the kitchen...do you mind throwing away that trash you left on the counter? Thanks xox"

 

There's nothing else you can do, except suck it up. If he doesn't notice now and that's just the way he is, having a talk with him isn't going to change his behavior.