WHY didnt my ex tell me happy birthday?! is it THAT hard?!!!

March 20, 2011

we stopped talking to each other like 4 months ago and hes with another girl (the night of our fight, the jerk..)

he told me we could still be friends but we'll never be like we were before. Was with the guy for 3 years, and every birthday of mine was a HUGE deal for him, he'd make it epic for me, last year he wrote and sang me a song, were both born on the same day (diff months) said it was the best day of the year ever especially since every year i was with him school would be closed on my birthday from a snow day (lol..)

but he never talks to me ever. the only time i tried to be friendly with him was for christmas-i called and i said "hi! i was just calling-" and he hung up on me. i texted saying i was just calling to say merry christmas and hope he was doing well/good. he didnt bother to call back.

Interestingly, college was closed on my birthday again this year for a snow day. Yet he wasnt thoughtful enough to say anything?! whats his problem?! is it possible he forgot, after making my bday such a big deal in the past?

ps. I have absolutely no intention of getting back with him and would never do that, even if he was begging me because of the way he was to me at the end. its over.

i just cant wrap my head around the fact he doesnt bother to be decent...which makes me feel i shudnt bother to be decent for his bday coming up >.<

March 20, 2011

we stopped talking to each other like 4 months ago and hes with another girl (the night of our fight, the jerk..)

he told me we could still be friends but we'll never be like we were before. Was with the guy for 3 years, and every birthday of mine was a HUGE deal for him, he'd make it epic for me, last year he wrote and sang me a song, were both born on the same day (diff months) said it was the best day of the year ever especially since every year i was with him school would be closed on my birthday from a snow day (lol..)

but he never talks to me ever. the only time i tried to be friendly with him was for christmas-i called and i said "hi! i was just calling-" and he hung up on me. i texted saying i was just calling to say merry christmas and hope he was doing well/good. he didnt bother to call back.

Interestingly, college was closed on my birthday again this year for a snow day. Yet he wasnt thoughtful enough to say anything?! whats his problem?! is it possible he forgot, after making my bday such a big deal in the past?

ps. I have absolutely no intention of getting back with him and would never do that, even if he was begging me because of the way he was to me at the end. its over.

i just cant wrap my head around the fact he doesnt bother to be decent...which makes me feel i shudnt bother to be decent for his bday coming up >.<

See what him doing NC has done to you? Do it back to him except buff it up.

March 20, 2011

My birthday is actually coming up at the end of April and I wonder if my ex will say anything. We can speak but we don't...... like if I saw him at work he would be friendly with me but he doesn't talk to me outside of work. It's been almost a month and nothing (just haven't run into him at work).

I went all out for his birthday last august..... I surprised him with a dinner at a nice restaurant and even had his best friend and gf (we all know each other) show up to surprise him. he loved it! And yet I feel I will get nothing... if he can't even contact me. I am sure he will forget.

I miss him so much and if he doesn't call/text I will be very upset on my birthday. It really sucks how much it would mean even though they are an ex.

March 20, 2011

If he got with someone else the day he broke up with you, then hung up on you, he has no intentions or desires to think about you on your birthday. He is dealing with his new chick, and he prolly doesnt want to give you false hope by calling you. If you would never get back with him (even though you miss him) then find someone new to give you the attention you want so badly on your birthday.

March 20, 2011

I don't see there being a problem with him saying Happy Birthday to you, but it would be a definite no no to throw you some all out party while he has a girlfriend. I hate to say it, but most guys just forget, so don't take it too seriously. He probably isn't doing it on purpose..unless he's a total douche.

March 20, 2011

New girl when you broke up, not speaking for 4 months, hung up on you when you called, didn't respond to your text. He is done with you. Why won't you let him get on with his life? You are no longer a part of it. He doesn't care. It has nothing to do with him being decent or it not being hard to say Happy Birthday. He has no obligation to you for anything.

It sounds like you are obsessing over him or hoping that he cares for you. He has shown he doesn't. Leave him alone.

Edited March 20, 2011 by Frank13

March 20, 2011

hes with another girl

This is why you aren't hearing from him. Same with my ex, she will ask other people about me but never talk to me.

Think back to a time when you were dating someone (besides him) and it felt good. You probably weren't thinking of anyone else, its a hard concept to think of considering you broke up and he went right to someone else, but i call it having a new "focus". I look back on my life and i see so many incidents where i felt like i was doing the right thing being concentrated on someone else, when in reality i was forgetting others.

When someone breaks up with you there is a void, same that us dumpees feel. They fill that void with someone else, so instead of dealing with it like we do, they just cover it up. Almost every chapter in life seems to have a new focus in it, and usually when the focus goes away, we fall back to the ones that really matter. Most people have their job or career and stay busy, but when things slow down they have to have that person to text and talk too, someone there, and thats why we always have these focuses.

My ex is the type where if she sat still for 10 mins without anyone in her life, she would probably go nuts. She would text me saying the minute her day slowed down all she could think of was me. Then days later she is with someone else. Most would say "How could she do that!?" It makes perfect sense to me, there is a void, there is needs, so she found someone to fill them. I feel like with men its usually a sexual need but with woman its more emotional and having someone "there".

I will not be contacting my ex on her bday this year. She actually contacted me on mine with a text, but i see no point. Your guy most likely didn't because he knows you will take it farther since you have been making an effort to talk to him. I would go NC, you have proof there is nothing more you can do at this point.

March 20, 2011

It is only a birthday, just another day and therefore another milestone to climb over in getting over the relationship. It will pass...

March 20, 2011

Clarifications:

I was the one who did NC. When he would try to text me I said "why are you texting me, you dont have to, just talk to me when you WANT to not if you feel like you HAVE to." and havent talked to him since. By accident two weeks later we bumped into each other and I said "whoops sorry" and he said "ahhhh no please stay" but i left.

For christmas even though he hung up on me, he eventually texted back "ah ok, merry christmas to you too. im at a family thing so i couldnt really pickup anyway =O"

His new girl IS a new focus, I agree. He said he would do anything to get his mind off me. Shes 14 and lives in canada (hes 18). He has an online relationship with her basically but goes to visit during breaks so far. I snooped recently on walls and saw he had written "im madly in love with this girl i met on (website), her and college take up all my time".

During my birthday she had finals week in high school (lol, high school) so they werent talking on my birthday because of her finals. So he didnt have college classes that day, and he didnt have her to talk to because she had finals.

I have always hated birthdays and never wanted to "seek attention." Its just he made an effort to make them mean something, would work on projects at least 2 months ahead of time, and always talked about how its always a good day for him. I just dont know, its so weird to me he wouldnt say anything, and I would just want to know if I even crossed his mind. I think I just want the comfort of knowing he at least thought of me. .? Is that selfish, that I dont want him at all and believe hes become so pathetic, but I want him to want me?

Edited March 20, 2011 by Iceybreaker

March 20, 2011

Just let go

http://www.marriedtome.com/blog/?p=41

Edited March 20, 2011 by betterdeal

March 20, 2011

It is not him that has become so pathetic i'm afraid...

March 20, 2011

If it makes you feel any better, I was married to someone for 12 years and all I got on my birthday was a text message. A 'happy birthday', no exclamation point, no smiley face, no nothing! I was upset and hurt. After all those years of being together, I couldn't understand how he could be so thoughtless. In time, I started to realize that he had no obligation to me anymore. He didn't have to do the same things because we were no longer an item. Not to mention, he had a new girlfriend at the time and he was content with trying to please her, not me. It's probably in your best interests to lower your expectations of him so that you don't get disappointed in the future. If he calls you for a holiday, that's nice, but I wouldn't expect it from him. I have a feeling that once you have a new guy to focus your attention on, it won't even matter what he does anyway. And when it doesn't matter what he does, that's when you can be proud of yourself that you've moved on to the next chapter in your life.

March 20, 2011

I didnt even bother to read the whole post. I just read the 1st paragrapgh, skimmed the middle, and read the last paragraph.

1st off: I dont think u should be that upset over ur EX not calling u on ur birthday. Unless he promised that he'd call u to wish a happy birthday, he has NO obligation to u ESPCIALLY if he's with someone else. U move on...u shouldnt even be desirin ANY kind of attention from him....unless of course...u still want him. Do u?

2nd: Whats with people expecting to hear from their exes on birthdays and hoildays. Are u guys friends?....Is the new partner that either u or the ex has okay with it?

I have someone serious at this moment and my exes are really bent on me not telling them happy birthday. But we dont talk ona regular and the way we ended even doesnt give us the level of comfort for me to just call em up and say, "heeeeeyyy, happy birthday!"

I just dont think its neccessary at all.

March 20, 2011

You want him to want you? What you want is an ego boost to give you self esteem. That is really pathetic. Forget about him and find someone new. Theres plenty of guys that will give you the self esteem you seek so badly.

March 21, 2011

we stopped talking to each other like 4 months ago and hes with another girl (the night of our fight, the jerk..)

he told me we could still be friends but we'll never be like we were before. Was with the guy for 3 years, and every birthday of mine was a HUGE deal for him, he'd make it epic for me, last year he wrote and sang me a song, were both born on the same day (diff months) said it was the best day of the year ever especially since every year i was with him school would be closed on my birthday from a snow day (lol..)

but he never talks to me ever. the only time i tried to be friendly with him was for christmas-i called and i said "hi! i was just calling-" and he hung up on me. i texted saying i was just calling to say merry christmas and hope he was doing well/good. he didnt bother to call back.

Interestingly, college was closed on my birthday again this year for a snow day. Yet he wasnt thoughtful enough to say anything?! whats his problem?! is it possible he forgot, after making my bday such a big deal in the past?

ps. I have absolutely no intention of getting back with him and would never do that, even if he was begging me because of the way he was to me at the end. its over.

i just cant wrap my head around the fact he doesnt bother to be decent...which makes me feel i shudnt bother to be decent for his bday coming up >.<

Not to be rude....but are you serious?

I read this in total shock, like you must be joking. If your ex has a new gf and you called for christmas and he HUNG UP on you, and you texted and he ignored you...WHY would you think he would call for your birthday???? That makes no sense. He is no longer required to be thoughtful towards you.

You guys aren't even friends. That's the truth.

How you're expressing yourself seems like you are unaware that the relationship is over, a friendship doesn't exist and you shouldn't be thinking or waiting for him to make a deal about your birthday neither should you be worried about his....

I do understand breakups hurt and are hard but when one faces the truth and let go of unrealistic ideas about friendship and unrealistic expectations then you face the pain and then heal versus daily being disappointed.

March 21, 2011

If it makes you feel any better, I was married to someone for 12 years and all I got on my birthday was a text message. A 'happy birthday', no exclamation point, no smiley face, no nothing! I was upset and hurt. After all those years of being together, I couldn't understand how he could be so thoughtless. In time, I started to realize that he had no obligation to me anymore. He didn't have to do the same things because we were no longer an item. Not to mention, he had a new girlfriend at the time and he was content with trying to please her, not me. It's probably in your best interests to lower your expectations of him so that you don't get disappointed in the future. If he calls you for a holiday, that's nice, but I wouldn't expect it from him. I have a feeling that once you have a new guy to focus your attention on, it won't even matter what he does anyway. And when it doesn't matter what he does, that's when you can be proud of yourself that you've moved on to the next chapter in your life.

Beautifully said

March 21, 2011

If he got with someone else the day he broke up with you, then hung up on you, he has no intentions or desires to think about you on your birthday. He is dealing with his new chick, and he prolly doesnt want to give you false hope by calling you. If you would never get back with him (even though you miss him) then find someone new to give you the attention you want so badly on your birthday.

Okay seems I have to go against everyones comments here first off,

Its not as though the OP wants attention badly on her Bday,she thinks he is the guy she fell for and obviously he's not. Hanging up,ignoring her is what jerks do,and if thats how he's handling things,then the new girl will get hers once he's through with her too.

Mine acted exactly the same way even worse and we werent even fighting. Its like some folks just bc they found someone new they need to act juvenile or become thoughtless.

Personally, It shouldnt matter if they are in a new relationship that they need to cater to-again,that is no reason to treat anyone poorly. People in this society seem all too happy to burn bridges, what happen if that relationship fails,or someone treats them exactly the same way?Who do you think they are going to run to or suddenly contact out of the blue? The ex.

Maybe she shouldnt expect anything from him fine;However,I have a story of an aunt who wisely didnt burn the bridge with her ex.

She broke up with her ex,and was married afterwards to the new guy. Her new spouse then turned out to be a totally verbally abusive creep. Kicked her out of the house,with their new born baby too!

With no one to turn to,none of her friends nor family was close by, She called her ex,(whom the hubby once told her to cut out of her life for good). The guy (ex) drove miles and picked her up,put her up in a nice hotel,paid for everything,drove her around to help her find a new place. After she found an apt,he rented a truck to get her furniture from her old place,which he moved all by himself!

This is a lesson in itself that you never ever know who you might need later in life especially in a time of need. So its not wise to mistreat PPl just bc youre no longer with them.

OP,keep your head up and do your best to forget this clown who if this love of his lived in the states he would be jailed for child molesting or statutory rape, 14??? Really now.

Edited March 21, 2011 by MidnightinMadrid

March 21, 2011

Maybe she shouldnt expect anything from him fine;However,I have a story of an aunt who wisely didnt burn the bridge with her ex.
She broke up with her ex,and was married afterwards to the new guy. Her new spouse then turned out to be a totally verbally abusive creep. Kicked her out of the house,with their new born baby too!
With no one to turn to,none of her friends nor family was close by, She called her ex,(whom the hubby once told her to cut out of her life for good). The guy (ex) drove miles and picked her up,put her up in a nice hotel,paid for everything,drove her around to help her find a new place. After she found an apt,he rented a truck to get her furniture from her old place,which he moved all by himself!
This is a lesson in itself that you never ever know who you might need later in life especially in a time of need. So its not wise to mistreat PPl just bc youre no longer with them.

The guy wasn't an ex. He was a doormat and she treated him just like one. By the way, not telling an ex HB is not mistreating them. Leaving people alone is not mistreating them.

March 21, 2011

By the way, not telling an ex HB is not mistreating them. Leaving people alone is not mistreating them.

Frank is right. And to take it one step further, many ex's would get angry with the contact since you are no longer together with them. I have only one ex I still wish happy birthday to regularly. I don't ignore the others maliciously, I do it because that is what they wanted. To move on.

March 21, 2011

I agree. If your ex ignores you, or doesn't wish you a paltry happy birthday, they are actually being kinder. Cruel to be kind. You would only remain in limbo believing your ex still had feelings for you if it was the other way round.

March 21, 2011

if it helps at all, i got a text on the day after my birthday after being dumped 5 months before.

however, i did not get a text from her at all about my mother having a heart attack.

at that point it's pretty clear someone could actually care less about you or your life, especially if they are hanging up on you or not replying to texts and what not. be thankful he didn't text on your birthday, when i got my text...it only hurt more knowing she was pretending to care at all.

March 22, 2011

Frank is right. And to take it one step further, many ex's would get angry with the contact since you are no longer together with them. I have only one ex I still wish happy birthday to regularly. I don't ignore the others maliciously, I do it because that is what they wanted. To move on.

Belive it or not some exes do,just act funky just bc they have someone new.

March 22, 2011

"When someone breaks up with you there is a void, same that us dumpees feel. They fill that void with someone else, so instead of dealing with it like we do, they just cover it up. Almost every chapter in life seems to have a new focus in it, and usually when the focus goes away, we fall back to the ones that really matter. Most people have their job or career and stay busy, but when things slow down they have to have that person to text and talk too, someone there, and thats why we always have these focuses.

My ex is the type where if she sat still for 10 mins without anyone in her life, she would probably go nuts. She would text me saying the minute her day slowed down all she could think of was me. Then days later she is with someone else. Most would say "How could she do that!?" It makes perfect sense to me, there is a void, there is needs, so she found someone to fill them. I feel like with men its usually a sexual need but with woman its more emotional and having someone "there". "

Man this is SO much what my ex girl is like....mine is in a few days...and I hadnt really thought about it until now. But I doubt she would care enough to do so...as her no "focus" is her ex husband and kids and if she was weak/strong enough to go back to that after what we had....then...I guess I dont much care.....but it still makes one wonder....Anyway.....great post!!!

March 22, 2011

"When someone breaks up with you there is a void, same that us dumpees feel. They fill that void with someone else, so instead of dealing with it like we do, they just cover it up. Almost every chapter in life seems to have a new focus in it, and usually when the focus goes away, we fall back to the ones that really matter. Most people have their job or career and stay busy, but when things slow down they have to have that person to text and talk too, someone there, and thats why we always have these focuses.

My ex is the type where if she sat still for 10 mins without anyone in her life, she would probably go nuts. She would text me saying the minute her day slowed down all she could think of was me. Then days later she is with someone else. Most would say "How could she do that!?" It makes perfect sense to me, there is a void, there is needs, so she found someone to fill them. I feel like with men its usually a sexual need but with woman its more emotional and having someone "there".

Man this is SO much what my ex girl is like....mine is in a few days...and I hadnt really thought about it until now. But I doubt she would care enough to do so...as her no "focus" is her ex husband and kids and if she was weak/strong enough to go back to that after what we had....then...I guess I dont much care.....but it still makes one wonder....Anyway.....great post!!!

March 22, 2011

"Frank13The guy wasn't an ex. He was a doormat and she treated him just like one. By the way, not telling an ex HB is not mistreating them. Leaving people alone is not mistreating them.

No he was not a doormat,he was there for her out of the kindness of his heart,plus they parted on good terms anyway. I myself went thru a heartache and met up with an ex,who was very supportive and was being a good friend. Funny thing, there was a time I was crying about him.

Furthermore, I'm not talking about folks obligations to tell their exes Happy Birthday,but purposely ignoring someone isnt right,no one enjoys being treated that way,i'm sure they wouldnt like it.

I stand by this,too many exes get into this power trip after they dump someone,there are some who actually enjoy flaunting their new SO to the person they dumped. That shows immaturity,whats the saying? 'Don't look down on people on the way up,bc they are the same ones you will have to meet on the way down'.

So yes, I do get it,if someone is in a new relationship fine,their priority is to a new person,but there's no reason to be a Pr**k to someone just bc you (in general)no longer want them.

I'm not saying that its not important to move on either,thats what some people in this thread seem to be encouraging the OP to do. However there are some responses that are just plain negative. It won't hurt to have some kind of compassion for people who post these kind of thread. Haven't we all been down that same path?

They are the ones in my book who are strong bc they are seeking advice for pain and rejections that comes with a breakup. Not the dumpers who think they are the strong ones bc they moved on quickly and treating their exes like yesterday's Maxi's.

Edited March 22, 2011 by MidnightinMadrid

Sign In

WHY didnt my ex tell me happy birthday?! is it THAT hard?!!!

Recommended Posts

Iceybreaker

joshextreme

sweetblubrry

Eddie Edirol

yoonie16

Frank13

Movingthrough

depplover_1980

Iceybreaker

betterdeal

depplover_1980

optimistgirl

Scorpio90

Eddie Edirol

Beeotch

Beeotch

MidnightinMadrid

Frank13

Thatguyintx

depplover_1980

flitzanu

MidnightinMadrid

lovnlost

lovnlost

MidnightinMadrid

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...