Where do I go from here?

[devon1]

I have been dating this girl for about 5 months. We are not officially together but we have been dating exclusively. In hindsight, it might have been a bad idea to start off less than a month after she broke up with her previous boyfriend.

 

She was not ready to commit to the relationship because she still had feelings for the ex, even though it was her who initiated the breakup. But as time passed, she started to open up to the idea of a future with me. We spent a lot of time together and we were both spontaneously thinking of ways to surprise the other party.

 

We introduced each other as boyfriend/girlfriend to our friends and even my parents think we are an item. To me, we have come to a point where we were comfortable with each other and it was only her agreement to commit that we lacked.

 

I showered her with gifts and gave her two big surprises on Valentine's Day. She was noticeably moved and she loved the presents I gave her.

 

She actively searched for a new rental room for me and we made sure the landlord was fine with her staying over on a regular basis. We did up the room and it was more of a room that belongs to us rather than my room. To me, it was a big step forward in terms of her confidence in the relationship.

 

Recently, I was away for a week on an overseas trip. She was very reluctant to see me go and when we talked on the phone the first day I was away, she cried because she missed me so much. She called daily and texted me throughout the days I was away.

 

Then, one day she asked me if I ever lied to her. And after that she started to become distant, though she claimed it was because she was busy.

 

On the day I was back, she told me that she didn't think we should continue with things the way they were. It was a shocker as the only thing in my mind then was that I was finally back home, reunited with her and could cheer her up.

 

I asked if anything happened when I was away. She said nothing happened but because I was away, she could finally think of things without me around to cloud her judgement and she decided that even though she loved me, she was unsure if we were moving towards a future that she wants. She didn't want to continue wasting my time because we tried for five months and things don't seem to work out.

 

Things were getting rosier before I left and everything fell apart when I returned. I still can't accept it.

 

But after she said she wants to stop trying, she still looked for me and spent time with me. We were as intimate as we were before. I couldn't take it and asked her what it is she wanted. Are we just friends now or more than friends still? She said she didn't know.

 

I'm confused over what to do now. She still contacts me and still behaves like things used to be. Should I cut off all contact or should I hope that it is a phase she is going through and that she will come around and things will carry on as they were?

 

A friend did point out that she could have realised that we have come to a point where we were already like a couple and she still wasn't ready to commit, hence the decision to back out.

 

Where do I go from here? I am trying to move on with my life but what do I do about this budding, promising relationship that suddenly collapsed with no apparent reason?

[devon1]

I know it is a long read but I'll appreciate any insight, support and advice.