My ex bf told me ''Most women forgive cheating'' is this true?

[aliciawalkers]

I broke up with my bf 4 months ago on the very same day I found out he cheated.

I'm a very busy woman and have no time for immature behavior nor dishonesty. He still had the nerves to get a bit defensive and told me I was being unfair and too strict. He went on saying most women would have forgive because it's in our nature to want to work things out.

 

I was laughing even harder and told him to get lost. We bumped into each other a couple days ago and he is mad that I've been recently going out on a date and still said but most women work it out and I responded well I don't want to.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

lol. I'm glad you laughed. Tell exbf "I'm glad you won't have a problem finding a woman you can cheat on without consequences. I certainly want you to get everything you deserve." lol.

[TakeMeasIam]

I can forgive a guy for having sex with another woman.

I can't forgive a lie, if he told me he was always going to be 100% faithful.

 

If a guy doesn't think he can keep it in his pants he should have the honesty to say so.

Then a woman can make up her mind whether to still give him leg-room or not.

providing of course, he doesn't mind if she behaves in the same way......

[aliciawalkers]

From everything I've seen happening, I noticed there are indeed more women taking back a cheating bf or husband than the men out there.

 

I think his statement might have a bit of truth in it but it certainly does not applies to me. I'm not what he calls it ''Most women''.

 

Many friends and cousins used to tell me that I'll get depressed if a man ever cheated on me. Ironically I felt nothing but indifference towards him when I found out and it was the easiest break-up ever.

If he ''loved'' me as he kept telling then effing another woman would have been out of the question.

[anne1707]

He is just trying to shift his own guilt on to you because he is unable to accept responsibility for his actions. He is a selfish ***** and you are definitely better off without him.

 

Most women who do give a cheating partner another chance will only do so when he acknowledges that he has done wrong and that he needs to change. I.e. when he starts acting like a man and not ..........

[Yelle]

I broke up with my bf 4 months ago on the very same day I found out he cheated.

I'm a very busy woman and have no time for immature behavior nor dishonesty. He still had the nerves to get a bit defensive and told me I was being unfair and too strict. He went on saying most women would have forgive because it's in our nature to want to work things out.

 

I was laughing even harder and told him to get lost. We bumped into each other a couple days ago and he is mad that I've been recently going out on a date and still said but most women work it out and I responded well I don't want to.

 

There are some women who forgive a cheater but they will not forget. I'm glad you dumped him because it sounded like he was using "women forgive cheaters" excuse in order to not make himself looking like a fool.

[aliciawalkers]

There are some women who forgive a cheater but they will not forget. I'm glad you dumped him because it sounded like he was using "women forgive cheaters" excuse in order to not make himself looking like a fool.

What he didn't noticed is that by saying that, he makes himself even more immature.

Cheating has always been an immediate deal-breaker to me (I dumped another ex for this reason too) but at least we might have stayed as friends. With that phrase, he is not even good as a friend, as nothing.

 

I'll just never understand what's the point of cheating? If a man wants to be with another woman, it would be better for him to tell me. That way I don't have to waste my time, effort and money (come to think of it, he a bit cheap) on someone not worth it at all.

 

I can work out and tolerate just about anything except complete disrespect and dishonesty. This includes cheating and also abuse. Those are my two deal-breakers. I don't see myself being ''too strict'' nor ''unfair'' as he called me.

[dreamingoftigers]

It is actually only about one third of women that try to work it out and forgive. Not a majority and not "most."

 

Often we will try to figure out what the Hell happened first and often even if we do try to work it out we find we can't handle it or that it is unworkable in the end.

 

As for being "too strict" how ridiculous! Laughable really especially when he is upset over you going on another date.

 

My H's cheating has tone tremendous damage to the point where I haven't even been able to evaluate what I even feel about him anymore. I am waiting until after the bulk of his treatment is done (he is a sexual addict) to even see where my footing or state of our relationship would be. If we didn't have a child together I would have kicked him to the curb the second I found out.

[jnj express]

What you did was right for you---the outcome of every situation depends upon the 2 people involved and what they want out of life

 

Your BF is a pathetic jerk to think that its just fine to rip your heart out, and then think you will be stuck looking at his cheating as* day after day

 

Next time he talks to you accentuate your answer with the finger---he is nothing but a jerk

[threebyfate]

The ex-b/f is full of it and a dreamer! Even married individuals like myself who experienced being cheated on in my last marriage, dumped the ex-husband's sorry arse!

 

That being said, there are men and women who do stay with their cheaters. Not sure why but it's their life. *shrugs*

[aliciawalkers]

If we didn't have a child together I would have kicked him to the curb the second I found out.

You can still kick him out the door. Children don't need to suffer nor see this example. IMO if you take back a cheating bf or husband and children are involved, it's like setting a bad example for them. They might grow up learning that cheating is acceptable or can end up getting cheated on and will go the same as their mother did, which was staying with a cheater.

 

It would make no difference to if I had kids. He will still see his children because he's the father afterall but this doesn't mean I have to stay with him.

[aliciawalkers]

That being said, there are men and women who do stay with their cheaters. Not sure why but it's their life. *shrugs*

i will never understand what does through their minds when staying with a cheat.

Our former next door neighbor's wife had multiple affairs and yet he would keep taking her back.

Some of my girl friends took back their cheating BFs, even after I kept telling them he wasn't worth it and that they can do better without the jerk.

 

I'm thinking now it's more about the individual and their tolerance capacity than gender.

[threebyfate]

i will never understand what does through their minds when staying with a cheat.

Our former next door neighbor's wife had multiple affairs and yet he would keep taking her back.

Some of my girl friends took back their cheating BFs, even after I kept telling them he wasn't worth it and that they can do better without the jerk.

 

I'm thinking now it's more about the individual and their tolerance capacity than gender.

In situations where children are involved, there can be financial constraints as well as concern over providing nuclear family cohesiveness for the benefit of the children. In many of these nuclear family scenarios, religion is involved.

 

Having said the above, as a woman in her second marriage, this time with a baby boy and possibly next year if everything goes as planned, having our second, if he ever cheated on me, divorce papers would be served in a major hurry without looking back. That's not to say I'd restrict access to our children since he's a fantastic father.

[aliciawalkers]

Having said the above, as a woman in her second marriage, this time with a baby boy and possibly next year if everything goes as planned, having our second, if he ever cheated on me, divorce papers would be served in a major hurry without looking back.

It would be a better world if everyone thought like that.

[threebyfate]

It would be a better world if everyone thought like that.

I agree but it's not and people will continue cheating because they can. Don't think I don't know what you're feeling right now 'cause I felt the same way. Why are these cheaters getting a free by since cheating is so morally reprehensile within the confines of a loving and committed relationship? How could he do this to someone he purported loved? This isn't love, it's phenomenally selfish and oh so painful, where your gut feels twisted up inside with hate, mixed up with love, mixed up with what feels like endless pain.

 

What people like us have to learn to accept is that we weren't part of the consideration. In their cheating, they chose to sexually engage with another person. We didn't count. And since we didn't count, why continue caring (whether love, hate or both) about someone who considered us and our feelings as invisible? And in holding onto the love/hate, we only hurt ourselves since distrust and baggage can destroy future relationships.

 

It's like a form of stepping back from the emotional aspects of the cheating and literally shutting down the caring. Indifference is ultimately the best revenge since their feelings become invisible to you and once that happens, WOW, killa' freedom!!

[aliciawalkers]

Yet they have the nerves to even get upset upon seeing you dating someone else.

Talk about being a hypocrite!

[threebyfate]

Don't get me started on stories about the ex-husband, including my wedding with my second husband!

 

Just accept that they're not all there in the head or emotions department!

[aliciawalkers]

Just accept that they're not all there in the head or emotions department!

I feel sorry for the poor woman that will date him at some point. If I could warn her ahead of time and there was a chance, I would.

[threebyfate]

Is it solely wanting to save someone else or is there a form of underlying payback? If there are elements of payback, make sure you can live with your actions and if so, I'll be the last person to put you down for it.

 

Having said that, he's mostly out of your life. If you warn someone, it could easily backfire and bring him roaring back into your life again.

[aliciawalkers]

Is it solely wanting to save someone else or is there a form of underlying payback? If there are elements of payback, make sure you can live with your actions and if so, I'll be the last person to put you down for it.

I have no reasons nor desires to get back at him. It's the fact that I wouldn't like seeing someone being used like this.

If I see someone else about to hurt an innocent person and there is time for me to stop this, I would warn them too.

 

I wished I could have done more for both my female friends and former neighbor at the time. If I knew what they were going to deal with, I would have warn them.

Edited March 19, 2011 by aliciawalkers

[aerogurl87]

Well let's see, my ex cheated on me and I forgave him, but I never forgot what he did. And that's where the difference lies. I can forgive alot, but that doesn't mean I will forget it. And it's the memories that kill any chance of reconciliation for me, not the act itself.

[threebyfate]

I have no reasons nor desires to get back at him. It's the fact that I wouldn't like seeing someone being used like this.

If I see someone else about to hurt an innocent person and there is time for me to stop this, I would warn them too.

 

I wished I could have done more for both my female friends and former neighbor at the time. If I knew what they were going to deal with, I would have warn them.

Payback is revenge, not getting him back.

[aliciawalkers]

Payback is revenge, not getting him back.

I know but wouldn't you inform the innocent person ahead of time if you knew this was about to happen to them? That way, they don't have to go through all this nonsense.

 

If I saw one of friend's BF cheating, I would tell her right away that very same day.

[threebyfate]

I know but wouldn't you inform the innocent person ahead of time if you knew this was about to happen to them? That way, they don't have to go through all this nonsense.

 

If I saw one of friend's BF cheating, I would tell her right away that very same day.

Most often, you'll find warnings like that kind of useless. A lot of women will consider your warning as coming from a jealous ex, especially if they're partially invested. And some might consider him a challenge that only they can tame.

[dreamingoftigers]

You can still kick him out the door. Children don't need to suffer nor see this example. IMO if you take back a cheating bf or husband and children are involved, it's like setting a bad example for them. They might grow up learning that cheating is acceptable or can end up getting cheated on and will go the same as their mother did, which was staying with a cheater.

 

It would make no difference to if I had kids. He will still see his children because he's the father afterall but this doesn't mean I have to stay with him.

 

I do believe that children in general suffer from the results of divorce. His cheating was discovered when I was 8 months pregnant.

 

As well, during MC it was revealed and diagnosed that he has pretty clear-cut sexual addiction and attachment issues. This is not to say that I have not suffered tremendously over the issue or that he has a free ticket, but I was aware that healing both issues would take considerable time and effort. We had an amazing bond in our early marriage and there were no signs of any of this coming. I had not suffered any abuse of any form from him and he treated me amazingly despite the fact that he had these issues.

 

I tried to perceive it as a curable mental health problem that was not my fault although I was very broken-hearted. One may ask: how do you know that he will not do it again?

 

Part of the standard treatment for sexual addiction is full disclosure followed by a polygraph with yearly or bi-yearly follow-up polygraphs. Not ideal, but better then torching a whole family unit with my little girl swapping houses.

 

Plus we still do care tremendously for each other despite the anger and conflicts and avoidance that have gone on. Now that things are out in the open and he is going to treatment, there is plenty of renewed hope for having a healthy family. If he was just a party boy *******, that would be another story.

 

I do believe in leaving no stone unturned before divorcing especially when there are children involved. I never wanted to split my daughter from her father and I didn't want to lose her half-time either.

 

i will never understand what does through their minds when staying with a cheat.

Our former next door neighbor's wife had multiple affairs and yet he would keep taking her back.

Some of my girl friends took back their cheating BFs, even after I kept telling them he wasn't worth it and that they can do better without the jerk.

 

I'm thinking now it's more about the individual and their tolerance capacity than gender.

 

You are probably right. Before this happened, I thought that I would never tolerate any of it. Actually I did not tolerate the cheating aspect of any of it, but I was also assured (and once by the specialist no less!!) that the activity had ceased. My husband used to be a very honourable man, which is a huge part of why I married him. So he would come to me with bits of recovery and bits of truth about struggling. I did not have a reason to doubt him overall because it seemed consistent. But when I broke down the behaviours and him not following his own parts of the agreements we had made, I kicked him out based on that alone.

 

If there are any further incidents (relapse or not) then he can go **** himself, I have had enough and his word without a polygraph is **** to me.

 

In situations where children are involved, there can be financial constraints as well as concern over providing nuclear family cohesiveness for the benefit of the children. In many of these nuclear family scenarios, religion is involved.

 

 

All of the above.

 

It would be a better world if everyone thought like that.

 

Debatable. Depends on the circumstance.

 

I agree but it's not and people will continue cheating because they can. Don't think I don't know what you're feeling right now 'cause I felt the same way. Why are these cheaters getting a free by since cheating is so morally reprehensile within the confines of a loving and committed relationship? How could he do this to someone he purported loved? This isn't love, it's phenomenally selfish and oh so painful, where your gut feels twisted up inside with hate, mixed up with love, mixed up with what feels like endless pain.

 

What people like us have to learn to accept is that we weren't part of the consideration. In their cheating, they chose to sexually engage with another person. We didn't count. And since we didn't count, why continue caring (whether love, hate or both) about someone who considered us and our feelings as invisible? And in holding onto the love/hate, we only hurt ourselves since distrust and baggage can destroy future relationships.

 

It's like a form of stepping back from the emotional aspects of the cheating and literally shutting down the caring. Indifference is ultimately the best revenge since their feelings become invisible to you and once that happens, WOW, killa' freedom!!

 

I would agree with all of the above and our marriage in particular would have ended a lot sooner if not for the literature on the topic of sexual addiction, the specialist reassuring me that everything, including our family and marriage being healthy was a very huge possibility. I have met couples and individuals that have healed from the horrors of sexual addiction and seem very happy and proud of their families.

 

If there was no such example it would have been too impossible and I would not have been able to keep going day to day trying to do my end of my recovery work. I would have folded a long time ago and kicked the crap out of him in court. Still may happen, last chance for treatment.