grecian Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 I have this need for my man to tell me that i'm very special to him and that i'm the love of his life. I gotta admit, i'm a pretty competitive person and i wanna have that feeling of satisfaction that i am the best gf he has ever had. On text messages in the past he has called me love of his life and he has said that i'm the best thing that ever happened to him. How do i get him to say that to me in person? Or do i just wait until he proposes or something and he tells me his feelings then?? I mean as far as i know he might have been saying these things to other girls in the past. I know it sounds silly but i just want that reassurance. He's a pretty old-fashioned guy who doesn't talk about feelings that much, he just shows his love with actions instead of words. But, i just can't help it. Should i just straight up ask him what his feelings are for me??
Author grecian Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 In fact i do believe that about him and that's the reason i want him to have the same feelings. I think it's important to feel like that for each other when we're at a point where we're talking about spending the rest of our lives together. And it's not a matter of narcissism, it's just a matter of reassurance about how strong his feelings are for me.
kidofpassion Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 men are strictly visual. that is why porn affects men more than women. we dont look at nude ladies with love sayings or any affection at all. it is like animal instincts not names.every man comes out of the gates with his best foot forward. he plays his best game because it is all new and fresh and then we get involved and we still care but we get caught up in thinking ahead and providing and forget about the need for you to be listened to and told how much we care.so i dont know your personal things but you do. think back to a time when you felt those things or heard those things. time of year what are his likes that you could participate in and what spontaneous thing can you get a reaction out of him that he knows you care like you want to hear. if you point blank tell him then you feel like it is not from his heart but to passify you. but warm him up . sounds like he is just simmering turn thr heat to boil. not pressure but something you can stand that you know will get his attention .he sounds lijke he is providing the basics so he cares but to bring him alive suprise him both in and out of your so called quality time . be spontaneous goodluck I have this need for my man to tell me that i'm very special to him and that i'm the love of his life. I gotta admit, i'm a pretty competitive person and i wanna have that feeling of satisfaction that i am the best gf he has ever had. On text messages in the past he has called me love of his life and he has said that i'm the best thing that ever happened to him. How do i get him to say that to me in person? Or do i just wait until he proposes or something and he tells me his feelings then?? I mean as far as i know he might have been saying these things to other girls in the past. I know it sounds silly but i just want that reassurance. He's a pretty old-fashioned guy who doesn't talk about feelings that much, he just shows his love with actions instead of words. But, i just can't help it. Should i just straight up ask him what his feelings are for me??
The dot Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 Should i just straight up ask him what his feelings are for me?? No, don't ask him. Just watch his actions and determine from those whether he's the kind of guy you want to stay with. If you squeeze him like a zit and force him to pop out an answer, you're creating a precedent where he'll start saying things you want to hear, even if they're 10 miles from the truth. You might also make him feel as though the things he does for you aren't enough, which might inspire him to stop doing them.
musemaj11 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 In fact i do believe that about him and that's the reason i want him to have the same feelings. I think it's important to feel like that for each other when we're at a point where we're talking about spending the rest of our lives together. And it's not a matter of narcissism, it's just a matter of reassurance about how strong his feelings are for me. U said it yourself that he shows love through his actions, just not words. What more do u want?
IcyBabe Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 (edited) You have to love people for who they are, not who you want them to be. I agree with Musemaj11, if showing love through actions is his way of doing things then that's who he is. As women we don't like men trying to change us so why is it fair that we try to change them? You may very well begin to push him away if you drop something like that on him. How would a woman feel if for instance her man said "I wish you would dress more sexy," it's just not fair to criticize people for not being our ideal mate; there's a difference between fantasy love (I.e. a guy who knows exactly what you want when you want it) and reality. If he's with you and he loves you, it sounds like you have a great relationship, like Musemaj said, what more could you want? Edited March 20, 2011 by IcyBabe
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 (edited) men, this post is a CLASSIC example of why we should seldom, if ever give the women we're seeing direct complements. IMO, OP's bf went too far with his texts admitting that she is the love of his life, etc... the fact of the matter is by not saying it, most women will do what OP is doing and try to "fix" the situation by living up to what she believes is a woman her bf would say it too. it's synonymous with training to win the gold. to keep her training, he must not give a direct complement. back handed ones are fine, & even encouraged. I.e. "you look better in red than I would've expected." or "you look great in this lighting." many are probably thinking I'm joking, but I'm not. If you want to encourage how OP is choosing to handle her situation. stop all direct complements; stop all the undeserved praise; stop all the ga-ga you are the love of my life crap. master the back handed complements. I guarantee you she won't immediately realize what you're doing, but I equally guarantee you she'll accept what you're telling her & through her actions, dig for more, actual validation. Edited March 20, 2011 by ConflictedGuy27
oaks Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 I have this need for my man to tell me that i'm very special to him and that i'm the love of his life. Do you have similar feelings towards him and how to you express those? If you want a romantic conversation, do you ever get into romantic settings with him (like the clichéd intimate candle-lit dinner) where that sort of conversation would flow?
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