20Seconds Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I read something on the Infidelity board yesterday that got me thinking about WS who tell the AP there has been a D-Day or that they have told the BS, when they haven't. Or, on the contrary, that there is a D-Day but the WS does not tell the AP? Does anyone have any experience of this? I think my MM did both over the course of our A - he definitely lied at one point about the BS knowing but I suspect there was also a D-Day of some sort which he didn;t tell me about.
Silly_Girl Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I read something on the Infidelity board yesterday that got me thinking about WS who tell the AP there has been a D-Day or that they have told the BS, when they haven't. Or, on the contrary, that there is a D-Day but the WS does not tell the AP? Does anyone have any experience of this? I think my MM did both over the course of our A - he definitely lied at one point about the BS knowing but I suspect there was also a D-Day of some sort which he didn;t tell me about. Nope, the silly sod kept NOT telling her when he'd promised he would. When he said he had, he had.
BB07 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I was lied to about that, among many other things. It's a long drawn out story and I won't bore you with the details but there was a d day several months prior to me finding out about all the other lies, including the biggie that he was not separated after all. To him.......it was just another lie to try to save his own arse from the truth coming out.
Confused4Now Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I lied to my wife as I was basically walking out the door. I filed my D papers and was moving out. W asked me if there was anyone and I said no. At the time I didn't see the point of telling her cause I was leaving anyway(exit affair). however that is another topic that's been beaten to death around here. So six months down the road she tells me she figured I left cause she had a fling with a H.S. classmate just not even 2 months I told her I was divorcing her. Nice timing eh? That's when I came out with my AP story to my ex. I figured it was okay to tell her once she aired out her stuff.
mizliz Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 It's interesting you bring this up, because I sometimes wondered about this exact thing. MM told me about a D-Day about 10 months into the A. His exact words were: "Now I need to think about my life. Would you be mad if I couldn't see you anymore?" I didn't press for details and he didn't offer (huh, pattern emerges). Of course I was devastated, but told him to do "whatever he had to do". After 3 days of (agonizing) NC, he contacted me to resume the A. Ugh...I'm inclined to think he was lying about that too. What a jacka--.
Author 20Seconds Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 It's interesting you bring this up, because I sometimes wondered about this exact thing. MM told me about a D-Day about 10 months into the A. His exact words were: "Now I need to think about my life. Would you be mad if I couldn't see you anymore?" I didn't press for details and he didn't offer (huh, pattern emerges). Of course I was devastated, but told him to do "whatever he had to do". After 3 days of (agonizing) NC, he contacted me to resume the A. Ugh...I'm inclined to think he was lying about that too. What a jacka--. Hmm, Mizliz, the "I can;t see you at the moment because I really need some space to think about things" was the exact same line I had. Followed by an extended family holiday arranged by the BS. Followed by his disproportionate defensiveness when I questioned why the holiday had been arranged. But then of course after the holiday we started seeing each other again, only this time with him taking WAY more care to keep it hidden. Anyway, who would have guessed, he kept me in the dark as well as his W So glad he is ex-MM.
mizliz Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Hmm, Mizliz, the "I can;t see you at the moment because I really need some space to think about things" was the exact same line I had. Followed by an extended family holiday arranged by the BS. Followed by his disproportionate defensiveness when I questioned why the holiday had been arranged. But then of course after the holiday we started seeing each other again, only this time with him taking WAY more care to keep it hidden. Anyway, who would have guessed, he kept me in the dark as well as his W So glad he is ex-MM. Me too. Lying sh--s. I have come to the point that I thank him - not to his face, or any contact. But, in my mind, I thank him for bringing me to the breaking point. The place where I had to do some serious work on myself. He broke my heart. I was so naive, and now I'm not. I know what I want now, and won't settle - in a way, I owe that. I know I am healing because I don't care - I don't rationalizie, I don't jusify. And, thanks to lovely single guy - I don't worry. I don't think he's a bad man. He is conflicted -and that's not my problem. Farewell and good luck.
fooled once Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 I don't have any personal experience, because I know they had a dday as his wife called me. But from reading here, I think - IMHO - that many OW are lied to about ddays and wife's knowing. I know there was some one here who was adamant that the wife MUST know because she should be scrutinizing the cell phone bill and see that he called some number allegedly for hours and hours a day. I have never, ever, ever looked at our cell phone bill I have no reason to. I just don't get the mentality that a wife must go on line and study a cell phone bill. Seems silly to me. Why would I need to do that if I trust my H? Why would I need to do that when there are no red flags flying? Why would I need to start being a detective? I believe I need probable cause first. With that kind of mentality, guess I should question my H when it takes him 7 minutes versus 5 minutes to get home from work Some women believe in and trust the men they marry. I think many OW have a hard time with that.
bloppy Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Cheaters are liars. They lie to the BS and the Ow.
mizliz Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Cheaters are liars. They lie to the BS and the Ow. Yippieeeee
TigerCub Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 I read something on the Infidelity board yesterday that got me thinking about WS who tell the AP there has been a D-Day or that they have told the BS, when they haven't. Or, on the contrary, that there is a D-Day but the WS does not tell the AP? Does anyone have any experience of this? I think my MM did both over the course of our A - he definitely lied at one point about the BS knowing but I suspect there was also a D-Day of some sort which he didn;t tell me about. I never had a DDay experience (and I'm grateful for that). I do however, greatly suspect that he lied about being separated when we initially met (it doesn't make the hugest difference since we had an A when he 'went back' to her) - so: No DDAY lies - BUT A LOT of other random lies
Silly_Girl Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 I don't have any personal experience, because I know they had a dday as his wife called me. But from reading here, I think - IMHO - that many OW are lied to about ddays and wife's knowing. I know there was some one here who was adamant that the wife MUST know because she should be scrutinizing the cell phone bill and see that he called some number allegedly for hours and hours a day. I have never, ever, ever looked at our cell phone bill I have no reason to. I just don't get the mentality that a wife must go on line and study a cell phone bill. Seems silly to me. Why would I need to do that if I trust my H? Why would I need to do that when there are no red flags flying? Why would I need to start being a detective? I believe I need probable cause first. With that kind of mentality, guess I should question my H when it takes him 7 minutes versus 5 minutes to get home from work Some women believe in and trust the men they marry. I think many OW have a hard time with that. It's all relative. If you saw your monthly cell phone bill quadruple you wouldn't find it odd? Wouldn't look at the bill to see if the company had screwed you over? If your husband took 2 hours instead of 5 minutes to get home you'd never notice? I think there's a bigger picture here and you're more comfortable not considering it.
Spark1111 Posted March 20, 2011 Posted March 20, 2011 I don't have any personal experience, because I know they had a dday as his wife called me. But from reading here, I think - IMHO - that many OW are lied to about ddays and wife's knowing. I know there was some one here who was adamant that the wife MUST know because she should be scrutinizing the cell phone bill and see that he called some number allegedly for hours and hours a day. I have never, ever, ever looked at our cell phone bill I have no reason to. I just don't get the mentality that a wife must go on line and study a cell phone bill. Seems silly to me. Why would I need to do that if I trust my H? Why would I need to do that when there are no red flags flying? Why would I need to start being a detective? I believe I need probable cause first. With that kind of mentality, guess I should question my H when it takes him 7 minutes versus 5 minutes to get home from work Some women believe in and trust the men they marry. I think many OW have a hard time with that. jeez....I do not know what he told her...he certainly could have claimed of suspicions or ddays if he wanted to take a break from the affair. I then think they convinced themselves that I must know and I must not care! She even tried to convince him I must have a boyfriend I was so uncaring, and he started to believe her! BUT....he had started a new high-powered position, travelled frequently, worked late hours and had his cell phone bills and business bank statements transferred to his office under the guise of it was easier to submit for reimbursements! I believed him, lock, stock and barrel. Not sure if he lied to her about this also.
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