Konan Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Hi there I am new to this so bare with me while I bare my sole. I recently broke up with my ex girlfriend and she's still a part of my life as a friend. The problem is, is I have had lingering feelings for her but I'm more than ready to move on with this new friend of mine. It's just my ex is so close to me both in location and emotionally, that it makes it hard to describe and draw a line to where we are at for my feelings for her. The reason we broke up is cause she still had feelings for her ex. Everything that has to be said has been said. Everything that was going to happen has happened, we are over. But we still need each other as friends, more to the point i think she needs me more than she lets on. I have come here for advice. From everyone who has moved on from someone and is still good friends with their ex's. Do you still have thoughts over your ex in a non friend way? Is it OK to move on in a relationship with someone new with such close contact with the ex? Our boundaries are rock solid and we are in the friend zone well and truly... It's only sometimes on some days, it's a little hard you know? There is some still lingering attraction now and then. I'm ready to jump into this new relationship with both feet. I just want to know that I am being fair to everyone by doing so. I am not doing it to move on, because I really do like this girl that I'm pursuing. So any advice would be great.
Author Konan Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 I meant to say we broke up... She instigated the breakup, it's not fair of me to say I did.
0hpenelope Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 I understand the struggle you're feeling and because everyone involved is just a friend, you will do things that are good for you. Don't worry about your ex reacting to you moving on - it's the natural progression of things. She's the one that did the break-up, she's the one who wanted the separation, what you do with your life is none of her business anymore. Even friends have boundaries in their involvement in our lives. I would be concerned about the new girl. You will have to commit to reassuring her that she's the only one that you have feelings for. Having been in that situation before, it is very difficult to have a significant other (S.O.) be such close friends with his ex. If things get serious with the new girl, you might find yourself in the position to have to choose someday. Until then, pursue her and be honest. Not just in words, but in actions as well. Be considerate of her feelings because your relationship with your ex-gf? It's tricky, considering that you admitted that you still have the attraction. You had a history with this girl and adjusting to having an S.O. with a close friendship with the ex takes a while for most people - and understandably so. There's no logic in feeling threatened. Will you be patient enough? Will you be understanding enough to the new girl when she has those bouts of insecurity? Also, you said this is a recent break up with your ex? Perhaps you need more time to detach. Don't be unfair to that new girl just because of your want to pursue your attraction to her. It's much easier to say "Don't stay friends with your ex," but the reality is, a lot of people do. Establishing a relationship with someone like you comes with its unique conflicts, because it also depends on how confident your new girl is about herself, you, and your potential romantic relationship (if she decides to pursue that with you). Good luck.
Author Konan Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 Anyone who knows me personally knows i'm very caring and affectionate towards my partners. If anything I do to much, which is how i attract friends and partners in the first place. My heart is on my sleeve and my wounds are behind a mask. If i have to choose then i might as well choose right now. Thank you so much
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