Torres Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Hi, So just have a question about my relationship, I hope some can offer some advice. Seeing my girlfriend for a year now. She is American, I am Irish. I love her so much, she is so nice and good to me and she's a total stunner. However we probably have very different backgrounds and sometimes it bugs me how different we are. I find it hard to connect with her friends for example. Like last night we met for a few drinks, the conversation is all very "intellectual". I'm a smart, intellegent and well educated guy but having a few drinks with my friends on a Friday night we usually just have fun and talk about whatever. I feel so out of my depth when its all politics and intellectual sort of talk. I just wonder why they don't just leave work talk at home, come have a few drinks, go dancing and have fun. But its all shop talk, 2 drinks and they feel they are over their limit and go home by 9.30. I feel like an alcohol or something if I had 4 or 5 drinks. Maybe its an Irish thing, I don't get drunk without drinking a lot but just having 4 or 5 drinks i feel like they notice and I'm making a show of myself. I find it difficult. Like St. Patricks day was a big day for me. I had to work late but wanted her to come over and just hang out later in the evening but she wasn't in to it. This morning I went over to hang with her friends and felt a bit uncomfortable as usual. I asked her to come watch a game with me and my friends but she wasnt interested. It was Ireland vs. England and a big game, all my friends and their girlfriends were hanging out but she had no interest. It was sort of a big deal and I wish I could have seen it but I missed it to hang out with her friends doing nothing really. Tonight I have a concert I got tickets to, I went alone as she had no interest in the band. Ok, if she's not interested fine. Its just that I find myself doing a lot of things I might not enjoy because I love her and want to make her happy. But a lot of things that mean a lot to me I miss or else go alone. I dont really think she realises they are a big deal to me. But when I was single I would do to concerts and stuff alone if my friends werent interested or whatever, I didn't mind. But having a girlfriend I always thought it's be so good. Nights like Patricks day she'd know it was important to me and spend time with me, instead of going out alone or spending Saturday night in alone, these are the times I'd thought would be great with a girlfriend. Its just times like tonight, I'm home now and online and watching TV by myself. I have to meet her real early for brunch tomorrow and then she'll go off home again. If it was up to me I'd love to spend my Saturday night going out with her having fun, we could sleep in on a Sunday and take it easy and spend time together. Now I spend my Saturday night by myself but I cant really go out with my friends either tonight because I won't be up super early to go meet her. She's a good girl, I think she means well but I find it hard. I tried explaining about Thursday and about the game today how they are just important to me, like I remember 4th of July weekend was a big deal to her last year even though I had not celebrated it before I went away for the weekend with her. I just wish she'd realise sometimes. I know I sound really selfish and just want my own way. Its not so much that, I do a lot for her. I try to do what she likes and stuff a lot, I just find it always conflicts with things I like myself or things my own friends are doing and just wish she'd join me more and see how important these things are to me. I just don't know. When I love her so much it seems like a terrible reason to breakup. Its just that if another weekend comes and goes and I don't see my friends, don't get a little sleep in or rest after a long weeks work, dont get to do a few things I like or wanted to do I'm just gonna get so frustrated again. Does any of that make sense? I hope I dont sound too selfish or aweful, I know it might come across that way.
Datura Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 You don't sound selfish at all. Your girlfriend acknowledges that having her come along with you at times is important, yet does her own thing anyway which is selfish. It seems that what's most problematic is her unwillingness to participate in your interests rather than her genuinely enjoying them. Relationships are about compromise. You attend events she's interested in, and she does the same in return (of course declining at times is inevitable). It would be a terrible reason to break up if you do not mention to her your needs and how relationships aren't a one way street.
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