Author optimistgirl Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 It saddened me to no end that my exH couldn't stand up to his mother. We still speak from time to time and he told me that his mother has just as much disdain for his new wife and she did for me. That helped to hear because I spent such a long time thinking I wasn't important enough to my ex- which is why he never stood up for me. I realize now this issue is always going to exist between the two of them- and it had nothing to do with me. That's exactly how I feel right now...that I just wasn't important enough!! But you're so right, it's not my issue. I gotta get that into my head!!! I think that will be an important key to me healing from all of this. Had you stayed with this man, you would have ended up full of resentment down the road- because if he can't stand up to his mother at the age of 38, it's just not ever going to happen! Very sad, but true. I still cannot believe it. I've read about other people with this issue, but they're in their late teens, early twenties!! 38??? Common already. There are lots of men out there that would be more than lucky to spend time with you! This guy has proved he simply isn't worthy. You're so kind. I sure hope so! And I also hope that you found someone worthy of your affections. Sounds like you deserved better too!
depplover_1980 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Optimist, yes it is much easier for me to laugh about it all now, however at the time I was in a bad way for quite a long time. I have no doubt you will eventually reach a place of humour regarding the mother in law from hell - I've even done drawing of mine in the past holding his mummy's hand. To get to that place though, yes you'll be angry, disappointed, sad, then ok, then any order of that cycle all over again. It is positive to see that you automatically spot the similarities to someone going through rehab; as a former alcoholic I can confirm that holding back from contacting a lover, is just as hard as holding from that drink. It requires the most intense willpower and you only have to look around the board to see the difficulty most find it to be. However like denial of substance, it is the best gift to yourself from a psychological perspective. Therefore keep your head up, stay postitive and do not contact him, especially considering your circumstances.
Author optimistgirl Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 Everyday it is a struggle not to reach out to him, but I'm trying to be strong until I can get to that point where I won't have the urge. Kudos to you Depp for beating alcoholism! That's willpower!
depplover_1980 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Everyday it is a struggle not to reach out to him, but I'm trying to be strong until I can get to that point where I won't have the urge. Kudos to you Depp for beating alcoholism! That's willpower! One day at a time, never anymore vision than that is required. Get through the day without a drink, get through the day without texting him. My last ex and I have been split 2 months and he has constantly disappointed me and even now I sometimes want to text him something telling him a truth, but I hold fast. Eventually it becomes a habit to abstain.
Author optimistgirl Posted March 26, 2011 Author Posted March 26, 2011 Any update, optimist? Well since you asked... In a moment of weakness, I called him! I didn't call him to beg him to come back or anything like that, I just need to understand his rationale. I needed some closure. I'm still grieving the loss of our relationship because of the circumstances surrounding it, but also because this was my first 'real' relationship after the breakup of my marriage which lasted for 12 years! I'm learning the in-and-outs of dating all over again and I forgot how difficult it can be. I welcome any dating advice. It's tough out there! Now, based on my past experiences and the experiences of those close to me, I have good reason to supsect that there may be a continuation to this story. Meaning, it's very possible that I may hear from him sometime in the future. I wouldn't be surprised at all... It's only a matter of time, of course, by that time, I probably won't even want him back. That's how it always seems to work!!!
homebrew Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 optimistgirl, I just read your story... I have a book I want you to read. Tired of being mistreated, taken advantage of, being a doormat, settling for less than you deserve, etc. Than go read the following book: Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life By: Henry Cloud and John Townsend If you liked my "For Me" creed / motto... You will love this book! It will help you actually get to where you live by these sort of principles and do not compromise or settle for anything less than you deserve! Go read the reviews on Amazon... It is a Life changing book!
Author optimistgirl Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 Thanks for the book recommendation and I WILL go get it! I'm on the path to self-improvement and I can't wait to see where it takes me.
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