italianfoot Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 So basically I transfered from another university this Spring, so I am new here. I decided to live one semester in on-campus dorms, to meet people and what not. So basically I adjust pretty well and 1 month after I have been here I see a beautiful girl (I will call her Kathy) just walking in the opposite direction from where I was going to go to class. I was immediately attracted. So I just looked up to her (she was coming down from a set of stairs), and find that she also looked at me! And then she blushed massively and turns her eyes and talks to her friend. I felt that there was mutual attraction. Ok, so then I find out that she lives in my dorm too! Some days later I just ran into them again (she is ALWAYS with this particular friend, I will call her Maria), this time on the dorms elevators. I flat out introduce myself (pretty bold move!) and ask their names, and comment that I have seen them before but never had the chance to say hi until now. Smiles and what not, they tell me their names and smile smile smile. So I thought I had made a good impression. That same day, I went into their floor (its a multi floor dorm), as I saw that they had pushed the nth floor button. I wandered around until I saw her name (Kathy's) in a door. I felt like I might be an intruder so I basically start to walk back to the elevators. As I was starting to head back, I heard "hey it is (my name)!" (well it was a whisper but I heard it) I turn my back and I saw them coming! (K and M) I say "hi how are you girls", and then "Im good with names and just start acting cool and smart". Again a positive impression, Kathy and Maria go back to their respective rooms ( they are neighbors) and I say bye and Kathy says bye looking at me for some seconds before I leave. Some week passes, and I see them fairly often, just saying hi and chatting random stuff. I feel that Kathy feels something for me, so I ask her out to play racquetball, which she accepts, and says day X. Turns out day X she goes out with some girl friends to a trip or something. I was not alarmed, maybe she just forgot about it. So she comes back after the weekend and I say hi and well I still see her blushing and smiling at me! So I asked her out again just to play racquetball (see that I am not being that pushy, just a casual hang out) and she says well I have a lot of HW! But! hope is not lost, for she promised me to play with me when she has all of it done. Well, I decide to cool this down and put no more pressure. I still talked to her over FB and stuff like that saying hi when we met blah blah blah. So, one tragic day a close family member of Kathy dies, and she misses an entire week of classes, then it is spring break. I did not see her for like 1 week and a half. So when I met her again I just said hi again and well stuff started going well. I see her eyeing at me smiling, the same stuff. So I will divert this a little, I have a twin brother, and he asked a friend of us in the dorm to shave his hair. So Kathy passes by while having his hair shaven and my brother comments that she was eyeying him from far away and peeking at him from a corner wall. She thought he was me so I say YES! She really likes me. I finally gather the courage to flat out ask her for a DATE, no more hangouts. I went to HER ROOM, knock, see that her roommate is inside, ask her to come out because I need to talk to her. I wait for 30 full seconds outside, maybe she is tidying her dress, her hair etc. I feel that I got this pretty much nailed. She comes out, I ask her out and she says YES! I ask for her number and she gives it. I pretty much feel like a champ by this point. So, 1 day passes by and I fancy seeing her entering a building, I text her, asking about it and she says no I am in someplace else. I say ok my ayes deceived me. Then she texts me asking if my invite was supposed to be a date. (I think I made it clear that I liked her, for GODS sake no one would come to your room and do what I DID, if he did not want a DATE). So I text back with a YES!!! (full three exclamation signs ). Then she texts me back, after a long moment, saying that then she will have to say no, because she liked me as a friend blah blah. She said sorry. I said alright, maybe I was mistaken. She texts: Mistaken? I did not flirt with you. Me: You did not, I was totally mistaken, sorry that I did not make it clear ENOUGH when asking you out. So basically, it hurts me a bit that I was refused in such an unceremoniously way ( hey I went into her room and asked her out face to face). I am so damn confused, I saw ALL the positive signs, minus actual flirting, (she may be shy I said to myself many times), but I was MISTAKEN, it seems. Guys and girls what is your advice? I was(and maybe still am a lil bit) pretty shy with girls, but I am extroverted around girls I dont like and normal guys. but this was the 2nd time in my life I actually asked someone out
East7 Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 From my University experience (13 yrs ago..) there are many girls that will be nice with you, even hang out at bars with you without being interested in dating you. You need to accept the rule of being cool and nexting every girl that doesn't reciprocate. Once they say "I like you as a friend" it is clear that you are friend-zoned. Don't be surprised if she kisses another guy in front of you. If you want to have a chance with her, ignore her completely. Even if she doesn't come back you don't loose anything. The University, ops..Sea is full of fish
Author italianfoot Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 How do you gain the umm... attitude of just cooling off after a rejection. I am not devastated or anything. I just need much MORE practice. I need to be able to forget and just act cool around her.
Andy_K Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Move quicker. It was what, weeks, months, between when you first saw her and when you asked her out? Strike while the iron is hot because the initial attraction will often fade quickly. Kudos for having the guts to go to her room and ask her face to face though. Maybe she's involved with someone else or something. Your best bet is to look elsewhere now. She might change her mind again, but not if you're close friends.
angielove Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 I like how you took the initiative but didn't come on too strong, and I'm sorry that she turned you down! She seems so shy and awkward, while you seem very outgoing so maybe it wasn't meant to be anyway I think you should go back to treating her like you did at the beginning - just casual friends. Acknowledge that she just wants to be friends with you, and treat her as such. She could be good to talk to, you could ask her advice about girls, and she could introduce you to other girls too! And she gets you as a friend like she wanted. Win-win situation.
Author italianfoot Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 She is outgoing... in a sense lol! But angie, how not too strong? Could you elaborate? Man... easier said than done... to be friends , we did not really talk too much, I just THOUGHT she liked me, stealing me glances etc, I thought she felt the same way about me. I knew her for about 1 month before I asked her out... and I even think I pushed too FAST!.
stepka Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 I read the whole OP and I don't know what to say--I'm a woman and it sounds like you did everything right, but for some reason. . . well who knows? It does sound to me like she was giving the shy girl signals too, and there is nothing in your story that makes you sound creepy or anything--only thing I can think of is if your twin bro isn't as well behaved as you and there is some confusion between the girl and her friends about something he might have said, but who knows. And sometimes there is initial attraction and then, poof. Could be she has a bf at home that she reconnected with at the funeral. You'll probably never know but don't let it stop you from asking girls out--be thankful for the opportunity to toughen up and to learn to accept rejection. Unfortunately life is full of disappointments like that, but it's all worth it when you meet the right one.
Author italianfoot Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 Well, my brother did not talk to her at all... No way he could have changed her idea about me . Okay I DONT know... she constantly blushed when she saw me and all. I THOUGHT she showed all the signs that she was interested in me...
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