PA1123 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 OK, so here is the deal. We broke up mutually because she was hired for her dream job in California. Both of us were living in New York at the time (separate apartments). I had absolutely no problems with this break up. I just got my career started in NY and was very happy for her because she was doing what she wanted to do. About a year went by with no contact. She comes back to NY for vacation to see family and contacts me saying that she wants to see me. She has a few things that she wants to give back. As a 6 month anniversary gift (with other things) I gave her my college class ring. She wanted to give that back to me. So we met and talked for about 2 hrs and she told me that she did not like living in Calfornia and was hoping to get a job in New York City. We parted ways and I honestly thought that I would never hear from her again. But now she has started to text me out of the blue by telling me how happy she is that I am in a career that I love. A friend also told me that she posted a note on her face book saying "SOME ONE HELP ME GET MY LIFE TOGETHER." Now I have dealt with crazy Ex's before and I am pretty sure that that message was directed at me so that I would give her attention. So my question to you guys and gals is... Should I acknowledge this "cry for help?" Or should I just leave it as it is. I am pretty sure that she is "FISHING" or trying to see if I am still open to getting back together since she wants to come back home to New York.
Fern Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 OK, so here is the deal. We broke up mutually because she was hired for her dream job in California. Both of us were living in New York at the time (separate apartments). I had absolutely no problems with this break up. I just got my career started in NY and was very happy for her because she was doing what she wanted to do. About a year went by with no contact. She comes back to NY for vacation to see family and contacts me saying that she wants to see me. She has a few things that she wants to give back. As a 6 month anniversary gift (with other things) I gave her my college class ring. She wanted to give that back to me. So we met and talked for about 2 hrs and she told me that she did not like living in Calfornia and was hoping to get a job in New York City. We parted ways and I honestly thought that I would never hear from her again. But now she has started to text me out of the blue by telling me how happy she is that I am in a career that I love. A friend also told me that she posted a note on her face book saying "SOME ONE HELP ME GET MY LIFE TOGETHER." Now I have dealt with crazy Ex's before and I am pretty sure that that message was directed at me so that I would give her attention. So my question to you guys and gals is... Should I acknowledge this "cry for help?" Or should I just leave it as it is. I am pretty sure that she is "FISHING" or trying to see if I am still open to getting back together since she wants to come back home to New York. Do you want to get back together with her?
CaliGuy Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 OK, so here is the deal. We broke up mutually because she was hired for her dream job in California. Both of us were living in New York at the time (separate apartments). I had absolutely no problems with this break up. I just got my career started in NY and was very happy for her because she was doing what she wanted to do. About a year went by with no contact. She comes back to NY for vacation to see family and contacts me saying that she wants to see me. She has a few things that she wants to give back. As a 6 month anniversary gift (with other things) I gave her my college class ring. She wanted to give that back to me. So we met and talked for about 2 hrs and she told me that she did not like living in Calfornia and was hoping to get a job in New York City. We parted ways and I honestly thought that I would never hear from her again. But now she has started to text me out of the blue by telling me how happy she is that I am in a career that I love. A friend also told me that she posted a note on her face book saying "SOME ONE HELP ME GET MY LIFE TOGETHER." Now I have dealt with crazy Ex's before and I am pretty sure that that message was directed at me so that I would give her attention. So my question to you guys and gals is... Should I acknowledge this "cry for help?" Or should I just leave it as it is. I am pretty sure that she is "FISHING" or trying to see if I am still open to getting back together since she wants to come back home to New York. I think you're looking way too much into this. Sounds more like she missed NY. If she really wanted to get back together with you she wouldn't be offloading stuff and giving it back to you. She'd be beating down your front door to get you back. I'd leave it "as is" and not look into it too much. If she wants you, she'll CLEARLY let you know. If she's fishing around, and that is what I think she is doing, she may be looking for help to get home but not necessarily looking to get back with you. Until you have clear words from her this is all just face value, nothing more.
Author PA1123 Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 Yea your probably right, Thanks for the advise guys. Gonna lay low for a while and see where it goes.
CaliGuy Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Or maybe giving back the stuff was just an excuse to meet him? It sounds safer than inviting him to the movies or something like that Nope. Giving the stuff back is not something you would do to someone you want to keep an attachment to. Giving their stuff back is like saying "I'm getting rid of anything that reminds me of the relationship we had..." Getting rid of attachments is usually the LAST step in completely moving on.
robinseggblue Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Nope. Giving the stuff back is not something you would do to someone you want to keep an attachment to. Giving their stuff back is like saying "I'm getting rid of anything that reminds me of the relationship we had..." Getting rid of attachments is usually the LAST step in completely moving on. Giggle* The above is said by a true man, because that is probably what would be going through a males mind. I guess it's because men are so straightforward or something. Women are a LOT more wily than that! Her asking to see him to "give his stuff back" was DEFINITELY translatable to "I just want to see you again." Holding on to his stuff is not making her think they are "more together" than they would be if she gave him back his stuff. After a year away from him, and moving to a new city where she feels lost and unhappy, it does not seem at all likely to me that she would be trying to end something that may be the only happy thought in her mind right now. What's going through her head now is: I'm sad here in Cali. I was happier in NY. Let's revisit the past and see if it still is an option, because maybe it could make me happy like it did before. The post on Facebook? Not directed at you. Just a symptom of her unhappiness. If it was directed at you, it would not be done in such an ambiguous way. She would have put a lot more thought into it, so that you would KNOW it was you, even if it was subtle. Just remember, women put a lot more thought into things. Keep that in mind.
Author PA1123 Posted April 4, 2011 Author Posted April 4, 2011 Thanks everyone for the info and your point of view on the situation. On a update: We have been texting back and forth about once a week since we have seen eachother, but I am almost certain that she wants to come back. she keeps saying that she is having a hard time in Cal and does not like it. I think it is just going to be a friendship (which is perfectly fine) in my standards. We will see what happens.
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