Nikki Sahagin Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Okay bear with me....I might be alone on this. Am I the ONLY girl that DESPISES dates? I'll tell you why. I hate the organised structure that people follow to 'find' love. I hate the process of artificial contrived dates where people assume they will have a EUREKA! moment on the fifth date and suddenly fall in love. I have NEVER fallen in love with someone on a date, I have fallen in love with them in 'unofficial' situations when I wasn't even looking to fall in love. That's why I never accept a date or a situation that people set up to fall in love. I think i'm pretty weird but dates are just...weird.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 obviously you're not clear that a "date," has little to do with venue, and so much more to do with the opportunity (preferably 1 on 1) to learn something about/flirt with/make moves on someone. you can control where you go & what you do on any date you go on... it doesn't have to be some cliche Italian dinner, a movie or coffee; hell, if you two were so inclined you could get to know each other while fencing... get over yourself.
spackle Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 yay! for speaking up. It's like going up for an interview for a job I don't know the details of or whether I want it!
oaks Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 I hate the process of artificial contrived dates where people assume they will have a EUREKA! moment on the fifth date and suddenly fall in love. Which people? Not you, because you don't go on dates, so who?
iris219 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 A job interview for a job you don't want is an accurate way to describe how dating feels. I haven’t been on a date in a couple years, but I hated it too. HATED it. Sometimes I had fun, but I didn’t like the guys in a romantic way. But, I’m one of those people who knows instantly if they feel something for someone, so I think that may be the problem for me. I hate dates when they feel like dates. When I already like someone, I don’t consider it a date. I consider it hanging out with someone I like. I’ve NEVER went on a date with someone in order to get to know them better, decided the person was interesting/cool, and therefore decided I liked them. I know beforehand. I used to try to delude myself into thinking if I got to know the person better I’d like them when I knew that would never happen (and it never did). The lesson is, there are some of us who should only date people we already like and are attracted to in the first place vs. hoping a date will convince us to like the person. I guess if you're doing online dating you have to date a lot of people you don't know if you like, which is why I don't think it's for me.
jane100 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 I can see where you're coming from but its only one way to meet people! If you are young, very social, very free and meet alot of new people, then you probably won't have to "date" relative strangers in the formal sense. But if you are older, have a more limited social circle or restricted circumstances, then needs must .
Mrlonelyone Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 I feel where the OP is coming from. All the relationships I have ever had grew out of all kinds of situations that were not the formalized "dating" process. I really like it better when I have gotten to know the person somewhat before anything resembling a "date" is involved. I get to see more of the real person that way. Whereas when on a date people are purposefully holding back. There are all kinds of rules on what to do on which date and how much to reveal etc etc etc. IMO the way I prefer is more natural since for millions of years our ancestors lived in small bands where everyone pretty much knew everyone else already. All relationships were by default friends who became lovers and everyone's ex was around too. Jane your right too. I think that's the problem allot of people have. In particular the shy or unusual. In our society with millions of people those who are quiet, shy, or different are simply marginalized. While in a small tribal or village setting such people were known to all and appreciated even if they were shy. Now we go out on dates with long checklist of things we need. Traits which as often are considerations of how the person we date will reflect on us to strangers and passersby at a mere glance.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 Which people? Not you, because you don't go on dates, so who? Well as far as I know the majority of people date to find partners. I've been on a couple and ruled out dating as my method of meeting people personally.
Cee Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 I agree with OP. Usually I develop chemistry with someone in a social situation and then we hang out together. We may go on a few initial dates because we don't know each other, but in a few weeks we are coupled up. I generally don't date multiple people and focus on one person at a time. I tried the traditional dating strategy via online dating and I felt something was missing. It felt artificial and unromantic. It didn't work for me at all.
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