tasha1981 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Background first, Im with my bf for 6 years now. I lusted after him for many years before we got together, totally doted on him, long story short, he broke my trust when I founf out on and off for the first 3 years that he had been web camming other women etc. I have forgiven but never forgotten but I do still love him. Fast forward to January last year, I met another guy through a club Im in, nice fella we get on pretty well. He compliments me quite a bit, nothing major just the usual. Thats all grand, unfortunately over the last few weeks, I cant get this guy out of my head, Im not sure if its lust or what but I wake up thinking about him, go to bed thinking about him etc. Last week, Im not proud of this and Im not sure why Im guilty, I went and met this guy just for a walk, Im not even sure why I lied but I told my bf I was just going for a spin to clear my head. Nothing happened never would, but I do feel guilty for meeting him. I do like him though. I assume this is just lust and quite normal? I dont know, Ive never fabcied anybody before while Im with my BF. As rude as it is,, I think about doing all sorts to this other guy. Should I stop hanging around this guy, or deal with this as a silly crush? Thanks for reading..,,,
TaraMaiden Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Whether it's lust or not, is completely immaterial. This is cheating. Either stop immediately, or leave your BF and pursue this guy, either for sex, or something more. Either way, you don't think enough of your BF - for whatever reason - to devote yourself entirely to your relationship with him, and making it better. .
Author tasha1981 Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Whether it's lust or not, is completely immaterial. This is cheating. Either stop immediately, or leave your BF and pursue this guy, either for sex, or something more. Either way, you don't think enough of your BF - for whatever reason - to devote yourself entirely to your relationship with him, and making it better. . how is it cheating???
theobserver Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 (edited) You knowingly went behind your boyfriends back, lied to him about where you were going to meet a man who you've just told us you've been thinking of deeply for a good amount of time to spend some alone time with him. You know your intentions here and so do we.You are testing the waters, have a read around the cheating section here we've been reading this sh*t for yrs. I'm sorry to sound blunt and harsh but we know your game. Is it a silly crush well it was until you decided to meet him alone it doesnt matter if nothing sexual happened. Look a GUY knows that he's atleast emotionally in at this point, all it takes now is a fight with you and your boyfriend or something silly you thinking about what your bf did and you'll be doing more secret meetups with this man next your emotional cheating will turn physical bla bla seen it. Here's some advice, you never really got over the issue of your bf camming you half as5 forgave him. Some new fresh guy is on the scene he hasn't done you any harm and he's treating you nice he's a blank slate and he's getting you all hot, it's naturally to be attracted to other people. However I'm not seeing you saying anything positive about your boyfriend maybe you need to focus on that. Back away from this "friend" he's after one thing, if you want a relationship with him you do it as a single lady. Have a good talk with your boyfriend , WOMAN UP if you feel you need to move on then break up don't tag your bf along, if you are financially dependent on him also don't freaking use him until you can secure stuff with this new guy I hate reading stuff like that. In short cut contact with this other guy keep it really civil. Have some deep talks about your relationship with your boyfriend, it's probably a good idea to mention you went to meet some guy nothing happened but you realise it means there's some issues and you want it to work HOW he deals with that is his business but you can maybe base his response on where you both go in your relationship. If you feel you are done with your bf then break up with him, move out or give him time to move out move in with a friend family or rent somewhere do what you need to do. Life is short take what you need but don't mess with peoples hearts. You'll be no better then your bf when he was camming with random chicks and you KNOW how that made you feel, you don't need to do the same. You are not a bad person, but from this point be an honest and truthful person. Edited March 19, 2011 by theobserver
BlackHole Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 how is it cheating??? lying is halfway to cheating if not more.
Author tasha1981 Posted March 19, 2011 Author Posted March 19, 2011 I did it last night, told my partner that I lied and met the other person. I told him I still could not get the other thing out of my head and that it plays on my mind a lot. He was upset, as was I but we are going to try a couples councellor, we both have low esteem issues, I think based on the chat this is why he got into what he got into and I liked the attention from the other guy which helped my esteem also. I hate myself for having even told the lie, I had to be honest. and with regard to other guy when I said it out loud and reread what I put here I realise its a stupid crush.
Ricl Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 It borders on cheating. You can't do anything about the crush, but you can do something about not meeting up with him to avoid complications.
purplepanda Posted March 22, 2011 Posted March 22, 2011 It's natural to look at other people and to think of other people. That's not cheating. People chill out.
oldguy Posted March 24, 2011 Posted March 24, 2011 I'm glad you decided to get couples counselling, that would have been my advise along with some individual counselling to sort out your esteem issues. It actually sounds like your a good person, just a little confused. I'm also happy to hear you just went for a walk :-) oh, people usually don't look outside of a relationship for anything unless they can not find it within the relationship. That is not an excuse or justification only a reason for some of the feelings you may have been having.
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