sumdude Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 There's a Beach Boys song called "I Just wasn't Made for These Times." Which is how I've been feeling lately. The song came out in '66, two years before I was born lol. My parents were both a bit older than most of my friends folks were and they came for an old world background. So they were more like most of my peers grandparents back in the 80's. I was raised Catholic though I'm not longer a practicing christian or anything really Their generation got married and stayed married through thick and thin. .I think surviving WWII as refugees may have made then stick together more. The ideas of casual sex and promiscuity were looked down upon. Me I'm 43, divorced with no kids. When I married I kinda expected it to be for good... boy was I wrong. Now being single and out there again I just don't get it. I'm not really judging others for their lifestyle but I don't seem to fit in. I'm not really into casual sex or ONS though I've had a few. But I never feel quite right about it. I'm a slow mover which tends to make a lot of possibilities fizzle since it seems woman expect a more aggressive approach these days. I know people who hook up and/or date 5 - 10 people a year. Heck in the two years since we broke up my ex GF has probably slept with 5 - 7 men. or more, to me that's a lot. All the internet dating seems to have opened this kind of lifestyle wide open too. Heck things have changed a lot even in just the last 15 years since I was last single.There's a part of me that wants to join in the all the apparent fun but I'm just not programmed that way. Seriously, I only need one good woman. But at this point I don't really trust relationships in general. Guess I'm just too old school...
TouchedByViolet Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 It is ironic, that in an increasingly diverse and socially networked world more and more individuals find themselves disconnected or alienated from their peers. I am young, 23 years old, and I totally relate to the feeling of too much change in too short a time. Older people probably feel it more.
fishtaco Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I'm not too far behind you in term of age. I have had casual sex, but never ONS. So you beat me in that department. While casual sex is fun, but like you, I'm looking for that good woman for LTR. Dating is the evil you must endure to find the right one. Unless you believe that Lady Luck will drop one in your lap. Not saying it doesn't happen, but would you want to bank on that happening? When I came to the US, it was a big culture shock. I had to learn the language, I had to learn how to dress, I had to learn how to socialize. Granted I was a kid, so I didn't have anything to worry about other than fitting in. But I wouldn't say that it was easy. I would say in comparison, that was probably more difficult than what you have to do to fit in to the new dating culture. Survival of the fittest. If you're not in the game, it's because you took yourself out. As for the internet, it benefits women looking for casual sex. That's about it. They have a hard time using the internet to find a LTR as well. But at least they get casual sex. Online dating is just real life amplified 100 times. I don't use online dating. Men in general, shouldn't use online dating unless they are just supplementing or have no other alternatives. But dating is a number game + your personal filtering system. And that's it. Meet women, hit on them, see if they get pass your filter, lather, rinse, repeat. Even when I'm down (unless I'm really down) I could reproduce this process mechanically. But eventually I burn out, and I'd need to take a break. Then I get back in, and keep cranking. Because the alternative, is to sit around and wait for Lady Luck. Nothing in life that's worth doing is easy.
grecian Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 I'm a female, 31, and I'm pretty conservative myself. I was lucky to recently find a good guy through online dating who is really interested in a long term relationship, and most importantly, wants kids. Nevertheless, i do think it's very difficult to find people with strong values nowadays. Unfortunately, old-fashioned people is an almost extinct species.
Author sumdude Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 (edited) @fishtaco I don't know about me 'beating you' as far as ONS. I don't necessarily see it as competition. They just kinda happened, I wasn't seeking them out. Yeah I imagine being an immigrant from a different culture is a bigger adjustment though I'd think it's easier for a child. I know for my family it was hard on my grandparents and easier for my parents since they were young. My parents met here in the USA. They stuck around with the community of people from the same country and married. In a way I lived a double life growing up,I was an American kid weekdays and on weekends and weeknights I went to schools, scouts and church of my parents native country. I haven't taken myself out of the game I just find it a bit uncomfortable at times. Everyone seems to be in such a hurry and dating everything in sight. Dropping really good prospects when the next new shiny one comes around. I'm no fuddy duddy by any means. Heck I play guitar in a rock band and spend a lot of time in nightclubs where some of the seedier things may be. I have fairly progressive view socially and politically. LOL Guess I just have to change and change.. it's gets harder as you get older though. Heh, I feel like I just finally caught up to the late 80's. Edited March 18, 2011 by sumdude
Ms. Joolie Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 But at this point I don't really trust relationships in general. Guess I'm just too old school... Okay I have a bone to pick with you, sumdude. I love your posts, and this thread of yours just tells me that you really are a great guy. I so want you to win, I want that freakin' relationship for you that's going to rock your world. So, imo, the only thing between you and LOVE is that you "don't really trust relationships". Acknowledge that for yourself and then get it out of the way. If I could have any wish for you, it would be that you open yourself to relationships again in a new way, and love to love just to love. It just slammed me that you are dragging around the "I don't really trust relationships" thought. I had to point it out to you. I believe that is the thought that is stopping you.
Carm Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Hey Sumdude, I totally get what you're saying, I actually felt the same when I went back to dating and when I tried online dating whoa I realized I'm pretty mainstream and I'm not into the kind of stuff that was happening. I can't believe what this dating world has come to... and your comment about dropping good prospects for shiny new ones, get that one too. I feel like that whole online dating is like a big candy store and one just keeps going back into the candy store to see what new candies there are....very frustrating.
Woggle Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 I can sort of relate. The whole culture of facebook narcissism texting and general shallowness just is not me. At this point I would be happy to go back to the 90s. I had a childhood that was pretty much the opposite of yours and it makes me appreciate normalcy so much more. The stability and peacefulness that many find boring is like an oasis to me after years of chaos, dysfunction and drama. For the first time in my life I actually feel settled and at peace and it is just great.
Crusoe Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 You're not the only one. Where I grew up sticking together was what it was all about. Once someone was in your life, they stayed in your life. Fun, personal gain, those things didn't matter, it was all about loyalty, honesty, integrity, respect. You looked after your own. You had others best interests at heart. It was your role, duty and responsibilty. You met a woman slow, and you wern't with her because you wanted to jump into her knickers as soon as possible. It was because you cared. I tried to change a few years ago, tried to accept the new way of doing things. Couldn't do it. Never felt so fake and cheap in my life. Would rather remain single and have some self respect than play that game.
Author sumdude Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 (edited) If I could have any wish for you, it would be that you open yourself to relationships again in a new way, and love to love just to love. It just slammed me that you are dragging around the "I don't really trust relationships" thought. I had to point it out to you. I believe that is the thought that is stopping you. Hey thanks Ms. J, I appreciate it. I was having a down day. I look at the words I used and know that it's not true. I am a very lucky guy because I have a lot of close friends. People who meet me and get a taste of my life find it remarkable just how many real friends I have and how long I've known them. So there's no way I don't trust relationships in general. I guess having been burned pretty hard and seen what's going on around me I just find it difficult trust many women. I was too naive and trusting in the past so I might be overcompensating now. That and the fact that it's been four years pretty much single and I'm getting a little lonely in that department. Guess she just hasn't shown up yet. Edited March 20, 2011 by sumdude
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