fleur_de_me Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 After months of NC, I heard from my ex a few weeks ago. I didn't reply, tried to keep going, but this stupid email has tormented me everyday. I thought I was making progress (at least not crying every night), but since I heard from him, I think about him all the time now. I'm going to be spending the summer where he lives, and part of me wants to just say screw it, throw myself out there and try. Maybe I gave up too easily. I miss him like crazy, nothing makes sense to me. I feel like we broke up because he has emotional baggage and I had to go somewhere else for grad school and to pursue my dreams. He has a son and a great job and didn't want to leave, I thought we could still make it work but he didn't. I would have done anything for him. My life is going great, I'm having a lot of success in everything else I do, but I still feel empty because he's gone. I'd trade everything else in my life for him, it is the worst feeling in the world. I feel like NC should have helped me heal by now but I'm still so unresolved, I've tried to live my life, date other people, and still my heart is with him. Worst feeling ever.
Thatguyintx Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Reading your post made me think about something. In the past, I have confused "not being healed" with "this relationship hasn't run it's course fully". I have gone back into relationships thinking that because I wasn't feeling healed, the relationship wasn't over. I just needed to try harder, do something different, etc. I see it very differently today. I recognize the lack of healing is bad for any relationship, especially the one I just exited. Stay the course. Keep working on your healing. The true healing is still coming.
2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Do you know how he feels, maybe he is feeling the same and thinks you don't or something. From what I am reading you broke it off - correct? What did he say to you when he contacted? 2011
Author fleur_de_me Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 Do you know how he feels, maybe he is feeling the same and thinks you don't or something. From what I am reading you broke it off - correct? What did he say to you when he contacted? 2011 No, he broke it off, very unexpectedly right before I had to go away. We'd talked through it, I thought, and I was more than willing to do everything it takes to make it work, and hopefully the distance would only be temporary. When I saw him in October, he wanted to see me, wanted to spend time with me (took a few days off from work)- but then he kept saying things like "I am happy I'm single" "You're better off moving on with your life"- it was really hurtful. I ended up getting super sick while I was at his place and he took good care of me and was wonderful, but he never once said he wanted to work things out. I decided then it was over and nothing I could say or do would change his mind, so I didn't try. This email he sent was dumb- a "breadcrumb"- asking how I was, he'd heard I had surgery, was I OK, and he's sorry he hurt me.
2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Hi A kind of similar thing happened with my ex, first off she had problems communicating and wasn't ever willing to be up front and discuss things, it was as if she had checked out of RL and seemed very nonchalant about everything, whether it was an act I do not know or she was genuinely not bothered, she said she did still want to see me but I just wan't sure if she was letting me down nicely, it felt like she was. I know I made mistakes and wanted to work through them with her but I felt she wasn't interested and seemed to just pull out when the going got rough. From that I decided to cut my losses and move on, I actually wanted to try and be there and work through things, and I did want to be with her as well, but decided I was probably going to be expending all of my energy on somethng where I was not going to get any return, and look like a complete fool in the process. 2011
missmac Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 My life is going great, I'm having a lot of success in everything else I do If your life is going great, why do something you know you will regret - only to reverse all this amazing progress you've made on your own. I know it's hard to abstain, especially with all those residual feelings you have and all the "what if's" "maybe" or "I wonder" thoughts youre floating around right now. Be strong, keep your focus on yourself - invest in yourself, there is always a guaranteed return.
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