I Guess it's Really Over????

[KandiceHanson]

Hey I've caught up on the thread and I guess I just wanted to see if you could answer my question.

 

It seems like you two were good before she decided to cut off all contact. I don't mean to go south, but...are you sure she's OK? I mean, it sounds to me, like maybe something happened to her physically (i.e accident/coma?) I know it's drastic, but my friend had a similiar incident (very terrible) where she met a guy online, talked for a year and a half and never heard from her again. Finally he got her house number and found out she was in a terrible accident and passed...he had no idea.

 

I don't mean to depress you by any means, but is there any way you could contact a family member/close friend to see if she's ok? I'd definately investigate that. I can't see why she'd cut off all contact when you guys seemed fine at that point.

 

Have you checked her fb? Has it been updated at all?

 

Try to get in contact with SOMEONE around her and make sure she wasn't physcially injured to impair her calling you back...it could happen. I don't want this to be the case, but honestly, in LDR's...sometimes you never know.

 

Update me, I'd like to know if you found anything out.

[TheForgotten]

Its funny, I can give anybody advise that needs help but I can't even help myself.

 

Yeah, I am 14, I loved this particular girl which was my first love BTW. She is 15, and I am in high school. I myself, is only in 8th grade.

 

She was my first everything. We had a perfect relationship, everything was fine, until of course since she was my first GF, i had natural emotions towards her, like jealousy. I didn't know how to control them so well, which started alot of fights. She sacrificed alot for me. I guess I really didn't know what I had until I lose it. and now I hate myself.

 

Well when we broke up, I never knew it would hit me so damn hard. Every single emotion rushed in my head. Anger, Jealously, Hate. It hurts so bad, and I know a 14 year old should never have such a experience or emotional connect like this but well I do.

 

The question is I am trying to ask everybody is, now I took time for myself, and I changed my attitude, and now look at life differently. I want her to show her that I changed, I don't want to tell her, I want to show her and prove to her that I want a second chance and show her that I mean it.

 

The problem is that she is now in a new relationship. Long Distance too, she tells me that she is not dating, but she loves her very much. the thing is since they are not dating, I am free to show her I love her without looking like a backstabbing bitch, how can I re spark this love she once had for me? She told me that we will always be together in a way, and she tells me she never regretted dating me, but how can I prove to her that I want her back and I will make it worth while?

 

I loved her so much.

[SleeplessRomantic]

oh silly, dont mention it, ive already said this but im glad to have met you too. so easy to relate to, and i think weve both just been 'obsessing' over a person for so long its hard to just move on. I guess its like our brains have been on the same channel for so long, and thats just what its used to. About time to change the channel huh ? XD

 

you mentioned lifting...i was thinking of starting p90x bc ive always wanted to but im not sure if it works/what to expect. any experience with it or know someone who has done it? or recommend any other workouts? i miss working out and i really want to start up again, but on a regular schedule. once the weather STAYS warm ill go back to biking and running, should sign up for same races like 5k, and intramurals is only once a week. But there are a whole 7 days in a week to better myself and once a week just doesnt cut it!, haha =)

 

and im glad youre not going to contact them..so much better that way. let's see what you (or anyone) thinks of this: i sent a text to my ex on valentines day >.< (ugh!) but i pretended i was sending it to someone else/the wrong person so i wasnt addressing HIM specifically. i felt awesome after i sent it, and i cracked up at the thought of it. he actually replied "wrong...person? XDDD" but i didnt respond to it. i cracked up after i received his message, even harder, and i felt great. i literally sat in the car laughing my head off.. felt great to not respond to him, as if the ball was now in MY court after it being so long in his court and me being the last person who had texted while he ignored me. for some reason, NOW i feel really pathetic for having done that, that i had to make up something and text him 'by accident' just for a silly response. at least i got a good laugh out of it at the time..im such a nut =)

 

Thought you might be interested in a few things i found around the forums:

*tinychat.com/myrelationship

^might be a good place to chat with some LS ppl at any time of day =) I stopped by on there for a little in between classes

 

*http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/

^this guy has a few good posts on "grass is greener" syndrome. i think it applies...

 

*http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=273046&highlight=GIGS

^ i like what wuthering says about gigs as well

 

oh, and i know you already know this, but remember that the grieving process is actually HEALTHY for you. its an emotional process that makes us dig into deep introspection, rumination of thought and fleeting emotions of confusion, despair, and even raw anger (learned most of that from a diff post, idr where, just giving credit though =P). probably why we're on here in the first place. i havent thought so much in my life, and havent had the same record replaying in my mind of obsessive, repetitive thoughts..trying to get explanations and understand what went wrong, and , more importantly, what to do RIGHT. im actually kinda excited for how the next relationship will go because i feel like i understand so much more. and before i go into panic mode and freak, ill have to ask for advice and research up on LS or somewhere before i make any mistakes.

 

Boy am i glad you're ok with long posts =)

Give me the remote, Icey.

 

I'm sure I've mentioned it heavily throughout my posts in this thread (can't remember!), but I was in the best shape of my life back in 2008 and the first six months of 2009. I did the full three months of P90X from March through June 2009. At the same time my happiness was extraordinary, I felt great, I was busy and all the stress and pressure in the world could NOT have brought me down.

 

At the same time I was barely getting any sleep at night, and I could still go to bed at 1 or 2 and wake up at 6 without problem. After ruminating on this for the last couple of years, I think it was because of my level of fitness (at the time) and my perseverance in the mornings that alerted me to get up and do something because I was going to seize the day. Again, I'm rambling. Sorry about that! I just want to rekindle the charisma that I oozed back then!

 

Anyway, getting back to the whole sleep thing -- I think sleep optimization is pretty overrated. We are often told to accrue 8 to 10 hours of sleep a night. I get roughly around 4-6 on most. Sometimes less. Back then I could pull it off. I still pull it off, but because the last couple of months have been dismal, it's been a little rough, but I've sort of regained my edge the past couple of days, so in all honesty, Icey, I'm feeling pretty damn good! It looks like you are, too! Cheers to us, eh?! However, some people need more sleep, so it's a subjective matter. I just think someone should stick to the sleeping schedule that best benefits them in the long run. I only brought this up because of 1.) the relevance to my username and 2.) the entire time I felt GREAT and was in top physical form, I was getting 4-6 hours a night. There was no fatigue and absolutely no depression whatsoever.

 

Hell, on the very last day of my senior year, my government exam... it was 200 questions. There were NO MULTIPLE CHOICE questions. It was all either essay questions or fill in the blank (WITHOUT WORD HINTS). Y'know what I did? I slept 2 hours the night before, had a Low-Carb Monster energy drink (artificial sweeteners have never negatively affected me whatsoever) and four eggs for breakfast, didn't study until I got to school that morning and somehow made a 97 on the said exam. I was on an extreme "success high" at that time. My confidence was numero uno. I felt great, because I felt like I had proved something to myself: focus and trust thyself = achieving great results.

 

I'm sorry about rambling on with a bunch of off-topic non-sequitur drivel. Just wanted to mention all of that.

 

Back to P90X, though -- it was extremely grueling but very much worth it. There was a burn every day, but a good 'lactic acid building up in the muscles' burn. I'm considering doing it again, but it's a lot of hard work, but hey, aren't we all receiving confidence boosts when we challenge ourselves and reap the rewards of succeeding against the self-setup obstacles in our minds?

 

Icey, thanks for the personal anecdote. I know exactly what you're talking about. I just wonder if she feels bad at all after doing this to me. I mean, no warning at all and a random decision to cut things off without even an explanation or a legit breakup? I really don't have anything to feel bad about, when I actually think about it. She, on the other hand, will have to live the rest of her life knowing what she did. Kudos to her.

 

Thanks for the links. They were great reads. WutheringH's posts are especially awesome. I feel a lot better after reading those.

 

 

Hey I've caught up on the thread and I guess I just wanted to see if you could answer my question.

 

It seems like you two were good before she decided to cut off all contact. I don't mean to go south, but...are you sure she's OK? I mean, it sounds to me, like maybe something happened to her physically (i.e accident/coma?) I know it's drastic, but my friend had a similiar incident (very terrible) where she met a guy online, talked for a year and a half and never heard from her again. Finally he got her house number and found out she was in a terrible accident and passed...he had no idea.

 

I don't mean to depress you by any means, but is there any way you could contact a family member/close friend to see if she's ok? I'd definately investigate that. I can't see why she'd cut off all contact when you guys seemed fine at that point.

 

Have you checked her fb? Has it been updated at all?

 

Try to get in contact with SOMEONE around her and make sure she wasn't physcially injured to impair her calling you back...it could happen. I don't want this to be the case, but honestly, in LDR's...sometimes you never know.

 

Update me, I'd like to know if you found anything out.

Kandice, thanks for the reply!

 

I know that she's fine. A couple of reasons...

 

After she said she'd text and call me later on the last night we talked, she was online on ooVoo. Same for the next night. She was even in a webcam discussion the night after that. I messaged her both nights asking her if everything was fine, and there was no reply.

 

I even saw on ooVoo in March where she had updated her profile picture and changed her display name. She's fine. I guess she's immune from feeling any kind of guilt. Not sure.

 

I deleted ooVoo, though, so no worries about me keeping it installed to torture myself.

 

I do appreciate your kind candor, Kandice. Thanks for asking, as I'm sure others have wondered the same but were puzzled on how to word their question(s).

 

Its funny, I can give anybody advise that needs help but I can't even help myself.

 

Yeah, I am 14, I loved this particular girl which was my first love BTW. She is 15, and I am in high school. I myself, is only in 8th grade.

 

She was my first everything. We had a perfect relationship, everything was fine, until of course since she was my first GF, i had natural emotions towards her, like jealousy. I didn't know how to control them so well, which started alot of fights. She sacrificed alot for me. I guess I really didn't know what I had until I lose it. and now I hate myself.

 

Well when we broke up, I never knew it would hit me so damn hard. Every single emotion rushed in my head. Anger, Jealously, Hate. It hurts so bad, and I know a 14 year old should never have such a experience or emotional connect like this but well I do.

 

The question is I am trying to ask everybody is, now I took time for myself, and I changed my attitude, and now look at life differently. I want her to show her that I changed, I don't want to tell her, I want to show her and prove to her that I want a second chance and show her that I mean it.

 

The problem is that she is now in a new relationship. Long Distance too, she tells me that she is not dating, but she loves her very much. the thing is since they are not dating, I am free to show her I love her without looking like a backstabbing bitch, how can I re spark this love she once had for me? She told me that we will always be together in a way, and she tells me she never regretted dating me, but how can I prove to her that I want her back and I will make it worth while?

 

I loved her so much.

TheForgotten,

 

Remember that you're 14 and you have your entire life ahead of you to meet several different females, experience a plethora of relationships and LIVE your life! In essence, that's sort of something you've already said, so I'm reciprocating it the best way I can, man.

 

In my opinion, for what it's worth, I don't truly think life begins until you're out of school, when you have the freedom to explore and actually live. Picking up new hobbies and applying the experiences you've learned to a various sort of outlets in life is exciting to think about and actually do.

 

I think you should check out the links Icey provided in her post. They are great. Especially the key dopamine-related information inside the links she posted. I've always been familiar with how dopamine works and how 'love' has influenced dopamine being secreted by the pineal gland in our human brains, but I've never seen it broken down so well into words and detailed explanation before, until now, and I thank Icey greatly for that.

 

Keep your head up, TF. If Icey can, if I can, hell...if ANYBODY can, you can, because we are all experiencing some kind of emotion here, and all the support and responses have been phenomenal.

[QuietSerenity]

HI SleeplessRomantic

 

You will be fine....you even have quite the vocabulary to impress all the girls.

 

I believe you asked a question earlier about whether or not the community thinks that you 2 would be together in 5-10 years. Think about it this way, Sleepless, you and her will be changing alot and the chances of being together as you two advance in life and take different paths, meeting different people along the way and exploring new ideas, those chances become really slim.

 

I think you should take solace in that fact now, though!! This heartbreak will be good for you in the long run because it has taught you something and you will have this experience as a keep safe for the rest of your life...you mentioned that you have no trouble attracting girls but your problem is that you compare them to her. Look at that situation this way too....she wasn't so great if she cheated on you and blamed her parents is she? Not too great if you two weren't able to talk as frequently as you liked. She might have been great in the beginning, but is she now? Well, by the end she changed right? So the answer to the other question is no...she changed, and you will be changing alot too.

 

If you don't mind me asking, how were you two planning on being physically together anyway?

[TheForgotten]

Very true, everyday people change. As everyday people get older thus taking new responsibilities. You are dead on. People change, thats something you cannot help. But what you can do is change yourself into a better person or like you said explore the world, find different people and new ideas. Endless opportunities. But at the end of the day, only you can change your self and others, you cannot force love into someone, but what you can do is make your self better and better, remember there is always room for change and improvement. So don't think about her and trying to change her mind or trying to convince her, just focus on you're self, it's your life. Do what you wish with it. ( within reason )

Like I said, you can do anything in your life,

You have the power to write your own fortune.

[SleeplessRomantic]

The oldest man in the world passed away last Thursday. He was 114, and he lived in Montana. I found this out by reading a Yahoo! article. In the said article, his 'core principles' to living were mentioning.

 

Among eating merely two meals a day, working until you can't work any longer (he retired at the young age of 99) and accepting death as a natural part of life, he mentioned something else, which I think that anybody reading my thread could truly derive some understanding of this next aphorism:

 

Accept change.

 

I mean, think about it -- this man lived in three different centuries. You don't see that very often, eh? He saw the world change, practically overnight. I believe that he was in his 70s when the first man landed on the moon. Accepting change was something he had to do. I think it's also something that we MUST do. I have a hard time doing it, because I'll be the first to admit it -- I can't stand change. I loved the way things were in 2008 and for the first six months of 2009. Things changed, though, so there's been a lot of adjusting, and even today, there's more adjusting, but I've grown understanding of it and I've put my best foot forward on the road to accepting it. I just thought I would mention that to everybody reading.

 

HI SleeplessRomantic

 

You will be fine....you even have quite the vocabulary to impress all the girls.

 

I believe you asked a question earlier about whether or not the community thinks that you 2 would be together in 5-10 years. Think about it this way, Sleepless, you and her will be changing alot and the chances of being together as you two advance in life and take different paths, meeting different people along the way and exploring new ideas, those chances become really slim.

 

I think you should take solace in that fact now, though!! This heartbreak will be good for you in the long run because it has taught you something and you will have this experience as a keep safe for the rest of your life...you mentioned that you have no trouble attracting girls but your problem is that you compare them to her. Look at that situation this way too....she wasn't so great if she cheated on you and blamed her parents is she? Not too great if you two weren't able to talk as frequently as you liked. She might have been great in the beginning, but is she now? Well, by the end she changed right? So the answer to the other question is no...she changed, and you will be changing alot too.

 

If you don't mind me asking, how were you two planning on being physically together anyway?

Thanks for the reply, QS!

 

The vocabulary? LOL:laugh: Too flattering. I used to want to be a journalist a few years ago, then I developed a passion for nutrition and human physiology/thermodynamics, so that's where that train stopped (remember what I said about change? I guess I changed, too!).

 

As for our former plans of trying to be together -- we were going to visit each other after she started going to college. Looking back, it would have been pretty crazy considering all the miles traveled. I don't know. I think a lot of it was deception on her part. Honestly, I don't really want to get into it unless you really want to know. I'm in a damn good mood today, so that's probably why I'm tiptoeing around the question a little bit.

 

Good points across the board. It was a hard fact to accept, but it's been done. 114 days now. I just can't wait to get this Saturday over with. It's her birthday. Fortunately, I have two awesome friends, and we are going to a college football spring game that day, all day long. We did the same last year and received sunburns for it.

 

 

Very true, everyday people change. As everyday people get older thus taking new responsibilities. You are dead on. People change, thats something you cannot help. But what you can do is change yourself into a better person or like you said explore the world, find different people and new ideas. Endless opportunities. But at the end of the day, only you can change your self and others, you cannot force love into someone, but what you can do is make your self better and better, remember there is always room for change and improvement. So don't think about her and trying to change her mind or trying to convince her, just focus on you're self, it's your life. Do what you wish with it. ( within reason )

Like I said, you can do anything in your life,

You have the power to write your own fortune.

Awesome post as usual, TF. I hope you're emitting the same message among your peers. Whether they listen or they refuse to listen because of teenage stubbornness/rebellion, you'll come out better for it as long as you continue your current trek on becoming a connoisseur of life. I hope things are doing well for you.

 

Going back to your point, though, about change -- I think that's why I've been focusing so much on getting back into hitting the books, hitting the weight room and socializing more with my friends. The three things I mentioned -- books, lifting, friends -- were components of my life that I shunned over the last few years. Not completely, but there were so many times where I could have used wasted opportunities. For example:

 

Books -- everything was good until the end of 2009 and all of the pressure and HER insecurity started to give me anxious, dreadful feelings all the time. Every time I tried to study or read, my concentration was nowhere to be found. And to think, I used to be really good at handling pressure and stress before then. That's not a problem now.

 

Lifting -- again, everything was good until the end of 2009. Any and all motivation was zapped. I take all responsibility. I should have kept doing what I loved to do.

 

Friends -- there were so many times they'd ask me if I wanted to go hang out, see this movie, watch these live events 'here or there', etc. 80-90% of the time, I turned them down. Fortunately, I didn't lose any friends because of this.

[QuietSerenity]

Great wisdom! You are wise beyond your years!

 

Keep doing what you are doing.........you will be fine and you will meet much better people who won't hurt you the way she did.......I promise. You are too kind and too smart to sell yourself short....QS

[TheForgotten]

Yea, you cannot live in the past, there is no future in the past. All you can do is hold your head up high, and make things better.

Trust me DO NOT LIVE IN THE PAST. That is like a personal hell.

You can spend hours thinking of your past, re living your memories, or you can just move the hell on with your life and make it better for yourself.

[SleeplessRomantic]

It just hurts like hell to know that she could make all those promises to me... and then drop the relationship as if it didn't mean anything, although in the past it was obvious that I meant the world to her considering the way she acted in 2008 and 2009 compared to how she did in 2010.

 

On the very last day we talked, she said she'd text me when she got back from Wal-Mart and that she'd call me that night. Never did either. Never heard from her again.

 

Yet she still gets online on ooVoo. No problem. It's like I never existed.

 

I remember when we'd have conversations about our worst fears...and I remember telling her that my worst fear was waking up one day and all of a sudden not having her in my life anymore. She'd always tell me that it was a 'silly' fear and told me that I'd never have to worry about that -- but look at what happened.

 

I just want answers to the question(s) that will never be answered: Why? Why did she just leave? Why doesn't she feel bad for just leaving after telling me all of these things? How could she do this after nearly three years? Why?

 

Been doing fine lately. Just had an influx of amazing memories that filled my brain over the past couple of hours. Hurts. I miss her and I always will. I will just never understand why she's not in my life anymore.

 

Why am I feeling this pain and she's probably not feeling any regret or remorse whatsoever? Makes me feel insignificant, y'know? I used to be her world -- I was, at this time two years ago. Now I mean nothing to her? Why?

 

The reason these memories started rushing back was because the high school that I graduated from in 2009... the 2011 seniors graduated last night. I kept thinking back on how happy I was during my senior year and how euphoric I felt the night I graduated, in which I remembered her.

Edited June 5, 2011 by SleeplessRomantic

[0hpenelope]

It just hurts like hell to know that she could make all those promises to me... and then drop the relationship as if it didn't mean anything, although in the past it was obvious that I meant the world to her considering the way she acted in 2008 and 2009 compared to how she did in 2010.

 

On the very last day we talked, she said she'd text me when she got back from Wal-Mart and that she'd call me that night. Never did either. Never heard from her again.

 

Yet she still gets online on ooVoo. No problem. It's like I never existed.

 

I remember when we'd have conversations about our worst fears...and I remember telling her that my worst fear was waking up one day and all of a sudden not having her in my life anymore. She'd always tell me that it was a 'silly' fear and told me that I'd never have to worry about that -- but look at what happened.

 

I just want answers to the question(s) that will never be answered: Why? Why did she just leave? Why doesn't she feel bad for just leaving after telling me all of these things? How could she do this after nearly three years? Why?

 

Been doing fine lately. Just had an influx of amazing memories that filled my brain over the past couple of hours. Hurts. I miss her and I always will. I will just never understand why she's not in my life anymore.

 

Why am I feeling this pain and she's probably not feeling any regret or remorse whatsoever? Makes me feel insignificant, y'know? I used to be her world -- I was, at this time two years ago. Now I mean nothing to her? Why?

 

The reason these memories started rushing back was because the high school that I graduated from in 2009... the 2011 seniors graduated last night. I kept thinking back on how happy I was during my senior year and how euphoric I felt the night I graduated, in which I remembered her.

It does take a while to get used to remembering good memories without feeling pain.

 

I think you're healing just fine. You're grieving when you should be grieving instead of denying your sadness. Even if you asked these questions to her, she probably won't give you honest answers anyway because she doesn't know herself or she doesn't want to hurt your feelings or both.

 

As for the ooVoo thing, you'll adjust to it. My ex has yet to delete me on Facebook and he hasn't reached out. I've been carrying on with my business just fine and it sounds like you have too, on ooVoo. You'll get used to her being there and not reaching out to you and w/ a 3-year relationship, the adjustment will take time.

[SleeplessRomantic]

Well, it's been over seven months, and I still think about her all the time, although I've been going out and meeting new people recently.

 

I've had a pretty good week, though. On Monday I watched the movie "Horrible Bosses" with one of my best friends, had a great dinner, bought some band t-shirts, drove around and had an awesome time.

 

Yesterday, I watched "Cowboys & Aliens" with my childhood best friend, ate at Outback, stayed in Books-A-Million for a couple of hours and had a great day.

 

Yet... I miss her. So much. Still yet. It's been seven months. Is it normal to continue to long for her?

 

Last week I had a dream that she called me. Upon waking up, the pain of reality set in.

 

Again, I must ask: is it normal to still feel this much pain?

 

I can't help but to continue wondering about the what-ifs?

 

I know I'll be fine in the future. I just miss her. All the promises she made keep ringing in my ear. All the things she did keep coming up in my memories. She was more than an integral part of my life -- she was my life for the most part. Whether it was a mistake to make her my life or not, it's true. Yet, I know that I'll be fine, but I'm simply a shell of the person I was back in 2008-2009.

[QuietSerenity]

Ride out the pain, Sleepless. Just keep grinding. Keep going out and talking to people! Sounds like you are on the right path! With a relationship that long and the way it ended, of course your feelings will be out of whack!! Don't get depressed over one girl when you are young and you will meet thousands! You are young! Don't give yourself away at such a young age! Have you still been exercising? Update us!

[0hpenelope]

Well, it's been over seven months, and I still think about her all the time, although I've been going out and meeting new people recently.

 

I've had a pretty good week, though. On Monday I watched the movie "Horrible Bosses" with one of my best friends, had a great dinner, bought some band t-shirts, drove around and had an awesome time.

 

Yesterday, I watched "Cowboys & Aliens" with my childhood best friend, ate at Outback, stayed in Books-A-Million for a couple of hours and had a great day.

 

Yet... I miss her. So much. Still yet. It's been seven months. Is it normal to continue to long for her?

 

Last week I had a dream that she called me. Upon waking up, the pain of reality set in.

 

Again, I must ask: is it normal to still feel this much pain?

 

I can't help but to continue wondering about the what-ifs?

 

I know I'll be fine in the future. I just miss her. All the promises she made keep ringing in my ear. All the things she did keep coming up in my memories. She was more than an integral part of my life -- she was my life for the most part. Whether it was a mistake to make her my life or not, it's true. Yet, I know that I'll be fine, but I'm simply a shell of the person I was back in 2008-2009.

Seriously SR, the pain that you're feeling is normal. It's okay to miss her. You're going to miss her for a really long time and it doesn't mean you're not moving on or that you're not moving forward with your life.

[SleeplessRomantic]

Thanks so much for the replies.

 

Penelope, I'd also like to thank you for the reply from June 6. At the time of my other post, I just had a lot on my chest that I needed to sublimate into words.

 

I know I'm progressing, but I remember this time of the year two years ago, talking to her every night. At this time two years ago, I was actually on vacation, and sitting outside on the balcony, listening to the waves and to her voice.

 

I was also getting ready to start college. It's amazing the difference two years can make in a person's life. At that time, she was getting ready to be a sophomore in high school... Now? She's a senior, and I'm not a part of her life anymore (for some reason), and I don't know.

 

I know I need to stop caring about what's possibly happening in her life (it's been nearly eight months now) and to start focusing on mine, but it's rough when she made such a huge impact on me.

[horizzon]

Don't blame yourself for this. In some cases, you did everything that was possible. And it WAS good enough. Don't think it wasn't.

But she is at such a young age. The problem with being a teenager is your life is a huge roller coaster. You want stability which is in a relationship. Love is shown to be something that is constant, as being with someone. I'm not saying she didn't love you.

But things do change. She is young, and because she hasn't had much experience with this life she takes advantage of what she has.

 

They say the heart grows fonder with time. Yet they also say out of sight out of mind...

 

 

I have to ask though.. Have you guys ever broken up before? And if so for how long?

[SleeplessRomantic]

Thanks for the reply, horizzon.

 

We never broke up before, and while September 2008 through September 2009 was absolutely the greatest time of my life and the best parts of our relationship were during that period...

 

Despite that... October 2009 was the precursor of a hellacious ride. Starting then, the days were shorter. Less daylight. I was inside, in my room more. She began to become extremely insecure over my past and randomly went off about it. We had our fair share of arguments.

 

October and November 2009 go hand in hand. I said a lot of stupid things that probably didn't help our relationship at all. I just can't help but to think back.

 

When we met, she was 14 and I was 16 and nearly 17.

 

Now? She's 17 and I'm almost 20.

 

Yet, she loved me more than anything in the world when she was 14-15 compared to when she was 16.

 

Mercurial, I guess.

 

But I go back: I can't help but think about fall 2009. Good ol' Fall 2009... a time when I was depressed off my ass, over-thinking and over-analyzing. That became a trend in my life. Probably made my hair turn gray, because there's several figments of gray hair here and there that are noticeable haha.

 

I often toss and turn at night, thinking about the way she was in late 2008 and throughout the first 6-8 months of 2009 compared to how she was during the last 14 months of our relationship. It bothers me so much. Sometimes I have bad nightmares.

 

Despite all the things that were said and done in late 2009, we were together for another year, until she randomly and apparently up and left me in December 2010 without any explanation or 'goodbye'. That was that.

 

But going back to 2009... we ended the year on a pretty great note. Had an amazing conversation on December 31, 2009... but then 2010 turned out to be a horrible year, all things considering. Then again, 2010 might have been better than 2011, for me, right? I mean, she was still in my life. I just miss her so damn much.

 

Times like these... times like these.

 

I always felt such joy when I'd make her laugh and giggle uncontrollably. Made me feel like Superman.

 

I loved how, when we would talk late at night on the phone and she'd have to whisper because of not wanting her parents to hear her, I loved how she'd breathe into the phone and would sound so sweet. I loved how she'd whisper, "I love you" or I'd say something funny and she'd try so hard to laugh quietly.

 

I think back to the little things like that. The little moments that made our relationship so amazing.

 

I don't regret our relationship one bit. I just wish I would have said things differently back in 2009 and maybe what happened in 2010 would have never happened and she would have never left me and we'd be together today, you know?

 

I just over-think and over-analyze.

 

People like to say, "Go out and meet other girls!" Well, I have. It's not that easy when the love of your life is still on your mind and no other girls can even begin to compare to her in terms of chemistry, personality, attraction and overall sweetness.

 

But I don't mean to be negative. I know that things ARE improving. Still, I miss her so much, and my greatest fantasy is that one day she'll magically appear at my door. Maybe, like, I'll be sitting in my room and I'll hear my dog bark outside, I'll go walking through the house and hear knocks on my door, and I'll look and see that it's her. Like I said... greatest fantasy ever, and that's why it's a fantasy.

 

Whenever I see girls with beautiful eyes, I think about her and her beautiful eyes. Long, brown hair? I think about hers. Whenever girls rant or ramble on about something, if they happen to sound like her, my heart will practically stop, because I remembered how cute she'd sound when she'd rant.

 

Yeah, I'm overthinking. Sorry. Just needing to get all of this off my chest.

[SleeplessRomantic]

Today marked eight months since there was any contact.

 

Had a great day yesterday, going out and riding around various highways with friends, traveling to different places.

 

Slept for the most part of today, given how late I stayed up. Other than that, I've been reflective all day long.

 

I dread the winter months, y'know? Summer is basically over, and the next few months, for the rest of the year, are going to bring forth a rush of memories that I'm going to withstand. It will be hard, but I'll take the emotions as they come.

 

It's just going to be rough remembering the great September-December stretch in 2008 combined with the bittersweet September-December 2009 and the final September-December 2010 tenure... I don't know.

 

"But in the end, it really does come down to time.

It doesn't matter how much you do, what you do, once a good while goes by you have no other choice.

One must accept it is over. Seriously, what is waiting around doing? what is hoping doing? Its not bringing anyone any closer to anything.

Reality starts to sink in.

They aren't coming back.

As a matter of fact, they aren't even thinking of you."

 

^^^^^^ I read the above earlier, in a different, old 2010 post. It's not so much that I hope that she were still in my life (I honestly do wish that, of course), it's more-so all of the amazing and great memories being stuck in my head that are absolute indelible. All of the promises she made, but hey, people make promises and break them all the time... it's just the reality of all of the sweet things she said... it hurts on more levels than these words will ever be able to depict.

 

My 20th birthday is coming up. I dread it. It will be the first time since I turned 16 in 2007 that she isn't in my life for my birthday. I dread it so much. She always sounded so damn sweet when she'd sing 'happy birthday' to me. That made my day every time.

 

Eh, what do I know? I'm just a heartbroken fool for the time being. 20 years old and I look near 30 because of unwarranted stress, a lack of sleep and remnants of gray hair being a result lol...

[SleeplessRomantic]

I haven't written anything in this thread in over two years, so I just want to provide a brief update.

 

She returned to my life in September 2011. We talked until December 2011. In Sept. '11, she told me she had no desire to be in a relationship, but the thing is, right after that, she got in one. And behind that guy's back, she and I Skyped (at the time, I had no idea she had entered a relationship with him). She told me things about how she loved me, missed me, valued me as a part of her life, wouldn't make the mistake of me not being in her life again, etc. Well, long story short, she basically did the same thing (again) to me in December 2011.

 

She's still with that guy. She had a baby with him in January.

 

Honestly, I am still heartbroken over her, but I will be fine. She threw away a great thing and, despite her instability, unreliability and immaturity, had a baby before she turned 19.

[Stealth3]

WOW....just ****ing WOW........ I guess this is why you go NO and stick to NC no matter what.

 

So she cheated on you, cheated on that other guy sort of and ending up picking him over you despite everything she said.

 

Forget her dude, you can find better. She might always come back to you when her life turns to ****....its your responsibility to make sure you wont be there. If she didnt appreciate your presence, let her forever miss our absence.

[CainJ]

I haven't written anything in this thread in over two years, so I just want to provide a brief update.

 

She returned to my life in September 2011. We talked until December 2011. In Sept. '11, she told me she had no desire to be in a relationship, but the thing is, right after that, she got in one. And behind that guy's back, she and I Skyped (at the time, I had no idea she had entered a relationship with him). She told me things about how she loved me, missed me, valued me as a part of her life, wouldn't make the mistake of me not being in her life again, etc. Well, long story short, she basically did the same thing (again) to me in December 2011.

 

She's still with that guy. She had a baby with him in January.

 

Honestly, I am still heartbroken over her, but I will be fine. She threw away a great thing and, despite her instability, unreliability and immaturity, had a baby before she turned 19.

That's crazy, man. Why people like that procreate/reproduce, I'll never understand.

[Stimulant]

Wishing you much peace and prosperity. You've been through some crazy stuff. You'll come out better than her in the long run. Just let time heal your wounds.

[SleeplessRomantic]

I appreciate the replies. It's just frustrating that she threw away everything.

 

Fortunately, I've never believed in one true love, and I've always believed that there are a HORDE of people one can connect with on an intimate level in life.

 

So many other girls out there to meet, thankfully. Ones that won't lie or cheat.