The dot Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 I've had my share of bad dating/relationship experiences, and it seems I'm not alone on this board. Sometimes I think it's good to inject a bit perspective into the debate. A lot of people seem to think that being alone is somehow 'bad' or scary. But to be honest, now that I've taken some time out of the dating "trenches", I'm finding that I love it. Everyday I wake up in the morning refreshed after a good night's sleep. I get up and go to work when I'm ready, there's no arguing over who's taking too long in the bathroom, or who's gonna be late or whatever else. I do my work, I come home -- it's quiet. I can put on the TV or some music if I like, I can go out, or I can simply enjoy the quiet. When my salary comes in, I can spend it on things I need, I can donate some to charity if I feel like it, or I can save it for my next overseas trip (France or Spain are looking good right now). On the weekends I can go away for a couple of days, I can go out if I want to, I can exercise, I can watch sports or do any one of a million other things. If I want to go out with a woman I can do that (in fact I went camping with a couple of women not so long ago), but I don't have to. I can go to concerts, sporting events, art galleries, or I can just stay home. I am wondering why people fear this. I'm fit and healthy, exercising almost every day. I have a good job. I certainly don't fit the stereotype that society has about single men, heck, I don't even describe myself as "single" anymore. I'm just "unattached". Single implies there is a void to be filled somewhere, and I certainly don't feel that way. Why do people fear being alone? 1
DreamerGirl27 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 I don't fear it, but I certainly don't wanna live it for the rest of my life. Been alone for 26 years now. I don't count my parents as not being "alone" either...living with them is pretty much like living alone. I'm an only child so...I also have no brothers and sisters. I have plenty of time to be and live alone, I'm just sick of doing it.
Mixed28 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 I've had my share of bad dating/relationship experiences, and it seems I'm not alone on this board. Sometimes I think it's good to inject a bit perspective into the debate. A lot of people seem to think that being alone is somehow 'bad' or scary. But to be honest, now that I've taken some time out of the dating "trenches", I'm finding that I love it. Everyday I wake up in the morning refreshed after a good night's sleep. I get up and go to work when I'm ready, there's no arguing over who's taking too long in the bathroom, or who's gonna be late or whatever else. I do my work, I come home -- it's quiet. I can put on the TV or some music if I like, I can go out, or I can simply enjoy the quiet. When my salary comes in, I can spend it on things I need, I can donate some to charity if I feel like it, or I can save it for my next overseas trip (France or Spain are looking good right now). On the weekends I can go away for a couple of days, I can go out if I want to, I can exercise, I can watch sports or do any one of a million other things. If I want to go out with a woman I can do that (in fact I went camping with a couple of women not so long ago), but I don't have to. I can go to concerts, sporting events, art galleries, or I can just stay home. I am wondering why people fear this. I'm fit and healthy, exercising almost every day. I have a good job. I certainly don't fit the stereotype that society has about single men, heck, I don't even describe myself as "single" anymore. I'm just "unattached". Single implies there is a void to be filled somewhere, and I certainly don't feel that way. Why do people fear being alone? I agree. How old are you by the way? I am 19 and in college. I met a girl in sept and started a relationship on sept 11 that ended in mid November she dumped me (said i was a nice guy treated her well and etc) it was my first real relationship and I was devistated she started dating a guy 2 months after our breakup hurt like hell. As soon as they got together I tried dating other girls with no success 4 months after the breakup i don't give a damn about being in a relationship or not. Really who cares its not good to define ones self worth one whether they are in a relationship or not. And I have learned that you can't count on that person always being there for you. So yeah I agree with you.
betterdeal Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 There's a difference between being lonely and being alone. When you're happy with your own company, being alone is what replaces being lonely. I like it. 1
Author The dot Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 I don't fear it, but I certainly don't wanna live it for the rest of my life. Been alone for 26 years now. I don't count my parents as not being "alone" either...living with them is pretty much like living alone. But that's the point, it's *not* the same as being alone, because living with your parents means living under their rules. Now you may need someone in the house to make the rules for you, but personally, I don't. My apartment is virtually spotless as I type this, all the garbage was taken out on time, all my shirts for for work for the next week will be ironed before the weekend is out. I really don't need anybody else around to make the rules. It seems to me that living with one's parents is the worst of both worlds. You have to live under someone else's rules, but you don't get to date or have the companionship or bring anyone home. Right now I have the *best* of both worlds, and I love it!
Author The dot Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 I agree. How old are you by the way? I am 19 and in college. I met a girl in sept and started a relationship on sept 11 that ended in mid November she dumped me (said i was a nice guy treated her well and etc) it was my first real relationship and I was devistated she started dating a guy 2 months after our breakup hurt like hell. As soon as they got together I tried dating other girls with no success 4 months after the breakup i don't give a damn about being in a relationship or not. Really who cares its not good to define ones self worth one whether they are in a relationship or not. And I have learned that you can't count on that person always being there for you. So yeah I agree with you. I'm 34. My advice to you is forget dating for a while and work on yourself. Get fit and healthy, find some interesting hobbies, travel, work on your career (or degree) do all the things you've always wanted to do, and make yourself a better person. Then maybe you can choose a relationship later if the right person comes along, but you'll already have a great life if they don't. Oh, and read this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84894/
Mixed28 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 I'm 34. My advice to you is forget dating for a while and work on yourself. Get fit and healthy, find some interesting hobbies, travel, work on your career (or degree) do all the things you've always wanted to do, and make yourself a better person. Then maybe you can choose a relationship later if the right person comes along, but you'll already have a great life if they don't. Oh, and read this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84894/ I have been workingout and gaining muscle sence I got dumped don't plan to stop either. Right now I am saying screw dating for awhile granted it would suck if I remain single for the rest of college(I am a freshmen) but it's whatever. Not really that big a deal compared to how much loans I am taking out.
threebyfate Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 After my divorce, then selling our old place and moving into a new one, it was MY place. Loved living alone somewhere that didn't have many old memories attached. No one to clean up after, where if I wanted to wash my floor at 5:00 a.m., I could. Loved that I could cook whatever I felt like or not. Loved that I could pop out with friends for dinner or do anything, without having to discuss or even mention it to anyone. Loved that I could date who I wanted, when and for as long as I wanted. While I wouldn't trade what I have now for it, I really LOVED being on my own!
DreamerGirl27 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 But that's the point, it's *not* the same as being alone, because living with your parents means living under their rules. Now you may need someone in the house to make the rules for you, but personally, I don't. My apartment is virtually spotless as I type this, all the garbage was taken out on time, all my shirts for for work for the next week will be ironed before the weekend is out. I really don't need anybody else around to make the rules. It seems to me that living with one's parents is the worst of both worlds. You have to live under someone else's rules, but you don't get to date or have the companionship or bring anyone home. Right now I have the *best* of both worlds, and I love it! I don't have any of those rules lol and I don't have anyone I wanna date that wants to date me, and if I did, I could go to his place sooo...the problem is? My mom cleans the entire house, my dad takes care of everything else... I basically live here rent free and could sleep in my bed upstairs all day, every day if I wanted. It's like living on my own, with less responsibility because everything is taken care of for me!!
Stung Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Yup. I love being married now and living with my husband and kids, but I liked living alone too. I have lived with family, roommates, boyfriends, and by myself in my own home, and all have their positives and negatives. I liked the freedom of living by myself in my own place, having nobody to answer to, all that good stuff. Only time I ever regretted living alone was when I was sick.
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Most that claim to "love" living alone are coming out of bad relationships. I'd "love" living alone then too. But, at 37 I've never lived with anyone in my adult life. I'm not lonely but I'd much rather live with someone that I had a good relationship with. Live alone for any significant amount of time I guarantee you will not "love" it.
denise_xo Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Most that claim to "love" living alone are coming out of bad relationships. I'd "love" living alone then too. But, at 37 I've never lived with anyone in my adult life. I'm not lonely but I'd much rather live with someone that I had a good relationship with. Live alone for any significant amount of time I guarantee you will not "love" it. I've been alone and single for long stretches of time and have enjoyed it a lot. I'm always busy with lots of stuff and have a good social base. I'd only had one LTR prior to my current and most of it wasn't particularly bad at all, but we grew apart towards the end and had different goals in life. But agree with Stung on the being sick part.
asireen Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 I've been alone and single for long stretches of time and have enjoyed it a lot. I'm always busy with lots of stuff and have a good social base. I'd only had one LTR prior to my current and most of it wasn't particularly bad at all, but we grew apart towards the end and had different goals in life. You seem comfortable being alone now, and looks like you will be comfortable being alone later in life. You have seen both sides, being in a relationship and not being in one, and now you know better. As long as you have a few good, really good, friends, being alone even in old age will not be an issue.
SleeplessRomantic Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I'll be living alone soon. I'm kind of nervous about it, but at the same time I'm excited. I guess I'm what you'd call a 'neat freak', but without the negative minutiaes surrounding the label. I just like organization and order. I'm glad to about to have control.
Eeyore79 Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Living alone is great; sometimes when people come over I'm actually glad when they leave! I like the fact that nobody else makes a mess or a noise, I can watch whatever I want on tv, and pretty much do whatever I like. The only thing that worries me is the time factor; I want to be married with kids some day, and I can hear my biological clock ticking while I'm at home alone. If I had loads of time then I'd be perfectly happy living alone and wouldn't be in a hurry to move a man in, but the fact that I'm getting well into my thirties means I'm in more of a rush to have a live-in relationship.
TheLoneSock Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I've had my share of bad dating/relationship experiences, and it seems I'm not alone on this board. Sometimes I think it's good to inject a bit perspective into the debate. A lot of people seem to think that being alone is somehow 'bad' or scary. But to be honest, now that I've taken some time out of the dating "trenches", I'm finding that I love it. Everyday I wake up in the morning refreshed after a good night's sleep. I get up and go to work when I'm ready, there's no arguing over who's taking too long in the bathroom, or who's gonna be late or whatever else. I do my work, I come home -- it's quiet. I can put on the TV or some music if I like, I can go out, or I can simply enjoy the quiet. When my salary comes in, I can spend it on things I need, I can donate some to charity if I feel like it, or I can save it for my next overseas trip (France or Spain are looking good right now). On the weekends I can go away for a couple of days, I can go out if I want to, I can exercise, I can watch sports or do any one of a million other things. If I want to go out with a woman I can do that (in fact I went camping with a couple of women not so long ago), but I don't have to. I can go to concerts, sporting events, art galleries, or I can just stay home. I am wondering why people fear this. I'm fit and healthy, exercising almost every day. I have a good job. I certainly don't fit the stereotype that society has about single men, heck, I don't even describe myself as "single" anymore. I'm just "unattached". Single implies there is a void to be filled somewhere, and I certainly don't feel that way. Why do people fear being alone? Amen. Enjoy your freedom, time is on your side.
Cee Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I've lived alone for almost 20 years. It is wonderful to live alone and could extol the virtues of it for hours. But c'mon, I gotta be honest here. Despite being a 40-year old, I act like a frat boy a lot of the time. I sleep till noon, ignore housekeeping, and never cook. Most days I eat dinner out of a can and then fritter away time watching tv shows on hulu. I'm doing my best to exercise and make promises that I will do more around my place. But the only thing that keep me disciplined is my job and my friends. Recently, I got into a relationship after being single for almost 7 years. My apartment has never been cleaner. I admit, I need some outside intervention to keep myself in line. I pretend I'm a grown up, but inside I'm Peter Pan.
TheLoneSock Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I've lived alone for almost 20 years. It is wonderful to live alone and could extol the virtues of it for hours. But c'mon, I gotta be honest here. Despite being a 40-year old, I act like a frat boy a lot of the time. I sleep till noon, ignore housekeeping, and never cook. Most days I eat dinner out of a can and then fritter away time watching tv shows on hulu. I'm doing my best to exercise and make promises that I will do more around my place. But the only thing that keep me disciplined is my job and my friends. Recently, I got into a relationship after being single for almost 7 years. My apartment has never been cleaner. I admit, I need some outside intervention to keep myself in line. I pretend I'm a grown up, but inside I'm Peter Pan. Lol dude, you are one end of a very large spectrum on the 'living alone' bar. If there was such a bar...
confusio Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I miss living alone, but the best for me what living with a roomate when I was in my early 20s. It hard for most people to understand that I had a female roomate and that we were not attracted to each other. We weren't dependent on each other, but if we could hang out anytime, and if the other didn't feel like it it was no problem either. No one was hurt
EyesWideOpen Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I was in a dysfunctional marriage for years...and I can honestly say that after that, I absolutely LOVED the freedom of being alone. With that being said, it's also nice to be in a healthy relationship. Healthy relationship > Being alone > Bad relationship. =) 1
SleeplessRomantic Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I've lived alone for almost 20 years. It is wonderful to live alone and could extol the virtues of it for hours. But c'mon, I gotta be honest here. Despite being a 40-year old, I act like a frat boy a lot of the time. I sleep till noon, ignore housekeeping, and never cook. Most days I eat dinner out of a can and then fritter away time watching tv shows on hulu. I'm doing my best to exercise and make promises that I will do more around my place. But the only thing that keep me disciplined is my job and my friends. Recently, I got into a relationship after being single for almost 7 years. My apartment has never been cleaner. I admit, I need some outside intervention to keep myself in line. I pretend I'm a grown up, but inside I'm Peter Pan. You are my hero. I am completely serious. Very nice.
missmac Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 I love living alone - I decided 7 years ago that I would no longer even have roomates, after one lost his job, panicked, and quietly moved out at 4:00am - leaving me to pay full rent. Yes it IS expensive to live by yourself, you cant reap the benefits of shopping in bulk, single portion everything is more expensive, and you have to pay for everything yourself, rent, electricity, internet, and groceries. Even the tax incentives in Canada favor married couples with children, or common law partners. I know I could have more money to save if I got a roommate - but to me, being able to come home to a place thats just mine and not have to deal with anyone elses bullshiz is priceless. Im a total introvert - and while I like to go out on the weekends and visit friends - I covet my alone time, reading, running errands, taking long baths. I actually got in a fight recently with the guy im seeing, because he is being super intense and talking about living together - and honestly, I can not see myself doing that any time soon.
Author The dot Posted April 5, 2012 Author Posted April 5, 2012 Most that claim to "love" living alone are coming out of bad relationships. I'd "love" living alone then too. But, at 37 I've never lived with anyone in my adult life. I'm not lonely but I'd much rather live with someone that I had a good relationship with. Live alone for any significant amount of time I guarantee you will not "love" it. Just clocked over 10 years living alone, and it just gets better and better. At this stage, I don't know if I could *ever* give it up.
FitChick Posted April 6, 2012 Posted April 6, 2012 I'm tired of living alone. "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."
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