Ricl Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 So, when you are in a relationship, will you always fully decline another person's advances? Make it known that they are unwanted and won't lead anywhere? Or do you instead go with it, feeding off the attention? If you go with it, does that mean your relationship is on the decline and/or you're interested in the person making the advances?
Mrlonelyone Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 If I was married or engaged then I would not be looking to get with anyone else at all ever no matter what. My fiancee would have to royally screw up and I would break up with them first before I even considered any other advances. If I was just in any old relationship... it would depend on a number of factors. How long and deep our connection was. Is this relationship going towards marriage or at least an engagement. Have we at least had the big talk...where boundaries are defined and exclusivity is discussed? That may sound shady... but to me only engagement or marriage are real commitments. I don't think simply going on X number of dates equals commitment.
Stung Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 I am faithful, and I fully decline all advances. Always have. I am a human being, and if I were to lapse, it would only be partial and temporary. I can imagine myself in a brief flirtation, if I were feeling lonely and low and having negative thoughts about the future of my relationship, but I couldn't imagine myself letting it get any farther. I respect myself too much, and am committed to my integrity. Everybody sees these things differently, however. I know plenty of people who are naturally more flirtatious than I am, and consider a flirty episode nothing more than harmless fun, whether they're in a relationship or not. That's just a matter of perspective. There are also people who will cheat if they're massively unhappy in their relationship, and people who will cheat just for the thrill of something new, or because they're lacking something in themselves, even if their relationship is happy and intact. Flirting or even cheating isn't always an indication of the overall dynamic of the relationship, although it can be. Are you afraid your SO is interested in someone else? Or are you flirting with somebody who's already taken?
tigressA Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 I fully decline. If I'm talking to any guy, whether a friend, acquaintance or stranger, I mention my BF within 3 minutes of the conversation starting so that they hardly have any chance to hit on me. If a guy makes their agenda known immediately, I say, "I'm taken, not interested."
Author Ricl Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 Are you afraid your SO is interested in someone else? Or are you flirting with somebody who's already taken? Flirting with someone taken. A close friend of mine of who I know isn't entirely happy with her relationship, though I do not know the full extend of it. She knows I'm really into her and doesn't flirt back a lot, but she doesn't decline any of my advances. She seems to like them. She's ok with me being "in love" with her, jokes around about a future between us on occasion. And earlier when as a joke I said "Well, I'm going to make you mine." She said "You're quite sure about that". I can't gauge what exactly she means with that. I've had situations like that towards me, and my responses were always in the line of "Yeah, not gonna happen. :P" And besides that I let them know clearly I wasn't interested. I should add, to me it seems almost as if she wants me to make a real move instead of just making jokes. But that could be wishful thinking.
Macaw Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Fully decline. It's hardwired in our genetics. Some people live for the thrill of doing something "wrong". Others find it repulsive and disgusting. I wouldn't consider my S.O. marriage material if she was a flirtatious type either. About this girl you've been flirting with, let me save you a few months of heartache and just say that whatever happens, keep it casual, and don't fall for her. Even if she stays faithful with you, the thought that she'll always flirt with other guys and cheat on you before moving on will stay at the back of your mind.
Author Ricl Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 Define "advances". In my case, it's complimenting, light flirting and "joking" around about a future between us. I'm not the kind of guy to take it too far and try to kiss her and things like that, but she knows I'm serious enough.
threebyfate Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 In my case, it's complimenting, light flirting and "joking" around about a future between us. I'm not the kind of guy to take it too far and try to kiss her and things like that, but she knows I'm serious enough.How do you know this? Have you ever confessed your feelings to her?
Author Ricl Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 How do you know this? Have you ever confessed your feelings to her? Yes, I have. Confessed it in a jokingly matter, thinking she'd not take it serious. But she did and wanted to know if I was joking or not, and afterwards she tried to get me to tell her how strong my feelings are. And since I told it, like a week ago, we've had a lot more contact.
Star Gazer Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 So, when you are in a relationship, will you always fully decline another person's advances? Make it known that they are unwanted and won't lead anywhere? Advances are politely but firmly shut down.
Confusedalways Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 I think I talk about my boyfriend so much by accident that nobody even bothers. Since I'm around him so often, most of my stories/ anecdotes take place with/around him, so usually if I'm talking to someone I'm like "oh when my boyfriend and I ____." Or something. If people continue to flirt after I mention I have a boyfriend, I truly don't notice because I just don't care.
threebyfate Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Yes, I have. Confessed it in a jokingly matter, thinking she'd not take it serious. But she did and wanted to know if I was joking or not, and afterwards she tried to get me to tell her how strong my feelings are. And since I told it, like a week ago, we've had a lot more contact.So, it sounds like she's enjoying the attention. Whether this is meaningful in the context of you having a shot at her, only she knows. But I do have a few questions for you: Supposing this means you have a shot at her. This means that she can be stolen. What happens when she becomes unhappy in a relationship with you?Supposing this means she's interested in cheating with you. Are you comfortable in a cheating triangle?Suppose this means she's just enjoying the attention but won't get involved beyond having her ego stroked. Are you okay with this?
Author Ricl Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 So, it sounds like she's enjoying the attention. Whether this is meaningful in the context of you having a shot at her, only she knows. But I do have a few questions for you: Supposing this means you have a shot at her. This means that she can be stolen. What happens when she becomes unhappy in a relationship with you?Supposing this means she's interested in cheating with you. Are you comfortable in a cheating triangle?Suppose this means she's just enjoying the attention but won't get involved beyond having her ego stroked. Are you okay with this? 1: If she becomes unhappy with me, than I deserve to be left. It would be my job not to make her unhappy. 2: Not interested in being cheated with. She can have me fully, but only if I can have her fully. 3: If that's the case, yes I can. I have fun with her regardless of my feelings for her. I might want a lot more than that, but I might not get that. Would just be good to know whether there's something there or not, so I know what to possibly expect out of this in the future.
threebyfate Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 1: If she becomes unhappy with me, than I deserve to be left. It would be my job not to make her unhappy. 2: Not interested in being cheated with. She can have me fully, but only if I can have her fully. 3: If that's the case, yes I can. I have fun with her regardless of my feelings for her. I might want a lot more than that, but I might not get that. Would just be good to know whether there's something there or not, so I know what to possibly expect out of this in the future.Based on your responses, you're headed for some serious heartbreak and nothing that anyone says, will make a difference.
Author Ricl Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 Based on your responses, you're headed for some serious heartbreak and nothing that anyone says, will make a difference. Potentially true. That's why I try to keep my expectations low. Just trying to gauge whether that's good or I should put in a bit more effort. xD
threebyfate Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Did you pay $5K on Ebay for a PS3, when they originally came out? If not, why would you even consider buying a pig in a poke? You love the challenge, believing that you're going to win a fair maiden in the process. But what fair maiden has such low morals? And for that matter, are you really a knight in shining armour with what you're willing to do, to get her by taking her away from someone else? You might want to rethink your own morals. Don't be dumb. Walk away and find someone who's capable of investing and remaining invested in you.
Author Ricl Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 Did you pay $5K on Ebay for a PS3, when they originally came out? If not, why would you even consider buying a pig in a poke? You love the challenge, believing that you're going to win a fair maiden in the process. But what fair maiden has such low morals? And for that matter, are you really a knight in shining armour with what you're willing to do, to get her by taking her away from someone else? You might want to rethink your own morals. Don't be dumb. Walk away and find someone who's capable of investing and remaining invested in you. Yeah, that made absolutely no sense. In all honesty, you can decide whether you believe me or not, I really don't care one bit about the challenge. I'd much prefer there to be none at all. I don't care to rescue the fair maiden. I just think she's one of the greatest girls out there. I don't want to win, winning implies a competition. I just hope that if/when her relationship falls apart she sees me as more than a friend. And perhaps I can help her out (perhaps you can view it as rescue) by showing a good opposite to what she knows she is already missing in her relationship. My morals? Yeah, I feel bad about even the light flirting I do with her. But I'd never do that if her relationship was great. However it's clear her relationship isn't perfect. How imperfect I do not know, but she's not fully happy. (feelings she has expressed to me)
Mrlonelyone Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 My morals? Yeah, I feel bad about even the light flirting I do with her. But I'd never do that if her relationship was great. However it's clear her relationship isn't perfect. How imperfect I do not know, but she's not fully happy. (feelings she has expressed to me) Unless you are talking about someone's wife then you don't need to worry about "morals". The kind of people who talk about morals when it comes to relationships other than engagement or marriage are the kind that don't intend to do either if they can help it! Last time I checked according to every Abrahamic religion...and most other religions... the only moral sexual relationship is some form of marriage. If the woman gives you a sign that she's interested go for it. If she's not happy in her relationship she will have to make a choice. There is a good chance she will not choose you just because of emotional inertia. Her BF is at least familiar and what is familiar is often preferred for no other reason.
Intricategirl Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Unless you are talking about someone's wife then you don't need to worry about "morals". The kind of people who talk about morals when it comes to relationships other than engagement or marriage are the kind that don't intend to do either if they can help it! You're confusing morals with religion. I read something once that said morals and religion are like beef and carrots- they often go together, but you can have one without the other. I am areligious- not an atheist, I just don't have a lot of use for religion. I am very moral. And the reason I will not look at, touch, play with, flirt, or otherwise engage with someone else when I'm involved with someone is because A) I want the same behavior shown to me, B) I try not to cause others harm. If I'm happy in a relationship, that's not emotional inertia... it's a positive beneficial state of progression. Your argument makes it sound like engagement or marriage is the end goal. Reach that and it's game over. I see it as a step that two people may take in a relationship. There's work before it, and there's work after it. And elevating it to such a grand state makes it seem like whatever happens after is irrelevant.
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