Sensory perceptions, conceptualized emotions, insight on how this happens to you?

[UnisonofParadox]

This turned out to be longer than I expected. Please bear with me. If you are a woman I am sure this is still applicable, to both gender roles.

 

 

Good Evening Citizens of Love Shack;

 

I have continued to live life freely with no obligation or commitment to anyone; except to the values I hold and the goals I am achieving.

 

On another site I asked a question about obtaining the “mythical sense of humor” and why I never seemed able to connect with anyone on that degree and why I never found anything funny.

 

What stuck from that thread was that what I want to obtain from people is a means of reaching my goals, rather than people to share goals with and reach them together. I focus on people for the ideals they hold and the goals they want to achieve. All my “connection points” are connected to my goals with no interest or room to bond emotional intimacies; building the right kind of connections with people strong and competent enough to swing back hard and force me to evolve, reflect, or adapt my theory and praxis. A battle worth becoming engraved in my memory for all time.

 

 

What I want insight/help/feedback on is this:

 

I recently tried connected with someone beyond the realm of my goals. That is to say, in a exclusive relationship with emotional intimacy since this individual stood to benefit me beyond the short term.

 

I know that I went about it the wrong way, and was forced to permanently eject the individual from my life. Instead of striking when the iron was hot, on our first “encounter” when she attempted to "make a move" on me I shoved her off and gave her a handshake. I looked at her with full strength and said anything more than a handshake would be inappropriate given the current circumstances.

 

My plan was to get to know her as a person for as long as I could, I “friendzoned” her with my actions. I wanted to get to know her as a person, and demonstrate through my actions and conversation with her that I intended to stay and create the most powerful, extraordinary, and earth-shattering connection there ever was.

 

Of course all of that backfired. In retrospect it was beyond stupidity for me to deviate from what always worked for me when hooking up with women casually. When I finally “made a move” a few meetings later, she stated that she recently got into a relationship with her best friend from childhood and that she didn’t think I was interested in her that way. Continuing, she said that she was never attracted to me in that way.

 

Now I am curious to know how often this phenomena occurs. She was the one who approached me initially. She gave me her number, went out of her way to see me, and made all the initial moves on me that I rebuffed when I friendzoned her. More importantly, I received intelligence from her group of friends that she had the hots for me at one point in time; and in the past she said to me and others that she would never date the guy she is currently with. That they were only friends.

 

What I want to know is, how often do women you know lie about their attraction to men that friend zoned them then approach them when they are in a new relationship with someone else? Why does she have to gain by denying that she had feelings for me? And why would she date someone she said she would never date just 7 months ago?

 

Do people’s word in this era no longer mean anything? Few things are as disgusting as not telling the truth. To simply exist, pride and respect aren’t necessary it seems…

 

In any case, I am no longer in communication with this individual in any way. Perhaps I am better off doing what I have been doing. I doubt any one person in a relationship with me can come to understand what I am looking for or what I aim to achieve in this world. Emotional intimacy just isn't for me it might seem.

 

It seems that initial attraction was there but due to my concealed nature and suppression of sexuality I sabotaged the connection..