johan Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 I give pretty good advice on certain topics. Because I've screwed up in that way so many times, and actually overcame it a few times, that I have a pretty good grip on what not to do and why. And I also have a pretty good feel for what would motivate someone to do the dumb things I did, because I'm kind of introspective. But still I continue to make the same mistakes again. Why can't I take my own advice? Kind of strange that I'd know exactly what to do, but find myself unable to do it without great effort. Life teaches, I guess. I was always a good exam taker, but apparently not much of a practitioner.
USMCHokie Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 But still I continue to make the same mistakes again. Why can't I take my own advice? Kind of strange that I'd know exactly what to do, but find myself unable to do it without great effort. Because you can't be a third party to yourself. The factor of emotion becomes the big player that wouldn't cloud your otherwise flawless odjective judgment when you are giving others advice. Life does teach and shape one's knowledge, but one's feelings are a much harder rock to move.
Author johan Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 Life does teach and shape one's knowledge, but one's feelings are a much harder rock to move. Great quote. At least you hope that life shapes your knowledge. If you don't at least have that, you're one more step behind.
carhill Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Hey, 11,111 No real advice here. It took therapy for me to effectively begin to 'take my own advice' and it's still a day-to-day process. Alone time since my D and my mom's death has afforded good opportunity for reflection on the lessons learned and setting out next steps, cognizant of all that 'advice' I seem to spew here. BTW, while I do enjoy your sarcastic one-liners greatly, it's nice to see other sides, like you showed in D's thread. Thanks
USMCHokie Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Great quote. At least you hope that life shapes your knowledge. If you don't at least have that, you're one more step behind. Hahah, definitely pulled that one out of my eloquent fortune cookie ass. At least the smart ones let their past experiences and the experiences of others guide their present and future decisions. But I'm a firm believer that the heart will always be stronger than the head...hence the human nature to repeat mistakes involving emotion...
Author johan Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 It's not such a terrible thing if the only one who never learns from your own mistakes is you. But it's not terribly fair either.
threebyfate Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 If you guys are intimating it's his heart, it's not his heart that guides him.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 If you guys are intimating it's his heart, it's not his heart that guides him. I always thought that he is much more of a thinker too.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 (edited) Great quote. At least you hope that life shapes your knowledge. If you don't at least have that, you're one more step behind. It really does. I am emotional to the extreme and even *I* am getting wiser with age. Actually scratch my last post. There is something else that guides him Edited March 19, 2011 by Eternal Sunshine
Citizen Erased Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 It really does. I am emotional to the extreme and even *I* am getting wiser with age. Actually scratch my last post. There is something else that guides him He is the last person that thinks with his cock, if that's what is being insinuated.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 He is the last person that thinks with his cock, if that's what is being insinuated. Nope. I will let it remain a riddle
threebyfate Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 He is the last person that thinks with his cock, if that's what is being insinuated. That's not accurate. It's what initially guides him, then fear takes over.
Author johan Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 I'm happy with letting testosterone run the show initially. I want a girl to know I'm attracted to her. It's her job to moderate that. I admit that the edge has come off of that a bit, probably because I'm older now. I don't think fear is an issue. These aren't the lessons I need my heart to learn that my head already has figured out. It's more about how to remain confident and self-contained when all I want to do is be with someone. I just want it to work out. That's the opposite state of mind from the one you need to be in when starting a relationship. If you really want it to work out, you have to not really care if it works out. That seems like a Mobius strip with the heart and mind on opposite sides. Both have to both want it to work out and not care at the same time. Hopefully whoever I'm dating never picks up on this internal conflict.
threebyfate Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Yes, fear/distrust are major issues. Tied into it, is the need for autonomy, the fear of being controlled, to the degree that's detrimental to relationships. You can still remain an individual with freedom but within any committed relationship, you're going to have to give up some freedom and some autonomy. That's why you feel you have to remain at arms length. But in doing so, unless you find another commitment phobic individual where it becomes the perpetual chase, with head games and power games, you're not going to find a relationship. Drama isn't love and neither are head games.
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