chrylhm52 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I'm in the same boat as you. I'm very sad that I stumbled upon this forum but happy at the same time to hear stories from others who have gone through the same thing. I found out about my H's affair this past Valentine's Day (Feb 2011). The other woman called me at work to tell me everything. They work together and have been having an affair for almost 2 years. I was completely blindsided and devastated. She did this to ruin our Valentine's Day plans and to push me out of the picture. She was hoping I would kick him out and she'll have him all to herself. I immediately confronted him and he said he was trying to end it with her, which was the reason why I got the phone call from her as a last ditch attempt for her to hang on to him. Since then H and I have been in marriage counseling to talk about everything and it's been a very difficult journey. Not a day goes by that I don't think about the affair, and to make things worse, I'm currently 5 months pregnant with our second child. I'm glad to read that since your D-Day was only 6 weeks ago too, which is the same as mine, it's comforting to know that everyone agrees it's still very early and raw.
Steadfast Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 I also found LS to be tons more helpful than therapy! I am trained in a related field, and I can tell you that in all but extreme cases it most assuredly is. Dismissing the stress related costs (which slows healing and provokes suspicion in many clients) the benefit of interacting with a great many healers helps one gain confidence in their decisions. There are many other disadvantages to one on one counseling (and disadvantages On LS...nothing is perfect) but the anonymity factor here allows a freedom that would be impossible in a personal setting. The real healing here occurs when we step out of our own issues and problems to help others with theirs. I can't tell you how many of my personal demons and worries have been solved while in the process of responding to someone else's. Hmmm...sounds like a life lesson, doesn't it? So chrylhm52 and confusedhere, feel free to share if you're able, and take comfort in knowing you're not alone. In the end you'll realize if you don't know already, that love cures all ills. It starts with loving yourself and not accepting anything less than you're willing to give. The rest, as they say, can be worked out.
DitkasMoustache Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 And I don't know how to handle the shame I feel. My family doesn't know, but his family knows, and they love him but don't condone his behavior (they have been very supportive). The affair partner was someone introduced to him by an old friend, so I'm sure many other people know as well. I know, I wasn't the one who did something wrong. But the thought of other people pitying me or thinking that I'm pathetic (even though I feel pretty pathetic) makes me hurt even more. Anyone out there who can give me tips on this one? Can I get through this? This is perfectly normal. I've described it as feeling like a broken piece of sculpture and you're scrambling to put all of the pieces back together. Problem is, all of your faults (real and perceived) are right there on display for everyone else to see. It's all so overwhelming and demoralizing. Feeling ashamed is expected but I'll share with you the single biggest revelation that was the turning point for me... "No matter how much of a disappointment I may have been as a husband and friend I do not deserve this." Once I figured that out I felt like I was at the controls of my life again (still flying a little haphazardly, but at least I felt in control). You did nothing to deserve this. And since you've been lurking here for awhile you'll see that 90% of As have 90% of the same things in common. I joke that there's nothing special about the fact that my marriage fell apart because of my wife's A, except that it's *my* marriage Point is, you're not alone in this. And it *will* get better. You *will* get through this. Take your time, ma'am. It's a lot to process. I swear to you that in a couple of months you'll look back at this date and be shocked at just how far you've come. Like they say, you're in a marathon, not a race.
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