Mensha Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 (edited) Thru my years of dating, I really haven't been the one that initiates the courtship. Either a friend has introduced me to a girl or the girl comes up to me. Ive even tried dating sites and i just dont like the results. I'm extremely shy and most of my friends dont understand how that is because i'm quite obnoxious around my close friends. people tell me im attractive and i have nothing to fear, but that doesn't matter, we all have these crazy thought going through our heads. We just want to find someone special. But over the past few months, ive gotten a bit more confident. Im just had a birthday into my mid-20s and realized that I have experience. Things seems less scary and i have finally starting to approach women. but because i'm so behind on this game, i don't have a clue where to go now. I went to this restaurant with my friends and noticed the waitress was being flirty, so i tried it out, and i got her number! but yeah um, i have no idea where to go from here. Do i wait for her to text me? Do i text her or call her this first time? Is asking for a date too much? or just hang out and watch a movie. geezus i feel like im in h/s when i ask these questions. Edited March 18, 2011 by Mensha
fishtaco Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 but because i'm so behind on this game, i don't have a clue where to go now. I went to this restaurant with my friends and noticed the waiter was being flirty, so i tried it out, and i got her number! but yeah um, i have no idea where to go from here. Do i wait for her to text me? Do i text her or call her this first time? Is asking for a date too much? or just hang out and watch a movie. geezus i feel like im in h/s when i ask these questions. Good job. As a man, you have to take the lead by default. Unless you meet the rare woman that's willing to do all the work for you. That's nice, but unfortunately doesn't happen very often. 1) Have a plan. Date, time, and place. I suggest something casual like a coffee shop, but do whatever you feel is comfortable. And be prepared to negotiate, lets say the place is too far, then ask her to suggest a place more convenient for her... etc. But you have to have it planned out first. Last thing you want to do is she asks where and when, and you go... ummm... ummm..... ummm.. 2) Call her. You'll probably get her voice mail, if she didn't give you a fake number. If you can sound confident on voice mail, do your thing. But I have problem with this personally. I don't know why, I'm fine when I do the approach. But if you have this problem like me, then leave a short message saying you want to take her out sometime, and call you back. That's it. Never lock in a date without talking to her. The reason is, if you left a message saying Friday night, then your Friday night is blocked. And you never know if she'll even call you back. Alternately you can suggest a time but make it tentative. 3) If she answers, good sign. Chat her up a bit the do the asking. You should be prepared already from step 1. 4) After you plan the date, the day before the date (or sometime relatively close to the actual date), txt her or some quick communication, to see if she's still up for it. You can do something like, hey looking forward to our date tomorrow, blah blah. The reason is, if she's going to flake, many times they'll just not show up. But if you give her an opportunity to cancel, then sometimes she'll do it during this communication. Then you'll have time to change your plans like taking someone else out on a date instead. 5) Keep getting numbers. Don't just stop because you got this number. Getting someone's number is a positive step, but it doesn't mean much. Even many non multidaters will keep getting numbers and dates until maybe they get pass the 2nd date or something. I don't know what their rules are that differentiate themselves from multidaters, but my point is, this early, even many anti-multidaters multidate. This is what I would do. But use your own judgment. Things have a tendency to happen not as planned. That's why in the end, step-by-step lists like this never work. You'll always need to fall back on your experience. But good job. Go out and get more experience.
yessy21 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 ooooooo:) calll her and ask her to hang out. get some coffee or something... if shes more than interested then ask her to watch a movie next time...
Author Mensha Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 thanx for all the good advice! So texting probably isn't the best idea? what about the wait? I hear waiting to contact them is a good thing? because its make them more curious?
yessy21 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 thanx for all the good advice! So texting probably isn't the best idea? what about the wait? I hear waiting to contact them is a good thing? because its make them more curious? uhhhh when a guy does that i think hes just not interested or he is juggling
fishtaco Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 thanx for all the good advice! So texting probably isn't the best idea? what about the wait? I hear waiting to contact them is a good thing? because its make them more curious? I would use txt to keep up communication, little chit chats, how are you today? This kind of stuff. The asking to go on a date, since I prefer to make the asking part formal, I would call. But I juggle anyway, because I'm a multidater. So I don't think that's an indication of anything. I have my reasons for calling as opposed to txt - I prefer to be formal so the woman can't weasel out of it and pretend it was just a "friend thing", after ingesting the free meal.
yessy21 Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 Fish is giving it to you straight. You need in the flesh communication and eye contact. Btw, never ever take dating advice from a female. uhhhh ...why not? I didnt know guys were the best advisers for women... geesh i must have my inputs alll wrong.
fishtaco Posted March 19, 2011 Posted March 19, 2011 uhhhh ...why not? I didnt know guys were the best advisers for women... geesh i must have my inputs alll wrong. Because women don't date women. They know how they are themselves, but they don't know how other women are. And when men date, they are dealing with the "general public" of women. Same goes when the gender is reversed. I know how I am, I behave a certain way. I'll have my inputs, but I don't know what other guys would do, because I don't date men, so I'd say a woman that has dated many guys would give better advice than I could.
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