plasticbeach Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 John is my boyfriend's old friend from high school. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years and our relationship has been very strong since the first day we met. I just can't stand his best friend. While they don't see each other that often, every time they do hang out I can't help but feel bitter. I don't get mad at my boyfriend for hanging out with his friends, but he is aware that I'm uncomfortable with him being around John. Here's why: The first time I met him was in his car, and he was speeding in a 25 zone and driving like an imbecile, pulling into the driveway at 45 miles an hour and slamming on the brakes. Every time my guy hangs out with him, sometimes bad happens. One time they went hiking and my guy ended up in the hospital with a near concussion. His friends told him not to call me, as it would just worry me even more. What kind of advice is that?! I'd like to know when my boyfriend ends up in the hospital because of YOUR shenanigans. Another time they were stranded in the middle of the desert, I had to drive 2 hours there and back to get him home safe. I don't blame these incidents on John (or his other friend Tyler, who I'm also not so fond of). He can't control his car breaking down or anything, it's just wherever he goes, bad luck follows. They've almost been involved in random bar fights, the police always end up pulling them over, etc. And my guy is just not the type to look for trouble. He truly isn't. One weekend they went out drinking, and we had plans to take my boyfriend's niece to the park the next morning. I didn't hear from him all night, he never came home. This was after his concussion, so I was worried something terrible happened to him. He came home finally and said his friends hid his phone in the car when they took him to their house to sleep for the night. I know this may sound like a lie, but I know my boyfriend very well. We have a very honest relationship and he knows he has no reason to lie to me or his family, so I trust him 100%. And it honestly doesn't surprise me that they'd hide his phone. They call him 50 times in a row if he doesn't answer, they'll send him 20 texts and leave 10 voice mails. All in one night. I actually hung out with John for the first time last fall. (I figured I'd put everything behind me and try to be reasonable with this guy, as he's still important to my boyfriend. Again, he knows how I feel about his friends and even agrees with me. He says he just can't let go of them though, because they're such old friends. Which I completely understand, I guess my problem is trying to calculate how such a level headed person like my boyfriend can be friends with such *******s.) Anyways, my second impression of him was even worse than the first. He complained about how Obama is a socialist and how everyone needs to learn how to speak english if they want to live in America. I am a very open minded person, so if he wants to think Obama is a socialist, by all means he can. But when I asked him to DEFINE the word socialism, he was silent. He has no idea what the word even means. He preaches about **** he doesn't take the time to learn about. He was complaining about the health care bill, I asked him if he'd even read the bill before. Nope. Didn't know a thing about it. He met our roommates for the first time in December while I was out of town. My roommates immediately didn't like him either. He kept bragging about how when he was deployed in Afghanistan, they would shoot donkeys and other random animals just for fun. I am an animal lover, as are my roommates, so this just doesn't settle for us. When they told me how they felt about him and how uncomfortable they were being in his presence, it made me feel so much better to know it wasn't just me. It's nice to know I'm not being too judgmental about him or unfair to my boyfriend. For the most of our relationship, John is usually deployed, and while I have the utmost respect for his services and sacrifices, I like it better when he's not in town. He'll be done with the marines this May and will be moving back into town, which probably means I'll be seeing more of him around that time. I honestly don't know how I will manage it. I shutter whenever my boyfriend tells me he's coming to town, how do I deal with him LIVING here again? I guess I just needed to vent to a few strangers about this, as they just left to go to a concert together. I want to be clear that I have never forbid my boyfriend from spending time with John (or Tyler). Not once. He knows I do not like them, but he and I both know I have no right to dictate who he spends time with. My boyfriend's family doesn't even like John. He's 23 years old but still acts like he's in high school. He expects to have the same kind of high school fun with my boyfriend every time they're together. I just wish he'd grow up, I suppose. I don't want to make my boyfriend feel caught in the middle, which he has told me time and time again he doesn't feel that way and understands. Has anyone else had this problem? How can I cope with it? I want to be able to like this guy, he's a big part of my boyfriend's life. What should I do?
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